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“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

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If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

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By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

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About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

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Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not. Middle school syndrome is the worst. Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail. I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest. It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up. I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way. Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever. They didn't even get an ounce of this. Very very frustrating. And I wish I have never invited video games to this household. That is all they want to do. I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits. Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career. I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel. It is very hard too when you don't get any help. I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents. Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home? okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care. He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes. He is totally the same! They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative. They are so insanely smart. I worry about exactly the same thing. They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami). It made a huge difference in the short-term. They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son. The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us. He is like the Borg! I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son. The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun! It is bloody hard work. And, harder the older they get -

eg. He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!" This has worked for 2 days now.

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time. Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too. We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine. We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all. We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son. Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do. Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline. That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!! If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class. How do you combat this without going to the school everyday? Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation. He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend , my child is the same way. I'm at my wits end. I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
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5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
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Dear ADDitude: My Teen Won’t Do His Homework!

“My 13-year-old rushes through his homework and often forgets to hand it in. He also has ODD, so he is so stubborn and doesn’t want to study or accept help. He is smart, but his attitude and lack of motivation are holding him back. What can I do?”

Defiant Over Homework: Reader Question

Defiant over homework: additude answers.

ADHD, ODD, and puberty are a tough combination. Work on one challenge at a time. First, handle the missing assignments. Set up a meeting with your son’s teachers to find out which assignments are missing, and come up with a schedule for getting him caught up. Choose to work on a few assignments per night until he is caught up. I would suggest not allowing any screen time until that day’s assignments are complete. Follow up with his teachers to make sure they received the completed assignments. If it is possible to e-mail assignments, once they are completed, that would be ideal.

Now you can focus on the quality of the work and his motivation to do it. Many 13-year-old boys are not motivated to do schoolwork. This may be a sign of his age, his ADHD , his ODD, or a combination. If you find less screen time helps, keep this policy up until schoolwork is completed for the evening. Although teens with ODD often resent and argue with rules, you should keep certain rules in place. Clearly explain to your son the consequences and rewards. Be consistent with your approach, and focus on what he is doing right, rather than what he is doing wrong.

Posted by Eileen Bailey Freelance writer, author specializing in ADHD, anxiety, and autism

My son is 13, in 7th grade, and also rushes through all work and homework. He has a gifted IQ but currently has two low D’s in two classes.

The reason my son does so poorly in school is mostly due to his executive functioning deficits and the fact that teachers won’t provide the support he needs in that area.

[ Take This Test If You Think Your Child Has Oppositional Defiant Disorder ]

Ask for a parent-teacher meeting to address missing assignments, and ask the teacher to accommodate your son by reminding him to turn things in. Read this: ADHD in Middle School Survival Guide .

As for rushing through, I don’t know what to do. Individuals with ADHD are only motivated when something is of interest — it’s the way their brains work. I keep reminding myself that grades aren’t everything, but it does hurt his self-esteem.

Posted by Penny ADDitude community moderator, author on ADHD parenting, mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

Rushing through homework is so common and kids with ADHD. One thing that I really love for these students is called “designated homework time.” It’s basically based on the premise that kids should have about 10 minutes of homework per grade level. So a third grader should have about 30 minutes of homework, a 6th grader about 60 minutes of homework, and so on.

[ Smart Homework Strategies for Teachers & Parents: A Free Handout ]

If your child is miraculously doing homework for, say, a third grader in three minutes, even though you know they have a lot more, you can set the time expectation and say, “All right, Jimmy, you’re going to have 30 minutes to do your homework each day even if you say you have none at all.” Then, set the timer and make sure that Jimmy has this designated homework time. Even if he says he’s done, he still has to read for pleasure, or practice his math facts. That set period of time really reduces rushing because kids know that they’re not going to get up and be able to play XBox after three minutes.

Also keep in mind that sometimes when kids rush, they have a hard time paying attention to detail. It’s not just that they want to make us upset or that they ignore when you say, “Go back and check your work.” Instead what you want to say is, “As you’re doing your homework and you come to one that’s hard for you, circle that one so then you can go back at the end and work through that with a little bit more time.”

I also encourage younger kids to make a game out of it and I’ll say, “Okay, let’s say that you’re going to review five questions that were hard for you. Put a little box on the upper right hand corner of your worksheet and every time you go back and you check one of those hard questions, give yourself a tally mark.” For every set number of tally marks, kids can earn a reward.

Posted by Ann Dolin, M.Ed. Founder of Educational Connections, and author of Homework Made Simple

Defiant Over Homework: A Reader Answers

My daughter is 15 years old, and has struggled with homework all through school. Each night, my wife or I checked all homework and made her fix errors or rewrite things that were rushed or poorly done.

She eventually figured out we were not going to let her get away with a rush job. There were no video games, TV shows, or other activities until we said the evening’s assignments were complete. Our kids loved to read so we even took away books.

Eventually, we got an IEP. For one accommodation, the teacher checked and initialed her assignment book at the end of the day and asked if everything was turned in at the same time. The school had a computerized system so we could track missing work.

Part of the problem is her backpack and binders looked like an explosion went off. Our new system seems to be working. Straight A’s this last report card.

Take it one step at a time and teach the behavior you want your son to follow. Give yourself kudos for caring so much.

Posted by Augie

My daughter rushes through homework, too! I’ve been diligently checking it and making her correct where needed. But she recently had her first big “project” that I knew was going to drive me crazy, requiring hours of research and typing.

I made a couple of attempts to start her working on it. She hurried through, doing sloppy work, continually asking, “Can I stop now?” Then, I hit upon a solution that worked for us. I told her she had to work for 30 minutes before a break, and even if she “finished,” she’d have to read in a text book.

This eliminated her desire to hurry-up-and-finish because there was nothing to look forward to. She kept a close eye on the count-down timer, but actually slowed down with her work. It took quite a few 30 minute sessions, with nice-sized breaks in-between, but she got it done, and nicely, too. And as an added bonus, there was a lot less whining.

She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to make the 30-minute rule apply to daily homework, too!

Posted by Fair Hope

We found that using an “ADHD watch,” which vibrates every 5 minutes has helped our son refocus when doing homework (and at school) while on the computer. Since he doesn’t seem to be able to judge the passing of time, this lets him know it has been 5 minutes and he needs to refocus. He could easily “go down a rabbit hole” for hours following links without realizing it.

We also instituted a reward system where I pay him if he completes an assignment correctly within “x” amount of time and he pays me if he doesn’t. Homework got done very quickly after the first time he paid me!

Posted by kfwellman

My son gets a half hour of “down time” after school and before starting homework, but , he doesn’t get to start video games until after the work is done. If he gets into that game mindset, he won’t want to stop and then it becomes a battle to get him off it. So, he can play, watch a little TV, or whatever for a half hour, and then it’s homework time. When the homework is done, he is rewarded with a half hour of video game time.

I’ve also read many times that, in addition to making them feel successful, the video games make them feel like this is the ONE area of their lives over which they have some control, which actually helps his behavior and defiance. I mean, think about it: They struggle all day and have difficulties with peers, teachers and their own feeling of self-worth, but, when it comes to video games, they are the ones in control for a change. It also has to do with the instant gratification they get from the games. That’s why they are so addictive. So, the games do a number of things for them.

I don’t like taking the games away as punishment because I know that the games do all these things for my son, but I try to make it clear where the games fall on the hierarchy of priorities, and sometimes I do have to use them to get my son to do what he needs to do.

Posted by JAMurphy

My son is 15 and I don’t believe he’s too motivated either. Fortunately, the grades have been okay, but he hates to do homework and he did not study for his final exams. It seems that school just taxes him and when he gets home, the thought of having to concentrate just does him in behaviorally.

I try not to overreact to all of this (It’s hard sometimes!), and I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that he probably never will like school. It’s just not an ADHD-friendly place, unfortunately. Each semester, I meet with teachers to explain his challenges. Organization is a huge one for my son. I tell them that these are brain issues, not attitude issues. I don’t want to baby my son, but it is hard to find the balance between helping and being over-involved. I tell him he needs to fulfill his responsibilities and that I am always available to help him if needed.

I try to remind my son that his schoolwork is for himself , not me or his father. I told him that when he doesn’t do well or chooses not to do something, he’s not letting me down. Then I ask him who he’s letting down and he always knows the answer. “Me,” he says. I try to tell him that making the effort is like giving himself a gift. Sometimes he buys this, sometimes not.

So my mindset these days is to try and get through with the least abount of damage possible. At the same time, I try to find and use my son’s gifts and talents outside of school so he has things to feel good about. I don’t take away sports as a consequence because he needs it, for example.

Also, if you haven’t read Chris Dendy’s book on teenagers and ADHD, it is an absolute must-read. It helped me a lot. One of her best pieces of advice was, “Give yourself permission to be more involved with your child that you normally would.” These kids need someone who loves them no matter what.

Posted by momto3kids

[ Free Resource: Proven Homework Help for Kids with ADHD ]

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Inspired Together Teachers

10 Reasons Why Students Don’t Do Homework

January 18, 2019 by Inspired Together Teachers 3 Comments

Though the issue of homework is complicated and often involves a debate of whether or not homework is actually beneficial, the fact remains that most teachers still assign homework and some students will not do their homework.

If we can understand why students don’t do their homework, we have a better chance of both assigning homework that students will do and in doing what we can to create the motivation for them to do it. At the very least, understanding that there are many reasons that students don’t do homework can help teachers to realize that it isn’t personal. Students often don’t do homework for reasons that aren’t even about you, your teaching, or your subject matter.

Here is a list of 10 reasons that students don’t do homework, aligned with suggestions that may help to alleviate the problem.

They don’t know how to do the assignment.

In order to do their work, students need to understand the directions and have the basic skills need in order to complete the task. This usually means that students have been introduced to a topic, have had some instruction and are not trying to learn something new and difficult on their own. The material also needs to be at the students’ instructional or independent level. Be sure your directions are clear and specific and that the level of the work is appropriate for the students.

They don’t understand the purpose for the assignment.

When students understand the importance of something they are learning, they are more likely to feel compelled to do it. We want to know and do things that are going to help us in our lives. When students perceive an assignment as busywork, they often rebel. If a student can do ten math problems correctly, doing one hundred math problems is overkill and perceived as busywork. So is spending hours using a dictionary to define words. Make sure that students know how the homework will help them. Help them to connect the content to real world tasks.

Students are overwhelmed by the enormity of the task.

We’ve all had experiences where we have felt overloaded with too much to do. As adults, we have also figured out ways to break down tasks. Students are still learning to manage large tasks. Help them to break down large assignments into smaller parts. Instead of assigning a large project due in three weeks, help students to break down the project into smaller chunks and then assign smaller chunks for homework in the days leading up to the due date for a big project.

Assignments are based on low level tasks.

Basic recall gets boring quickly. An assignment such as giving students fifty sentences and having them underline the noun once and the verb twice is drudgery and doesn’t engage them. How much more fun would it be to have a contest to see who could correctly incorporate the most verbs in a sentence? Consider homework that require higher thinking levels such as application, analysis, synthesis and evaluation.

Students have too many assignments.

This is a particular danger in middle and high school when students have many different teachers. At this level, teachers often don’t know what other teachers are assigning. You may think that homework will only take them thirty minutes. But if they have seven subjects and every teacher gives them thirty minutes of homework, the student is facing three to four hours of homework. Good teaching teams often discuss homework assignments and try to balance the load so that students don’t have many big assignments due at the same time.

Students don’t have time.

Many students are involved in many extracurricular activities. This is positive and those activities often help students to be engaged with school. When you add practices or games into the mix, it often becomes impossible to do hours of homework on any given night. Older students may have jobs or other responsibilities. Consider giving students assignments ahead of time so they can work on them throughout the week rather than assigning everything to be due the next day.

Students don’t get feedback on their work .

When a student turns in an assignment, they expect feedback. They may get a grade, but they also want comments, especially on written work. Homework should be an opportunity for learning. Students need feedback in order to learn. Teachers can read student work and provide feedback, or use homework in classroom discussions and activities in ways that allow students to get feedback or use their work for a purposeful activity.

Sometimes, the reason that students don’t do work is not related to you or your content. These are more difficult to control, but there are usually positive things you can do to help with the situation.

Students don’t have an appropriate environment to do work at home .

Let’s face it, some students live in chaotic environments. They may not have a quiet place to work or the tools they need in order to do homework. Having a one-on-one conversation with students can help. Talk about what they need in order to do their work and how they might get it. Could they stay at school and extra hour and work in a quiet room? Could they go to the public library? Could they carve a quiet corner of their home?

The student’s family is not supportive of education.

As much as we wish it weren’t true, some students come from families that do not value education. The student is not then likely to get the support or encouragement to do homework. Other families value education, but parents are absent or unable to help their children with homework. Your first instinct might be to “fix” the family. An easier route is to work with the student. Be their encourager. Let them know that you think they can succeed. Let them know how valuable a good education might be to them. We know of a first grader whose parent would not read with him. The teacher made a deal that the student could read to his baby brother, his dog, or even a stuffed animal. If he did that, he could sign his own name on the form that parents usually signed stating that they read together.

The student is rebelling against a parent.

