Buying things on the Internet (Corrected essay)
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
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Sample essay written by Nguyen Yen
In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet. This present both pros and cos, however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks.
In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet in online shopping . This present both pros and cos cons , however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks.
The phrase “buy things on the Internet” is already used in the essay topic. Try to shorten it by using a suitable buzzword, such as “online shopping”
Words such as 'people' and 'ideas' have the potential to be vague. So, avoid saying “people tend to” if possible.
The second sentence in the introduction has too many commas. Break it into two simple sentences if necessary.
On the one hand, shopping online online shopping brings to the consumers some disadvatages. Initially, since people are unable to touch or to see the products they want to buy in reality, it is always hard for them to examine the quality of these products. As a result, they might purchase the items with poor quality. In addition to that, as the consumers do not feel happy with the items they had bought online, they tend to abandon these products or dont do not use them at all. This is definitely a watse waste of money. Moreover, buyings thing on the Internet often makes people confused since there are a great number of shops on the Internet. To be specific, the buyers might see the same products in several shops, but the prices for these items can be very different, ranging from reasonable to prohibitedly expensive price . Consequently, they will not know which products they should purchase.
The second sentence is too wordy, due to the fact that the words “ people ”, “ they ”, and “ them ” all have been used despite being unnecessary. Since the main focus here is the products, not the people using them, I suggest rewriting the whole sentence into passive voice .
Avoid using contraction (“ don’t ”) in an academic context.
The ideas and sentence structures being used here are kinda repetitive. Regarding of online shopping, there are many issues that are worth mentioning ( shipment delays, misleading online marketing, annoying advertises, etc)
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that shopping online online shopping brings people a number of benefits. First, shopping online online shopping allows the consumers to browse for products and checking comparing the prices between these online shops. In this way, people can make a better decision to buy what they like after taking prices, sizes and models of the products into consideration. To speak From my experience, I used to buy an elegant dress es at virtual shop s , which was cheaper compared to that of some shops near my houses. Second, buyings things on the Internet helps people save a great deal of time. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online online shopping is a wise choice which doesn’t does not require them to go the the stores. With a click of mouse With just a click , they can buy the things they need and the shippers will deliver their products to the customers as soon as possible. Third, since there is a high demand of buying things online, many people can realize their dream of starting up their own business and achieve success in the long rub run. This can be seen as a positive trend because it creates good job opportunities for the people and thereby help people to improve their income and well-being. This also contributes to boost ing the economy of a nation in general l .
While the second body paragraph is very long (216 words!), its quaility doesn’t appear much better than the first one. Try to write only 70 words, you will definitely see an improvement.
Many idioms are introduced in this paragraph: “a great deal of time”, “in the long run”, “to be caught up”, “to take in consideration”, “with just a click”. However, the attempt to use them isn’t really succesful, due to some spelling mistakes.
The vocabulary is kinda limitted here. However, there are a variety of connectives (“on the one hand”, , “first”, “in this way”, “thereby”, etc).
In conclusion, although buyings things on the Internet exerts some adverse aspects, the advantages can justify these.
Too short and unconvincing. Need to give more emphasis.
Words: 418 words
Overall: 6.5
Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the essay has answer the required question, and write more than 250 words) ✓ presents a clear position throughout the response ✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout ✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use ✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task ✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy (the writer uses very few topic-related words. And when they are used, mistakes are presented “shopping online” ) ✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms ✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication (lots of the article “the” are missing, so I cannot give a 7 score here)
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group .
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Other sample essay
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce. The number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips.
Secondly, buying things on the internet provides you with a wide range of options. Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, deals and a lot more. One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
(Written by Narmeen Habib )
Corrected Essay:
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce the number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives . The positive impacts on online shopping undermine its negative sides because the advanced technology can save our time and give more options for purchasing .
The opening paragraph does not contain a clear thesis statement. It is important to tell what you are going to talk about and where you are positioning on the views.
Phrases ‘ a boom in e commerce’ and ‘ is increasing exponentially’ have similar meaning. It is better to keep it in short, but clear sentence.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. Online shopping does not require people to travel . I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. As living in Karachi, an over-populated city with its congestion problems, many citizens like me have to overcome difficult situation only for buying stuff in the city centre . This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips . This platform enables consumers to experience shopping activities in simple ways. Take the biggest e-commerce in the word, eBay which provides wide varieties of products, for example. As a student, I often ordered books, air tickets, and fashion items. Likewise, many housewives in my neighbourhood prefer to purchase groceries through this website. If eBay was never exist before, buyers like us might have to spend longer times taking long trips to get our shopping lists. This example tells about how an effective shopping is advantageous as a time saver.
Firstly is ommited as the topic sentence is not too clear enough to represent the main idea.
The use of ‘I’ in your example does not cover people’ problems in general, so I have changed ‘I’ into ‘ many citizen like me’
Everything is simply a click away needs to be elaborated . Please see the changes.
You only mention groceries, air tickets, clothes or books without giving explanation. If you want to score higher, it is your task to present your ideas in details. I have made some detailed explanations with this.
Secondly, Another benefit is that buying things items on the internet serves unlimited choices provides you with a wide range of options . Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, and deals and a lot more . One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
You need to link both main ideas in the first sentence using transitional phrase. But remember, reliance too much on this will score you lower. Use them when necessary .
The word ‘ things’ is a weak lexical resource. It is better to use some alternative vocabs like stuff, items, daily needs , etc.
A wide range of options have been mentioned in the intro, you need to paraphase it. Serves unlimited choices.
You do not need to use exclamation mark. Present your sentence in a smooth way.
Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine!. This sentence also does not make a sense.
And a lot more is vague. You’d better omit this phrase.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon it is true that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
You have to summarise your main points and reiterate your opinion. Some ideas presented are sidetrack.
Your opinion does not state your opinion clearly.
It can be unambiguously agreed upon is counted as 6 words. It is always good to be succinct and keep straight to the point.
Let me give you an example of this: In conclusion, the disadvantages of e-commerce trend are overshadowed by the benefits resulting from modern technology. I am convinced that online shopping is one of great innovations of people doing transaction as it reduces time and provides more options.
Overall: 7.0
· Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the author wrote 303 words)
✗ presents a clear position throughout the response (the way you present your idea in the intro is too generic)
✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
· Coherence and Cohesion: 6
✓ arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✗ uses paragraphing, but not always logically ( missing links between intro and conclusion)
Lexical Resource: 7
✓ uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓ uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓ may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures
✓ has produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
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This essay is corrected by Eddy Suaib .
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Buying things on the Internet such as books- IELTS Writing Task 2
Updated On Aug 14, 2024
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Sample essay.
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Buying things on the Internet such as books, air tickets and groceries is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Advantages/Disadvantages essay
Introduction
Paraphrase the topic of the essay and mention that it has its merits and demerits.
Body paragraphs
Paragraph 1 – Talk about the advantages of buying products online.
Paragraph 2 – Implore the drawbacks.
Restate your opinions.
Today, shopping online is becoming more popular in the modern world than ever. People use it to buy many things such as books, clothes, shoes, tickets and even groceries. I am of the opinion that this method of buying has both advantages and disadvantages, and it is hard to say whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
On the bright side, shopping from online portals is highly convenient. Many people these days have hectic schedules, and due to that, they get hardly any time to buy things in store. As a result, online shopping is a boon for them. It eliminates the need to visit the stores to place the order physically. One can get whatever one needs with just a few mouse clicks on the screen. It saves both time, effort and money. Also, most online stores offer huge discounts on their products most of the year. Consequently, customers don’t have to travel a long distance or wait in a long queue to pay their bills or buy products they want.
