how does vulnerability play a role in problem solving

Expressing Your Vulnerability Makes You Stronger

by David Brendel

Can vulnerability fuel growth and success? Consider the landmark research of psychologist Brené Brown as described in her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead . It shows that we thrive in our relationships and careers when we engage deeply in complex, stressful scenarios. Success is about participating proactively in life—not about winning a game or profiting monetarily. “There is no triumph without vulnerability,” she writes.

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Vulnerability: a critical path to communicating & problem-solving.

I recently watched a Ted Talk by Brene Brown titled The Power of Vulnerability. Brene starts her talk about connection and how it is difficult for individuals to connect due to their fear of disconnection. This fear can result in individuals putting up walls around themselves to prevent others from seeing their true self because they think that if truly seen, others would not like them. However, as Brene stated in her talk, “in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” In other words, we must be vulnerable.

As I reflected on this talk about connection and vulnerability along with Austin’s core focus, “To be the most trusted partner for complex and challenging projects,” I thought of how intertwined these ideas are and how we can’t be the most trusted partner if we don’t connect with our clients and other project stakeholders. Being vulnerable is being our true and authentic selves. We cannot connect if we are not first vulnerable.

I never thought that being vulnerable was essential to building trusted partnerships. But when I think of some of the lessons, I’ve learned about relationship building over the past 30 years with Austin, vulnerability was indeed a key, if not the primary, ingredient.

Vulnerability and People New to Their Roles

We’ve collaborated with many clients who assign first-time managers to our projects, whose only prior experience with construction may have been a home renovation or perhaps a new home – quite different than a multi-million-dollar industrial project. It’s important to build a relationship with client representatives. They should be able share their fears without judgment and be confident that you will not only get the job done but help them be successful in their new role.

These first-time managers don’t always have the field experience to know that it isn’t if a project hits a roadblock, but when. It is in those moments when excitement is building, and tension is high that it is important to have a calming presence in the face of such obstacles.

Our clients place a tremendous amount of trust in us. They want to know we will get to the bottom of an issue and deliver results. Rather than diving right into the muck of the situation, take a deep breath, have everyone take a deep breath. We should reassure the team that we will get through whatever the issue is. Worry will not solve the problem. Instead, talk through the issue, develop a plan, and then work that plan.

Vulnerability and Delivering Tough News

At another point in my career, I had some particularly bad news to deliver to a client. I knew that it was not going to be a pleasant conversation. I was wringing my hands, trying to figure out how I would go about sharing this information. I knew what I had to do, but I wanted to make it as positive as possible. I called my boss at the time, former Austin President Pat Flanagan. I said, “I don’t know quite how to lay this out. Can you help me think through how to present this?” Pat asked me one question, “Matt, why don’t you use the old truth scam – it works practically every time?” That was the end of the conversation. The message was delivered, and it wasn’t as bad as I had thought because today, I can’t recall what the issue was. But I will never forget the vulnerability lesson I learned that day.

Vulnerability and Admitting Weakness

Vulnerability is also about owning it. You must be willing to admit what you don’t know or are unsure of. Find answers and create results, not excuses.

Early in my career, I recall interviewing subcontractors to install metal siding on a large rocket manufacturing facility we were constructing. The schedule was extremely aggressive, and the durations that we had allowed for the siding installation were ridiculously short. After four interviews and hearing from everyone that what we were asking was impossible and unachievable, I interviewed Clarence. We talked for a while about what we needed to be done, and Clarence didn’t say much – just listened. Toward the end of the interview, I asked, can you meet the schedule? I’ll never forget his answer, “It’ll be hard” – not impossible, not unachievable. There was hope. Clarence wasn’t a salesman painting a rosy picture or a negative one, claiming it couldn’t be done. He was someone who knew it was a tall order but was willing to work together to figure it out.

We ended up giving his company the work, and they did a fantastic job and met the schedule. I learned a lot from his approach, and it continues to influence me to this day. I learned how to carefully evaluate a situation, admit I might not have all the answers, and share my opinions openly and honestly. I got others to do the same, to work together, as trusted partners.