If a parent cares about a student’s grades and a student is trying to rebel, often a quick way to do so is to stop doing homework. This usually gets the parent’s attention quickly. This is particularly true in cases where parents are very demanding and very controlling. Sometimes, the only way an adolescent knows how to rebel is to refuse to do something. This causes grief for both parties. Guiding the parent and student to compromise can be successful. Essentially, help them to negotiate trade. For example, if the student agrees to do homework each night when he chooses to do it, the parent gives up the demand that it be done immediately when the student gets home from school. Both parties can even sign a contract.

If you suspect a student is rebelling, see if you can find out why. That will also help you see possible solutions. Don’t hesitate to get help and support from a guidance counselor, instructional coach or administrator.

These are some of the most common reasons students don’t complete homework. There are undoubtedly many more possible reasons. Though you can’t control all things, you can try to identify why students aren’t doing the homework and then see if there are ways to fix the problem. If we keep our eye on the goal, which is learning, it is less likely that we will fall into the “blame and punish” game that many teachers engage in. Blaming and punishing don’t usually result in more learning!

What are some of the effective strategies you have used to increase homework completion? We would love to hear your ideas in the comments below.

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Smart Classroom Management

How To Handle Students Who Don’t Do Any Work

You can encourage them. You can empathize with them. You can coax and cajole them.

You can gently ask if there is anything bothering them or keeping them from trying.

You can lighten their load, bribe them with incentives, or offer choices, accommodations, and a buddy to sit with.

You can work with them one on one and whisper assurances or gently convey the threat of consequences.

And you may get them going for a time.

You may prod them through an extra sentence or paragraph or persuade them to give half an effort.

But in doing so, you make a deal with the devil and do them more harm than good.

You see, by spending extra time with reluctant students, by coddling, appeasing, and buying into any of an unlimited number of justifications for their inaction, you create even more resistance.

You enable their behavior and make them weaker and less motivated .

You hide from them the realities of life and at the same time crush the development of a true work ethic—which is the only way to empower future success, no matter their circumstances.

So they sit there, subjected to the same doomed and disheartening strategies year after year.

Many have teams of professionals meeting about them, designing intervention plans for them, and assigning labels to them they don’t understand.

Meanwhile, these same students who are assumed to be too attentive-averse or ill-equipped to succeed rush home at the end of another wasted day and play the same video game for three hours without a break.

It’s all a bunch of hooey.

Yet, this failed approach, that merely acts as cover for students as well as those whose job it is to educate them, is promoted and recommended time and again by educational leaders and school districts across the country.

It’s baffling. But nothing changes. The same strategies will be trotted out again this year.

So what’s the solution? Well, providing the students are able to do the work—which, except in the rare circumstance of total misplacement, should be every student in your class—the best thing you can do for them is expect hard work.

Note: Within education, the word expect has been tremendously watered-down. For our purposes, it’s true meaning is to foresee, presuppose, and believe in strongly.

What follows are three steps to get reluctant students to start producing real work and making real improvement.

1. Teach great lessons.

This is your number one job and the very essence of being a teacher. Somehow, it’s been lost in a sea of less important or completely unimportant responsibilities.

You must produce clear, compelling lessons that students want to pay attention to.

Your classroom management skills must be strong enough to have the opportunity to capture their attention, and then you must be able to do so through your passion, your humor, your creativity, and most important your content knowledge.

You must be able to draw them in, absorb them in the moment, and maintain their state of flow— where time slows, mind-energy focuses, and concerns and worries of the past and future fade away.

You must set your students up for success by checking thoroughly for understanding. In this way, before you send them off to work independently they know exactly what to do and how to do it.

Being exceptional in whole-class instruction covers a multitude of potential learning and motivational problems, most notably those that cause students to struggle getting down to work.

Note: For more on how to teach compelling lessons, see The Happy Teacher Habits .

2. Let them be.

Once you’ve done your job, once you’ve provided your students everything they need to succeed, you now must shift responsibility to actually do the work over to them.

They need to know, and be reminded of each day, that it’s all up to them—every last bit of it—that you’re not going to turn around and reteach what you just taught minutes before.

This sends the message more than anything else you can do or say that they really can do it and that you believe in them and expect them to succeed.

Therefore, if after giving your signal to get started they just sit there, then let them sit.

Let them face the hard choice right now, in this moment, rather than when they’re 19 years old and it’s too late, to try and succeed or to do nothing and fail.

When you kneel down next to them to help, excuse, or placate, you let them off the hook. You allow them to avoid and delay this critical choice—to the point where they no longer believe in themselves or their abilities.

Forcing their hand is the change-agent they desperately need to upend their downward trajectory. When the decision to either succeed or fail comes so directly and honestly every day, the pressure to make the right one builds and grows stronger and harder to avoid.

It weighs heavily on their shoulders, especially combined with the intrinsic carrot of pride in success dangling just in front of them. Until, overwhelmed, the dam breaks.

You look over one day and find them immersed in their work. And when you do, you must seize it.

3. Praise the work, not the student.

Instead of rushing over with a huge smile and telling the student how wonderful they are because they completed a few sentences—which very effectively lowers the bar of expectation—point out their good work.

Focus on the content of their production, wherein lies the key to an untapped yet very powerful sense of pride. Just be sure that it’s true, quick, and subtle .

Avoid making a big deal. It’s embarrassing for the student—and not a little condescending—and just tells them they’re less capable than their classmates. Instead, point to something in particular in their work and tell them the truth.

“That’s a good sentence.”

“Smart word choice.”

“I like the direction you’re going.”

Tell them like it is, the straight dope, and then be on your way. Don’t wait for them to respond. Don’t stand there and enjoy their reaction or make them feel obligated to show their appreciation.

Let them enjoy the feeling of receiving pure acknowledgement of their authentic work, untainted by you and unconnected from who they are or were, what they’ve done in the past, or how much or little confidence they may or may not have.

Simply acknowledge their good work and allow the natural pride in a job well done, which they’ve rarely had a chance to experience, propel them to greater accomplishments.

The three steps above add up to the expectation that as a class they will succeed. They will improve. They will achieve and become better students than they ever thought possible.

And that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

But what if one or more continue to sit and do nothing? Then let them be. Let the pressure to want to work and try continue to build.

In the meantime, they’re a living and breathing reminder for you to be better. To learn the skills available right here at SCM to be an expert in classroom management and present better, stronger lessons.

Make success through your high-level instruction a foregone conclusion. Then dare your students to try. Challenge them. Believe in them.

And they will succeed, and be forever changed.

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56 thoughts on “How To Handle Students Who Don’t Do Any Work”

Great ideas! But I have done ALL of the good and the bad you talk about. I had 2-3 students last year who fit this to a Tee. The only way they would work and participate is on computer games. I did create Nearpods and assign computer work, they would play the ‘games’ but that was all. It was also very time consuming and not something I could make and do every night for every assignment. I did just let them sit and earn their F’s on their report cards, conferenced with parents. Nothing worked. Then they passed the state assessment with flying colors, I dont get it 🤷🏻‍♀️

It means they were learning, or already knew the material, but refused to give you the satisfaction of them obeying you. They were proving that you were not their boss and laughing at your futile attempts. They were being mean to you, resisting your authority, and the school’s and the world’s authority. Passing the state assessment perhaps as a twist ending to show they were playing you the whole time. We need smart people who do not obey authority but do the right thing anyway, but they can be little jerks while growing up.

Thank you for this article. This is a big area for me to improve on and as always you explain the way in a clear and practical manner.

You frequently mention checking for understanding as an important tool. Sometimes it’s easy to do this. For example if you are teaching how to add fractions, have the students do practice problems on whiteboards. How would you quickly check for understanding in a lesson on writing a strong conclusion to an essay or a lesson on understanding the theme of a short story, when it’s not as straightforward? Thank you for any advice!

Good question. I wish I had the time to answer it now, but I’ll be sure to cover it in a future article.

It is a big question, so I appreciate it being added to the list. Keep up the great work!

Excellent advise! I feel so guilty when I let them be and then I feel guilty for threatening and bribing. Thank you for sharing this. I am going to stick to this method for my scholars’ sake.

You’re welcome, Janine.

I do love your approach overall but was appalled to read ‘except in the rare circumstance of total misplacement, should be every student in your class’ because the majority of my classes every year in California at several different grade levels are always unable to do the work due to lack or basic skills. For the first time you seem very out of touch!

Hi Jennifer,

The article is about not doing any work (i.e., because of low motivation, confidence, apathy, poor listening, etc.). Being at grade level isn’t a prerequisite, but does point to the critical need for improved teaching. When you get a chance, please read the article again. The idea and common acceptance that more than the rarest, misplaced student can’t do any work on their own, or even quality work, is a major reason why schools are failing and so many students fall through the cracks.

Hi Michael,

Can I safely assume then that you aren’t referring to students with special needs in this article?

I couldn’t agree more with what you say with regards to regular students, and even, commensurate with their ability, with regards to certain students with special needs.

This is covered in the article.

In a future article, can you give an example of a really great lesson great?

Our middle school places students who had failed 7th grade math into 8th grade math along with students who did pass. Suggestions? Do most districts do this?

in my experience, yes. Social Promotion…..

I need this reminder! I overdo the help to find some success, but it is always up to them.

Thank you, this is very timely for me. I am curious though, does this mean to leave the student when assessment is being completed as well? I have one student who did this perfectly and will not complete assessment. My other question is due to an expectation in my school that consequences are issued for not working (usually detention to get the work done). What is your opinion on this? I seem to have a big pile of work that still isn’t being done and losing lunch breaks.

Do you grade the work that they don’t do? Are parents told about it?

I am responsible for students’ scores ultimately. It all gets printed out on a spreadsheet and I am evaluated on it

If scores are low, what then? Administrators don’t care to know about student responsibility; the idea is if if grades are poor, it is the teacher’s fault.

Also, if students do no work, do I assign study hall as a consequence- or just let them have full privileges no matter what?

Remember that different level students need scaffolding (such as ESL students) If your lesson includes scaffolding to support them (starting at whatever level is needed to reach the student(s), then your scaffolding can be removed bit by bit in subsequent lessons until they are able to accomplish the task on their own, without support. (ergo, the word “scaffolding”) There are so many things we teachers are expected to do well. It is overwhelming. It is a long process to become skilled in every single thing we are expected to do perfectly. Don’t give up. If you’re teaching because you LOVE students and are willing to do whatever it takes to reach all students, then you are in the right profession!

I’ve been following this plan for two years now and have seen tremendous improvement in behavior in my class. This year I have very young K students who have just turned 5 and so are basically acting like 4 year olds who have never apparently experienced school or consequences. Any additional suggestions for K kids who don’t listen? I’ve been giving the one warning then the timeout, and the letter home but after two weeks they are still not following our simple class plan.

The most difficult aspect to master of Michael’s classroom-management plan is the leverage he talks about as being key to an effective plan, i.e, creating a classroom that students want to be a part of (through good rapport and engaging lessons) and that they therefore care about not participating in. Is there something there you might tweak?

For timeouts, is there a fun game or activity that you could promise to do with students who remain out of timeout after a lesson segment or period so that, as Michael says, those in timeout will feel the weight of missing out?

But you say you’ve been implementing Michael’s plan for two years, so perhaps you’re well aware of these points. In that case, could your students benefit from stories about how a school and classroom work and what the expectations are for students, what teachers are and how to interact with them, etc.? Short videos can be effective as illustrations of these social skills (YouTube, etc.). You might also have fun with this by having your students help a puppet learn how to behave in school.

I would love to hear your response to some of the other posts, not just the one that was critical. There are some excellent questions there. I’m especially interested in your response to Nic’s question about checking for understanding. I completely agree with you that we need to build the lesson so the students can be successful when they work independently.

I noticed you are highly skilled at pointing out several common classroom management issues teachers struggle with. In fact, it’s scary how dead-on accurate you are. But I must ask if you currently struggle with these issues, or are they issues you observe in other teachers’ classes? Is it really possible to make it through an entire year with zero classroom management issues if a teacher follows all of your advice? I notice a lot of teachers posting that they do follow your advice, but are still struggling. Can you shed some light on this situation when you get a moment? I ask that you please do not omit this comment, because I am asking for a lot of teachers out there who are probably wondering the same thing and want answers. Thanks!!

I wonder this as well Pete. I have come to the conclusion (in my 3rd year of 5th grade/and of being a classroom teacher) 1. These are different times for a lot of kids. Regardless of demographic. Social media/fortnite/little parental support are key factors for a lot of the issues. 2. If a school is not consistent across the board (k-5 etc) with teachers and classroom management I could see that being a factor in our success. 3. Growing class sizes contribute a lot to the issues of student success as well as behaviors.

Though it is doable I haven’t cracked the code yet either. I am also still learning how to be an effective educator while keeping kids on track and not having chaos in the classroom. I just take all of the advice and input I have received and try my best each day. See what works and don’t give up. It’s never going to be ideal 100% of the time. Kids are humans and we have to accept that.

I am also wondering if consequences fit into a student not completing work.

I work with exceptional education students who have learning disabilities, severe ADHD, Autism, Language Impaired, or Developmentally Delayed. They are in the regular education classroom in an inclusion setting for the majority of the day. Many of the kids are hard workers, but a few get very frustrated by not being able to keep up. What are some suggestions of strategies that have worked for you? I work with students K – 3rd. Thank you!

Would you also give consequences for students who don’t produce any work?

Hi Sam and Tim,

As mentioned in the article, not in a traditional sense. But there are certainly consequences that I’ll point out more specifically in a future article.