Talking about the drawbacks of virtual shopping, identity theft and digital scams are the most common. Careless use of credit or debit cards during the payment step or sharing sensitive personal information can often invite spammers and hackers to hamper their privacy. Finally, remote shopping doesn’t have the facility to physically inspect a product before buying it, which often leads to customer dissatisfaction. However, one can easily avoid these demerits by being cautious and trusting well-known brands and websites.
In conclusion, the overwhelming benefits that online shopping offer far outweigh a few demerits it has. Depending on what kind of products you buy, you can look for the most sensible way of buying them.
Meaning – a grocer’s shop or business. Example – My mother told me to buy some groceries on my way back from school.
Meaning – be heavier, greater, or more significant than. Example – The costs of these branded clothes outweigh their supposed value.
Meaning – fitting in well with a person’s needs, activities, and plans. Example – The elevators and lifts are convenient for most people compared to stairs.
Meaning – full of incessant or frantic activity. Example – Mrs. Sharma was exhausted after a long, hectic day.
Meaning – a thing that is helpful or beneficial. Example – It felt like an enormous boon for the locality kids when the park was maintained for the first time in 5 years.
Meaning – a line or sequence of people or vehicles awaiting their turn to be attended to or to proceed. Example – Season ticket holders need not stand in the long queue.
Meaning – the action or crime of stealing. Example – The people were alerted when a case of theft took place in their society.
Meaning – a dishonest scheme; a fraud. Example – Tourists can be vulnerable to scams and con schemes of all kinds.
Meaning – hinder or impede the movement or progress of. Example – The teacher warned her students not to hamper the normal functioning of the class or else they would be taken to the Principal.
Meaning – (of a person) careful to avoid potential problems or dangers. Example – Parents often tell their children to always be cautious of their money.
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IELTS Writing Task 2: Essay on online shopping/virtual shopping/e-shopping; with planning and model answer
This IELTS Writing Task 2 post is about ‘online shopping and its merits and demerits’ . Here, I’ve discussed the advantages and disadvantages of virtual/online/e-shopping and presented a model answer on this Task 2 question. This model answer can guide you to write an answer to any online shopping related essay.
Let’s have a look at the question we are going to discuss today.
The language of this task 2 question can be different in different exams.
Here’s another example of the same question:
An increasing number of people are buying what they need online.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?
Nowadays, e-shopping or shopping online has an increasing trend among shoppers. It has both positive and negative sides. First, we need to make a plan for writing on this topic.
Here’s a short plan that may help you.
Planning and organisation:
Here is how I’ve planned the essay with a 4-paragraph structure:
- Introduction: topic + thesis (2 sentences can be sufficient): Introduce the topic – ‘online shopping getting more popular’. Then write a thesis on how you are going to show that there are some positives and negatives of the issue.
- Body paragraph on the reasons behind virtual shopping being so popular: You can write about straightforward ideas e.g. people get more convenience, and availability or choice of products. Give some real-life examples here.
- Body paragraph on the negative sides of online shopping: Again, present some very general ideas e.g. customers get cheated and people become more isolated. Give some real-life examples here too
- Conclusion: restate your ideas Online shopping has both advantages and disadvantages. You can give your personal opinion on how the disadvantages can be reduced.
Now let’s take a look at the model answer.
Model answer: expected band score – 7.5 to 8.0
In recent years, the rate of in-store shopping has plunged due to vast opportunities for buying different products including daily necessaries from hundreds of online stores. This essay will try to demonstrate chances such as convenience and product availability as the reasons behind the popularity of e-shopping whereas it will focus on swindling and isolation as the pitfalls of this issue.
Initially, the prime reason behind the popularity of e-shopping is convenience which can be easily understood from the thousands of virtual shops all over the world. To illustrate, people nowadays are busier than ever because of the fast pace of the world and they want to save as much time as they can for relaxation. Virtual shopping gives this magnificent prospect of time-saving and so people enjoy taking it. Besides, superstores sometimes run out of products in the precise moment when people need them which online shops rarely have this crisis. For instance, I needed a flat-screen monitor a few months ago but my local store had it out of stock. When I peeped into some online stores I found it easily on eBay.
Meanwhile, though shopping on the internet looks very promising, it is not without its setbacks. Many people, mostly the newcomers, regularly complain of getting tricked on virtual shopping and the rate of complaints is increasing at a faster rate. To explain, one of my friends has recently got swindled when he paid in advance for a smartwatch. Additionally, people often become isolated in their rooms through e-shopping which can affect their feelings and behaviour. As an example, a friend of mine started shopping online a couple of years ago even though the nearest superstore was only 500 metres away. His neighbours, nowadays, describe him as an ill-mannered and antisocial person which, needless to say, is the result of being home and becoming isolated from the outer world.
In brief, virtual shoppers obtain greater benefits if compared to in-store shoppers. Converting such shopping to a stress-free experience, it is turning out to be progressively more convenient. However, as clients may sometimes get deceived and become cut off from the social world, concerned authorities should look into the matter cautiously. (360 words)
Here are some other Task 2 questions which can be answered taking help from the given essay example on online shopping:
- Some people support online shopping because it is convenient, while others argue that shopping on the internet poses threats. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
- Nowadays on-line shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development?
- Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?
If you have written any answer to this question, you can post it in the comment box and we can discuss about it in details.
Click here for a model answer to Cambridge 14 Test 4 Writing Task 2
Click here for a model answer to agree-disagree topic: elderly or young people as company leaders
Click here for a model answer to advantage-disadvantage topic: online shopping
Click here for a model answer to opinion essay: urbanization in countryside/ problem of housing
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Ielts essay # 1178 - buying things on the internet is becoming more and more popular, ielts writing task 2/ ielts essay:, buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular., do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages.
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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
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Buying things on the Internet (Corrected essay)
- April 21, 2020
- Posted by: ielts
- Category: Writing Tips
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
—————————-
Sample essay written by Nguyen Yen
In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet. This present both pros and cos, however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks. On the one hand, shopping online brings consumers some disadvatages. Initially, since people are unable to touch or to see the products they want to buy in reality, it is always hard for them to examine the quality of these products. As a result, they might purchase the items with poor quality. In addition to that, as consumers do not feel happy with the items they had bought online, they tend to abandon these products or don’t use them at all. This is definitely a watse of money. Moreover, buyings thing on the Internet often makes people confused since there are a great number of shops on the Internet. To be specific, buyers might see the same products in several shops, but the prices for these items can be very different, ranging from reasonable to prohibitedly expensive price. Consequently, they will not know which products they should purchase. On the other hand, I am of opinion that shopping online brings people a number of benefits. First, shopping online allows consumers to browse for products and checking prices between these online shops . In this way, people can make a better decision to buy what they like after taking prices, sizes and models into consideration. From my experience, I used to buy an elegant dress at virtual shop, which was cheaper compared to some shops near my houses. Second, buyings things on the Internet helps people save a great deal of time. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online is a wise choice which doesn’t require them to go the the stores . With a click of mouse, they can buy the things they need and the shippers will deliver their products to customers as soon as possible. Third, since there is a high demand of buying things online, many people can realize their dream of starting up their own business and achieve success in the long rub This can be seen as a positive trend because it creates good job opportunities for people and thereby help people to improve their income and well-being. This also contributes to boosting the economy of a nation in generall. In conclusion, although buyings things on the Internet exerts some adverse aspects, the advantages can justify these. (Band 6.5) ———————————————————-
In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet in online shopping. This present both pros and cos cons, however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks.
