our friend essay teague

The Award-Winning, Heart-Wrenching True Story Behind Our Friend

The new film starring Casey Affleck, Dakota Johnson, and Jason Segel is based on the Esquire story ‘The Friend.’

Every product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. We may earn a commission from these links.

Our Friend tells the story of the journalist Matthew Teague, who once traveled the world as a foreign correspondent, reporting from countries such as Afghanistan, Sri Lanka, China, and Ireland, for National Geographic , Vanity Fair , the Atlantic , and more . He spent years telling other people’s stories: complex and consequential tales of spies, double agents, and overseas C.I.A. operations. But his greatest story unfolded right at home, in his small town of Fairhope, Alabama. In 2012, Matthew’s wife Nicole was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 34. The couple had been together for over thirteen years.

“Since we had met, when she was still a teenager,” Teague wrote , “I had loved her with my whole self.” They had two young daughters together, Molly and Evangeline.

That year, Matthew and Nicole’s close friend, Dane Faucheux, came to visit them after Thanksgiving. In the midst of Nicole’s diagnosis, he stayed with them at first for months, and then almost two years, taking on the simultaneous roles of housekeeper, babysitter, and caregiver to help them through. He left behind his life—his job, his girlfriend—to be there for Matthew, Nicole, and their daughters. It’s a story of a friendship so deep, so kind, and so enduring that you almost don’t believe it’s real, but it is. Dane helped Matthew care for Nicole through years of horrors—unsuccessful chemotherapy, hair loss, weight loss, bodily deterioration, and manic episodes when Nicole was hardly recognizable as herself.

In the article, Teague writes:

We don't tell each other the truth about dying, as a people. Not real dying. Real dying, regular and mundane dying, is so hard and so ugly that it becomes the worst thing of all: It's grotesque. It's undignified. No one ever told me the truth about it, not once. When it happened to my beloved, I lost my footing in more than one way. The tiled floor of life—morals, ethics, even laws—became a shifting and relative thing. I smuggled drugs. Lied. Hid money from the IRS.

I think I've hung on to the sensation of the hospital floor and being lifted away from it because it captures everything that followed in the next two years. The shock of mortality. One man's collapse. And another man's refusal to let it happen.

The film, which stars Casey Affleck, Dakota Johnson, and Jason Segel, is similar to the article in its dedication to telling the truth, with a few notable exceptions. It’s one thing to read about wound packing and fistulas, these unbelievably grotesque and cruel realities of a body caving in on itself in the throes of such an evil illness. It’s another to see them in a movie. Teague was aware of this contrast.

“There are things that I can write about in print, and people can absorb and find to be honest,” Teague said, in a recent interview with the New York Times . “Yet, if you see it onscreen, people are going to throw up their popcorn and run from the theater.”

But while the film spares the audience those exact moments from Teague’s life and the article, it delivers—in stark and shattering detail—the often mundane realities of illness and death in a family. The devastation of these small moments is palpable: we see a short montage of food delivered by neighbors and friends to the Teague house, and a glimpse of preteen Molly carrying a Tupperware of food home after her mother’s funeral.

When Nicole frolics in the town fountain, crossing off one of the items on her bucket list, the scene is joyous and upsetting at the same time. You watch, smiling through the tightness of an oncoming cry caught in your throat, as Dakota Johnson sensitively portrays a woman who’s grasping at life even as it violently slips away from her. The fountain scene, along with the doctor’s words in his diagnosis (“like somebody dipped a paintbrush in cancer and flicked it around her abdomen”), is one of the details from Teague’s story that made it directly into the film.

Today, Teague still lives in the home he and Nicole built in Fairhope, Alabama. He is remarried and has a 3-month-old son named Wilder. Dane Faucheux is now married and living in New Orleans. The two remain close friends.

@media(max-width: 73.75rem){.css-1ktbcds:before{margin-right:0.4375rem;color:#FF3A30;content:'_';display:inline-block;}}@media(min-width: 64rem){.css-1ktbcds:before{margin-right:0.5625rem;color:#FF3A30;content:'_';display:inline-block;}} Movies

13 Classic Fall Movies to Watch Right Now

The 25 Best Spy Movies Ever Made

Here’s How to Watch All the Batman Movies in Order

Let’s Reappraise the Found-Footage Horror Movie

The ‘Saturday Night’ Trailer Is...Pretty Tense!

Leslie Uggams Wants to Keep You Guessing

How to Watch the ‘Alien’ Movies in Order

Give Me Ben Affleck as Hulk Hogan Right Now!

The 40 Sexiest Erotic Thrillers of All Time

The 32 Best Movies of 2024 (So Far)