I think this is your best article. I’m a special education teacher for students with emotional and behavioral disorders and I see this almost daily. It resonates when you mention how they can play a video game for three straight hours but not be attentive to a lesson for 3 minutes. I always let a child sit and do nothing and use my “point system” as a natural consequence. It is when they become disruptive by talking to others while also not doing any work when it gets frustrating. I remove the student in these cases. To play devils advocate on one of your points, though: not every lesson will be amazing nor needs to be. Isn’t that also a fact of life? Isn’t work ethic expected when the work itself isn’t always pleasant? Your relationship with the student should be compelling, but honestly not all my lessons will be, and I’m still extremely confident in my teaching practice.

You’re right, in that the lessons themselves don’t have to be amazing. This isn’t the same, however, as the act of teaching and preparing students for independent work, which does need to be top notch.

Philosophically, I agree with you – except that when I’ve done this, often other kids stop participating as well. They see that kids sit there with no consequence – natural or otherwise – and wonder why they have to work so hard.

This article made me remember last year when I received an email asking me to sign my child up for a “Mood App,” where ultimately it let the educators know when students were in mood/mind set to engage in learning. They would use this app in the morning and afternoon (time is precious, a lesson could have been taught during this time frame.)

It saddened me, as like you stated, it is setting students up for failure by giving them this choice. In the work place ( or life in general), we are not greeted with a mood app, nor given the opportunity to dwell on our emotional state. It is expected that we do our best and work hard, no matter the situation or what the day has brought. I did not feel that this was a beneficial approach.

I asked that my daughter did not participate and that she read a book instead.

Michael, I love your work and have purchased several of your books. Please do respond to the many good questions that have been brought up. I am willing to let the child “fail” if she/he absolutely refuses to produce any work or show any effort, but problems arise with parents and admin who want to see teachers exhaust themselves trying to get these few students to do work, otherwise they say you’re not a good teacher. Please comment. Juliet

A mood app? What school system is using this? I hope we never get this.

Following. Great questions asked, and I want to see the answers.

This is an excellent article with even broader applications (i.e. parenting lol). I also appreciate that you letting us all “sit” in the tension it has created. Y’all, we’ve got this! Just like the kids. To those of you asking questions, listen to yourselves and re-read the article.

I too would like to hear whether consequences for not working are appropriate. Bottom line is the work needs to be done!

Some children who are very capable need to be told firmly to get busy. Reasonable consequences work well, too.

A retired teacher.

In my sixth grade self-contained class, like many other teacher’s classes, I have 32+ students whose reading and math levels range from 2nd to twelfth grade. I appreciated this article very much, because it reinforces what I have been aiming to do for several years with great success. It has worked so well that my principal and some parents of low-performing students have been astounded that work is suddenly being completed. I have not had to defend myself for letting kids sit with this responsibility. I teach the lesson, provide intervention in small groups if skills are truly missing, and I allow some tools to be used regularly as perv504 Plans and IEPs: homemade dictionaries, word banks, multiplication charts, and copies of notes/PowerPoints. Clear directions, grading checklists and rubrics help so that kids know what they neeed to do. While circulating around the room I do not linger at any one kid for long. If they ask for help or they are just sitting doing nothing. I praise the work they’ve done so far, I prompt them to tell me what they need to do next, and then I leave. If they don’t know what comes next I direct them where to look on a hand-out or chart and ask them to read it or tell it to me. Then I give a thumbs up and walk away. (If they have not started I say something like, “I see you’ve got your book open to page ——. That’s a good place to start.” And I leave. Last year I had 19 special education students. No, they were not all at grade level by the end of the year, but most had shown at least 2 years of growth.

Impressive. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job!

I teach at a charter school. My classroom has three grade levels, K, 1, & 2. It is also full inclusion where we provide services mostly within the classroom. This means accommodations must be provided within the classroom as well as some students receiving that one on one assistance. I have a particular student re-doing kindergarten with an IEP who is very immature. He frequently refuses to participate even when lessons are going very well and all the other kids are enjoying their learning time. He just doesn’t buy in. I’ve been doing the time outs and sent a couple letters. Parents seem to want to help from home but I am at a loss. I did have a breakthrough using this method with another student who really struggled last year to even start to work on their own. I often keep my students for the whole 3 years. Any advice on my immature little one? He crawls under tables, throws tantrums, etc. HELP! Thanks!

What about when they have a 504 that says shortened assignments but they do nothing? Recommendations?

Hi Michael, On point as always! As your regular reader of your blog and a purchaser of all of your books, I I have a great deal of respect for SCM am hoping to get your opinion; It seems that restorative justice is gaining momentum in education. I was going to look at learning more about restorative justice but I thought I’d ask your thoughts on the topic ? (It’ll probably be something you’ll write about later).

Thanks Greg! Good to hear from you. Yes, it is something I’ll have to cover in the future. In the meantime, there are some things I like about it while others are incompatible with SCM.

“Praise the work, not the student”. IMHO the secret to great teaching in a nutshell.

Hi Michael, Thank you again for this article! I read it a few times and feel that I understand your points, however, isn’t there a conflict between leaving the student alone for an indeterminate amount of time (however long they don’t complete the work) and upholding my promise to follow my CMP to a tee? I think that if a student is not doing their work, then they’re clearly breaking rule #1: Listen and Follow Directions. I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this and of course Michael’s too. Thanks again!

Your classroom management plan is for misbehavior/disruption only. I’ll cover this topic again in the future.

Thank you, Michael!

What would one do with a student that I feel might have a disability, but has not been tested for one. I have a student that will just sit for the whole class and doesn’t do anything. He’s not a distraction and I am genuinely concerned. I also can’t get a bold of the parents.

Great article again! I always try to remember when I’m teaching to try to teach great lessons, like it says in this article and and in “Happy Teacher Habits” and “Dream Class.” A lot of times the boredom in my class is simply because MY lesson is not that great on that day. It puts the power back on me to teach great lessons.

The way it works in my classroom (3rd and 4th grade) is: whatever independent work they don’t finish in school goes home for homework. My question is, does this eliminate the “pressure to want to work and try” since they know they will be taking it home, and there they can possibly get Mom to help them do the assignment? Would it be better to take it away at the end of the period and give the grade for what was actually done? The difficulty with that method is that sometimes the child is working diligently but just needs a little more time than the amount allotted in class. Then again, I definitely have seen, and have this year, students who sit and do nothing. I don’t want to treat them differently than the rest of the class, but I also don’t want to be giving them a loophole to get out of that pressure which would lead them to improve and succeed. What is the best solution? Thank you for all your help and excellent articles. They really make a difference!

Hi Sister Mary,

This is a topic I hope to cover soon. However, the key is exactly what you said. If the child is working diligently, then it’s perfectly okay to let them finish at home.

As a 3rd grade teacher I inherited a student who in 2nd grade had been allowed to remain unengaged without working and then have an aide assist them with ALL of their work every afternoon!!! That came to an abrupt halt when she arrived in my classroom. She was a very capable A-B student who just wanted to lounge at her desk and play with her pencil and daydream once left to herself. She would participate in the lessons and even at the board, but chose not to work independently. Would you believe this girl chose to do this even throughtout the course of the year after she missed much of her recess, had notes home and took work home at times, had discussions with the principal, and had consequences at home? I kept trying to figure out the “positive reinforcement” she must somehow be receiving from it. Finally I tried after-school detention and that’s when she would work so she could go home. She was made to complete ALL work but the struggle was real.

What if 80% of your class does not do any work?

As usual, these articles seem like they are reading my mind and are tailored directly to me – thank you!

My biggest uncertainty is how to teach compelling maths lessons, given that there is such a wide spread of levels among the class. Maths is just so interconnected that I find it frivolous to try and teach a higher level of the curriculum if a basic concept isn’t yet mastered. This makes it hard to teach a lesson that is compelling for all students. For instance, I might be needing to teach my students how to factorise algebraic equations, but some can’t even work with times table facts, let alone understand algebraic terms. Others might listen politely to such a lesson but really need to be challenged more. This is all possible with differentiating of course, but it’s hard to actually teach in a compelling way in these circumstances.

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Homework Struggles May Not Be a Behavior Problem

Exploring some options to understand and help..

Posted August 2, 2022 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

Mental health challenges and neurodevelopmental differences directly affect children's ability to do homework.
Understanding what difficulties are getting in the way—beyond the usual explanation of a behavior problem—is key.
Sleep and mental health needs can take priority over homework completion.

Chelsea was in 10th grade the first time I told her directly to stop doing her homework and get some sleep. I had been working with her since she was in middle school, treating her anxiety disorder. She deeply feared disappointing anyone—especially her teachers—and spent hours trying to finish homework perfectly. The more tired and anxious she got, the harder it got for her to finish the assignments.

One night Chelsea called me in despair, feeling hopeless. She was exhausted and couldn’t think straight. She felt like a failure and that she was a burden to everyone because she couldn’t finish her homework.

She was shocked when I told her that my prescription for her was to go to sleep now—not to figure out how to finish her work. I told her to leave her homework incomplete and go to sleep. We briefly discussed how we would figure it out the next day, with her mom and her teachers. At that moment, it clicked for her that it was futile to keep working—because nothing was getting done.

This was an inflection point for her awareness of when she was emotionally over-cooked and when she needed to stop and take a break or get some sleep. We repeated versions of this phone call several times over the course of her high school and college years, but she got much better at being able to do this for herself most of the time.

When Mental Health Symptoms Interfere with Homework

Kids with mental health or neurodevelopmental challenges often struggle mightily with homework. Challenges can come up in every step of the homework process, including, but not limited to:

Remembering and tracking assignments and materials
Getting the mental energy/organization to start homework
Filtering distractions enough to persist with assignments
Understanding unspoken or implied parts of the homework
Remembering to bring finished homework to class
Being in class long enough to know the material
Tolerating the fear of not knowing or failing
Not giving up the assignment because of a panic attack
Tolerating frustration—such as not understanding—without emotional dysregulation
Being able to ask for help—from a peer or a teacher and not being afraid to reach out

This list is hardly comprehensive. ADHD , autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety , generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression , dysregulation, and a range of other neurodevelopmental and mental health challenges cause numerous learning differences and symptoms that can specifically and frequently interfere with getting homework done.

The Usual Diagnosis for Homework Problems is "Not Trying Hard Enough"

Unfortunately, when kids frequently struggle to meet homework demands, teachers and parents typically default to one explanation of the problem: The child is making a choice not to do their homework. That is the default “diagnosis” in classrooms and living rooms. And once this framework is drawn, the student is often seen as not trying hard enough, disrespectful, manipulative, or just plain lazy.

The fundamental disconnect here is that the diagnosis of homework struggles as a behavioral choice is, in fact, only one explanation, while there are so many other diagnoses and differences that impair children's ability to consistently do their homework. If we are trying to create solutions based on only one understanding of the problem, the solutions will not work. More devastatingly, the wrong solutions can worsen the child’s mental health and their long-term engagement with school and learning.

To be clear, we aren’t talking about children who sometimes struggle with or skip homework—kids who can change and adapt their behaviors and patterns in response to the outcomes of that struggle. For this discussion, we are talking about children with mental health and/or neurodevelopmental symptoms and challenges that create chronic difficulties with meeting homework demands.

How Can You Help a Child Who Struggles with Homework?

How can you help your child who is struggling to meet homework demands because of their ADHD, depression, anxiety, OCD , school avoidance, or any other neurodevelopmental or mental health differences? Let’s break this down into two broad areas—things you can do at home, and things you can do in communication with the school.

Helping at Home

The following suggestions for managing school demands at home can feel counterintuitive to parents—because we usually focus on helping our kids to complete their tasks. But mental health needs jump the line ahead of task completion. And starting at home will be key to developing an idea of what needs to change at school.

Set an end time in the evening after which no more homework will be attempted. Kids need time to decompress and they need sleep—and pushing homework too close to or past bedtime doesn’t serve their educational needs. Even if your child hasn’t been able to approach the homework at all, even if they have avoided and argued the whole evening, it is still important for everyone to have a predictable time to shut down the whole process.
If there are arguments almost every night about homework, if your child isn’t starting homework or finishing it, reframe it from failure into information. It’s data to put into problem-solving. We need to consider other possible explanations besides “behavioral choice” when trying to understand the problem and create effective solutions. What problems are getting in the way of our child’s meeting homework demands that their peers are meeting most of the time?
Try not to argue about homework. If you can check your own anxiety and frustration, it can be more productive to ally with your child and be curious with them. Kids usually can’t tell you a clear “why” but maybe they can tell you how they are feeling and what they are thinking. And if your child can’t talk about it or just keeps saying “I don't know,” try not to push. Come back another time. Rushing, forcing, yelling, and threatening will predictably not help kids do homework.

Helping at School

The second area to explore when your neurodiverse child struggles frequently with homework is building communication and connections with school and teachers. Some places to focus on include the following.

Label your child’s diagnoses and break down specific symptoms for the teachers and school team. Nonjudgmental, but specific language is essential for teachers to understand your child’s struggles. Breaking their challenges down into the problems specific to homework can help with building solutions. As your child gets older, help them identify their difficulties and communicate them to teachers.
Let teachers and the school team know that your child’s mental health needs—including sleep—take priority over finishing homework. If your child is always struggling to complete homework and get enough sleep, or if completing homework is leading to emotional meltdowns every night, adjusting their homework demands will be more successful than continuing to push them into sleep deprivation or meltdowns.
Request a child study team evaluation to determine if your child qualifies for services under special education law such as an IEP, or accommodations through section 504—and be sure that homework adjustments are included in any plan. Or if such a plan is already in place, be clear that modification of homework expectations needs to be part of it.