- The phrase “buy things on the Internet” is already used in the essay topic. Try to shorten it by using a suitable buzzword, such as “online shopping”
- Words such as ‘people’ and ‘ideas’ have the potential to be vague. So, avoid saying “people tend to” if possible.
- The second sentence in the introduction has too many commas. Break it into two simple sentences if necessary.
On the one hand, shopping online online shopping brings to the consumers some disadvatages. Initially, since people are unable to touch or to see the products they want to buy in reality, it is always hard for them to examine the quality of these products. As a result, they might purchase the items with poor quality. In addition to that, as the consumers do not feel happy with the items they had bought online, they tend to abandon these products or dont do not use them at all. This is definitely a watse waste of money. Moreover, buyings thing on the Internet often makes people confused since there are a great number of shops on the Internet. To be specific, the buyers might see the same products in several shops, but the prices for these items can be very different, ranging from reasonable to prohibitedly expensive price . Consequently, they will not know which products they should purchase.
- The second sentence is too wordy, due to the fact that the words “people”, “they”, and “them” all have been used despite being unnecessary. Since the main focus here is the products, not the people using them, I suggest rewriting the whole sentence into passive voice.
- Avoid using contraction (“don’t”) in an academic context.
- The ideas and sentence structures being used here are kinda repetitive. Regarding of online shopping, there are many issues that are worth mentioning (shipment delays, misleading online marketing, annoying advertises, etc)
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that shopping online online shopping brings people a number of benefits. First, shopping online online shopping allows the consumers to browse for products and checking comparing the prices between these online shops. In this way, people can make a better decision to buy what they like after taking prices, sizes and models of the products into consideration. To speak From my experience, I used to buy an elegant dresses at virtual shops, which was cheaper compared to that of some shops near my houses. Second, buyings things on the Internet helps people save a great deal of time. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online online shopping is a wise choice which doesn’t does not require them to go the the stores. With a click of mouse With just a click, they can buy the things they need and the shippers will deliver their products to the customers as soon as possible. Third, since there is a high demand of buying things online, many people can realize their dream of starting up their own business and achieve success in the long rub run. This can be seen as a positive trend because it creates good job opportunities for the people and thereby help people to improve their income and well-being. This also contributes to boost ing the economy of a nation in general l .
- While the second body paragraph is very long (216 words!), its quaility doesn’t appear much better than the first one. Try to write only 70 words, you will definitely see an improvement.
- Many idioms are introduced in this paragraph: “a great deal of time”, “in the long run”, “to be caught up”, “to take in consideration”, “with just a click”. However, the attempt to use them isn’t really succesful, due to some spelling mistakes.
- The vocabulary is kinda limitted here. However, there are a variety of connectives (“on the one hand”, , “first”, “in this way”, “thereby”, etc).
In conclusion, although buyings things on the Internet exerts some adverse aspects, the advantages can justify these.
- Too short and unconvincing. Need to give more emphasis.
Words: 418 words
Overall: 6.5
- Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the essay has answer the required question, and write more than 250 words) ✓ presents a clear position throughout the response ✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
- Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout ✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use ✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
- Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task ✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy (the writer uses very few topic-related words. And when they are used, mistakes are presented “shopping online”) ✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms ✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication (lots of the article “the” are missing, so I cannot give a 7 score here)
———————————————————-
This essay is corrected by Anh Tran – Let’s Write Something Group .
———————
Other sample essay
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce. The number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips.
Secondly, buying things on the internet provides you with a wide range of options. Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, deals and a lot more. One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
(Written by Narmeen Habib )
Corrected Essay:
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce the number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives . The positive impacts on online shopping undermine its negative sides because the advanced technology can save our time and give more options for purchasing .
- The opening paragraph does not contain a clear thesis statement. It is important to tell what you are going to talk about and where you are positioning on the views.
- Phrases ‘a boom in e commerce’ and ‘is increasing exponentially’ have similar meaning. It is better to keep it in short, but clear sentence.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. Online shopping does not require people to travel . I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. As living in Karachi, an over-populated city with its congestion problems, many citizens like me have to overcome difficult situation only for buying stuff in the city centre . This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips . This platform enables consumers to experience shopping activities in simple ways. Take the biggest e-commerce in the word, eBay which provides wide varieties of products, for example. As a student, I often ordered books, air tickets, and fashion items. Likewise, many housewives in my neighbourhood prefer to purchase groceries through this website. If eBay was never exist before, buyers like us might have to spend longer times taking long trips to get our shopping lists. This example tells about how an effective shopping is advantageous as a time saver.
- Firstly is ommited as the topic sentence is not too clear enough to represent the main idea.
- The use of ‘I’ in your example does not cover people’ problems in general, so I have changed ‘I’ into ‘ many citizen like me’
- Everything is simply a click away needs to be elaborated. Please see the changes.
- You only mention groceries, air tickets, clothes or books without giving explanation. If you want to score higher, it is your task to present your ideas in details. I have made some detailed explanations with this.
Secondly, Another benefit is that buying things items on the internet serves unlimited choices provides you with a wide range of options . Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, and deals and a lot more . One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
- You need to link both main ideas in the first sentence using transitional phrase. But remember, reliance too much on this will score you lower. Use them when necessary.
- The word ‘ things’ is a weak lexical resource. It is better to use some alternative vocabs like stuff, items, daily needs, etc.
- A wide range of options have been mentioned in the intro, you need to paraphase it. Serves unlimited choices.
- You do not need to use exclamation mark. Present your sentence in a smooth way.
- Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine!.This sentence also does not make a sense.
- And a lot more is vague. You’d better omit this phrase.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon it is true that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
- You have to summarise your main points and reiterate your opinion. Some ideas presented are sidetrack.
- Your opinion does not state your opinion clearly.
- It can be unambiguously agreed upon is counted as 6 words. It is always good to be succinct and keep straight to the point.
- Let me give you an example of this: In conclusion, the disadvantages of e-commerce trend are overshadowed by the benefits resulting from modern technology. I am convinced that online shopping is one of great innovations of people doing transaction as it reduces time and provides more options.
Overall: 7.0
· Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the author wrote 303 words)
✗ presents a clear position throughout the response (the way you present your idea in the intro is too generic)
✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
· Coherence and Cohesion: 6
✓ arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✗ uses paragraphing, but not always logically ( missing links between intro and conclusion)
Lexical Resource: 7
✓uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures
✓ has produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
Online Shopping Essay
500+ words online shopping essay.
The trend of online shopping has increased in recent times with the increase of e-commerce and digital technology. With just a single click, you can shop for everything by sitting at your home as per your choice, convenience and budget. This essay on online shopping will help students learn about the pros and cons of online shopping. We have also compiled a list of CBSE Essays on different topics to help them improve their essay-writing skills. These essays will also help them improve their scores on the English exam.
What Does Online Shopping Mean?
Online shopping is the activity of buying products and services over the internet using a web browser or mobile app. It means buyers have to go online to reach a seller’s website and then select the product they want to purchase. The buyer can pay for the goods and services either online with a credit or debit card or upon delivery. Online shopping sites are also known by many other names such as e-shop, e-web-store, e-store, internet shop, web-store, web-shop, virtual store and online store. An online shop creates a physical analogy for buying products or services. Some of the famous online retailing corporations which facilitate the experience of online shopping are Amazon, eBay, Flipkart, Myntra, etc.