Stick Around for the ‘Trap’ Post-Credits Scene

• 12 Mighty Orphans
• 12 Years a Slave
• 15:17 to Paris, The
• 300: Rise of an Empire
• 80 for Brady
• A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
• A Journal for Jordan
• A Million Miles Away
• A Small Light
• Against the Ice
• All Eyez on Me
• All My Life
• American Gangster
• American Hustle
• American Made
• American Sniper
• American Underdog
• Amityville Horror (1979)
• Amityville Horror (2005)
• Annabelle: Creation
• Antwone Fisher
• Arthur the King
• Bad Education
• Battle of the Sexes
• Beanie Bubble, The
• Beautiful Boy
• Beauty and the Beast
• Being the Ricardos
• Best of Enemies, The
• Big Lebowski
• Big Short, The
• Big Sick, The
• Bikeriders, The
• BlacKkKlansman
• Bleed for This
• Blind Side, The
• Bling Ring, The
• Blue Miracle
• Boardwalk Empire
• Bohemian Rhapsody
• Boston Strangler
• Boys Don't Cry
• Boys in the Boat, The
• Breakthrough
• Brian Banks
• Bridge of Spies
• Burial, The
• Butler, The
• Bye Bye Man, The
• Calendar Girls
• Can You Ever Forgive Me?
• Captain Phillips
• Case for Christ, The
• Catch Me If You Can
• Charlie Wilson's War
• Chasing Mavericks
• Cocaine Bear
• Concrete Cowboy
• Conjuring 2, The
• Conjuring, The
• Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, The
• Courier, The
• Crowded Room, The
• Current War, The
• Danish Girl, The
• Danny Collins
• Darkest Hour
• Dear Edward
• Death of Stalin, The
• Deepwater Horizon
• Deliver Us From Evil
• Devil Wears Prada, The
• Disappointments Room, The
• Disaster Artist, The
• Dolemite Is My Name
• Donnie Brasco
• Downton Abbey
• Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story
• Dream Horse
• Dropout, The
• Eddie the Eagle
• Emancipation
• End of the Tour, The
• Erin Brockovich
• Exorcism of Emily Rose, The
• Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile
• Eyes of Tammy Faye, The
• Fabelmans, The
• Farewell, The
• Fault in Our Stars, The
• Favourite, The
• Fighter, The
• Fighting with My Family
• Finding Neverland
• Finest Hours, The
• Five Days at Memorial
• Flamin' Hot
• Florence Foster Jenkins
• Ford v Ferrari
• Founder, The
• Free State of Jones
• Freedom Writers
• Gigi and Nate
• Girl from Plainville, The
• Glass Castle, The
• Goldbergs, The
• Good Nurse, The
• Good on Paper
• Goodbye Christopher Robin
• Gran Turismo
• Greatest Beer Run Ever, The
• Greatest Showman, The
• Gridiron Gang
• Hacksaw Ridge
• Hands of Stone
• Haunting in Connecticut, The
• Heaven is for Real
• Hidden Figures
• Hillbilly Elegy
• Hollywoodland
• House of Gucci
• Hurricane, The
• I Am the Night
• I Can Only Imagine
• I Saw the Light
• I Still Believe
• I Wanna Dance with Somebody
• Imitation Game, The
• Infiltrator, The
• Inventing Anna
• Irishman, The
• Iron Claw, The
• Jerry and Marge Go Large
• Jersey Boys
• Jesus Revolution
• Jimi: All Is by My Side
• Judas and the Black Messiah
• Kill the Messenger
• Killers of the Flower Moon
• King Arthur
• King Richard
• Lady in the Lake
• Last Duel, The
• Last Full Measure, The
• League of Their Own, A
• Lone Survivor
• Lost City of Z, The
• Ma Rainey's Black Bottom
• Maggie Moore(s)
• Man Who Invented Christmas, The
• Masters of the Air
• Mauritanian, The
• McFarland, USA
• Megan Leavey
• Men of Honor
• Military Wives
• Million Dollar Arm
• Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, The
• Miracles from Heaven
• Molly's Game
• Monuments Men, The
• Mothman Prophecies, The
• Mrs. America
• Munich: The Edge of War
• My All American
• Next Goal Wins
• Not Without My Daughter
• Old Man & the Gun, The
• On a Wing and a Prayer
• Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
• One and Only Ivan, The
• Only the Brave
• Operation Finale
• Operation Mincemeat
• Oppenheimer
• Ordinary Angels
• Outlaw King
• Outpost, The
• Pain & Gain
• Pain Hustlers
• Passion of the Christ, The
• Patch Adams
• Patriots Day
• Pawn Sacrifice
• Penguin Bloom
• People v. O.J. Simpson, The
• Pianist, The
• Pope's Exorcist, The
• Prayer Before Dawn, A
• Promise, The
• Public Enemies
• Pursuit of Happyness, The
• Queen of Katwe
• Quiet Ones, The
• Railway Man, The
• Remember the Titans
• Rescued by Ruby
• Revenant, The
• Richard Jewell
• Right Stuff, The
• Rookie, The
• Saving Mr. Banks
• Saving Private Ryan
• Schindler's List
• Serpent, The
• Slender Man
• Social Network, The
• Society of the Snow
• Soul Surfer
• Sound of Freedom
• Staircase, The
• Survivor, The
• Tender Bar, The
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The
• Texas Rising
• Theory of Everything, The
• Thing About Pam, The
• Thirteen Lives
• To Write Love on Her Arms
• Top Gun: Maverick
• Trees of Peace
• Trial of the Chicago 7, The
• True Spirit
• United Kingdom, A
• United States vs. Billie Holiday, The
• Unsung Hero
• Upside, The
• Victoria and Abdul
• Walk the Line
• Watcher, The
• We Own This City
• We Were the Lucky Ones
• Weird: The Al Yankovic Story
• Welcome to Marwen
• When the Game Stands Tall
• When They See Us
• White Boy Rick
• White House Plumbers
• Wicked Little Letters
• Wolf of Wall Street, The
• Woman in Gold
• Woman King, The
• Young Woman and the Sea
• Zookeeper's Wife, The

Our Friend: History vs. Hollywood

How old was matt teague's wife at the time she was battling terminal cancer.

Nicole Teague, who is portrayed by Dakota Johnson in the film, was 34 years old at the time she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in September 2012. While the movie doesn't specify the type of cancer Nicole has, in researching the Our Friend true story, we discovered that it had started as ovarian cancer before spreading throughout her abdomen. The real Nicole Teague (left) and Dakota Johnson (right) in the Our Friend movie.

When did Matt and Nicole meet?

In his  Esquire article, "The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word," Matt (Casey Affleck in the film) says only that he had met Nicole when she was still a teenager and that he "had loved her with [his] whole self."

How did Matt and Nicole meet their best friend Dane Faucheux?

The true story reveals that they had met Dane Faucheux 15 years earlier while they were living in New Orleans and Nicole and Dane were going to the same college. -Esquire

Did Dane Faucheux dye his hair blue to match Nicole's?

In real life, when Nicole Teague's hair began to fall out from chemo, she asked her husband Matt to get his beard trimmer and give her a Mohawk. Matt sent the picture to Dane, who immediately buzzed his own head into a Mohawk to match Nicole's. Matt doesn't mention hair dying in his Esquire article. In a blog post, Nicole did write that she completed her bucket list item of having red hair. However, there's no mention of Dane dying his. Nicole and Matt Teague's best friend, Dane Faucheux (left), portrayed by Jason Segel (right) in the movie. Twitter @DaneFaucheux

How many kids did the real Matt and Nicole Teague have?

The Our Friend true story confirms that Matt and Nicole had two young girls, Molly and Evangeline (Evie), who were approximately ten and seven at the time the events depicted in the movie took place.