The Long-Term Story

I still work with Chelsea and she recently mentioned how those conversations so many years ago are still part of how she approaches work tasks or other demands that are spiking her anxiety when she finds herself in a vortex of distress. She stops what she is doing and prioritizes reducing her anxiety—whether it’s a break during her day or an ending to the task for the evening. She sees that this is crucial to managing her anxiety in her life and still succeeding at what she is doing.

Task completion at all costs is not a solution for kids with emotional needs. Her story (and the story of many of my patients) make this crystal clear.

Candida Fink, M.D. , is board certified in child/adolescent and general psychiatry. She practices in New York and has co-authored two books— The Ups and Downs of Raising a Bipolar Child and Bipolar Disorder for Dummies.

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ADHD Child Refuses to Do Schoolwork: Top Tips to Help | Beyond Booksmart

By Sean Potts and Jackie Hebert

Let’s be honest… No student loves homework - and for good reason. When we consider the full school day, extracurriculars, and various social components that are all part of a typical school week, it’s no wonder why students want to relax and recharge when they finally get home. However, part of growing up is learning to roll up our sleeves and do those essential things we might not want to do - and for students, this means working through that algebra worksheet or history reading despite being drained from the 10+ hour day they just had.

5th grade boy refusing to do homework because he can't organize his thoughts

In this blog, we’re going to explore homework refusal and what you can do as a parent to nudge your student toward a healthier relationship with their homework. We’ll organize this exploration through four key questions:

What is homework refusal?
What causes homework refusal?
How do you overcome homework refusal?
What outside support is there for homework refusal?

Let’s dive right in.

1. What is homework refusal?

Homework refusal is when a student develops a strong avoidance of homework to the point of regularly refusing to complete their school work. A typical student who struggles with homework refusal may procrastinate to start their assignments, freeze up when they sit down to work, struggle to resist distractions after school, and release outbursts of anger or frustration when confronted about homework.

Over time, these issues often devolve into worsening grades, frequent conflicts at home, and increased stress levels for caregivers and students. As a result, the parent-child relationship can become strained due to nightly battles over homework that make time at home increasingly unpleasant for the whole family. So now that we understand what homework refusal is, how does it develop in the first place?

2. What causes homework refusal?

Homework refusal is a pattern of avoidance that’s developed to cope with the stress of completing homework. Understanding the core cause of homework refusal starts with identifying what exactly about homework is so stressful for your child. We’ll explore a few common reasons for this stress so you can identify which is most relevant to your situation. It’s also important to remember that attributing homework refusal solely to inherent character flaws (like laziness or apathy) is almost always counterproductive. Homework refusal can develop around the same age that other latent challenges around learning or mental health do. In other words, what may seem like laziness at the surface may simply be the tip of a much deeper iceberg with a core problem that exists outside of your student’s control. Let’s explore some of those potential underlying causes. (Note: It’s possible that more than one of these causes is relevant to your student - many can and do coexist.)

Learning Differences & Disorders

If homework feels overwhelming for your student, it’s possible they might be struggling with a learning or neurological difference or disorder that makes completing homework harder than it is for their unaffected peers. These are the most common:

ADHD & Homework Refusal

One of the most common ones to consider is Attentive-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), which generally makes it harder to do difficult or boring tasks because of differences in the ADHD brain’s reward circuit. As a result, those with ADHD struggle with self-management abilities like task initiation , organization, planning & prioritizing, and emotional regulation. You can learn more about ADHD specifically here.

Dyslexia & Autism Spectrum Disorder Impact and Schoolwork Struggles

Two other common learning differences to consider include dyslexia, which involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters, and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact with the world. If you suspect that any of these examples could be relevant to your child, then we encourage you to have them evaluated by a neuropsychologist or other qualified clinician. Identifying the core struggle is a critical step in conquering the issues surrounding homework. Most importantly, remember that a learning difference can make work feel impossible and overwhelming, so the more parents can do to reduce that stress around homework, the more likely they'll be able to actually help their student - which leads perfectly into our next cause...

Micromanaging

When students refuse to do homework, caregivers find themselves with a difficult choice - either directly intervene to make sure homework is completed or disengage and let them suffer the academic consequences that come with missing homework assignments. Both options are unappealing, yet it can be easy to rationalize direct involvement as the best course of action. After all, you want your kid to succeed, right? If you see that a child has trouble staying motivated, organized, and on top of things, shouldn’t caregivers be willing to do whatever it takes to help them overcome that?

Not necessarily! This approach has two big problems: first, it keeps our kids dependent on us instead of helping them learn to do things for themselves. Second, in the context of homework refusal, you have to remember that a student’s avoidance is often a coping mechanism to avoid the stress of homework. When parents start micromanaging homework time by nagging them to start, hovering over them while they work, checking for completion, and enforcing their attention on the task at hand, it's actually making homework more stressful for them. As a result, our noble intention can suddenly have unforeseen consequences. If you’ve found your direct involvement with your child’s work has resulted in more conflict, more stress around school work, and continued avoidance of homework, then the evidence indicates that that approach is likely making the problem worse. Luckily, there are other options parents can do to support this issue that we’ll be covering later on in this article.

Anxiety

Although homework can feel stressful (even for the most successful students), it needn’t be at a debilitating level. If your student has developed high emotional responses to homework that involve crying, shaking, hyperventilating, or tantrums surrounding homework, then anxiety may be the core issue at play. If anxiety is the core issue fueling homework refusal , then micromanaging will likely make it worse. Instead, it's important to seek out mental health support for the anxiety specifically and work through the underlying beliefs around homework that are reinforcing your student’s avoidance.

Perfectionism

Some students set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and their work, which can make it overwhelming to finish or even get started in the first place. This phenomenon is called perfectionism , and it’s often misunderstood as only applying to the highest performing students. In reality, perfectionism does not mean your work is actually perfect. In fact, that initial expectation can significantly decrease the quality of work as students may feel they can’t reach the ideal they’ve set for themselves and decide there’s no point in trying at all. Breaking down this core belief is central to overcoming the larger issue of homework refusal and can be done with the support of a coach or mental health professional.

Untreated Executive Dysfunction

Executive Function skills enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, get started on work, and manage multiple tasks. When an individual struggles with these types of tasks on a regular basis, they're experiencing Executive Dysfunction - a catch-all term for the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral difficulties that impact one's ability to succeed in their academic, professional, and personal lives. These include issues with time management, organization, task initiation, emotional regulation, planning & prioritizing, and impulse control. Up to 90% of those with ADHD struggle with Executive Dysfunction, which impairs goal-directed behavior such as completing homework. However, you don’t need to have a diagnosis of ADHD to struggle with these skills. Many other issues, including the ones we covered so far, can cause issues in those areas. Regardless of the cause, strengthening Executive Function skills can make homework much more manageable.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a type of behavior disorder defined by children being uncooperative, defiant, and hostile toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures. If the issue of refusal extends beyond homework, this may be a core cause to consider. Seek out a clinician who specializes in this issue, as it’s not an easy one to navigate alone as a parent. Treatment for ODD often includes psychotherapy, parent training, and could involve medication to treat underlying conditions such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD, as well.

3. How do you overcome homework refusal?

Now that we’ve covered the most common causes of homework refusal, let’s explore some of the most practical solutions available to overcome it.

If your ADHD child refuses to do schoolwork or has trouble finding motivation, simple methods like dividing homework into smaller tasks, rewarding little achievements, scheduling breaks, and modeling behavior can make a big difference in their motivation to complete assignments. It can also prove helpful to seek outside help from professionals like therapists, coaches and counselors.

We’ll break these solutions up into three categories: parenting strategies, Executive Function strategies, and seeking outside support. Let’s start with parenting solutions first.

5 Parenting Solutions for Homework Refusal

1. reconsider what your parenting role could look like .

As we explored earlier, there are a number of reasons why caregivers ideally shouldn’t be deeply involved in their student’s daily homework routine if that student is working through homework refusal. So that leaves an important question: what might the most useful caregiver role be?

Answering this question starts with talking to your student about what they think is a fair level of involvement with their homework. Is it simply checking in to make sure they know what needs to get done or are they okay with a more involved role that includes setting the environment up for success? The answer will depend on the student, but the important thing is to involve your student in the conversation. If you can speak to them at their level and involve them in the process of establishing your role, you’re already showing them that you’re their ally - not their enemy. Over time, you can evaluate that role in action night-to-night and see how it impacts their ability to get homework done. If something isn’t working or needs to change, return to the initial conversation to come up with a new plan to experiment with. If this doesn’t work or the refusal is still extreme, then you’ll know it’s time to look for outside support, which we’ll cover near the end of this article.

2. Set Clear Homework Expectations (and get your child’s buy-in!)

On the opposite end of micromanaging, there’s also the potential for enabling bad habits. This is why it’s important to set clear expectations around homework but also involve your child in creating those expectations. Talk through what seems reasonable and what happens if work isn’t done - and make it clear that you simply want them to succeed. Also, understand that each kid is different regarding how they feel about and approach their school work. Some may find English to be easy but have no patience at all for algebra, some may love math but get frustrated even just thinking about writing an essay. Whatever the case may be for your child, it’s important to know your child’s strengths and challenges, and what conditions allow them to learn best. This includes considering the frequency of breaks while working, how they can transition into work time, what environment allows them to be most productive, and which assignments give them the most trouble. After a month or two, you should have a clearer indication of what’s working, what’s not, and whether your child needs additional support beyond what you can provide.

3. Celebrate Small Wins

Completing all their homework may look like a typical night for some students, but for a student with homework refusal, it’s a big deal to even take out their materials to get started - or to have a conversation about what needs to be done. Celebrating these types of small wins with rewards or encouragement can be a great way to motivate students by reminding them that homework time doesn’t have to be such an excruciating experience. Small wins can include trying out a new tool or strategy, sitting down to focus for a given time, or starting homework without a fight. Whatever the wins might be, be sure to acknowledge them so your student knows you see the changes they're making, no matter how small. It reminds them that progress happens often a little bit at a time and even those small increments can feel really great when you shine a light on them.

4. Model What You’d Like to See

If your child gets upset at the idea of homework, then simply staying calm through their emotional outbursts and demonstrating a solution-oriented attitude can go a long way. When kids see that their caregivers are calm, collected, and ready to find solutions, it can lay the groundwork to help them regulate themselves and mirror that calmer approach. At the very least, this technique helps caregivers be mindful of keeping their own emotions on a even keel during a challenging interaction with their child.

5. Connect with Your Child’s Teacher

As you’re working through these changes, work on building a good relationship with your child’s teacher and involve them in the process of change. Start off at the beginning of the school year by sharing your goals and worries with them, and stay in touch as the year progresses to share what you’ve been working on at home and where they can help in the classroom. Your relationship with your child’s teachers will pay off during the good times, but even more so during the challenging ones.

6 Executive Function Strategies for Homework Refusal

Executive Function strategies are helpful for all students regardless of whether they’re a child with ADHD that refuses to do school work or any other core reason for refusing homework. We know they’re effective because our coaches use them in video sessions with the students they work with and they’ve seen how transformative they can be for all areas of a student's life, including homework. One reason that they’re so effective is that they rely on the belief that when there’s a way there’s a will . In other words, when students know how to get their homework done (the way), they’ll be more motivated to actually do it in the first place (the will). Hopefully, these strategies will help pave that road for your student’s own transformation, too.

5-Minute Goals

Sometimes big tasks are just too overwhelming to even start. To reduce the burden and motivate students out of inaction, have them choose the first assignment to do and spend just 5 minutes on a timer seeing what they can get done.

When we’re given permission to stop after 5 minutes of work, starting may not seem so overwhelming. We’ve seen this tactic become a springboard to more extended periods of work simply due to the fact that it eliminates the fear of getting started. You may find that the 5 minutes lead your student into becoming immersed in the work at hand and continuing to work past that stopping point. If not, then try pairing this tactic with our next strategy…

Scheduled Breaks

Every homework assignment is its own task to conquer and may deserve its own scheduled break, too. Maintaining constant focus over a few hours and many assignments is challenging, even for adults. After a while, your student may lose steam and not want to do more. This is where structured breaks come in. When your student makes substantial progress or finishes one assignment, encourage them to take a timed 5 or 10-minute break to transition to their next assignment. Scheduling this into the homework session can make the burden seem less overwhelming overall and the individual assignments easier to start, knowing that there will be breaks in between. This strategy works best when the student has a say in how long the break should be relative to the assignment and what the break should consist of. Activities like listening to a favorite song, shooting a dozen freethrows, or grabbing a healthy snack can recharge a student without deraling their progress entirely

Cognitive Pairing

Homework time doesn’t always have to be just doom and gloom. One effective way to make homework time less scary is by pairing work with something fun and rewarding. This could be a pet curled up by your child’s side, their favorite treat waiting for them before they start, or a playlist of music they can enjoy listening to while they work (instrumental tends to be best!) Whatever it might be, pairing homework time with something they enjoy can greatly reduce the urge to avoid whatever assignment needs to get done.