Online shopping is a growing area of the digital world and technology. Establishing a store on the Internet gives various options to consumers. With the growth of online shopping, most businesses have started selling their products online. Now, just having physical stores is not enough in this fast-paced world. Having online store interfaces for consumers has also become essential for running a business in the current scenario.
Benefits of Online Shopping
There are numerous advantages of online shopping. People feel more convenient while shopping online. They can shop from anywhere at their own convenient time through easy and safe payment methods. Online shopping has empowered consumers with various advantages such as convenience and time-saving, lower search costs, better product selection, lower prices, etc. One of the biggest benefits of online shopping is that you can buy the items you want with just a single click. Online stores are open 24 hours a day and are accessible from any location with an internet connection.
Online stores carry more variations and provide more varieties of a product as compared to traditional stores. This is because online stores don’t need to attractively display their items on shelves, and they can keep a larger amount of inventory on hand. They might also have small amounts of each item since they don’t need to display them and can order more from their supplier as needed.
Online shops tend to provide more information about items for sale than you would get in a physical store. Product descriptions most often include a description from the manufacturer, another description from the vendor, specific technical and size details, reviews from professional magazines and journals, and reviews from people who have bought the product. Having all this information available when you are considering a purchase makes you a more informed consumer without having to perform extra research by yourself.
Online stores are not burdened by the costs of running a physical store, such as the rent of the physical premises and wages of sales staff. The cost savings by online stores lead to lower pricing on the internet, passing on cost savings to shoppers. The internet encourages online vendors to compete with one another by lowering prices.
Disadvantages of Online Shopping
The benefits of shopping online also come with potential risks and dangers. When you shop online, you can’t touch or try out the product. You have to depend upon product pictures only. You can’t buy the product instantly. If you don’t get the product in hand immediately after payment, you have to wait for delivery, which can take days to weeks. There is no guarantee that you will get the product in its original shape; it might get damaged on the way. Sometimes, the product is very different from the pictures and description due to various reasons and also has poor quality. If, after receiving the package, expectations weren’t met, you need to go through a returns process which can be time-consuming. Apart from these, there is also a chance of security threats from online shopping. If the site is not secured, you have a risk of losing your card information.
Online shopping is one of the convenient ways of purchasing different products. However, there are some products which are better if they are purchased from physical stores. So, in the future, we can expect online stores to improve their technology, making way for a much easier and faster shopping experience.
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Buying things on the Internet is becoming more and more popular
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
You should write at least 250 words in IELTS writing task 2.
Question Overview
Model answer :.
To start with, internet shopping allows consumers to acquire a service or a product in your home. With the widespread usage of these handheld devices and the web, shopping is only a couple of finger taps off. This conserves precious occasions and empowers individuals to use a plastic currency that’s more stable than traditional trades. Additionally, online banking, ticket reservation platform, e-payment, along with online-subscriptions, alleviate bulk visitors to prevent traffic congestion and maintain a green atmosphere. In the business owner’s standpoint, internet shopping enables them to conduct the company 24×7 and with no necessity for any excess employees, utility invoices, and so forth. This enables them to provide products in a much more competitive cost. Additional consumers like fantastic liberty to buy general merchandise from renowned websites such as eBay and Amazon and evaluate the quality and cost of a product before making a buying decision. Possibly the most apparent advantage of this tendency is that the rare chance it is brought for regular individuals to start their online stores and operate modest businesses online. This would not have occurred without the flourish of internet small business tendencies.
In conclusion, the overwhelming advantages of online shopping provide far outweigh the number of demerits it is. I am an internet shopper, and I think that this has enormously improved our liberty of purchasing and way of life.
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1. Do you enjoy shopping?
I do. It’s not that I’m obsessed with fashion or something. I enjoy the activity itself. You know. I like wandering around shopping malls, trying on clothes that I normally wouldn’t wear, and laughing with my friends because of the stupid look I’ve created. I also like shopping for groceries. Whenever I walk into a grocery store, it’s the instant feeling of freshness that always excites me. Of course. I like to go shopping with my friends. Sometimes, I don’t buy anything and just go round and round shopping malls.
2. What do you shop for?
Most of the time, I buy clothes. I get bored easily so I always want to see a new me every day. That’s why I buy a lot of clothes so I never have to wear the same outfit for a whole month. Bad habit I know.
3. How often do you go shopping?
Almost every weekend. But usually, I don’t plan ahead. I’m a very spontaneous person and my shopping habit reflects that perfectly. There are so many times when I just walked past a nice dress in a store and decided that I had to have it so I bought it without a second thought.
4. Where do you usually shop?
I don’t have any certain place to shop at. Well, I did when I was in the U.S. I always went to Abercrombie’s and Hollister’s to shop for clothes. Their clothes are high quality and look super chic. Just what I like. But there are no retail stores here in Vietnam though.
5. Do you like online shopping?
Yes, I’m a fan. For somebody that doesn’t know how to drive like me, online shopping is wonderful. It’s so convenient because I can lie on my bed and shop with my phone. A lot of retailers now have the 2-day or even 2-hour delivery option, which saves me so much time and is just awesome.
6. What sites do you shop on?
I usually shop on websites like tiki and lazada. Some foreign companies have jumped into our market as well, like Lazada and Shopee. Those are the sites I usually shop on. I actually do Amazon too. For Amazon, most of the time, I just transfer money to my friends in the U.S to purchase what I want for me because I don’t want to spend extra for shipping.
7. What are some problems of shopping online?
First, it’s false advertisement. I bought a dress online and on delivery, it looked completely different from the photo posted on the website. It was such a disturbing experience. But that was a few years ago when there were not a lot of online retailers competing with each other. Now that there are a bunch of them, it’s very easy to find trustworthy ones. Another concern is information security. You can be a victim of identity theft or risk compromising your credit card.
8.What kinds of things do people in your country often buy from online shops?
Well, since the booming of online shopping, literally everyone in my country takes part in e-commerce both as sellers and customers. As you can probably guess, there are a variety of products sold on online platforms, ranging from food, clothes, cosmetics to household appliances. As far as I know, food and clothes rank the highest among the most popular goods on these platforms.
9. Why has online shopping become so popular in many countries?
As far as I know, online shopping made a name for itself quite a while ago, but in the past 3 years, thanks to the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, e-commerce finally reached its peak. I believe that people go crazy for online shopping for a number of reasons. Firstly, it is undeniable that online shopping is really convenient and easy to use, especially for the elderly. Secondly, online platforms often offer customers big discounts during the month, which sounds really promising and appealing, as they could get what they need at a seemingly lower price in comparison with those in physical stores.
10. What are some possible disadvantages of buying things from online shops?
To be honest, although e-commerce is said to pose a threat to other forms of businesses, it goes without saying that online shopping still has numerous drawbacks that are somehow barriers to the prosperous growth of it. First and foremost, people could be scammed easily by irresponsible retailers, causing anger and discomfort to customers. Moreover, delay in delivery is also a common disadvantage for those who enjoy going shopping online, as the package may take longer to arrive than expected by just going to the store or it could get lost after being shipped.
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Essay on Online Shopping for Students in English | 500 Words Essay
December 20, 2020 by Sandeep
Essay on Online Shopping: Buying things on the internet is termed as online shopping. E-commerce has changed the way businesses are conducted, and retailers are selling goods and services over the internet and making high profits. Company sites, shopping portals and e-auction sites are very popular with customers. Online shopping also delivers goods at our doorstep with necessary charges. It saves a lot of time, money, and effort and avoids visiting the stores physically to purchase commodities.