Around the world, there are a lot of buildings built every day in a very transactional relationship. Many of these projects are successful, but I wonder how the relationships between the stakeholders are? I’ve never thought of myself as a transactional type of person. I much prefer connecting with and building a close relationship with the people I work with. I’m glad that Austin has this as a core focus as well. Every day, as we interact with others, we choose to be vulnerable or not. When we are vulnerable, we open the gateway for others to do the same. Standing in our truth is to be authentic, and authenticity builds trust. Like the foundations we construct, our client relationships need to stand the test of time, pressure, and vulnerability. When they do, we will have a partnership for life.

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Why vulnerability will change your life: The power of being yourself

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What is vulnerability

4 types of vulnerability

5 benefits of vulnerability, are you unable to make yourself vulnerable, 3 misconceptions about vulnerability, 3 ways to be more vulnerable.

What if you could harness the power of vulnerability to ask for what you need or express your emotions without fear of rejection? Small actions — like sharing your feelings or celebrating your own achievements — may seem more daunting than it appears because of emotional vulnerability. Sometimes, vulnerability can manifest itself in your body’s physical reactions. You may feel your muscles tense or that pit drop in your stomach. You may feel your breathe quicken when you openly share your thoughts, emotions, and needs. You may feel your nervous system freeze, you may feel like you’re unable to speak . You retreat. And in some instances, it may feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. Being vulnerable is scary. After all, it has the power to change your life. To unpack vulnerability , you have to step into uncertainty and examine how it shows up in your relationships. Examining human vulnerability means you’re intentionally scanning how it shows up in your body or how it impacts your day-to-day actions. While your gut instinct may be to avoid it at all costs, it’s possible to build a quality, life-changing relationship with vulnerability. In the end, it could transform fear into belonging .

What is vulnerability?

I’d be remiss to talk about the definition of vulnerability without citing the work of Dr. Brené Brown, an author and research professor at the University of Houston. Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. In her book, Daring Greatly , she defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Through her research she discovered two powerful yet opposing takeaways that she shares both in her book and in her TED talk on shame and vulnerability . 1. Vulnerability is at the core of shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness. 2. Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity , and belonging. To find joy, creativity, and belonging, Brené Brown argues that we must face what it means to be vulnerable: shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness.

We live in a changed society from the world we knew before the pandemic. We live in a world that’s left all of us with some element of exposed vulnerability simply because of what we’ve collectively experienced. Whether it’s grief , loss, the impacts of a rapidly changing world of work , increased caregiving demands, or rising rates of burnout , the aftermath of the pandemic has arguably had an impact on everyone in our society. Without warning, COVID-19 changed how we live and work, how we make decisions, and even how we nurture and grow relationships. Not unlike what experience with cybersecurity and security vulnerability, we might feel our entire life is exposed. But when we examine the definition of vulnerability under a microscope, we can make an assessment. Take a minute to identify what actions you can take to strengthen your mental fitness in the context of human vulnerability.

1. Vulnerability in your relationships.

As human beings, we all have wants and needs when it comes to relationships. But you may be fearful of expressing those emotions openly and risking certain social factors like rejection, abandonment, or judgment. Try this. A vulnerable and effective way to ask for what you want is to use open-ended questions. As you practice asking for what you want, there’s a strong chance you’ll discover that it’s worth the risk.

2. Being vulnerable in your mind and body.

Sometimes, recognizing where genuine vulnerability shows up in your mind and body requires your full, undivided attention on yourself, both mentally and physically. When was the last time you checked in with yourself? Try this. Ask yourself questions when you notice you’re feeling vulnerable. How did you sleep last night ? When was the last time you ate? When did you last drink water? How did that interaction with a colleague impact you? How are you feeling about your work? How are you feeling emotionally right now? As you become more aware of your thoughts and your physical self , you have the opportunity to gain a sense of well-being.

3. Vulnerability in the workplace.

How you do what you do often leaves you feeling vulnerable. Whether you’re comparing yourself to another colleague, doubting your efforts on a project, or struggling with imposter syndrome , examples of vulnerability in organizations are everywhere. As organizational psychologist Adam Grant suggests, “uncertainty primes us to ask questions and absorb new ideas.” Try this . Consider reflecting at the end of your work day. Remind yourself that self-doubt is okay — it actually might ground you. Remind yourself there’s more to learn. Remind yourself that you have the power to accept who you are. You might even want to practice affirmation statements, like "I am strong. I am smart. I am capable." You can try using new words or language in your affirmation statements. Before long, these affirmations might become part of your new operating system and become a built habit .