Body doubling

One of the most challenging parts of starting homework is simply the feeling of having to tackle it alone. The chances that your student has a friend or someone from their class they can do homework with is likely high - so why not buddy up with them to get work done? This technique is also called body doubling and can be done with a friend, sibling, or even a caregiver who also needs to get work done, too. On top of making homework time less intimidating, it also can put kids on their best behavior if they’re with a friend that they’re not comfortable melting down in front of. This can be a great way for them to learn firsthand that homework doesn’t have to feel like such an unbearable burden.

The Pomodoro Technique

The Pomodoro Technique is a method of working in pre-determined chunks of time. It’s essentially a combination of short, productive intervals (like 5-minute goals) and short breaks. For example, your student could work for 25 minutes, take a 5-minute break, and then go back to work. Coach and podcast host, Hannah Choi, encourages her clients to pay attention to diminishing returns when using the Pomodoro Technique. In this context, diminishing returns means that the effort being put in doesn’t necessarily yield the same results as it did when first starting the activity. Finding out when your student is most productive can be an effective bit of insight to have when deciding the sequence of the work they have to do. There are a number of apps that have Pomodoro Timers that can be used to set the working and break periods ahead of time ( like this one ).

Soften the blow

Transitioning from something fun or relaxing to a dreaded non-preferred task like homework is often going to pose a challenge. "Softening the blow" is one way to ease into these types of tasks or responsibilities. Some examples of this could be eating a snack, calling a friend, or even just stepping outside for a quick walk before sitting down to start homework. These all can work well as structured transitions. Best of all? In addition to reducing homework refusal, this approach also builds cognitive flexibility and task initiation - two critical Executive Function skills.

4. What Outside Support Can Help with Homework Refusal?

If you’ve read through all this and at any point said to yourself “this is too much for me to do alone,” then it might be worth looking for outside support. For homework refusal, one of these three options might be the best choice, depending on your student’s core challenge area.

Executive Function Coaching

Executive Function coaches work on strengthening the core self-management skills of time management, task initiation, organization, emotional regulation, and planning & prioritizing. Since challenges in these areas can make homework much more difficult to approach (let alone finish), working with a coach 1:1 to apply strategies in their week to strengthen these key areas can prove to be the missing ingredient for overcoming homework refusal. Best of all, coaches provide a different perspective from a parent or teacher and can be viewed as an ally in a student's journey rather than another person telling them what they need to do. You can learn about our approach to Executive Function coaching here.

Behavioral Therapy

If your child has more involved core issues such as anxiety, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or other neuropsychological profiles, it’s worth researching occupational or behavioral therapists near you who specialize in those particular areas. Once those support links are in place, parents, coaches, and tutors all have a much higher likelihood of success at empowering kids to overcome their homework refusal.

Tutoring

If every Executive Function and behavioral factor are accounted for and homework is still a battle, then a tutor in the subject area your student is struggling in may be the best support option. A good tutor can fill in gaps that are holding a student back in a particular subject and give them a new teaching perspective to make the information really stick.

The Takeaway

Your student's homework refusal can feel like an exhausting problem with no solutions, but there are a number of approaches you can use to improve the situation at home. A good combination of understanding why your child is refusing homework, what role your parenting plays in the equation, and what strategies and supports you can lean on all provide the foundation your student needs for a lasting transformation. Above all, know that change is possible!

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Which Executive Function skill is your student’s #1 blindspot

About the Author

Sean potts and jackie hebert.

Sean Potts is the Marketing Specialist at Beyond BookSmart and a recent graduate of Ithaca College’s Integrated Marketing Communications program. As a former coaching client and intern at BBS, Sean has spent the better part of the last ten years witnessing firsthand the positive impact Beyond BookSmart's mission has on transforming students’ lives. Jackie Hebert is the Director of Marketing for Beyond BookSmart. Whether it's managing our websites, overseeing our social media content, authoring and editing blog articles, or hosting webinars, Jackie oversees all Marketing activities at Beyond BookSmart. Before joining Beyond BookSmart in 2010, Jackie was a Speech-Language Pathologist at Needham High School. She earned her Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology from Boston University, and her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

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Homework Refusal: Is It Laziness or Executive Functioning Issues?

It's not uncommon for kids to be unexcited about doing homework. For some kids, this lack of enthusiasm translates into putting off homework or drudging through assignments until they are completed. However, for some students, their negative attitude towards homework can be more extreme. It can even take the form of homework refusal. Homework refusal happens when a child completely refuses to do their assignments. This can turn into a regular, routine struggle with parents. It can make the time spent at home unpleasant, emotional and stressful.

If you are experiencing homework refusal from your child, it can help you to understand what's going on with them. Once you have a clear idea about what's causing the protest, you can focus on a solution. Alleviating the homework struggle can make home life much more pleasant and low-stress for everyone.

What Causes Homework Refusal?

There are many potential causes of homework refusal. Some of them are purely behavioral. Others are neurological. By determining what's causing the resistance, you can address it in the right way. Here are some common neurological or executive functioning issues that cause homework struggles. Consider whether one of these is the culprit behind homework refusal, rather than laziness:

Learning Challenges

Your child might be struggling with a learning disorder or challenge that is causing them to avoid doing their work. A learning issue can make the work feel impossible and overwhelming, and they'd rather not face it than try to struggle through. If you suspect this is the case for your child, have them tested. A test may reveal that they are dyslexic or struggle with attention issues. Once diagnosed, problems like these can be addressed appropriately.

Eyesight or hearing issues

It's possible that your child is having problems with their vision or hearing. This could make paying attention and learning in the classroom tough, and in turn, their homework tougher. This is especially true if they haven't properly learned the concepts. Getting hearing and vision tests can diagnose this problem, and your child may be able to benefit from hearing aids or glasses.

Children can develop feelings of anxiety that make doing homework uncomfortable for them. This anxiety can stem from pressure to do well in school or perfectionism. Students who suffer from anxiety can work with school counselors and coaches on their negative thoughts. Removing these thought patterns can also remove what stands in the way of them completing their work.

If your child refuses to do their homework, contact Brain Balance Achievement Centers. We can help address the underlying causes and help get them back on track so they can succeed at school and at home.

For over a decade, we’ve helped over 50,000 individuals improve the critical skills needed to create a brighter path for their future. Contact us online to learn more about how the Brain Balance Program can help. You can also view the research and results of the program on the website.

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My bright teen is skipping homework and failing classes, and I don’t know what to do

Q: My 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore, has stopped doing his homework when he doesn't like the subject or the teacher, or when he thinks it's stupid, and he's now failing two classes. He has also lied to me about it; he got away with the lies until the school sent notices, so he has all but destroyed my trust in him. This has been going on since grammar school, but it's getting worse as he gets older. I've tried everything I can think of: therapy, taking away the Xbox, using the Xbox or other things as rewards he can earn, letting him handle it on his own, partial involvement, hovering, crying and screaming — and I feel awful about those last two. I'm trying to take your advice to be careful not to damage our relationship over things, but I don't know what else to do. Failing major subjects in high school seems like a problem. Am I wrong to be so concerned? He won't work with a tutor anymore, either. He's a smart kid, so it's not a lack of ability. Please help.

A: I am going to be honest with you: I relate to your son. I started to check out of school around sixth grade and stayed checked out well through high school. I was bright but had stopped caring about most of my classes, and nothing changed my mind. Paid for good grades? Nope. Punishments? Nah. Rewards? Didn’t care. Threats? Didn’t matter. I was only affected by a handful of people, and otherwise, I couldn’t be reached. And this wasn’t even in a pandemic; this was just the ’90s.

Send questions about parenting to [email protected]

As I see it, your son is a puzzle (as we all are), and we have a couple of the puzzle pieces in front of us. He is bright (a word that doesn’t carry much meaning), he doesn’t do his homework when he is disinterested in the subject and/or teacher, he lies about it, this behavior has been happening since grammar school, every manner of behavior modification has been attempted (and failed), you have tried therapy, and he refuses a tutor. There are many other things I don’t know about your son, including his health, any transitions or traumas for him or the family, possible learning disabilities or differences (yes, you can be bright and have a whole host of learning issues that prohibit learning in a “typical” way) and family structure. I could go on and on!

The big question is why. Why did your son begin to disconnect from school?

Although I can do little to help you in this note, I do want to keep guiding you to the “why” instead of the “what.” Of course we don’t want your son failing courses — no one wants that for their children — but our parenting goal is not getting him to pass classes. It is to understand him, so he can understand and help himself. At 15, he is well on his way to becoming a young man, and whatever is causing his disconnect from school is what needs your attention.

As you discover the “why,” you need to understand why rewards and punishments don’t seem to work with some children, especially when it comes to schoolwork. There is a time and place for typical behavioral techniques. Take something away that children love, they stop the unwanted behavior. Give them something they love, they repeat wanted behavior. Fine. But this only really works when children already care about school, their teachers and, yes, maybe the work. Caring about your integrity, what you produce and how your teacher feels about you is the primary driver of working hard, not rewards or punishments. If you have a teen who is accustomed to not caring about what his teachers or you think, then he is immune to your punishments and rewards. “Not caring” runs both ways; you don’t feel the “bad stuff,” and you also don’t feel the “good stuff.” As a person who didn’t care about a lot of things for a long time, I can say that it is a horrible way to live. I was wretched to parent and educate.

Let’s pause all the behavior-modification shenanigans. Let’s pause the fear of all this failing and what it means for his future. Let’s pause shoving him into therapy or tutoring. Let’s. Just. Stop. Repeat after me: “My son is not a project. He is a fully human young man, and he needs my support and love.” Repeat this over and over and over, then start getting curious. Invite him to eat with you, go on a hike with you, learn a video game with you, anything, and try to get to know him without an agenda. Every single class he is failing can be made up. Every single thing he hasn’t learned can eventually be learned, and I want you to tell him that. I also want you to highlight and discuss what he does well. He is passing classes! He is (maybe) doing chores! These failed classes are not the sum of his person, so stop treating them as if they are.

10 ways to take the struggle out of homework

I also want you to tell him that it’s typical to not want to do well for people to whom we don’t feel connected. My spidey sense is that something (or things) happened in grammar school that caused him to armor up, and the armor has grown thicker. And of course he’s lying to you. When people feel ashamed of their actions (not doing homework and failing), they lie, then they get in trouble for the lie (adding on more shame), which adds to more lying. Let’s just assume he isn’t going to do the homework for some of these classes. We can take out the extra shame layer.

I can hear you having a panic attack, and I know I have not told you what to do to fix this situation, but it is not going to get fixed. Your son is not broken; he just needs support. Please call your pediatrician for a good work-up, and peek around at possible learning issues. (Giftedness is on the table, too.) Please personally reach out to a teacher whom your son loves and respects, and ask for support. What got me through high school? A choir teacher, an AP English teacher, my Mom Mom, my aunt, and the fact that my parents didn’t give up and send me out of the house. That’s it. Find someone your son cares about, and have them start talking, hanging out, checking in, etc. As a former teacher, I did this and was never burdened by it; it is called community, and we all need it.

The most encouraging part about your note is that you know this is a relationship-first issue. Keep that as your North Star, and as your son begins to thaw, you can add other strategies, such as rewards and punishments. Check out Cara Natterson’s “ Decoding Boys ” and think about seeing your own parent coach or therapist. You are doing hard parenting work, and you need a safe place for your fears and big emotions.

Yes, You Can Opt Your Kids Out of Homework—Here’s How

One mom says her kids haven't been doing homework for years. Here's how she opted them out and what experts say.

Guille Faingold / Stocksy

When Juliana Porter thinks about the feeling that homework induces, one word comes to mind: dread. With afternoon and evening time constraints, the North Carolina mom of three wants her kids to have some time to relax and unwind, so homework is often pushed until during or after dinnertime.

“The subject we’ve found to be the most challenging is math, in large part because strategies and ‘show your work’ are often required to get correct answers,” says Porter. “But as parents who are not in the class to learn new methods, we’re not able to help. Or we can help, but it’s not the correct method being taught and adds to our child’s confusion. These at-home cram sessions usually end in frustration for both child and parent.”

The Porter family’s experience isn’t unique. Research published in the Child & Youth Care Forum found more than 25% of parents and kids say homework “always or often interferes with family time and creates a power struggle,” while more than 36% of kids say homework sometimes forces them to get less sleep in grades 3 to 6. According to Stanford research , 56% of students surveyed say homework is a primary source of stress.

While many families do their best to help their children complete homework with as little frustration as possible, my family has chosen a different option: to simply skip it. And I don’t mean just skipping it on the nights it's difficult either. For four years, my family has totally opted out of homework, which I’ve learned doesn’t produce enough benefits for the stress it causes. And I want other parents to know that opting out of homework is an option for their kids, too.

Homework: How to Opt Out

If your child goes to an open admissions public school, opting out of homework can be something you consider. While it may be a particularly good choice if homework is causing major household stress, you don’t have to wait until your child is miserable to act if they (or you) would simply prefer to spend the time in other ways. There are no legal requirements that students complete work outside of school hours and, for many children, the actual determinants of homework outweigh the theoretical benefits.

To opt out, I send a note to each of my children's teachers at the beginning of the year letting them know that my child will not be completing homework, that their overall grade should not be impacted, and that they should not be penalized in any way for not turning in homework assignments.