Essay on Online Shopping 500 Words in English
Below we have provided Online Shopping Essay in English, suitable for class 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 school students.
Online shopping is a process in the form of electronic commerce which allows consumers to buy goods and services over the internet using a browser. It is also called as business to business online shopping. People can surf several web stores which offer a variety of products online from the comfort of the house. Shopping can be done through desktop computers, laptops, tablets, smartphones etc. The most popular among the online stores are Amazon, eBay, Alibaba, and Myntra.
The concept of online shopping was first introduced by Michael Aldrich in 1980. In March he started Redifon’s Office Revolution, which permitted consumers, agents, distributors and suppliers to be connected online. By using videotex technology, he designed, installed, manufactured, sold and supported many online shopping systems. The first-ever shopping store name was Tesco store.
As online shopping is gaining popularity rapidly, e-retailers have managed to segregate customers and target them accordingly. There are deal hunters who always seek discounts and offers and then buy a product. Such customers always try to shop during festivals. Then there are brand buffs that prefer a particular quality brand. These types of shoppers are not price-sensitive and buy a particular brand, even at a high price.
Other ones are the wish listers who keep on scrolling, searching, selecting and adding the products to the wishing list to buy them later. They keep on postponing their purchase for many reasons. The most special ones are the shopaholics who don’t care about the discounts, offers or whatsoever as they keep buying all-round the year and are still not satisfied and keep waiting for new arrivals.
Advantages of Online Shopping
Most online shopping stores offer lower prices as compared to offline stores. They also provide a great bargain deal and save more money . Price comparison is hassle-free and quick. Due to such low prices, more consumers get engaged in online shopping as don’t have to shell out extra money. The introduction of the discount system has brought great relief to consumers, especially to savvy shoppers who get motivated to buy more during discounts.
An online store is a platform for diversity. This means that it supplies goods with many varieties. Customers can choose and select from abundance as they find numerous options which suit their requirement and budget. From kids to adults there is variety in large numbers. The stores are open 24/7, which makes a purchase as easy as ABC. Consumers who are busy and are unable to visit offline stores can buy at night. It can be bought at any time of the day.
By one click you can make the purchase, pay online or through cash on delivery system and also gets the product delivered to your doorstep. The system of tracking order enables people to know the status of their product through shipping details and exact arrival date. Furthermore, if the received product is defective, damaged or wrong in size, it can also be returned easily without following long formalities.
Disadvantages of Online Shopping
When it comes to electronics and clothes, customers find online shopping redundant as they cannot touch them and try them on to fit their perfect size. On some online stores, improper inventory management and long duration result in a delay of the product. Though selection, buying and paying is simple, but the product to arrive at your doorstep takes one to two weeks. The offline showroom sales attendant provides personal attention and guides us to choose the perfect one. Also, the service to speak to the sales representatives at times proves faulty as the lines seem to be busy all the time.
There is no facility to touch and feel and to examine the product closely. The images shown are sometimes misleading. The colour, size and appearance may differ in reality. After receiving the package, the product is broken, and you cannot return to the delivery agent unless you place a return request. Sometimes the product ordered never arrives, and a person will be exhausted in trying to reach the customer care and getting his/her problem solved. If the package is left with the neighbour because the customer is not at home, then there is a higher chance of stealing.
Consumer Behavior
Why do we buy things we don’t need, consumerism has deep psychological underpinnings..
Posted April 4, 2022 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods
- Much of what we buy is not truly necessary.
- Most of us devote much time and effort to be able to afford to buy unnecessary things.
- Consumer culture may offer the means to establish and express our identity and feel a sense of power.
As Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs famously showed, we don’t need a whole lot to physically survive in our modern age. Food, shelter, and clothing are the essentials, and, fortunately, most Americans can scrape together enough money to pay for those things. (Healthcare is sadly a whole different story.) There are lots of other things that are not strictly essential but are certainly good to have to operate in society. Soap, for example, is highly recommended.
Beyond that, however, much of what we buy is not necessary to survive. We don’t need $5 coffees, ten or twenty pairs of shoes, a television, or a Tesla. But almost all of us are literally invested in non-essential consumption, begging the question of why that is so. One might even say that buying things that we don’t need is the basis for our way of life, grounded in consumer capitalism. We work to earn money to spend on stuff and experiences that we mostly want rather than need, an endless economic cycle that generally determines how we use the limited time that we have on Earth.
Theories abound about why we like to buy things we don’t need even though doing so exacts a heavy price on our lives. The first explanation is that we are, perhaps more than anything else, consumers, making it sensible that we look to the marketplace to find fulfillment and happiness . Having more stuff costs more money, as does having more expensive stuff, creating the sense that there is always something else and/or better to buy. While certainly good for the economy and temporarily rewarding, there is abundant evidence to suggest that this consumption-based model of life is not the best way to realize enduring satisfaction and contentment and our full potential as human beings.
Social status clearly has much to do with buying unnecessary things. How one is perceived by others relies heavily on one’s “brand portfolio,” i.e., the set of market-based symbols that each of us has gathered and are readily available for purchase. Unnecessary things convey far greater status than necessary things, of course, making it understandable why those seeking social recognition are attracted to luxury goods and to experiences that offer bragging rights.
Social critics have pointed out the costs of our keeping-up-with-the-Joneses lifestyle. In her book, The Overspent American , for example, Juliet B. Schor attacked what she termed “competitive consumerism ,” arguing that the American way of life was excessively materialistic. “We spend more than we realize, hold more debt than we admit to, and ignore many of the moral conflicts surrounding our acquisitions,” Schor wrote in the 1998 book, all of this in the endless pursuit of status symbols and social climbing. Schor, a Harvard economist whose previous book was The Overworked American , suggested we were the worse off for all this overspending, ultimately leaving us dissatisfied.
Still, there must be considerable value to be found in buying non-essentials or people just wouldn’t do it. Consumer culture is a prime way we carve out our individual identities and it is this that offers clues to the psychological foundation of our spending habits. The material and experiential worlds represent an excellent opportunity to tell the world (and ourselves) who we are and who we’re not, with each product or service loaded with semiotic meanings. Clues to anyone’s personality reside in the kind of house one lives in, the car one drives, the clothes one wears, and even the food one eats, making the establishing and expressing of personal identity a key component of superfluous consumption.
Finally, there is power to be had in the ownership of the unnecessary. Much of what takes place in this world is beyond our control, but the possession of a particular thing, especially if we don’t really need it, offers a feeling of being in charge of our own lives. We become the master of a tiny part of the universe whenever we exchange money for an item, something that provides a sense of assurance and stability in our time and place where there are many unknowns.
Lawrence R. Samuel, Ph.D. , is an American cultural historian who holds a Ph.D. in American Studies and was a Smithsonian Institution Fellow.
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Getting College Essay Help: Important Do's and Don’ts
College Essays
If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?
If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.
Table of Contents
What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?
What's Good Editing?
What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.
What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?
Who Can/Should Help You?
Advice for editors.
Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?
The Bottom Line
What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.
Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.
Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."
Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.
Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.
Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.
Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?
Help Brainstorm Topics
Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.
If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .
Help Revise Your Drafts
Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .
Revision questions should point out:
- Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
- Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
- Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
- Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear
But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.
Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.
You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:
- Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
- Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
- Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
- Tell you what to say and how to say it
- Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
- Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager
Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.
Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.
- An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
- An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
- An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.
Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.
Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.
Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.
Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).
Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.
A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.
Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:
- If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
- If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
- If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.
What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?
Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.
On the Importance of Editing
Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )
Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )
On the Value of Proofreading
Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )
Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )
On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence
Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )
Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )
Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.
Parents or Close Relatives
Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.
A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?
One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.
Teachers or Tutors
A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.
Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."
If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.
Guidance or College Counselor at Your School
The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.
At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.
Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.
Friends, Siblings, or Classmates
Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .
Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.
You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.
If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.
First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .
Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.
Introduction Questions
- Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
- Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
- Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.
Essay Body Questions
- Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
- How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
- Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
- Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?
Reader Response Questions
- Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
- Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
- Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
- Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
- What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?
Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?
One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.
My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.
When to Consider a Paid Editor
In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.
If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)
If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.
If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.
If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .
If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.
Should You Hire an Essay Coach?
On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.
But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.
If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.
Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?
On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.
On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.
Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.
Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?
Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!
For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:
I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )
For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.
Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.
- You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
- A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
- A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
- A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
- All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
- Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
- If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
- Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.
Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .
Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .
Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.
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2. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ » — a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.
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You have seen an advertisement from a couple who live in Australia, for someone to teach their two children your language for a year. Write a letter to the couple. In your letter, Explain why you would be suitable for this job; Say that else you can do for this family; Give your reasons for wanting the job
People all in modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. some sociologist’s claim that parents and other society members often set a bad example. discuss the causes & some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern-day society. make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse., write about the following topic: in some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. to what extent should children have to follow rules give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience., is it better for students to live away from home during their university studies to what extent do you agree or disagree, nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make has this becom a positive or negative development.
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Risks Associated with Buying Essays Online: And How to Avoid Them
buying essays online risks
Buying essays online refers to paying for pre-written academic papers and submitting them as one’s original work. However, it is now a growing trend among students seeking to ease their academic workload or improve their grades.
While it may offer short-term benefits, students need to be aware of the significant risks associated with this practice.
Even so, these risks include plagiarism, poor quality work, and the possibility of being scammed by fraudulent websites. It is vital l to address these risks and find ways to avoid them, as they can have severe consequences, such as academic penalties, legal issues, and damage to one’s reputation.
In this article, I will examine the risks associated with buying essays online and provide tips on avoiding them.
Risks of Buying Essays Online
1. Plagiarism and Academic Dishonesty
When students buy essays from online sources, there is a risk that the work may have been copied or stolen from another source.
Such can lead to serious consequences, including failing grades, academic probation, or even expulsion.
Most importantly, students should avoid these risks, such as working with reputable writing services or taking the time to research and write their essays.
2. Poor Quality and Lack of Originality
When buying essays online, students face a risk of receiving poor-quality work that lacks originality. Also, some online services may not have qualified writers, leading to poorly researched, poorly written essays and lacking originality.
Beyond that, this can result in a lower grade or even rejection of the essay and, ultimately, a waste of time and cash for the student. Perform thorough research and vet any online essay writing service before purchasing to ensure the quality and originality of the work.
3. Legal and Ethical Concerns
Buying essays online can raise legal and ethical concerns, especially if the content is copied from copyrighted sources or the student submits the essay as their own work. Such careless acts could lead to academic penalties, legal action, and damage to the student’s reputation.
Additionally, some essay writing services may not be transparent about their business practices, further complicating the ethical considerations of buying essays online. Students need to be aware of the legal and ethical implications of using such services before making any purchase decisions.
4. Compromised Privacy and Data Security
When purchasing essays online, there is a risk that the privacy and security of personal information could be compromised.
Notably, some websites may not have secure payment methods or protect user data adequately, leaving individuals vulnerable to cyberattacks, fraud, or identity theft.
Additionally, if a student is caught purchasing essays, it could negatively impact their academic reputation and future career prospects.
Therefore, it is essential to ensure that any website chosen for purchasing essays has proper security protocols, such as SSL encryption and two-factor authentication, to safeguard sensitive information.
5. Financial Risks
Scammers may demand high payments upfront, promise top-quality papers, and fail to deliver.
Also, some may even steal sensitive financial information from unsuspecting customers, leading to identity theft and other financial crimes.
Plus, students caught buying essays may face fines or other financial penalties and harm to their academic and professional reputations.
Therefore, exercising caution and carefully researching any online writing service is vital before making a financial commitment.
6. Reputation Damage
Buying essays online can also pose a risk to one’s reputation, especially if the purchased essay is discovered to be plagiarized or of poor quality. More importantly, this can result in negative consequences, such as failing grades or even suspension or expulsion.
Employers and graduate schools often look into applicants’ academic records, and a history of academic dishonesty can harm one’s chances of being accepted for a job or further education.
Consequences for Personal Growth and Learning
- Inhibits academic and intellectual growth : By purchasing essays, students miss out on the opportunity to nurture critical thinking and writing skills necessary for academic and personal growth. They become dependent on the work of others and fail to develop essential skills.
- Hinders character development : Purchasing essays online promotes cheating and academic dishonesty, which can negatively affect a student’s character. It can erode their moral and ethical values and diminish their integrity and self-respect.
Ways to Mitigate Risks
Conducting thorough research.
It is important to conduct thorough research to mitigate the risks associated with buying essays online. Such actions include:
- Looking for reliable and reputable essay writing services.
- Reading reviews and feedback from other customers.
- Checking the writers’ credentials.
This can help ensure that the essay purchased is high-quality and original.
Choosing Reputable Sources
You can choose reputable and trusted sources by researching and selecting websites or companies that have a proven track record of providing high-quality and original content.
Choosing reputable sources can help ensure that the essay you purchase is legitimate and meets your academic standards.
Verifying the Credentials of Writers
You can verify writers’ credentials by checking their educational background, experience, and qualifications to ensure they can produce quality work.
Also, choose reputable websites with a rigorous screening process for their writers. The intention is to minimize the risk of receiving poor-quality work or falling victim to scams.
Reviewing Samples and Testimonials
Reviewing samples and testimonials of the writing service or writer can give an idea of the quality and originality of their work.
Ensuring that the samples and testimonials are legitimate and not fabricated is important. Additionally, it can be helpful to seek recommendations from trusted sources, such as peers or academic advisors.
Using Plagiarism Detection Tools
Using plagiarism detection tools helps check the paper’s originality and authenticity before submission. Some of the popular plagiarism checkers include Turnitin, Grammarly, and Copyscape.
They analyze the content and compare it against a database of other academic papers, online sources, and publications to detect any signs of plagiarism or unoriginal content.
Clarifying Terms and Conditions
Carefully review the terms and conditions of the website or service provider. Such measures help you understand their policies on plagiarism, refunds, and revisions.
Even so, clarify any questions or concerns before placing an order. This can help ensure that you are fully aware of the risks and responsibilities involved in the process.
Protecting Personal Information
Choosing a reliable and trustworthy service provider to protect personal information is important. Carefully read the privacy policy and terms of service to ensure that the provider has appropriate data protection measures.
Using a pseudonym or a separate email address can further protect personal information. It is also advisable to avoid sharing sensitive information such as credit card details unless necessary and verified to be secure.
Avoiding Pre-Written Essays
It is best to avoid pre-written essays and opt for custom-written ones to avoid the risk of plagiarism and poor quality. Custom-written essays are specifically tailored to your needs and requirements, reducing the risk of getting caught for academic dishonesty.
Custom-written essays are often of higher quality and contain original content. While pre-written essays may seem like a quick and easy solution, they can be risky and negatively affect your academic career.
Seeking Feedback and Revisions
Seek feedback and revisions to ensure that the work meets the required standards. Better yet, this will help to identify any errors or issues with the paper and ensure that the writer delivers the necessary changes to make it satisfactory.