4. Being vulnerable in your community

The impact of COVID-19 is present in so many ways in our society. You may feel overwhelmed by the number of decisions you need to make to stay safe in your own community coupled with things like social anxiety. Try this. You have the power to vocalize boundaries. Make decisions that are best for you and your family, and remove yourself from a situation if you don’t feel safe. You have the power to remove fear from your life by voicing and executing on your needs. Try to accept that the uncertainty around the unknown might be okay, even empowering. By vocalizing boundaries, you may even gain more visibility into your own priorities.

While exposing where you feel insecure can seem a bit like opening up the door to a human malware attack, vulnerability lends itself to more benefits than failure. If you’re deciding to move from the fear of vulnerability to unleashing its power to be your true self, you will reap the benefits.

1. Vulnerability strengthens relationships

Have you noticed why some of your relationships are stronger than others? Many of the strongest relationships come from embracing genuine vulnerability, whether it’s showing empathy, sharing information with someone you trust, or simply expressing needs and wants openly without judgment.

2. Vulnerability can help us grow and learn

Buddhist author Pema Chodron, who wrote Living with Vulnerability , shares that vulnerability is part of the human experience. She notes that vulnerability is “the category of things that, if we move toward them, have so much to teach us. Having a relationship with vulnerability, with things falling apart, is a life changer.” Instead of being a problem, vulnerability can be a solution.

3. Vulnerability expands gratitude

The word ‘gratitude’ resonates through Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability. In her work, Brené Brown focuses on people she describes as wholehearted. These are people who love with their whole hearts, without conditions. She finds as we fully embrace the meaning of vulnerability, we are filled with a growing sense of gratitude and joy.

4. Being vulnerable improves self-awareness

When you work to let go of your assumptions and biases, you begin the process of accepting uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. That moment when you admit you don’t know everything opens up a path for you to continue to explore, grow, and learn.

5. Vulnerability affirms you are enough

Brené Brown is clear: “to connect, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.” When we choose to be vulnerable, we recognize that we are enough. It’s what we bring to the table, how we demonstrate kindness, and how we interact with people in our lives. We begin to understand that what we offer is exactly what is needed at this moment.

Even when you decide you want to embrace more uncertainty, risk, or exposure in your life, there are certain triggers that may halt this process. And the result? Misery. You’ll find yourself avoiding vulnerability when:

1. You want to be perfect

Perfectionism can be your own worst enemy . The last thing you want is to say or do something that might be misconstrued, so you say nothing. If you don’t have it all figured out, you’ll sit this one out.

2. You don’t ask for what you need

There are different examples that come to mind, whether it's within your organization or in your personal life. You know that you deserve that promotion . You want more intimacy in your relationship. But what if you don’t get what you ask for? You’re silent.

3. You keep people at arm’s length

You’ve been hurt before, so you are not going to dive in and get hurt again. You stay busy at work, or home, or school — anything to keep you safe.

4. You don’t share — frustrations or success

You believe if you express frustration you’ll be labeled petty. If you share a success you’re arrogant. So, no matter what happens, you keep it to yourself.

There might be a number of reasons why you may avoid vulnerability. In Daring Greatly, author Brené Brown Brown breaks down three misconceptions that play a role in that avoidance.

1. Being vulnerable is a sign of weakness

Because it’s so easy to attach human vulnerability to shame or fear, you may forget about the benefits, like of belonging , courage, and joy. What would happen if you looked at the full picture and took the journey from fear to courage? That’s where you’ll find strength.

2. I don’t share my dirty laundry

You believe that to be vulnerable, you have to share everything with everyone. On the contrary, it’s critical to know and feel safe when you do choose to open up. The purpose of your vulnerability is to deepen relationships by sharing emotions in thoughtful and intentional ways.

3. I’m a lone wolf

When you think you’re the only one who can solve your problems, you often end up isolated and alone. Asking for help actually changes how the people in your life will respond to you — most often, the people in your life will support and empower you.

So how might you accept vulnerability as part of your life while knowing it takes embracing the scary parts to unleash your whole self?

1. Acknowledge your emotions

When an emotion courses through, observe it without judgment. Are you sad or angry or ecstatic? Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Then decide how you’re going to express, share, or address the emotion. As you agree to take the risk to be vulnerable, you begin to experience what’s on the other side: courage and joy.