I also let them know that we're committed to our kids' education, that we read together most evenings, and that, if my child is struggling or needs extra support in any subject, we're happy to brainstorm solutions to help them get the practice they need. Though no teachers have pushed back yet (and several have told us they wish they were not required to assign homework and that more families knew they could opt out), we have a small folder of research on the detriments of homework that we could share with an administrator if needed.

Opting out has worked well for our family but implicit bias might mean that other families don't receive the same neutral or positive reaction that our white family does.

"Many minoritized and historically marginalized families never consider opting out of homework, even when they know that it's not meaningful," says Sequoya Mungo, Ph.D. , an educational equity consultant and co-founder of BrownLight Inc. , a company helping to create positive diversity and inclusion results in educational, nonprofit, and corporate environments. "When white families make these types of educational choices, they are viewed as forward-thinking and seen as advocates for their children's education. Teachers and others often think that they're being proactive and identifying other enrichment opportunities for their kids. When non-middle class and non-white families opt out, the assumption is that parents don't value education and don't want to, or are unable to, help their kids with homework.”

According to Dr. Mungo, coming with research or policy can be helpful as even some school level administrators are unaware that opting out is within your rights as parents. “The more prepared you are, the more likely you are to not be met with pushback.”

Why Families May Want to Opt Out of Homework

Since homework is so prevalent, many assume it's vital, or at least important, to kids' academic growth. But the reality is murkier. "There's really no good evidence that homework completion positively impacts kids' academic growth or achievement," says Samantha Cleaver, Ph.D. , a reading interventionist and author of Raising an Active Reader: The Case for Reading Aloud to Engage Elementary School Youngsters .

A 2006 meta-analysis of homework and achievement found moderate correlation in middle school and little correlation in elementary school, while there was negative correlation (that is, more homework means less learning) in third grade and below.

While research shows homework can help high school kids improve grades, test results, and likelihood of going to college, the reality is academic pressures in the U.S. have increased over the last two decades, and so too has the amount of homework that kids are assigned. The National Education Association (NEA) recommends no more than 10 minutes of homework per night per grade level, but that's often not what's happening. According to a 2015 study, elementary school students are being assigned more than is recommended , sometimes almost triple the amount. And, often, even when educators are assigning homework they think falls in this window, it can take some students, particularly those who are “behind” already or who have learning disabilities, much more time to complete.

Excessive homework can negatively impact sleep, mental health, and stress levels. It’s also important to note homework is an issue of equity, since not every child has the same opportunities at home. "When kids are doing work in school, the classroom environment serves as somewhat of an equalizer,'' says Dr. Mungo. "Kids have access to the same teacher and generally the same resources within the classroom setting. At home, kids have different environments, different access to resources, and different levels of support." This means kids with less support and more challenges often end up getting lower grades or being penalized for not turning in work for reasons totally outside their control.

Making Change on Homework

Parents who don't want to be the only ones opting out can work to change the homework culture at their school. Consider reaching out to your principal about your homework concerns or connecting with other parents or the PTA to help build support for your cause.

And if you do opt out, don't be shy about letting other parents know that's what you've chosen to do. Sometimes just knowing there is an option and that others have opted out successfully can help families decide what's right for them.

What to Do With the Extra Time

When Porter thinks about what a life without homework would be like, she envisions a much more relaxed evening routine. “I imagine a scenario where my kids can do their after-school activities, read more, get outside, and generally just decompress from the daily eight-hour grind that is school with no more dread and no more crying,” she says.

If you opt out of homework and find your family with more time for other sorts of learning, leisure, or adventure, be thoughtful how you’ll structure your new routine and talk with your kids about the value of doing nothing, the importance of family time, or how to spend their time in ways that matter to them.

And if you want to be sure they're getting in some valuable post-school learning, consider repurposing your previous homework time to reading with your kids. "Reading aloud has benefits long after your kids can read on their own," says Dr. Cleaver. "Encourage them to choose books about subjects they're interested in, snuggle up together, and enjoy watching them learn through active reading."

But reading isn’t the only way to reap benefits. "There are lots of things that kids can do after school that will positively impact their growth and development that don't involve sitting down to do more of the work they've done at school,'' says Dr. Cleaver. "Time to decompress through play or relaxation isn't just fun, it actually helps kids' brains and bodies relax, making them more open to learning."

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Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents

Your child doesn’t understand the work and needs some extra help. It’s possible that your youngster doesn’t want to do his homework because he really needs help. Also, it can be challenging for moms and dads to accept that their youngster might need help with homework, because there is often a stigma attached to kids who need tutoring.
Your child is addicted to TV and video games. Moms and dads often find it very difficult to limit these activities. But, understand that playing video games and watching TV doesn’t relax a youngster’s brain. In fact, it actually over-stimulates the brain and makes it harder for him to learn and retain information. Too much of watching TV and playing video games contributes to your youngster struggling with school and homework in more ways than one.
Your child is exhausted from a long day at school. In the last 10 to 20 years, the needs of kids have not changed, however the pace of life has. Most moms and dads are busy and have very little down time, which inevitably means that the youngster ends up with less down time too. He is going to be less likely to be motivated to work when there is chaos all around him.
Your child is not sleeping enough. Sleep is one of the most under-appreciated needs in our society today. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause him to be sick more often, lose focus, and have more emotional issues. Kids often need a great deal more sleep than they usually get.
Your child is over-booked with other activities. Moms and dads want their youngster to develop skills other than academics. Because of this, they often sign-up their youngster for extracurricular activities (e.g., sports or arts).
Your child is overwhelmed by your expectations. Moms and dads want their youngster to be well-rounded and to get ahead in life. Along with this comes getting good grades. All these expectations can put a lot of pressure on your youngster and may cause him to become burned-out and want to find an escape.
instructions are unclear
neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of assignments
the assignments are often too hard or too easy
the homework is assigned in uneven amounts
you can't provide needed supplies or materials
you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them
Do you understand what you're supposed to do?
What do you need to do to finish the assignment?
Do you need help in understanding how to do your work?
Have you ever done any problems like the ones you're supposed to do right now?
Do you have everything you need to do the assignment?
Does your answer make sense to you?
Are you still having problems? Maybe it would help to take a break or have a snack.
Do you need to review your notes (or reread a chapter in your textbook) before you do the assignment?
How far have you gotten on the assignment? Let's try to figure out where you're having a problem.

How do I get my over-achieving daughter to slow down?

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Classroom Management , Equity Resources , Truth for Teachers Collective | May 7, 2023

Students not turning in homework? 4 common mistakes to avoid (and what to do instead)

By Kim Lepre

Homework is typically the bane of students and the Achilles heel of teachers.

On the one hand, regular practice outside of the classroom can help students retain information and reinforce learning. On the other, it’s also difficult to motivate students to do the work without coercion or consequences.

While the debate over the efficacy of homework continues to rage on, one thing remains clear: there will always be students who seemingly refuse to submit their homework. So how in the WORLD do we get these kids to just DO IT?

If you’re struggling to get students to submit work on a regular basis, there may be a problem in your systems that, once fixed, can increase not only the likelihood of your students submitting but also increase their academic success. Here are four common mistakes that teachers make about submitting homework, and what you can do instead.

Mistake #1: Not understanding the real reason why students don’t submit homework

Before we delve into tactics, it’s important to understand WHY students won’t submit their work. We often chalk it up to laziness, forgetfulness, not paying attention in class or just poor time management. While these can definitely contribute to the problem, the issue often lies much deeper than that.

First, fear of failure or overall confusion plagues many of our students. They don’t understand the assignment or concept and lack the motivation or resources to get help. A lot of times, they don’t speak up in class and ask questions for these same reasons, so they’re less likely to practice something that they’re confused about.

Also, many of our students are perfectionists and won’t submit work if it’s “not right.” As illogical as it sounds, if they didn’t have time to complete the assignment, they’d rather take the zero and not submit rather than give you incomplete work. Or if it’s not up to their unreasonably high standards, they won’t turn it in.

Additionally, general overwhelm and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression definitely play a role for many of our students. Not all parents have been able to address these concerns in their children, and some may be inadvertently exacerbating the symptoms with their own high expectations. If a student simply can’t handle even looking let alone starting your assignment, you definitely won’t get any work from them.

Finally, students may just not want to do your assignment because they don’t see the point. As harsh as it sounds, students know when they’re given “busy work.” To them, meaningless packets with 100 of the same problem are not only demoralizing but also a waste of time. So some students may just choose to not do it at all or they may start and eventually give up.

Mistake #2: Not setting and maintaining expectations

At the beginning of the school year, we’re VERY good about training our students on what our work submission processes are. You may even have a syllabus with these expectations spelled out, assuming that our students and their parents read it.

Most of us have a routine set, which works for the majority of the kids. But there are always a few that seem to slip through the cracks due to reasons in the first mistake. Maybe they have an IEP and need more intentional organization. Maybe they fell asleep in class and didn’t hear you give the deadline. Or perhaps they were in the bathroom when you announced it. Either way, we can preach responsibility and accountability all we want, but if they’re just incapable of doing it on their own, we can decide to help them or let them fall and “learn their lesson.”

If we’re unwilling to consistently help these students that struggle with deadlines, then honestly, we have to share the blame. They’re still developing good habits, and what we try to reinforce only goes so far if it’s not reinforced at home. While it’s not our job to parent our students, we can still help with teaching and modeling what the expectations are and give grace when students stumble.

Basically, if it’s that important to you that they submit an assignment on time, then don’t assume that all of the students know what to do or how to meet those deadlines.

Mistake #3: Utilizing a one-size-fits-all approach to submission

As mentioned in the previous two mistakes, there are a lot of reasons why students aren’t submitting their homework. In terms of solving that problem in your class, you have two options: 1) Being frustrated but still letting them suffer the consequences, or 2) working with the students that struggle the most.

It may seem unfair to make special accommodations or arrangements for certain students, but that’s like saying it’s unfair that, at 5’1”, I need a stool to reach the top shelf while you may be able to easily stick your hand up there.

Does it REALLY matter if we both get what we need from that shelf?

Some students may need extra time or personal invitations to submit something. You might even have to modify the assignment for them just so that you have some form of work from which to assess. This can be annoying and time-consuming since you have so many other students to worry about.

But if it really bothers you that Jason doesn’t ever turn in his work, and asking or reminding him each time actually results in him turning in something , then ask yourself if it’s worth it.

If eight students regularly fail to turn in their homework, investigate what’s holding them up and what you can do to encourage them. Maybe they need an accountability partner. Perhaps you could show and remind them how to set a notification on their phone or device. You could encourage them to use a paper planner to stay more organized.

These definitely take more effort, and sometimes the lack of rewards makes it unsatisfying. But often, a student just doesn’t know how to advocate for themselves, and you being persistent can lay the foundation for them to be successful in other classes and in the future.

Mistake #4: Not involving parents and other adults

Along with the previous mistake, sometimes we forget that we can also deploy the troops, i.e., our students’ parents/guardians. While at times we feel at odds with some parents since they have such a negative perception of teachers and the education system in general, many are willing to do their part if we are explicit about how they can help.

It can be scary to send out notices to parents because they sometimes reply with an angry response or something completely unrelated. There have definitely been times when I wished that I hadn’t sent an email at all because I was inundated with responses.

But in the case of having students turn in their assignments on time, it just might be worth it. Students don’t necessarily talk to their parents about their work, and if they are experiencing one of the aforementioned reasons why they won’t do work, they’re certainly not going to divulge. So just a simple email with a calendar of deadlines or just a reminder of an upcoming due date would greatly increase the rate of homework submission.

For larger assignments, I’ve also explained what is due to parents so that they can help their student double-check that they completed everything. You’d be surprised how many parents want to sit down and help their student, but they don’t understand what’s expected. It does take a bit of time to do this, but with new tools like ChatGPT, you can craft these messages in a matter of seconds.

If you’re using an online grading system, they often have the capability for parents to see your grade book and online calendar. If you have this, then taking the time to train parents with a screencast video that you send out will also help them stay on top of their student’s progress.

What this means for your policies

It might be a bit of a philosophical shift to avoid these mistakes. After all, real change doesn’t happen instantly, especially if you want it to stick. During a time when we’re all trying to master work-life balance, it can seem preposterous to take on what seems like more work.

But what’s the cost – both to yourself and your students — if you DON’T do something different?

Left to their own devices, students will try to stay under your radar so that they don’t have to do any work, but we both know what the long-term consequences of that are. If they don’t turn in their homework or assignments in general, you can’t assess them, which means they can’t get feedback, which in turn means you have to hope that they’re gleaning SOMETHING from your lectures and class discussions. How will you know if they’re improving in your class if they won’t submit their work?

And you’ll continue to be frustrated about your low homework submission rate (if you weren’t frustrated, you wouldn’t have made it this far). Over time, that can leave a bad taste in your mouth and overall disdain for students that seem “lazy and useless.” Morphing into that kind of cynical teacher is not something anyone wants, so ask yourself — is it worth putting in the effort?

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My ADHD Child Refuses To Do Schoolwork. What Should I Do?

"My ADHD child refuses to do schoolwork. What should I do?" This is a common question among parents of students with ADHD. The good news is that there are changes your family can make to help.

In this article, we'll discuss how ADHD impacts schoolwork and how solutions such as limiting distractions, mixing learning with pleasure, and scheduling study time in a way that's beneficial to your child can help. Then, we will go over additional challenges that might affect kids with ADHD who are struggling in school.