Did Dane stop a group of churchwomen from entering Nicole's hospital room?

Yes. This comes straight from the Esquire article that inspired the Our Friend movie. A group of Baptist women came by Nicole's hospital room while she was trying to sleep. Dane had posted himself outside to stop anyone from unnecessarily bothering Nicole and Matt. He told the women that he was sorry to inform them they could not enter. "I feel pretty sure God can hear you out here in the hall," he said.

Does the Our Friend movie portray Nicole Teague's battle with cancer accurately?

Not exactly. It leaves out some of the more horrific aspects of Nicole's battle. In the Esquire article that inspired the film, the real Matt Teague talks about how his wife Nicole shed significant weight, understandably more than the movie was able to portray. He mentions that her collarbone looked unnatural, "like something an alien implanted under her skin." He also talks about having to change the packing in the dime-sized holes in her abdomen, the result of her surgeries and her body becoming increasingly slower in its ability to heal itself. As her body began to reject food, Matt says that small pieces of half-digested food mixed with stomach acid would emerge through the wounds in Nicole's abdomen via tunnels that had formed called fistulas. They tried to use gauzes and cloth diapers to catch it, but the stomach acid would eat through them and eventually started to consume her flesh as well. This is just one of the physical horrors that Matt describes in his article, any one of which could have easily turned off movie audiences. However, critics like Peter Debruge of Variety complained that scrubbing the unpleasantness from the movie turns it into a "dishonest, sanitized, no-help-to-anyone TV-movie version of death," which had been precisely why Matt Teague wanted to set the record straight in his article. The real Nicole Teague (left) not long before her death in September 2014 and actress Dakota Johnson (right) in the movie.

When did Nicole and Matt Teague's best friend move in with them?

Our fact check confirms that Dane Faucheux (Jason Segel in the movie) came to stay with Matt and Nicole around Christmas 2013. He had been living in New Orleans, where Nicole had met him in college. Like in the Our Friend movie, he moved in on the night that their Pug, Gracie, died after being diagnosed with cancer. Dane gave up a management position and left his friends and apartment in New Orleans to come stay with them at their house in the small town of Fairhope, Alabama. Initially, Dane was just supposed to stay for a few months to help. As shown in the Our Friend  film, Dane took over many of the domestic duties, especially during the periods when Nicole's condition worsened. He cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, and went grocery shopping.

Did Dane take Matt hiking for a couple of days to help him regain his strength and mental composure?

Yes. After noticing how much Matt was struggling both physically and mentally, Dane took Matt hiking in the Appalachians for a couple of days. A friend of Nicole's agreed to stay with her while they were away. It's true that Matt was reluctant to go at first, not wanting to leave Nicole. He even thought that Dane was conspiring against him, as Dane expressed his concern for Matt to both Nicole and Julia, the counselor. He also wondered why Dane was making secret arrangements with their friends behind his back. The time in the Appalachians seems to be depicted accurately, aside from some minor changes. In the movie, they see a group of college-aged girls swinging on a rope swing and dropping into a creek or pond. In real life, the girls were jumping off of rocks jutting out from the top of a waterfall. Similar to the movie, Dane climbed up and took a turn as Matt cheered him on.

Did Nicole get to be the grand marshal of a Mardi Gras parade?

Yes. Throughout 2014, Nicole had moments of improved health. She began to eat again, and she made a bucket list of all the things she wanted to do. This included visiting New York City one last time, jumping into the downtown fountain with their friends, and being the grand marshal of a Mardi Gras parade, all of which she accomplished. The real Nicole Teague (center) fulfilling her bucket list item of jumping into the Fairhope fountain with all of her friends. Photo: The Bucket List Project: Jeanne Rougelot

Did moving in with Matt and Nicole cause Dane Faucheux's girlfriend to break up with him?

Yes. The true story behind Our Friend confirms that Dane's girlfriend back in New Orleans could not fully understand his loyalty to Matt and Nicole. As a result, his relationship with her deteriorated. Though her name is Kat in the Our Friend movie, Marielle Scott's character seems to be largely fictional, as little is mentioned in the article about Dane's real-life girlfriend.

Did powerful painkillers cause Nicole Teague to experience disturbing hallucinations?

Yes. In one instance, Nicole called for her husband Matt and told him she needed help to the bathroom. She then told him that she was a Barbie Doll and that when he moved her, he could only move one limb at a time. It's true that Matt and Dane kept the girls away from her when she was hallucinating. Painkillers like Dilaudid, which is seven times stronger than morphine, also attributed to her lashing out, especially at Matt.

Did Nicole really crave mayonnaise?

Yes, it was one of the few foods she could still taste accurately. Matt said that she ate so much mayo it became a jar-a-day habit. -Esquire

Did Matt have to change their accounts to stop his wife Nicole from secretly ordering things online?

Yes. In order to help maintain her normal role as mother and shopper, Nicole started to secretly order things online, including toilet paper, school supplies, and clothing. Matt says that he let it go on for a long time, but the final straw came when Nicole sent money to someone in Iraq. It was then that he started to change their accounts to prevent her from accessing them. Matthew Teague (left) and Casey Affleck (right) in the film. Matthew Teague Facebook

Did Matt and Dane illegally obtain marijuana for Nicole's pain?

Yes, since medical marijuana was then still not available in Alabama, some friends offered to get them illegal marijuana. An Our Friend fact check confirms that they were told to pick up the weed from a mailbox before noon. However, they arrived to find that the mail carrier had already been there and left the mail on top of the brick of weed.

How long did Dane Faucheux live with Matt Teague's family?

Dane Faucheux spent a total of 14 months living with Matt and his family. He left abruptly four months after Nicole died, not knowing how to tell Matt. He just began packing and left one day while Matt's daughters were at school. He headed back to New Orleans to reclaim the life he had left behind. Dane visits Matt and the girls often.

What's the biggest difference between real-life and the Our Friend movie?