2. Live with integrity

What do you value most in your life? When you live out the values that mean the most to you — like courage, forgiveness, growth or kindness — your whole self aligns. As you lean into your values, you’ll be able to embrace vulnerability and expand your sense of belonging.

3. Practice

Are you ready to step into this space of uncertainty, risk, and exposure? Like almost everything in life, it starts with practice. Let’s say you’re taking on more responsibility at work and deserve a promotion or additional resources. Leap in and make the pitch to your manager. Perhaps you feel hurt by others but have kept your feelings bottled up inside. Try sharing your emotions openly and see what opens. With practice, your confidence and security grows.

Take the plunge

Vulnerability is a life changer. Harnessing the power of vulnerability allows you to say what you want, ask for what you need, express your emotions, and celebrate your achievements. Every time you do, you give yourself permission to do it again. Every time you do, you expand that sense of confidence, security, belonging, joy, and growth. With each practice of vulnerability, you’re becoming your true and whole self. Soon, you'll see vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness.

You have the power to change your life, one step at a time.

Understand Yourself Better:

Big 5 Personality Test

Lois Melkonian, PCC, CBC

Lois is a Professional Certified Coach who is passionate about working with people who want more clarity, better communication skills, and are in any stage of transition in their life or work. She writes and leads workshops on the connection between strengths/values and well-being, strategic shifts, identity, and purpose and meaning. Lois learned powerful questioning as an anchor/reporter in SF, Denver, and Houston for more than 30 years. What a great base from which to transition to coaching! From Denver, Lois loves writing, podcasting, fermenting, and reading. The most recent book to turn her upside down? Fred Kofman’s Conscious Business .

Understanding a vulnerability hangover: from sharing to self-doubt

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Vulnerability In The Workplace: A Leadership Skill

Often mistaken for weakness or fragility, vulnerability in the workplace is the root of authentic leadership and meaningful connection. It is the ability to express and expose, in words and behavior, who we really are and what we genuinely think and feel. While unmasking can be hard in all parts of our lives, it is particularly onerous in our professional lives where expectations to keep a friendly but cool professional distance with our colleagues, and project confidence and infallibility (particularly to those we report to), are deeply entrenched. Summary by Lisa Schmidt for The World of Work Project

Vulnerability In The Workplace

In recent years, emotional intelligence , empathy, inclusiveness and vulnerability have joined the long-established attributes of teamwork, communication and problem-solving in lists of essential leadership skills. Of these, vulnerability has catapulted to the top spot, in large measure due to the writings and TEDtalks of American author and researcher Brené Brown, who defines vulnerability as “basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”

Benefits and Risks of Vulnerability in Work

Often mistaken for weakness or fragility, vulnerability is the root of authentic and meaningful connection. It is the ability to reveal, in words and behavior, who we really are and what we genuinely think and feel. While unmasking can be hard in all parts of our lives, it is particularly onerous in our professional lives where expectations to keep a friendly but cool professional distance with our colleagues, and project confidence and infallibility (particularly to those we report to), are deeply entrenched.

The literature offers little doubt on the benefits of bringing our so-called full selves to work, with key outcomes including better quality output and more fulfilled workers. In fact, being able to reveal the breadth of our human experience (whether struggling as a single parent, having a mental health issue or experiencing overwhelm in a new role, for example) has been tied to enhanced feelings of self-worth, increased creativity and innovation, and deeper relationships, all of which benefit us both professionally and personally.

Yet there are risks to exposing our emotions at work: rejection of our ideas, criticism about how we perform, and ostracization for not fitting in are all possible consequences. Adding to this are fears of being labeled, reprimanded or fired, which can greatly impact the degree of willingness any of us have to show our feelings or even offer an unconventional view. And what might be considered appropriate sharing in one group can be viewed as TMI (aka “too much information”) in another, predisposing us to judgment and gossip.

The Role of Culture

Further, when expanding beyond who we are as workers to who we are as people, additional cultural elements deserve consideration. Those in minority ethnic groups within a dominant culture, for instance, have valid reasons to withhold their voices from the conversation: sharing a divergent perspective might enhance a racial stereotype; or alternately, one could be perceived as “acting white” by agreeing with a prevailing view. Immigrants and people who practice non-Christian religions in traditionally “Western” countries, among others, may feel they can’t be their full selves anywhere, let alone in the workplace, particularly if their religious or cultural traditions are expressed in behavior, appearance or clothing considered threatening by some members of the majority population. When one lives with the sense that being different from “the norm” is unwelcome, being vulnerable at work comes with far greater risks, and more reasons to mask feelings and thoughts.