Does ADHD make it hard to do schoolwork?

ADHD makes it harder to stay focused, which no doubt affects schoolwork. However, ADHD is more than that, and it can be hard to understand from the outside. Many ADHD symptoms directly impact functioning at school. For adults, similar problems may show up at work. Take inattention symptoms as an example:

Failure to give attention to detail or making careless mistakes.
Difficulty following through with instructions.
Trouble holding attention during tasks or play.
Seeming as though one is not listening when spoken to directly.
Challenges with organization.
Reluctance to engage in or avoidance of tasks that require sustained mental attention (like homework or schoolwork). ADHD and school avoidance entirely can happen.
Losing items necessary for activities and tasks.
Being distracted easily.
Forgetfulness or memory problems.

Hyperactivity/ impulsivity symptoms can also affect kids at school, as well as during homework time. These signs include:

Excessive talking.
Leaving one's seat in situations where remaining seated is expected.
Running or climbing in situations where doing so is inappropriate.
Acting as though one's "always on the go" or is "driven by a motor."
Interrupting or intruding on other people's activities and conversations.
Blurting out answers before a question has been completed.
Fidgeting, squirming in one's seat, or tapping of the hands and feet
Difficulty waiting for one's turn.
Trouble taking part in leisure and other activities quietly.

ADHD isn't a character flaw, and people with the disorder aren't doing these things on purpose. After all, with ADHD, there are marked differences in the brain. Treatment can help, as can at-home and in-school support. Once you identify that your child has challenges with homework or school assignments, it gives you the opportunity to help them overcome them. If your ADHD child is failing school or struggling, read our tips to help below.

Remember that you don't have to have every symptom of ADHD to receive a diagnosis. Discover more about the different types of ADHD here.

How can I help my ADHD child do schoolwork?

Getting a child with ADHD to listen and do tasks like schoolwork and homework can be tricky. Most kids would rather watch TV or play as it is, but with ADHD, the battle can be even more significant. One way to find suggestions that work is to look at some of the techniques and accommodations that help kids with ADHD in school, as they may also help with homework time, too. For example, you might give your child multiple breaks or let them work in short bursts, provide time to move around in between study sessions, implement reward systems, or sit with them while they work on assignments and offer guidance or encouragement as needed. These are all similar to the accommodations for ADHD you might see in a school setting.

Where do you start, though? Let's go more into depth about what parents can do to help their children focus on and complete tasks.

Note : If your child struggles with school assignments or other tasks, Joon can help. Joon is a game specifically created for children with ADHD and their parents. Kids receive points and finish missions by completing tasks set by the parents, which allows them to care for a virtual pet of their choice in the game. Many parents have seen their child build better habits and become more motivated and autonomous with Joon. Try a 7-day free trial here .

Getting Your Child To Do Tasks

Homework and school assignments are only two examples of tasks that people with ADHD might have trouble with. Here are some quick tips to get your child to initiate and complete tasks such as school assignments when they are crying or refusing to do it.

Limit Distractions

Limit distractions to help your child avoid getting sidetracked. First, determine what tends to distract your child most when they work on assignments. Is it sounds from the TV? Toys? What about items on the table where they sit down to work? Then, remove those distractions. White noise may be beneficial and even calming, but for the most part, noises in the home can be highly distracting, so keep this in mind.

Engage your child

People with ADHD don't necessarily just struggle with staying focused. It is also common to have trouble initiating tasks, which can certainly be the case when it comes to schoolwork. Having another person there during a task can really help people with ADHD, so sit with your child as they work on school assignments to engage them. Prepare to re-engage your child gently if they get off track. Make sure that you remain calm and patient.

Simplify instructions

Break instructions down into small, easy-to-follow steps. When tasks are brief and come with a fast reward (e.g., "you can play outside afterward,") your child is a lot more likely to follow through. Spend time with your child going over an assignment's instructions little by little. If there is a difficult problem in their assignment, walk them through it.

Mix pleasure with learning

When you mix pleasure with learning, there's extra motivation for your child to engage with school assignments. This might mean that you implement strategies such as a reward system (e.g., a sticker chart, time with electronics post-homework time, etc.). Or, it could mean that you use strategies to make the lesson itself more fun. Parents able to sit with their children while they work on assignments might read the instructions in an animated fashion or make a game out of the assignment.

Additionally, don't hesitate to implement external tools that can support kids with ADHD. A game like Joon is a great way for children to mix pleasure with schoolwork and other tasks. With the app, kids complete not just schoolwork but other goals a parent might set, such as making breakfast, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, or putting the dishes away.

Try Joon App

The Joon app is designed for kids between the ages of six and twelve who live with ADHD. Many families say that it helps improve their child-parent relationship, boosts their self-esteem, and makes tasks less stressful. Kids are often drawn to games, and what sets Joon apart is that it aids real-life functioning.

Now, how does it work?

How Joon Works

Games and gaming devices are emerging as forms of support for ADHD. In fact, in 2020, the FDA approved the use of the first video game-based digital therapeutic for kids with an ADHD diagnosis. Joon is a new kind of video game explicitly designed to help children with ADHD complete tasks. In the app, parents assign age-appropriate tasks that children must complete in order to take care of their pet, called a Doter, in the game.

Since a child must complete tasks to get what they need to care for the Doter, it motivates them for school to get each task done. Parents can add tasks (also known as quests) themselves or select recommended tasks through the app. The point of Joon is to make tasks fun.

Features of Joon

Occupational therapists, school teachers, and psychologists all back Joon. The Joon app is safe to use, and parents are in control. Here are some standout features of Joon:

Joon supports executive functioning and independence in kids with ADHD who may otherwise struggle with daily routines and tasks.
90% of kids who use Joon complete all of their assigned tasks
Joon has a rating of 4.7 out of 5 stars.

Joon sends reminders to your child to help them stick to their routine and goals for the day so that parents don't have to, and it is effective almost immediately. Every task in the game is positive, supporting confidence and well-being in children with ADHD.

Test-drive Joon for 7 Days

If you're ready to try Joon, you're in luck. It's easy to get started, and when you download the app, you get a 7-day free trial .

Break up study time

Plan study time in short bursts rather than one long session. In part, the reason you want to break up study time is similar to why you might want to break large tasks or long-term projects into smaller pieces. Lengthy work is intimidating, and kids with ADHD are more likely to stay focused, attentive, productive, and happy if it's approached in smaller chunks.

Furthermore, breaking up study time means that kids will have breaks, which is vital when it comes to ADHD. One thing that can be helpful is to add physical activity to these breaks, as exercise is known to support school performance in children with ADHD. Even more, it is shown that when people study in smaller chunks of time, they retain information better.

How much time should you set aside? The amount of time may vary from child to child, but it should not extend past 45 minutes at once. Even those without ADHD find that their brain loses steam if they attempt to focus for too long. Short intervals of study time dispersed over 4-5 days per week will likely come with better results than attempting to get a child to study for hours per day.

Stick to schedule

Create a schedule for your child that includes a certain amount of time set aside for assignments. Stick to the schedule meticulously. In time, the schedule will start to feel natural. Kids will grow to understand that the certain time of day you designate for studying is meant for just that. When you implement a new schedule or routine, it can be difficult to adjust to at first, so be mindful that it might be a process to get your child to sit down and work on assignments initially. It should get easier and come with less of a fight the more consistent and unwavering you are. We've talked a little bit before about how vital routines can be for the ADHD brain, and this is an excellent example.

A reminder system may be useful, especially at first. You might use alarms, an app like Joon, or something else, to remind a child of the schedule.

Talk with your child's teacher

If your child struggles in class or with homework, it's important to communicate with their teacher regularly. Together, you can create solutions and gain an understanding of what's going on, as well as any next steps you might want to try to support your child's education. Take note of the resources for kids with ADHD that your child may benefit from, such as 504 plans and IEPs, that allow for accommodations. Tutoring for a subject that your child struggles with may be advantageous in relevant circumstances.

Seek treatment

Treatment options for ADHD, such as medication and behavior therapy, can help students with ADHD listen more attentively, begin and complete tasks, self-regulate, and curb potentially disruptive behavior or symptoms in class. If your child isn't currently receiving treatment and you feel that it's something they may benefit from, have a conversation with their pediatrician or another member of their care team.

Common Reasons To Not Do Homework

We talked about the direct impact that ADHD symptoms can have on homework and schoolwork, but there are other possible factors, too. Shame and trouble with executive functioning are common reasons why a kid with ADHD may refuse to do homework. Behavioral problems might make homework time challenging for parents. Similarly, comorbid diagnoses like learning disabilities, which are more prevalent among kids, teens, and adults with ADHD, can undoubtedly lead to struggles with homework. With the proper treatment and support, people with ADHD can thrive, and it is possible for kids with ADHD to improve their experience at school. Don't give up, and if problems persist, make sure to speak with a professional for guidance.

Sarah Schulze MSN, APRN, CPNP

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In this article, we'll go over what working memory is, how ADHD affects working memory, and tips you can use to help your child with working memory.

Calming Techniques for Kids: 7 Stress Relief Tips to Try

In this article, we'll go over realistic calming techniques for kids, such as deep breathing exercises, squeezing objects to relieve stress, and using temperature to lower stress hormones.

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Dive into expert opinions, scientific research, and practical tips to help you make informed decisions about your child's screen time habits and their impact on success and well-being.

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Responsibilities and values

What to Do when Children Refuse to Do Homework

A growing crisis of school refusal is gripping Australia, leaving families in a hidden struggle.

When it first started happening, Alice would drag her daughter Frieda into kindergarten screaming.

The school staff would restrain the five-year-old as they locked the door.

"If tough love worked, my child would be at school. The things we put her through … I'm ashamed of it," Alice says.

She knows what other parents judge her for — being a mother who can't get her child to school.

"It's a really lonely and confusing and shameful world because you assume that you are the problem," the Sydney mum says.

"You see other families, their kids just happily going to school … and you feel like you're just in this complete other world."

Frieda, now eight, is one of the thousands of children in Australia experiencing 'school refusal', also known as 'school can't' — children who have difficulty attending school due to emotional distress.

A young girl sitting in the back of a car at night, with rainbow bunny ears on looks to the side with a neutral expression.

Some days Frieda lasts to the 3pm bell, others she might only make it to the school gate or not leave home at all.

"I get a bit upset when I usually don't make it to school. 'Cause I really want to, but somehow I don't know how to get there," Frieda says.

For parents, it's a living nightmare that can result in broken careers, fear of kids missing out and threats of fines and prosecution.

For the education system, it raises fundamental questions about whether schools can actually include every child.

A woman is seen through the windshield of a car at night. She has her hands on the wheel. A child is in the back seat.

Distress and disengagement

An increasing number of Australian children are struggling to get to school.

In 2023, the attendance rate for students in Years 1 to 10 was 88 per cent, down from 92 per cent almost a decade earlier.

Last year, 38 per cent of all students in Years 1 to 10 were absent for more than 20 days a year – which is considered chronically absent.

A young child's school bag hangs on a hook in a classroom.

Dr Lisa McKay-Brown, an education researcher at the University of Melbourne, says because there is no national data tracking the reason for absences, it's unclear what is driving disengagement.

"How many of this is medical, how many of this is school refusal, how many of this is kids on holidays? That's where the problem lies because it's really hard to resource and plan and intervene when you don't know how big the problem is," Dr McKay-Brown says.

Many parents and experts argue the more accurate term is 'school can't' — it's not that the child won't go to school, they can't.

Experts say the emotional distress can be caused by problems at home or school but is often associated with neurodiversity and mental health disorders.

"We know that there are certain groups that are more at risk than others … they may be autistic, they may have learning difficulties, ADHD. They may have anxiety or some other mood disorder," Dr McKay-Brown says.

'Ethan was left behind'

Hands hold a school portrait photo of a young Ethan. Other old school photos of him sit on a table.

When Ethan looks at a photo of himself in grade 3, he knows behind the smile was someone without much hope.

"I felt like I wouldn't actually get a job when I get older. I would be homeless, sleeping on the side of the road," the 12-year-old says.

A young boy sits on a bed, looking at the camera with a serious expression. Next to him are stuffed toys.

By grade 3 in his Geelong primary school, Ethan couldn't read or write.

He'd been falling behind for years, and becoming more disengaged.

"I couldn't even spell my name," Ethan says.

When Ethan's mum Sam saw how he was treated in class one day, it left her heartbroken.

"Instead of sitting there and writing a sentence like the other children were doing, they just said 'Oh, just draw a picture'. It pushed him further away," she says.

Pandemic lockdowns only made matters worse.

Ethan found online learning hard and later, found the return to school challenging. As he struggled to keep up, he began having physical outbursts and experiencing bullying. Eventually he started threatening self-harm if he was forced to attend school.

"It wasn't safe for me. I got bullied every day. Made me feel ... like I was locked up in a cage,” Ethan says.

A boy rests his head on his mum as he puts his arms around her. The ocean is behind them.

Sam, who had recently separated with four kids, was struggling to balance working to pay off her mortgage with Ethan's low attendance rate.

"Being a parent is really hard. Especially when they're having to finish school early, or you're getting phone calls saying, 'You need to come pick your child up, they've broken a window, or they've tried to self-harm'."

"You kind of can't commit to anything. Your life just goes on hold."