The real Nicole Teague was a devout Christian. In writing about her battle with cancer in her blog, she stated in a September 2013 post, "I look back at the last year of strife and hardship and know what got me through: the care of those who love us, my incredible love for my girls, and my strong faith in God. I may not understand it, but I believe He has a purpose in all this, and that's a freeing thing." In a video titled " Nicole's Blessings and Testimony ," she shared her testimony in words and song. She had been a member of First Baptist Church in Fairhope, Alabama. The movie does a disservice to the true story by failing to capture this side of Nicole. It is unclear whether her husband Matt shared in her devotion.

Did actor Jason Segel meet the real Dane Faucheux?

Yes. Jason Segel met the real Dane once about halfway through filming. However, he says that he made it a point to separate the character from the real Dane, since certain parts of the character were fictionalized for the movie. This includes portraying Dane as "dorky." Also, while Dane does in fact perform stand-up comedy in real life, Segel depicts him as a not-so-great stand-up comedian. -ET Canada

What are the real Matthew Teague and Dane Faucheux doing today?

A 2019 Nieman Fellow at Harvard, Matt continues to work as a freelance journalist, writing for such notable publications as Esquire , Men's Journal , Smithsonian , The Atlantic and The Guardian . He was an executive producer on the  Our Friend  movie. Matt remarried in 2019. His wife Bo gave birth to a baby boy in early October 2020. Matt Teague in 2020 with daughters Evie (left) and Molly (right). Also pictured is his wife Bo, who he married in 2019. Instagram @boalexandra As for Dane Faucheux, "[He] is deliriously happy," Matt Teague told the audience during a Q&A at TIFF. "He's recently married to a wonderful girl in New Orleans, and he's still my best friend." Dane Faucheux and his wife Kelly, who he married in 2019. Instagram @kellydraws

• Matthew Teague's "The Friend" Esquire Article

• Contributors

His wife was just thirty-four. They had two little girls. The cancer was everywhere, and the parts of dying that nobody talks about were about to start. His best friend came to help out for a couple weeks. And he never left.

The Friend MATTHEW TEAGUE May 1 2015

Get instant access to 85+ years of esquire. subscribe now exclusive & unlimited access to esquire classic - the official esquire archive.

• Every issue Esquire has ever published, since 1933
• Every timeless feature, profile, interview, novella - even the ads!
• 85+ Years of outstanding fiction from world-renowned authors
• More than 150,000 Images — beautiful High-Resolution photography, zoom into every page
• Unlimited Search and Browse
• Bookmark all your favorites into custom Collections
• Enjoy on Desktop, Tablet, and Mobile

More From This Issue

The Warm Embrace of Charlize Theron

It Was the Moment We Were Waiting For and the Moment We Dreaded

How Much Better Can We Stand To Be?

There’s Somebody Ruthless on the Way

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Unlock every article esquire has ever published. subscribe now exclusive & unlimited access to every timeless profile, interview, short story, feature, advertisement , and much more.

Dubious Achievement Awards of 1991!

What Do the Beautiful People Do for Kicks?

The Goalie and the Drug Lord

Five Other Things to Worry About

A STILL LIFE

THE RING OF Truth

Every article. every page., every issue of esquire ever published. 1933 to today..

• Privacy Notice
• Your California Privacy Rights
• CCPA Requests
• Interest-Based Ads
• Terms of Use

Get instant access to 85+ years of Esquire. Subscribe Now! Exclusive & Unlimited access to Esquire Classic Everything Esquire has ever published

Movie Reviews

Tv/streaming, collections, chaz's journal, great movies, contributors.

Now streaming on:

"It was a routine death in every sense. It was ordinary. Common. The only remarkable element was Dane. I had married into this situation, but how had he gotten here? Love is not a big-enough word. He stood and faced the reality of death for my sake. He is my friend."— Matthew Teague , "The Friend,"  Esquire Magazine , May 2015

There's good reason to be slightly skeptical of films that centralize cancer. Too often cancer is used as a plot-point or a short-cut to emotional engagement. In television series, cancer is used to boost ratings. Cancer patients are portrayed as inspirational, enlightened: they are here to teach us how to live. The worst and most bafflingly common "cancer trope" is the one where a young woman dies of cancer, and her boyfriend becomes a better man in the process. These types of films don't want to deal with the reality of cancer. In a way, the movies are designed to deny reality. One of the most refreshing things about Gabriela Cowperthwaite's "Our Friend," based on Matthew Teague's devastating 2015 essay  about his wife's death and the friend who helped the couple through it, is the film's strict interest only in reality. "Our Friend" doesn't make cancer "mean" anything beyond what it already is, and it doesn't turn cancer into a symbol of something else. In his essay, Teague wrote, "We don't tell each other the truth about dying, as a people. Not real dying. Real dying, regular and mundane dying, is so hard and so ugly that it becomes the worst thing of all: It's grotesque. It's undignified. No one ever told me the truth about it, not once."

"Our Friend" tells the truth about it.

Matt ( Casey Affleck ) and Nicole ( Dakota Johnson ) are a relatively happy couple living in Fairhope, Alabama. She's an actress with a local theatre, he's a journalist. They have two small daughters. Life has its bumps in the road, but in general all is well until Nicole is diagnosed with ovarian cancer, the "silent killer." Things go from bad to worse to terrifying. Their mutual friend Dane ( Jason Segel ) decides to move in with them during the final year of her illness, to help out around the house, help with the girls, play support staff for a grieving overwhelmed family. 

Why would Dane give up his own life like this? As the film makes clear, Dane is at loose ends. He works in a sporting goods store. He says he wants to "start to think about" doing stand-up comedy, not exactly an ambitious choice of words. All of his friends are husbands and fathers now. Dane wants that, too. But after a visit to Matt and Nicole's house post-cancer-diagnosis, he notices instantly that everyone is overwhelmed. He thinks he could be of use, pick up the slack, do errands, be there for whatever is needed.

Brad Ingelsby's screenplay sticks fairly closely to Teague's original essay. When the screenplay deviates, the film loses focus. The tangents feel like tangents, off-shoots of the main narrative. In some cases, these tangents muddy the waters. Teague's essay jumps around a little bit in chronology, backtracking to explain how he and Nicole met Dane. But Ingelsby goes full-bore into fractured chronology, leaping back 13 years, leaping forward 8 years, back 4 years, and etc. It's a challenge keeping the timeline straight.