Reputable writing services will often offer free revisions as part of their service, so it is crucial to choose a reliable source.
Conclusion
It is crucial to be aware of the risks associated with buying essays online and to take steps to mitigate them.
Making informed decisions by conducting thorough research, verifying credentials and using plagiarism detection tools can help prevent academic dishonesty and plagiarism.
Uphold academic integrity by avoiding pre-written essays and seeking feedback and revisions. By taking these measures, students can ensure they receive quality work and avoid the potential consequences of plagiarism and compromised privacy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can i get caught buying essays online.
Yes, it is possible to get caught buying essays online. Many academic institutions use plagiarism detection software to identify academic dishonesty leading to serious consequences.
Is it legal to buy essays online?
It is not illegal to buy essays online; however, it is generally discouraged by educational institutions as it is considered a form of academic dishonesty.
How can I protect my personal information when buying essays online?
Using a reputable and secure website, you can protect your personal information when buying essays online. Also, avoid sharing sensitive information, using a VPN, and checking the website’s privacy policy and terms of service before purchasing.
Can I request revisions for purchased essays?
Most reputable essay writing services offer free revisions to ensure customer satisfaction. Also, reviewing the company’s revision policy before placing an order is important to understand the time frame and any limitations or conditions for requesting revisions.
Are there any alternatives to buying essays online?
Yes, there are several alternatives to buying essays online, including seeking help from tutors, professors, or peers; utilizing writing centers or workshops; and improving one’s writing skills through practice and self-study.
Prioritize academic integrity and avoid plagiarism, which can have severe consequences.
Josh Jasen or JJ as we fondly call him, is a senior academic editor at Grade Bees in charge of the writing department. When not managing complex essays and academic writing tasks, Josh is busy advising students on how to pass assignments. In his spare time, he loves playing football or walking with his dog around the park.
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Buying things on the Internet (Corrected essay)
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic.
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
—————————-
Sample essay was written by Nguyen Yen
In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet. This present both pros and cos, however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks.
On the one hand, shopping online brings consumers some disadvatages. Initially, since people are unable to touch or to see the products they want to buy in reality, it is always hard for them to examine the quality of these products. As a result, they might purchase the items with poor quality. In addition to that, as consumers do not feel happy with the items they had bought online, they tend to abandon these products or don’t use them at all. This is definitely a watse of money. Moreover, buyings thing on the Internet often makes people confused since there are a great number of shops on the Internet. To be specific, buyers might see the same products in several shops, but the prices for these items can be very different, ranging from reasonable to prohibitedly expensive price. Consequently, they will not know which products they should purchase.
On the other hand, I am of opinion that shopping online brings people a number of benefits. First, shopping online allows consumers to browse for products and checking prices between these online shops . In this way, people can make a better decision to buy what they like after taking prices, sizes and models into consideration. From my experience, I used to buy an elegant dress at virtual shop, which was cheaper compared to some shops near my houses.
Second, buyings things on the Internet helps people save a great deal of time. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online is a wise choice which doesn’t require them to go the the stores . With a click of mouse, they can buy the things they need and the shippers will deliver their products to customers as soon as possible.
Third, since there is a high demand of buying things online, many people can realize their dream of starting up their own business and achieve success in the long rub This can be seen as a positive trend because it creates good job opportunities for people and thereby help people to improve their income and well-being. This also contributes to boosting the economy of a nation in generall.
In conclusion, although buyings things on the Internet exerts some adverse aspects, the advantages can justify these.
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In recent years, there has been a growing trend that people tend to buy things on the Internet in online shopping. This present both pros and cos cons, however, in my opinion, its benefits are much more significant than the drawbacks.
- The phrase “buy things on the Internet” is already used in the essay topic. Try to shorten it by using a suitable buzzword, such as “online shopping”
- Words such as ‘people’ and ‘ideas’ have the potential to be vague. So, avoid saying “people tend to” if possible.
- The second sentence in the introduction has too many commas. Break it into two simple sentences if necessary.
On the one hand, shopping online online shopping brings to the consumers some disadvatages. Initially, since people are unable to touch or to see the products they want to buy in reality, it is always hard for them to examine the quality of these products. As a result, they might purchase the items with poor quality. In addition to that, as the consumers do not feel happy with the items they had bought online, they tend to abandon these products or dont do not use them at all. This is definitely a watse waste of money. Moreover, buyings thing on the Internet often makes people confused since there are a great number of shops on the Internet. To be specific, the buyers might see the same products in several shops, but the prices for these items can be very different, ranging from reasonable to prohibitedly expensive price . Consequently, they will not know which products they should purchase.
- The second sentence is too wordy, due to the fact that the words “people”, “they”, and “them” all have been used despite being unnecessary. Since the main focus here is the products, not the people using them, I suggest rewriting the whole sentence into passive voice.
- Avoid using contraction (“don’t”) in an academic context.
- The ideas and sentence structures being used here are kinda repetitive. Regarding of online shopping, there are many issues that are worth mentioning (shipment delays, misleading online marketing, annoying advertises, etc)
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that shopping online online shopping brings people a number of benefits. First, shopping online online shopping allows the consumers to browse for products and checking comparing the prices between these online shops. In this way, people can make a better decision to buy what they like after taking prices, sizes and models of the products into consideration. To speak From my experience, I used to buy an elegant dresses at virtual shops, which was cheaper compared to that of some shops near my houses. Second, buyings things on the Internet helps people save a great deal of time. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online online shopping is a wise choice which doesn’t does not require them to go the the stores. With a click of mouse With just a click, they can buy the things they need and the shippers will deliver their products to the customers as soon as possible. Third, since there is a high demand of buying things online, many people can realize their dream of starting up their own business and achieve success in the long rub run. This can be seen as a positive trend because it creates good job opportunities for the people and thereby help people to improve their income and well-being. This also contributes to boost ing the economy of a nation in general l .
- While the second body paragraph is very long (216 words!), its quaility doesn’t appear much better than the first one. Try to write only 70 words, you will definitely see an improvement.
- Many idioms are introduced in this paragraph: “a great deal of time”, “in the long run”, “to be caught up”, “to take in consideration”, “with just a click”. However, the attempt to use them isn’t really succesful, due to some spelling mistakes.
- The vocabulary is kinda limitted here. However, there are a variety of connectives (“on the one hand”, , “first”, “in this way”, “thereby”, etc).
- Too short and unconvincing. Need to give more emphasis.
Words: 418 words
Overall: 6.5
- Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the essay has answer the required question, and write more than 250 words) ✓ presents a clear position throughout the response ✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
- Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout ✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use ✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
- Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task ✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy (the writer uses very few topic-related words. And when they are used, mistakes are presented “shopping online”) ✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms ✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication (lots of the article “the” are missing, so I cannot give a 7 score here)
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Other sample essay
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce. The number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips.
Secondly, buying things on the internet provides you with a wide range of options. Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, deals and a lot more. One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
Corrected Essay:
With the advent of technological advancement, 21st century has witnessed a boom in e-commerce the number of online shopping websites is increasing exponentially. Shopping online has its upsides and downsides but the positives of this technological blessing far outweighs its negatives . The positive impacts on online shopping undermine its negative sides because the advanced technology can save our time and give more options for purchasing .
- The opening paragraph does not contain a clear thesis statement. It is important to tell what you are going to talk about and where you are positioning on the views.