When Ethan's public school said they were out of options to help him, Sam added her son's name to a 100-person long waitlist for an independent school that helps youth who are disengaged from mainstream schooling.

The months slipped by as they waited for a spot.

"No child left behind is definitely not a reality, because Ethan was left behind," Sam says.

The shadow of the law

Because school attendance is required by law, for parents of kids struggling to go, the threat of legal action always looms.

When Kurt's 16-year-old daughter Hayley couldn't get out of bed to go to school, the daily texts started coming.

"Your daughter was marked absent … this absence has been recorded as unexplained or unjustified," one text from her Sydney school read.

Hayley says school staff eventually told her that her absences could result in a $11,000 fine, placing further pressure on the family.

A teenage girl sits on a couch, looking at the camera, with a serious, reflective expression.

“I had my parents coming in, like yelling at me … I got the light turned on, the blinds opened, the bed sheets pulled off, stuff like that,” Hayley says.

During a fight with Hayley, it dawned on Kurt, who is a mental health nurse, that his daughter had depression. He'd also noticed cuts on her arms.

"The school stuff was hard, but the stuff where you cry yourself to sleep sometimes is having a child doing that themselves … and working in the industry knowing what the outcomes can be," Kurt says tearily.

A man sits indoors on a couch, looking at the camera, with a neutral expression.

Meanwhile, the texts continued, leaving Kurt fearing what might come next.

In a general statement provided to Four Corners, the NSW Department of Education said, "where attendance improvement support has been unsuccessful … and the parents have not meaningfully engaged, the matter may be referred for consideration of legal action".

Homeschooling Hayley would have stopped the texts, but for the working single-dad of two, it wasn't an option. Eventually, school staff assured him he would not be fined.

"We started talking to the deputy principal and she was excellent, so she put a plan in place with Hayley," Kurt says.

The number of homeschooled children has doubled during the past five years, from 21,456 pupils in 2019 to more than 43,797 in 2023.

Alice has seen parents post on Facebook about giving up their careers to homeschool their kids. It's an option she's thought about a lot for Frieda who has been diagnosed with autism.

"The prospect of homeschooling Frieda hangs over me every day … but I can't afford to," Alice says.

When Frieda doesn't make it into school, Alice isn't able to get through a normal work day. To make up for lost time she works into the night or over weekends.

A woman wearing glasses sits looking at a computer in a darkened room. Her hand is resting on her chin.

Frieda's attendance has improved after moving to a school where staff have been more accommodating to her needs.

Despite the improvement, Alice received a formal warning letter last month regarding Frieda's attendance. A second will trigger contact from a homeschool liaison officer.

"The principal did explain it's just how the system works, and it doesn't need to be a scary thing as they may have more resources … but if I didn't have the heads up, I would have been terrified," Alice says.

"When you get something like that … it's got a shaming tone. Like you're failing at this, you're failing because your child isn't going to school all the time."

Frieda lies on pillows on her bed, looking up with a neutral expression.

Alice feels like that sentiment runs across the department's pamphlets on school refusal, particularly the NSW Education slogan "Every School Day Counts".

"How insulting. Of course we want our kids to be going every day."

"They were putting [it] back onto the parents, it's our fault … instead of 'school attendance is tanking, so is numeracy and literacy' and the department isn't prepared to go, 'Maybe it's a problem with the system'."

'You have to go through so much trauma’

After a six month wait, Ethan got a place at MacKillop Education in Geelong, a non-government school that helps students disengaged from mainstream schooling to get back on track.

Teachers and the principal personally greeted the shy newcomer at the school gates every day.

A boy sits at a table with a pen and paper in front of him.

With just 80 students and class sizes capped at eight, Ethan got the attention he needed to work on things like regulating his emotions when he felt challenged by the schoolwork.

"He would bite or pull his hair and he would say, 'I'm so dumb'. That's the thing that upset him most, that he thought he was stupid," says Sharyn Sadler, Ethan's support teacher.

"There was a fear of failure. And that's actually common amongst many of our children because they've experienced so much failure."

To support students' emotional regulation, classrooms are fitted with chill-out sensory spaces and teachers keep a predictable routine. Uniforms are also scrapped for students who find them itchy.

"I think there does need to be greater flexibility in the system in how we're providing education for young people to be able to access it. And that comes through knowledge, human resourcing, money," MacKillop co-principal Skye Staude says.

For most MacKillop students, the school is a transition period to get them back into a mainstream setting.

After two years at the school, Ethan's attendance went up to full-time. He can now read fluently and spell.

This year he transitioned into a mainstream government school with additional supports.

Sam knows not every child gets the opportunity Ethan does.

"Alternative schools like this, they're not as easily accessible for kids who need them. You have to go through so much trauma, so much anger. The child has to go through so much themselves to even be put in the position to access a school like this," Sam says.

"Ethan's been given that chance, and he's really grown with it."

A boy smiles sitting in the driver's seat of an arcade racing game at a neon-lit arcade. His mum smiles in the seat next to him.

Ethan will be a teenager next year, and he likes the person he's finally becoming.

"I feel like I got hope in myself. I'm proud of myself," Ethan says.

Sam knows that school refusal is difficult to comprehend for those that haven't lived it themselves, but knows from experience how debilitating it can be.

"You feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel as a parent, so you're not thinking about your hopes, what you want out of your life," Sam says.

A boy and his mum sit on a park bench looking ahead. To their right the sun is setting behind a row of trees.

For some kids, the path ahead isn't as straightforward.

Hayley's attendance improved to 85 per cent last year when she signed up to a pilot program run by NSW Education for students with chronic attendance issues that employs interest-based learning.

But this year she's had setbacks — first with her mental health, then the program made some changes to its approach.

A teenage girl walks in her backyard at night holding a book. She is looking down at her dog, a golden retriever.

"Sometimes I'll be going great for a few weeks or months or even a whole year, but then stuff will not be going as great again, and then my attendance will go down again."

To stay engaged, the program has allowed Hayley to make adjustments like wearing headphones to block out distractions. She's also started attending a local school for art class four days a week.

She's noticed the change in herself.

A teenage girl sits outside at night, looking at the camera with a slight smile. A light illuminates the house behind her.

"I'm actually doing things. Talking to people instead of staying in my room, trying to get to school."

"I want to be able to get through year 11 and 12 and get into uni to study psychology. So I've been doing as much as I can to get there."

One size doesn't fit all

The issue of school refusal, which exists largely in the shadows, was pushed into the spotlight last year by a Senate inquiry.

Greens Senator Penny Allman-Payne, who helped instigate the inquiry, says Australia's one-size-fits-all education system is outdated.

Coloured pencils and highlighters in small buckets in a school classroom.

"This is the model of education that we had over 100 years ago. The world is very different now. Young people are very different now," she says.

"The good news is that we know that there are things that work: early intervention, smaller class sizes, flexible campuses, interest-led learning."

The federal government has agreed or supported in-principle two of the inquiry's 14 recommendations.

They include commissioning the Australian Education Research Organisation to analyse the drivers of school refusal and possible interventions, and disseminate school refusal training for teachers.

A girl holds a container and a spoon above a bowl on a kitchen counter. Her mum looks on.

Alice feels like the government has stopped short of investing in schools properly. She's worried asking more of existing teachers will strain the system.

"The teachers are under so much pressure. So, they're going to do more training, more to their workload when they're already stretched?"

Frieda's attendance is now at 54 per cent, she also successfully sat her year 3 NAPLAN test.

But Alice knows there's no guarantee things will keep improving.

"I don't know what our lives are going to look like next week, next month, next year," says Alice.

The fear of the unknown scares her – if Frieda will get through the school day, if she'll get another warning letter.

"As a parent, that's pretty awful because all you want is for your kid to be happy."

A mother holds her young daughter, giving her a kiss on the cheek. They are standing indoors. The child is smiling.

Watch Four Corners: The kids who can't, tonight from 8.30pm on ABC TV and ABC iview .

Subscribe to the Four Corners newsletter and follow Four Corners on Facebook .

Do you know more about this story? Contact Four Corners here .

Story: Mridula Amin and Sascha Ettinger-Epstein

Photography: Mridula Amin

Digital Production: Mridula Amin and Nick Wiggins

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IMAGES

10 Reasons Why Students Don’t Do Homework
What to Do when Children Refuse to Do Homework
What Happens if Parents Refuse Homework for their Kids
“My Child Refuses to Do Homework”
What to Do when Children Refuse to Do Homework
What to do when kids refuse to do homework

VIDEO

NO HOMEWORK! Kids On Strike Against Parents

COMMENTS

How to Get Your Teen to Do Their Damn Homework
By the time your child reaches their teenage years, they're getting to a point when it's time for them to be assuming responsibility for getting their work done. As Taylor-Klaus often advises ...
My Child Refuses To Do Homework
Don't get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don't do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child: "Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.".
19 Strategies To Overcome Avoidant Behaviors With Homework
Here are some practical yet highly effective strategies to help students work through homework avoidance. 5 Steps To The End Goal: Identify a major task you have been avoiding. This could be a research paper, science project, or a history presentation. Once you have identified a task, write down the end goal.
My Teenager Won't Do Homework and Gets Angry Over Grades
Defiant Over Homework: ADDitude Answers. ADHD, ODD, and puberty are a tough combination. Work on one challenge at a time. First, handle the missing assignments. Set up a meeting with your son's teachers to find out which assignments are missing, and come up with a schedule for getting him caught up.
10 Reasons Why Students Don't Do Homework
The student is rebelling against a parent. If a parent cares about a student's grades and a student is trying to rebel, often a quick way to do so is to stop doing homework. This usually gets the parent's attention quickly. This is particularly true in cases where parents are very demanding and very controlling.
How To Handle Students Who Don't Do Any Work
What follows are three steps to get reluctant students to start producing real work and making real improvement. 1. Teach great lessons. This is your number one job and the very essence of being a teacher. Somehow, it's been lost in a sea of less important or completely unimportant responsibilities.
Homework Struggles May Not Be a Behavior Problem
This list is hardly comprehensive. ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression, dysregulation, and a range of other neurodevelopmental and ...
ADHD Child Refuses to Do Schoolwork: Top Tips to Help
Homework refusal is when a student develops a strong avoidance of homework to the point of regularly refusing to complete their school work. A typical student who struggles with homework refusal may procrastinate to start their assignments, freeze up when they sit down to work, struggle to resist distractions after school, and release outbursts ...
Homework Refusal: Is It Laziness or Executive Functioning Issues?
It can even take the form of homework refusal. Homework refusal happens when a child completely refuses to do their assignments. This can turn into a regular, routine struggle with parents. It can make the time spent at home unpleasant, emotional and stressful. If you are experiencing homework refusal from your child, it can help you to ...
My bright teen is skipping homework and failing classes, and I don't
January 13, 2021 at 9:00 a.m. EST. (The Washington Post/Prisma filter/iStock) Q: My 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore, has stopped doing his homework when he doesn't like the subject or the ...
Putting An End To "Homework Refusal": 25 Tips For Parents
1. Communicate early on when homework issues arise. The earlier the problem is addressed the more likely it is you will be able to find solutions that work. The rest of the school year can be easier for you and your youngster. 2. Back up your words with action. Be realistic in your expectations. Stick to your demands.
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While research shows homework can help high school kids improve grades, test results, and likelihood of going to college, the reality is academic pressures in the U.S. have increased over the last ...
Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents
4. Communicate regularly with your youngster's educators so that you can deal with any behavior patterns before they become a major problem. 5. Consider adding in break times (e.g., your child might work on her math homework for 15 minutes, and then take a 5 minute break).
What to do when kids refuse to do homework
Step Three: State your concern with not completing their homework. An example of stating your concern can go like this: "My concern is that if you do not complete your homework now, you will have to stay up late to do it and you will feel tired tomorrow.". Another possibility is: "My concern is that if you do not learn now, you may not ...
Students not turning in homework? 4 common mistakes to avoid
Mistake #3: Utilizing a one-size-fits-all approach to submission. As mentioned in the previous two mistakes, there are a lot of reasons why students aren't submitting their homework. In terms of solving that problem in your class, you have two options: 1) Being frustrated but still letting them suffer the consequences, or 2) working with the ...
My ADHD Child Refuses To Do Schoolwork. What Should I Do?
Common Reasons To Not Do Homework. We talked about the direct impact that ADHD symptoms can have on homework and schoolwork, but there are other possible factors, too. Shame and trouble with executive functioning are common reasons why a kid with ADHD may refuse to do homework. Behavioral problems might make homework time challenging for parents.
3 Reasons I Refuse to Do My Kid's Homework Assignments
There are a few reasons I don't get involved in my kids' homework assignments: 1. It isn't my school work. I understand the compulsion to do our kids' homework assignments. Simply put, we're desperate. Families are busier than ever. With sports practices, music lessons, and dinner prep taking up the majority of our evenings, there is ...
What to Do when Children Refuse to Do Homework
Talk to them about their lack of interest in doing homework. It might not just be laziness; they may have learning difficulties. Or maybe, they find a particular assignment difficult to do because they don't understand it. This is why you need to talk to them and ask them if something is going on. You may be able to help them find a solution.
School refusal and the Australian families gripped by blame, shame, and
Frieda is 8 years old and has experienced school refusal since kindergarten.(Four Corners: Mridula Amin)Some days Frieda lasts to the 3pm bell, others she might only make it to the school gate or ...
Why Do I Refuse To Do Homework
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