But "Our Friend" is very good where it really counts and that's on the small details, the everyday life aspect of doing errands, cooking dinner, while your family is going through this harrowing ordeal. Cancer consumes the patient, but it also ravages the family. There's a beautiful sequence where Matt drives past a playground, seeing happy mothers and children playing on the swings. He is so far away from being able to do that, it's like he'll never join that warm carefree circle again. Death makes you self-centered. How can people just keep living their lives when my life is ending? As singer-songwriter Tracy Bonham says: "And the world has the nerve to keep on turning." "Our Friend" really understands this.

If you don't believe in Matt, Nicole, and Dane's friendship, then the film would not work. You believe it. Affleck's Matt can be a difficult man, prone to gloomy brooding. When he suffers, he suffers mostly in silence, interrupted by explosive impatience or sudden fainting spells. (Yes. He faints. Often.) Nicole is a warm and giving person, and people are drawn to her. She is forgiving, but not a pushover. What is unique here is Dane is friends with both Matt and Nicole. (Teague writes about this dynamic in his essay.) Segel is perfect for this sort of material, with his scruffy kindness, his humorous impulses (his scenes with the children are particularly wonderful), his openness. One can only imagine how awful it would be if Dane were portrayed as some saintly self-sacrificing angel. Segel plays to Dane's sense of disappointment, his loneliness for a mate, for children of his own. It's all there. He's a complicated man, and yet his impulses for friendship are simple and clear. Together, the three actors create a believable sense of shared history.

"Our Friend" is insightful on a lot of things nobody wants to talk about, like caregiver fatigue. To "take a break" consumes the caregiver with guilt. Dane suggests to Matt they go on a short hike. Matt puts up resistance, but Dane wins, and they have a good day out. There's a quick montage showing neighbors and friends dropping food off on the porch steps. Such a small thing, but so helpful. The film is also truthful about the less positive aspects. Right after Nicole gets diagnosed, friends swarm by the house in support. As Nicole gets sicker and sicker, the friends stop coming by. Only Dane remains.

Teague's essay is factual about the horrible things cancer did to his wife's body. "Our Friend" avoids some of the more gruesome elements, but it is honest about the breakdown of Nicole's personality, her psychosis, as well as her lashing out at Matt in frightening rages. (This is new territory for the gifted Johnson, and she is more than up to it.) Cowperthwaite directed " Blackfish ," a documentary about orcas in captivity. She seems to look at situations without blinking. She doesn't sugar-coat. She doesn't sentimentalize. She brought this to bear in 2017's " Megan Leavey ," a film I reviewed for this site. One could, I suppose, "write off" "Megan Leavey" based on the plot description, but Cowperthwaite's keen eye for details and empathetic sensibility made it a very powerful film. The same holds true for "Our Friend."

One critic called Dane's motives "a mystery." But it's not a mystery at all. Segel makes Dane's actions make sense. It's not all that complicated, really. Dane recognizes his friends need him, he doesn't have anything else going on, he moves in. It's that simple, or at least it's that simple to Dane. Teague himself described Dane's choice to move in with them as "ungraspable." William Butler Yeats' beautiful lines from The Municipal Gallery Revisited  come to mind:

“Think where man’s glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends.”

Being a friend like Dane is a choice. We all have that choice within us. We shouldn't just wish for a friend like Dane. We should try to be a friend like Dane.

Now playing in theaters and available on demand.

Sheila O'Malley

Sheila O'Malley received a BFA in Theatre from the University of Rhode Island and a Master's in Acting from the Actors Studio MFA Program. Read her answers to our Movie Love Questionnaire here .

Now playing

Harold and the Purple Crayon

Peter sobczynski.

The Convert

Monica castillo.

Hundreds of Beavers

Matt zoller seitz.

Space Cadet

Brian Tallerico

Film credits.

Our Friend (2021)

Rated R for language.

124 minutes

Casey Affleck as Matthew Teague

Dakota Johnson as Nicole Teague

Jason Segel as Dane Faucheux

Gwendoline Christie as Teresa

Cherry Jones as Faith

Ahna O'Reilly as Gale

Jake Owen as Aaron

• Gabriela Cowperthwaite
• Brad Ingelsby

Cinematographer

• Joe Anderson
• Colin Patton
• Rob Simonsen

Latest blog posts

The Fairy Tale Shoes: Interview With the Cast and Crew of Cuckoo

On the Trail: India Donaldson on Good One

The Texture of Night: How Collateral Revolutionized Movies

SDCC 2024: Activations, Apes and Other Animals

• Action/Adventure
• Children's/Family
• Documentary/Reality
• Amazon Prime Video

More From Decider

Where Is Kelly Ripa? 'Live' Co-Host Missing From Today's Episode

11 Best New Movies on Netflix: August 2024's Freshest Films to Watch

'Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles' Star Josh Flagg Gives Update On His...

Kora's Scars in the 'Rebel Moon: Director's Cut' Sex Scenes Were Sofia...

11 Best New Shows on Netflix: August 2024's Top Upcoming Series to Watch

'RHONJ' Fans Slam Teresa Giudice's "Cruel" Husband Louie Ruelas For...

New On Netflix August 2024, Plus What’s Coming Next

New On Disney+ July 2024

Share this:.

• Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
• Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
• Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
• Click to copy URL

Is ‘Our Friend’ Based on a True Story?

Where to stream:.

• casey affleck

Jack Harlow Gets Waterboarded and Murdered in Matt Damon’s New Movie ‘The Instigators’

'the instigators' ending explained: why are matt damon and casey affleck freed from jail, stream it or skip it: ‘the instigators’ on apple tv+, an action lark starring matt damon and casey affleck as bickering criminals, where was 'the instigators' filmed discover the boston filming locations for matt damon and casey affleck's movie.

“We don’t tell each other the truth about dying, as a people,” wrote Matthew Teague in 2015. “Not real dying.” Teague, a writer from Alabama, attempted to correct that with his award-winning Esquire essay, “ The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word ,” which described in excruciating detail his experience as a caretaker for his wife after she was diagnosed with cancer, and spoke in less detail about his best friend, Dane Faucheux, who came to stay with the Teague family during that time. Now, Teague’s story is a feature film starring Casey Affleck . Our Friend , directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite, is coming to theaters and digital on-demand this Friday. But for those curious about the real-life events that inspired the film, read on to learn about the Our Friend true story.

