different types of parenting styles essay

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What Is Your Parenting Style, and Why Does It Matter?

From authoritarian to authoritative, permissive to neglectful, we're breaking down different types of parenting styles. Which one do you practice? 

Authoritarian Parenting

Permissive parenting, authoritative parenting, neglectful or uninvolved parenting, sub-types of parenting styles.

Your parenting style can affect everything from your child's self-esteem to their academic success. It's important to ensure your parenting style supports healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child—and how you discipline them— will influence them for the rest of their life. 

Researchers have identified four main types of parenting styles that take a unique approach to raising children:

• Authoritarian
• Authoritative

People often want to know which parenting style they're using, and which one is the best overall. The truth is that there's no one right way to parent, but the general parenting style that most experts, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), recommend is an authoritative approach.

Read on to learn the difference between these four major parenting styles (there are also newer parenting styles that have gained traction, including free-range and conscious parenting ), with information about popular subtypes like helicopter parenting, free-range parenting, tiger parenting, and more.

Baumrind's Four Parenting Styles

In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three distinct parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive—based on parental demands and responsiveness to children. A fourth style, neglectful, was added later based on work by other researchers.

Do any of these statements sound like you?

• You believe kids should be seen and not heard.
• When it comes to rules, you believe it's "my way or the highway."
• You don't take your child's feelings into consideration.
• You've uttered the words "because I said so" when a child questions the reasons behind a rule.

If any of those ring true, you might be an authoritarian parent. The authoritarian style of parenting focuses on strict rules, obedience, and discipline. These parents have high expectations, and they don't hesitate to punish when children don't follow their guidelines.

Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter. Similar to an army drill sergeant, authoritarian parents are not nurturing, lenient, or communicable. They make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child's opinion.

How authoritarian parenting affects children

When raised by an authoritarian parent, children are often well-behaved at home, but they may rebel when with classmates or friends. Kids may also struggle with the following:

• Social skills
• Indecisiveness and trouble thinking on their own
• Low self-esteem
• Poor judge of character
• Anger management and resentfulness
• Hostility and aggression

Some research also indicates that children whose parents were authoritarian reported more substance use and higher instances of depression.

• You set rules but rarely enforce them.
• You don't give out consequences very often.
• You think your child will learn best with little interference from you.
• You let your children do what they want—even if it's drinking soda at every meal.

If those statements sound familiar, you might practice permissive parenting . Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there's a serious problem. They're quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of "kids will be kids." Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.

Permissive parents cater to their children's needs without giving out much discipline . When they do use consequences, they may not stick. For example, they'll give privileges back if a child begs, or they may allow a child to get out of time-out early if they promise to be good. Permissive parents are the total opposite of strict.

How permissive parenting affects children

Since they have a high standing in the household, children of permissive parents are accustomed to getting whatever they want. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don't appreciate authority and rules.

Other downsides of the permissive parenting style can include:

• Lack of responsibility
• Difficulty with decision-making
• Impulsiveness and aggressiveness
• Lack of independence and personal responsibility
• Anxiety and depression
• Academic struggles

Kids who are parented permissively often act entitled, egocentric, and selfish. These children might also fail to put effort into school, work, or social endeavors since they don't have to put in any effort at home.

Additionally, kids raised by permissive parents are at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity , because permissive parents struggle to limit unhealthy food intake or promote regular exercise or healthy sleep habits. They're more likely to have dental cavities because permissive parents often don't enforce good habits, like ensuring a child brushes their teeth.

The "Gold Standard" Parenting Style

Experts consider authoritative parenting to be the most developmentally healthy and effective parenting style. Research has found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to become confident, responsible adults who feel comfortable self-advocating and expressing their opinions and feelings.

• You put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with your child.
• You explain the reasons behind your rules.
• You set limits, enforce rules, and give consequences, but also consider your child's feelings. 
• You use positive discipline strategies such as praise and rewards.

If those statements sound familiar, you might practice authoritative parenting , which is considered to be the "gold standard" parenting style. Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.

With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children's feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge. They invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start. They also use positive discipline strategies , like praise and reward systems, to reinforce positive behavior.

Authoritative parents view mistakes as a learning experience, and they have clear expectations for their children. They're nurturing and warm, yet they instill the importance of responsibility and discipline.

How authoritative parenting affects children

Children raised with authoritative parenting tend to be happy, confident, and successful. They're also more likely to make sound decisions and evaluate safety risks on their own. Authoritative parenting is linked to academic achievement, heightened self-esteem, and resiliency.