Showing Vulnerability and the role of Culture

Not surprisingly, words such as courage, daring and fearlessness ride shotgun with vulnerability in the workplace, the idea being an element of heroism exists in being vulnerable, regardless of context or circumstances. Leaders particularly are called to model the way, both revealing more of their hidden selves, and creating environments that make it possible for others to do the same.

What’s often missed in this discourse is the organizational culture necessary for vulnerability to take root in the teams and organizations we work with and in.

Countless CEOs and senior executives lament the dearth of creativity to drive needed innovation, yet fail to link the shaming, blaming or silencing cultures they lead with how professionally risky it is for employees to chance being ridiculed, ignored or cut from the team.

Being genuinely vulnerable in the workplace then requires two things: a willingness to be open at the individual level, and a collective culture that welcomes and recognizes genuine openness. It also requires a belief that it is beneficial to the individual, the team and the broader organization, and a commitment to persist even when it is uncomfortable, which it often is.

Intentions and Moderation

Finally, if an individual shares their thoughts and feelings with others, it must also be in service to the group’s objectives. To carelessly offer one’s unfiltered thoughts and views is not vulnerability, it is reckless and potentially offensive. Again, leaders who believe being vulnerable is about letting it all hang out and oversharing as a tactic to build team cohesion may instead create a climate of malaise. As in all things, moderation and good judgment are key.

The World of Work Project View

Much has been written about psychologically safe workplaces in which disrespect, bullying and discrimination are swiftly dealt with to protect workers from injustices and emotional abuse. Beyond egregious behavior, there is work to do in creating the kind of safety in which embers of new ideas and approaches are kindled into breakthroughs, and real conversations about real problems encouraged.

This is the work of leaders at all levels, but particularly at the top. Professing the values of courage and creativity (which require vulnerability in the workplace) on the one hand, but acting as judges and gatekeepers on the other, is a recipe for low trust and disengagement. Being more open, willing to learn and not have all the answers, notably for those in top leadership roles, has huge payoffs. By role-modeling the behavior they seek to inspire in the team, leaders give workers the green light to try new things by making it safe to be authentically and imperfectly human.

Executives would also be wise to recognize the amount of energy and productivity lost to employee attempts to fit in, as those required to do the work invest more in self-protection and withholding their flawed humanity from other another, and less in advancing towards shared goals. This social effort drains individual resources, depleting workers, and leaving many with less to invest where it is most needed: into the work, in the relationships and in the creativity necessary for progress.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is this: little is to be gained by being all-talk-and-no-action in nurturing more open, sharing team cultures. When both hearts and minds are needed to solve problems big and small, senior leaders should take the perspective that what is better – for clients, stakeholders, employees, the business and perhaps even the planet – is more likely to come from revealing (as appropriate), rather than concealing. And that the most powerful thing they can do is create and model the conditions and psychological safety for powerful work to emerge.

In the words of author Todd Henry: “ The measure of your greatness as a leader is the brilliant work you release others to do. ”

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About the Author

LISA SCHMIDT, M.Ed. ACPC , is a seasoned speaker and organizational development consultant with an interest in organizational culture washing. She helps executives and organizations speak truth and act with courage in developing compelling and powerful strategies, along with the roadmaps to get there.

More than a coach and facilitator, Lisa is a thinking partner who leverages her experience with iconic organizations such as the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the Hospital for Sick Children and Atomic Energy of Canada – and internationally with the Mastercard Foundation – to shift organizations from a focus on results and success, to one of impact, legacy and significance.

A former speechwriter credited with writing “the Million Dollar speech” for a hospital fundraising campaign, and the recipient of Canadian Council literary funding, she understands how language is critical to leadership, and helps leaders hone their ability to inspire and build their legacy.

To contact or read more about her, visit www.lisaschmidt.ca .

Sources and Feedback

This article is built mainly on the authors own insight, reading and reflection. If you have any specific sources you think should be referenced, please let us know.

We’re a small organization who know we make mistakes and want to improve them. Please contact us with any feedback you have on this post. We’ll usually reply within 72 hours. 

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The Power of Vulnerability in Conflict

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