Is the Our Friend movie based on a true story?

Yes. Our Friend  is based on the true story of the Teague family, which was originally an article written by Matthew Teague himself  for Esquire in 2015. In it, Teague details how his best friend came to stay with his family when his wife was battling cancer, helped him take care of his family, and never left. In the film version—adapted by screenwriter Brad Ingelsby—Affleck stars as Matthew Teague, Dakota Johnson plays his wife Nicole Teague, and Jason Segel plays the friend, Dane Faucheux.

What is the Our Friend true story? Who is Matthew Teague?

Matthew Teague is a writer based in Fairhope, Alabama, and also an executive producer on the upcoming film based on his life, Our Friend . If you’re interested, I highly recommend giving his National Magazine Award-winning Esquire essay, “ The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word ,” a read. In it, Teague describes the experience of becoming his wife’s caregiving in brutal, honest detail. He talks about how she lashed out at him, how she became more and more manic and emotionally unstable, how he began to hide from her, how he broke down trying to clean up her feces, and how he witness bits of undigested food ooze from her wounds. He talks about the relief he felt—even joy—on top of his grief when his wife finally died, and how he felt he had to keep that a secret. Teague is not out to paint himself as a hero in this essay, and that’s what makes it such an interesting essay. His story, if it’s told honestly, won’t be the typical Hollywood “cancer movie.” In fact, Teague comments several times how inaccurate he found most of those movies to be:

The way dying looks, or so I expected, was like this: A small group of friends and family gather around the patient, watching as she draws and releases her final breath. People hold hands and exchange glances to acknowledge how profound the moment is just before a doctor checks for a pulse and announces, “It’s done.”

We’ll have to wait and see how accurate the Our Friend movie is to Teague’s story. Early reviews suggest it may not remain truthful to the tone of Teague’s article.  Variety critic Peter Debuge noted that, “so much of the unpleasantness has been scrubbed from the picture, until what remains is precisely the kind of dishonest, sanitized no-help-to-anyone TV-movie version of death that inspired Teague to set the record straight in the first place.”

Where to watch Our Friend

• Google Play

Does 'Yellowstone' Return Tonight? 'Yellowstone's Season 5, Part 2 Premiere Date, Streaming Info, And More

Where Is Kelly Ripa? 'Live' Co-Host Missing From Today's Episode

Is Kelly Ripa Sick? Where Was Kelly Ripa This Morning On 'Live'?

Is 'It Ends With Us' Streaming on Netflix or HBO Max?

Where Has Kelly Ripa Been? Why She's Missing On 'Live'

What Channel Is 'Monday Night Raw' On Tonight? How To Watch Tonight's 'RAW' Live

Advertisement

Supported by

When Some Critics Reject the Film That’s About Your Life

After Hollywood optioned his devastating essay about his dying wife, Matthew Teague vowed the movie would do right by her. The reviews landed like a gut punch.

• Share full article

By Nicole Sperling

Matthew Teague is a journalist who’s traveled to remote corners of the world for stories. He covered C.I.A. operatives in Pakistan, famine in Somalia, double agents in Northern Ireland. But his greatest work may be the essay he wrote in 2015 for Esquire magazine, titled “The Friend.” Teague dedicated some 6,000 words to the arduous two years he spent caring for his wife, Nicole, who learned she had terminal cancer at age 34.

The essay told the story of her deterioration and death through the prism of their friendship with Dane Faucheux, a rudderless soul who came to visit the Teague family for Thanksgiving and ended up staying for two years to care for the couple and their two young daughters. Besides winning a National Magazine Award, the essay connected Teague to readers in ways his dramatic reporting from Afghanistan or Sri Lanka never did. They shared their own painful stories with such overwhelming force he was often “struck dumb" by the response. To this day, he receives impassioned, heartbreaking letters.

Hollywood, too, quickly came calling.

And Teague, now 44, knew the drill. Two of his previous pieces were optioned by various producers, but no movies were ever made. He vowed things would be different this time.

What he didn’t account for was just how cruel Hollywood can be when a movie does come together, an experience he is still coming to terms with.

First he tried his hand at writing the screenplay himself. When that didn’t work (“I realized I’m too close to this,” he said) he signed on as an executive producer and worked closely with the writer Brad Ingelsby ( “The Way Back” ) to craft a film that both depicted the realities of death and celebrated the life that came before.

Soon a cadre of well-known actors (Casey Affleck, Dakota Johnson, Jason Segel) descended on Fairhope, Ala., to portray the Teagues and Faucheux. Gabriela Cowperthwaite directed the actors in scenes shot in the hospital where Nicole was treated and in a home just three doors down from the Teague residence. (The family still lives in the same house. Teague has remarried and now also has a 3-month-old son named Wilder.)

We are having trouble retrieving the article content.

Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.

Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and  log into  your Times account, or  subscribe  for all of The Times.

Thank you for your patience while we verify access.

Already a subscriber?  Log in .

Want all of The Times?  Subscribe .

The Amazing True Story Behind Our Friend

For caregivers of a person with cancer, life can get pretty lonesome. The film ‘Our Friend’ (originally titled ‘The Friend’) captures the challenges that caregivers face when dealing with the situation at hand while being a pillar of support for their loved ones. What makes this story unique is the friendship between Dane (Jason Segel), Nicole ( Dakota Johnson ), and Matthew ( Casey Affleck ). Upon learning about Nicole’s cancer diagnosis, Dane puts his life on hold to help Nicole and Matt.

Picking up their daughters from school, managing the house, taking care of Nicole, helping Matt deal with grief and stress, Dane does it all! In reality, how many people would do that for their loved ones? Well, the heartwarming tale got us curious to know if the movie is a story of real-life friends. We dug further, and here is what we found!

Is Our Friend Based on a True Story?

Yes, ‘Our Friend’ is based on a true story. The movie is directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite, who came across the 2015 Esquire piece by Matthew Teague and was touched by his honest account of the grief he felt and the friend, who was his “anchor” throughout the difficult times. Michael Pruss (co-producer of the film) and Cowperthwaite were working on another project when he sent her a script for this film, the story of which she instantly recognized.