Kids with authoritative parents tend to have the following positive outcomes:

• Close, nurturing relationships with parents
• Tendency to be responsible and respectful
• Ability to manage their aggression
• High degrees of self-esteem, self-confidence , and self-regulation
• More likely to be happy and successful
• Ability to clearly express their emotions

Kids who are parented authoritatively can be trusted to make the right decision on their own, and they often set high expectations for themselves. These children may also perform well academically and socially, and they're less likely to misuse drugs or alcohol.

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

• You don't ask your child about school or homework.
• You rarely know where your child is or who they're with.
• You don't spend much time with your child.
• You don't have many rules and expectations.

If those statements sound familiar, you might be an uninvolved or neglectful parent. Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention. They don't set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don't devote much time or energy to meeting children's basic needs. At times, uninvolved parents lack knowledge about child development—or they may believe that their child will do better without their oversight.

Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it's not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child's physical or emotional needs consistently.

How uninvolved parenting affects children

Without any guidance, structure, or parental involvement, children of neglectful parents often act out. Research has found that kids with uninvolved parents have the worst outcomes, and they're more likely to experience the following:

• Substance use
• Rebelliousness
• Delinquency (vandalism, assault, rape, petty theft)
• Lower cognitive and emotional empathy
• Diminished self-esteem

Children of uninvolved parents might, for example, get in trouble at school or with the law. In addition, they might hesitate to form bonds with other people and exhibit depression. Academic performance and social competence often suffer.

Getty Images / Shaw Photography Co.

Of course, there are plenty of parenting style subtypes, including the following

Free-range parenting

Helicopter parenting, snowplow parenting, lighthouse parenting, attachment parenting, tiger parenting.

Free-range parents give their children the independence of being less supervised or unsupervised in public . For a long time, parents who practiced this style were considered neglectful, and many thought they endangered their kids.

But more recently (and after much debate) states like Utah passed laws in favor of the hands-off parenting style. Specifically, Utah changed the definition of neglect so it doesn't include certain independent childhood activities like walking to school and playing outside. Proponents say it can instill amazing qualities like self-sufficiency and resilience.

If you're an overprotective parent who feels the need to control most aspects of your child's life, you likely fit the bill of a helicopter parent . Helicopter parents constantly intervene in their kid's life, and they obsess about successes and failures.

The risk-assessing tendencies of helicopter parents are often driven by fear and anxiety. Parents who intervene in this way can hinder a child's ability to learn integral life skills, confidence, and self-sufficiency. Research by the American Psychological Association found that kids who experience helicopter parenting are less likely to be able to manage their emotions and behavior.

Snowplow parents (also known as lawnmower or bulldozer parents) are willing to drop everything to fulfill their child's wants and demands, no matter how small. They essentially "plow down" anything standing in their child's way.

These types of parents often have good intentions and don't want their children to experience struggle. However, their habits don't provide a foundation for long-term happiness, and they can worsen a child's anxiety about failure. An extreme example of snowplow parenting involves the college admissions scandal , where numerous high-profile celebrity parents were convicted of bribing colleges to admit their children.

One of the more balanced methods of parenting, the lighthouse approach was coined by pediatrician and author Kenneth Ginsburg, MD. In his book, Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust, Dr. Ginsburg writes: "We should be like lighthouses for our children. Stable beacons of light on the shoreline from which they can measure themselves against."

The lighthouse parenting style involves finding the perfect balance between loving, protecting, communicating, and nurturing your child. Parents seek to guide and support their children, much like a lighthouse does.

Attachment parenting involves a nurturing and hands-on approach. These parents think that putting a child's needs first leads to independence and emotional stability. Parents who follow this style value physical closeness, bed-sharing and co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding , positive discipline, and other attachment-based approaches to raising children.

A study by the American Academy of Pediatrics found an association between sensitive-responsive parenting and children’s language skills. Specifically, kids of parents with higher levels of responsiveness and warmth had more than two times better language skills than children whose parents were less responsive. On the other hand, this parenting style is demanding and can sometimes feel out of balance when parents are less flexible in their approach.

Often displaying rigid and harsh characteristics, tiger parents expect obedience and success. This term gained mainstream attention due to Amy Chua's book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom , where she describes tiger parenting as an authoritarian method commonly used in Chinese culture.

Some research has found a correlation between tiger parenting and anxiety in children , possibly due to their parent's high demands and constant expectations for perfection.

Additional reporting by Amy Morin, LCSW  

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