- Phrases ‘a boom in e commerce’ and ‘is increasing exponentially’ have similar meaning. It is better to keep it in short, but clear sentence.
Firstly, online shopping saves one from travel and traffic problems. Online shopping does not require people to travel . I live in the outskirts of Karachi and commuting to the city for buying stuff is not an easy task for me. Further, Karachi is an overly-populated city with the worst traffic situation, all this makes it more difficult to travel. As living in Karachi, an over-populated city with its congestion problems, many citizens like me have to overcome difficult situation only for buying stuff in the city centre . This problem is hugely resolved by the e-buying facility. Everything is simply a click away, whether it is groceries, air tickets, clothes or books. Whatever I order is duly received at my doorstep, without my having to embark on long, hectic shopping-trips . This platform enables consumers to experience shopping activities in simple ways. Take the biggest e-commerce in the word, eBay which provides wide varieties of products, for example. As a student, I often ordered books, air tickets, and fashion items. Likewise, many housewives in my neighbourhood prefer to purchase groceries through this website. If eBay was never exist before, buyers like us might have to spend longer times taking long trips to get our shopping lists. This example tells about how an effective shopping is advantageous as a time saver.
- Firstly is ommited as the topic sentence is not too clear enough to represent the main idea.
- The use of ‘I’ in your example does not cover people’ problems in general, so I have changed ‘I’ into ‘ many citizen like me’
- Everything is simply a click away needs to be elaborated. Please see the changes.
- You only mention groceries, air tickets, clothes or books without giving explanation. If you want to score higher, it is your task to present your ideas in details. I have made some detailed explanations with this.
Secondly, Another benefit is that buying things items on the internet serves unlimited choices provides you with a wide range of options . Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine! On the internet there is no physical space limitation, therefore the variety available for a single item is endless. Also, there are countless websites where you can compare product prices, specifications, extra features, and deals and a lot more . One such website is Compare.Pk, where you can select an item and compare it with similar items of other brands for specifications and prices. All this not only provides convenience to customers but also exposes them to a very huge market for buying the most appropriate item.
- You need to link both main ideas in the first sentence using transitional phrase. But remember, reliance too much on this will score you lower. Use them when necessary.
- The word ‘ things’ is a weak lexical resource. It is better to use some alternative vocabs like stuff, items, daily needs, etc.
- A wide range of options have been mentioned in the intro, you need to paraphase it. Serves unlimited choices.
- You do not need to use exclamation mark. Present your sentence in a smooth way.
- Consider yourself in a gigantic super-mart having access to every type of item you can imagine!.This sentence also does not make a sense.
- And a lot more is vague. You’d better omit this phrase.
In conclusion, it can be unambiguously agreed upon it is true that the advancement in e-buying has resulted in convenience for buyers. One only has to select and order an item and it arrives at his doorstep. Also, the available options for a single commodity are endless, so that a person can compare and buy the best.
- You have to summarise your main points and reiterate your opinion. Some ideas presented are sidetrack.
- Your opinion does not state your opinion clearly.
- It can be unambiguously agreed upon is counted as 6 words. It is always good to be succinct and keep straight to the point.
- Let me give you an example of this: In conclusion, the disadvantages of e-commerce trend are overshadowed by the benefits resulting from modern technology. I am convinced that online shopping is one of great innovations of people doing transaction as it reduces time and provides more options.
Overall: 7.0
· Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the author wrote 303 words)
✗ presents a clear position throughout the response (the way you present your idea in the intro is too generic)
✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
· Coherence and Cohesion: 6
✓ arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✗ uses paragraphing, but not always logically ( missing links between intro and conclusion)
Lexical Resource: 7
✓uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures
✓ has produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
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The phrase "buy things on the Internet" is already used in the essay topic. Try to shorten it by using a suitable buzzword, such as "online shopping". Words such as 'people' and 'ideas' have the potential to be vague. So, avoid saying "people tend to" if possible. The second sentence in the introduction has too many commas.
The phrase "buy things on the Internet" is already used in the essay topic. Try to shorten it by using a suitable buzzword, such as "online shopping". Words such as 'people' and 'ideas' have the potential to be vague. So, avoid saying "people tend to" if possible. The second sentence in the introduction has too many commas.
Sample Essay. Today, shopping online is becoming more popular in the modern world than ever. People use it to buy many things such as books, clothes, shoes, tickets and even groceries. I am of the opinion that this method of buying has both advantages and disadvantages, and it is hard to say whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? Nowadays, e-shopping or shopping online has an increasing trend among shoppers. It has both positive and negative sides. First, we need to make a plan for writing on this topic.
Model Answer 2: [View: Online shopping has more disadvantages] Online shopping has become increasingly popular in recent years, with many people turning to eCommerce to purchase goods and services. However, despite its convenience, I believe that the disadvantages of online shopping outweigh the benefits. Among the benefits, online shopping ...
Internet shopping has become very common amongst all the generations for purchasing things like books, groceries and flight tickets. This essay will shed light on both the boons and banes of shopping online and further the notion shall be shared at the end. Despite higher costs, there are various other reasons why people buy things online.
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.Do the ...
An online shop creates a physical analogy for buying products or services. Some of the famous online retailing corporations which facilitate the experience of online shopping are Amazon, eBay, Flipkart, Myntra, etc. Online shopping is a growing area of the digital world and technology. Establishing a store on the Internet gives various options ...
IELTS Writing Correction Service /. Writing Samples /. Band 9. Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ...
You should spend about 40 minutes on IELTS writing task 2. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give specific reason and explain them with examples from your own experience or knowledge.
Sometimes, I don't buy anything and just go round and round shopping malls. 2. What do you shop for? Most of the time, I buy clothes. I get bored easily so I always want to see a new me every day. That's why I buy a lot of clothes so I never have to wear the same outfit for a whole month. Bad habit I know.
In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will be explaining my views on the same. writing9. Trend of buying products online is rapidly burgeoning gloablly. Although there are a few demerits, merits of buying things online outweigh this because online products are cheap and avalaible with different options | Band: 1.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay - it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs. The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences: Summary
We're Proud to Be One-for-One. College Essay Guy believes that every student should have access to the tools and guidance necessary to create the best application possible. That's why we're a one-for-one company, which means that for every student who pays for support, we provide free support to a low-income student. Learn more.
Essay on Online Shopping: Buying things on the internet is termed as online shopping. E-commerce has changed the way businesses are conducted, and retailers are selling goods and services over the internet and making high profits. Company sites, shopping portals and e-auction sites are very popular with customers. Online shopping also delivers ...
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Band 8. buying things online is becoming more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Nowadays, there are many arguments concerning online shopping that has recently been current. It is clear that the positive effects of online purchasing could certainly offset its negative points. On the one hand, the most drawback of buying online.
Key points. Much of what we buy is not truly necessary. Most of us devote much time and effort to be able to afford to buy unnecessary things. Consumer culture may offer the means to establish and ...
Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. (Bates College) Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head.
2. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Nowadays, shopping online for a variety of things, including books, air tickets and groceries is increasingly more common. I believe that there are more positive aspects of.
1. Plagiarism and Academic Dishonesty. When students buy essays from online sources, there is a risk that the work may have been copied or stolen from another source. Such can lead to serious consequences, including failing grades, academic probation, or even expulsion. Most importantly, students should avoid these risks, such as working with ...
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.Do the ...
Just buy it. The joy it gives me each time I flip to clean/dirty is the same joy I felt when Pam and Jim got married, or when Michael yelled, 'I declare bankruptcy!' or when Kevin said, 'call it ...