Matthew Teague is a journalist, much like his character in the film. His life turned upside down when his wife, Nicole, was diagnosed with terminal cancer and didn’t have much time left. His responsibilities as a caretaker and a parent started to take a toll on him, and he felt alone. Dane moved in around Christmas in 2013 to help them out. This whole experience inspired Matthew to use his voice and reach out to others who may find themselves dealing with a similar situation, which is why he wrote the essay.

Matthew Teague was an integral part of the making of the film. At the Toronto International Film Festival, he shared that the whole experience was “rewarding” and “meaningful,” although it was not easy. Dakota Johnson revealed that the actors were given ample liberty in their portrayal of Dane, Nicole, and Matthew.  An example being that Segel added a slight dorkiness while essaying the character of Dane. The latter is a stand-up comedian, but Segel chose to play him as a comedian who is not great at what he does.

However, other aspects of his character have been inspired by actual events. It is true that Dane’s relationship with his girlfriend suffered when he moved in with Matthew and Nicole. The scene where he stops the ladies from visiting Nicole at the hospital is also inspired by an actual event. The most significant difference between real life and the movie is that the viewers do not see the true nature of Nicole’s condition. It has been toned down in the film, but Matthew describes it elaborately in his essay.

Another aspect that is missing in the film is Nicole’s religious side. The movie deliberately does not state the type of cancer that Nicole had because they wanted the film to tell a universal story of cancer. In the essay, Matthew revealed that Nicole had ovarian cancer, which spread to her abdomen. Many viewers might think that the film’s fountain scene may have been inserted for dramatic effect. But in fact, it happened in real life.

Matthew shared that it was the time when Nicole’s condition was worsening, and she just wanted to enjoy her remaining time. He remembers Nicole to be a very playful and lively person. So, although it is not legal, they called up their friends to join them as they splashed around in the fountain. The scene was filmed in the presence of the Teague family, along with the daughters and some people who were around when it had actually happened. Matthew is now married to Bo Teague, and they have a baby boy together. Dane is also happily married to his best friend, Kelly Tesvich Faucheux.

Read More: Best Movies Based on True Stories

SPONSORED LINKS

• Movie Explainers
• TV Explainers

TV & Movies

Our Friend' s Matthew Teague Recently Remarried

The film pays tribute to his first wife's life and legacy.

When journalist Matthew Teague's wife Nicole was diagnosed with cancer, their best friend Dane Faucheux moved in to help out for a couple of weeks... then didn't go home for a couple of years. Over the course of Nicole's diagnosis, treatment, and eventual death, Dane remained a constant element of support to Matthew, Nicole, and their two young girls. His presence moved Teague so much that a year later, Teague wrote "The Friend: Love is Not Enough" for Esquire . The article, which won the National Magazine Award , is a 6,000-word ode to Dane's selfless act and Nicole's final days.

Matthew, Nicole, and Dane's true story has been transformed from the page to the screen in the new film Our Friend , which is available to stream now . Directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite, the movie stars Jason Segel as Dane, Dakota Johnson as Nicole, and Casey Affleck as Teague. From reading Teague's devastating essay, we know Nicole eventually passed from ovarian cancer. But where is Teague now?

A note before the closing credits of Our Friend explains that Teague still lives in Fairhope, Alabama, in the same house where he and Nicole moved to raise their family and lived together her final few years. He lives with his and Nicole's two daughters, Molly and Evangeline, and has since remarried. According to the New York Times , the family has recently welcomed a son, Wilder, who's 3 months old. Teague still works as a journalist, and on his website , he details that he's a contributor to National Geographic , The Atlantic , Esquire , Sports Illustrated , Men's Journal , and other magazines.

"The girls and I are doing well," Teague tells Bustle in an email. "They're so strong and so smart, and — I can only attribute this to their experience losing their mom — they're so compassionate. In one sense I hate that they're wise, at such a young age. But in another sense I'm grateful that's what they came away with...every time I watched a scene involving the young actors playing my daughters it felt like re-living those moments. I was wrecked. Then at the end of the scene, they'd bounce off set looking for snacks, and I'd think, 'Oh. Right. This is just the pretend version.'"

Our Friend was actually shot in Fairhope, Alabama as well, in a house just a few doors down from the Teague's real home. In a junket video released by Our Friend 's publicity team, Teague explained that he was overjoyed at the prospect of the film shooting so close to where Nicole lived and died and where he still calls home. "I think it imbued the project with something that you would have a hard time getting [somewhere else]," he says, "because everybody here in town knows my family, they knew my wife. She's here, she infuses everything and that would be difficult to capture otherwise." And it's just another way Teague is helping to keep his wife's memory alive.

June 6, 2018

Best Article Health

When the author’s wife was dying, his best friend moved in.

Matthew Teague Esquire May 2015 25 min Permalink

Log into your account

Log in for full access to stabroeknews.com. You can also post comments, and manage your email subscription.

Lost your password?

Only one active session is allowed per subscriber.

You don't have an account? Sign Up

“Our Friend” is a tender exploration of grief

In 2015, Matthew Teague published an essay in Esquire magazine. The entry-point was about his wife’s cancer-diagnosis and untimely death, but the essay’s focus was the way that one of their friend’s became a dependable fortress that helped the family through the ordeal. The essay is a moving read that speaks to the value of adult friendships in a way that’s not often explored, and the earnest sincerity of the piece seemed like a natural fit for a film adaptation.

Even as “Our Friend” is an adaptation of an essay that explores terminal illness from a different angle, the film is joining a subset of films about cancer that feels impossible to ignore. You know the kind. Some are good, some are not. But there is a familiar cadence to films about cancer – the diagnosis, the suffering, the aftermath, and the acceptance And even as “Our Friend” might be whittled down to the ways it falls into those patterns, the film is dependent on the ways that it recognises the most unceasing aspects of Teague’s essay – the significance of empathy.

Director Gabriela Cowperthwaite privileges sincerity above all else and that sincerity is key to the way that “Our Friend” examines the intersection of its key character. Jason Segel is Dane, the titular friend, a congenial if occasionally hapless man who’s the amiable third-wheel in the marriage of Matt and Nicole (Casey Affleck and Dakota Johnson in a pairing that surprises for how much it works). The trio have been connected since their younger years and their bond does not dissipate with time. When Nicole is diagnosed with cancer in the present-day of the film, the diagnosis threatens to rupture the lives of the couple and their daughters. The diagnosis gives Dane a sense of purpose, and he thrusts himself into supporting the family in ways that come to illuminate the value of their shared friendship.

Brad Ingelsby’s script follows a nonlinear pattern. The diagnosis comes early in the film, and after that the film weaves the present and the past into a restless tapestry as we come to make sense of the trio and the ways that they depend on each other. It’s a structure that lends itself to a looseness that sometimes feels discursive, but also feels realistically representative of the underlying sense of distress that marks the characters’ engagement with their lives.

The main way that the film divorces itself from Teague’s essay is by centring Dane. By virtue of his essay being personal, Teague’s article explores his personal state of mind in a way that Ingelsby’s script occasionally elides. Instead, “Our Friend” is most explicit about exploring Dane’s state of mind. Segel stretches his typical comedic chops in a role that asks him to play aspects of himself that are not always on display. For many, “Our Friend” will emerge as the film that marks a distinct shift in Segel’s onscreen persona. He’s good. He’s doing a valiant job at marrying Dane’s charming insouciance with a clear case of arrested development underlined with sadness

Cowperthwaite’s direction occasionally feels caught between the script’s interest in mining the darkness of Dane’s headspace with the presentation of the joyous warmth of the trio’s early days. But that empathy of her direction is key, and the lived-in feeling runs through the film as Cowperthwaite finds distinct moments of chemistry with the film’s entire cast – beyond the main trio. Even as Ingelsby’s script privileges Dane, it’s Affleck who emerges as the film’s secret weapon. “Our Friend” is not quite a comedy; even as those flashback sequences work towards something like joyfulness, the film works towards sincere melodrama and Cowperthwaite’s directorial instincts reflect that in the ways she does not turn grief into a parade. 

And, it’s Affleck’s very internal performance that feels most in tune with Cowperthwaite’s efforts. He threads the discomfort of Matt’s engagement with his grief, capped off by the film’s thoughtful arc of his daughter’s growing resentment. His scenes with Segel are some of the film’s best, which feels strange in a way that the central cancer patient sometimes feels almost peripheral. Johnson is good, although her role is the one that most resembles familiar presentations of cancer on screen. But Cowperthwaite utilises her natural warmth in ways that the film depends on – the adoration that ekes out from both Dane and Matthew needs to be justified and she does that.

The film flirts with many potential avenues and Cowperthwaite’s interest in characters, beyond the central trio pays off. Stage-performer Denee Benton, for example, deepens a short role in such ways that you find yourself yearning for her presence as she disappears in the second half. Marielle Scott is adding wells of empathy and complexity to the “girlfriend” role. Cherry Jones turns up late in the film and offers a scene of great clarity and sensitivity. And Gwendolyn Christie (who enjoys a fairly high billing for a brief role) threads a scene that could go off course, with a moving sense of import that features Segel’s best moment.

This is very much the potential tearjerker that its logline might suggest, but it’s a lot more empathetic and thoughtful than you might imagine. It manages to feel sweet without feeling overwrought or disingenuous, and there’s a modesty to its largest intentions that make it endearing. The film avoids some of the more harrowing moments of the original essay, but in some ways its suggestions of the worst parts of cancer feel enough. Its engagement with grief as inherent to living feels timely. Its premiere at the end of January feels like it could be potentially drowned by larger imminent releases with more Big Issue focus but “Our Friend” is gentle and compelling in its modesty.     

Our Friend will be released on VOD on January 22.

Suspect in murder of lawyer dies after ingesting poison

Red lotus inc to build hotel, convention centre in region six, hundreds gather as building expo declared open, president hails silica city, attorney, 35, found dead in locked car with neck wounds, duo in murder of money changer, daughter plead guilty, four men held after allegedly shooting at lorry, fleeing from police.

Our Friend Review: A Heartfelt True Story Of Friendship, Grief, And Tragedy

• January 22, 2021

Our Friend is based on an article written by Matthew Teague and published in Esquire in 2015, The Friend: Love Is Not A Big Enough Word . The article shares Matthew’s story of his family’s battle with his wife, Nicole’s, cancer and the incredible friend that helped them get through the impossible time.

The film adapts the article, not keeping every detail from the heart wrenching article that explores the realities of going through the tragedy of losing a loved one to cancer. But focuses on the core of it, which is the Teague’s friend, Dane Faucheux, who helped pull the family through.

OUR FRIEND OFFICIAL TRAILER

Our Friend focusses on Nicole (Dakota Johnson) and Matt Teague (Casey Affleck) as well as their best friend Dane Faucheux (Jason Segel). Each actor gives a masterful performance. The chemistry between the three is amazing to watch as is their chemistry with the young actresses that play the Teague daughters, Isabella Kai and Violet McGraw.

Casey Affleck does an excellent job playing the frustrated and closed off war correspondent. Someone who wants to move the world with his words, but has lost a closeness with his family to do so. Affleck infuses the role with a number of emotions showing grief, exhaustion, devotion, and someone who is at a loss as his life is turned upside down.

RELATED: OUR FRIEND DIRECTOR ON THE “MAGNIFICENT” JASON SEGEL AND “EFFERVESCENT” DAKOTA JOHNSON

Dakota Johnson brings Nicole Teague to life as a wife, mother, friend, and performer. She brings depth and realism to the role with moments of levity for her daughters and truth in her friendship with Dane, as well as her marriage. Johnson shows a woman struggling with her mortality in a way that is touched with great sadness and acceptance, while still showing Nicole as a woman who lived to the fullest until the very end.

Jason Segel truly shines as Dane Faucheux. The nuance he brings to the role makes him feel real instead of saintly. Dane is initially a man who seems aimless and with a deep sense of melancholy. However, when tragedy strikes and Dane makes an offer that at first seems small and obvious, sticking around for a few weeks to help out his closest friends Nicole and Matt, but manages to be so vital for a family dealing with impossible tragedy.

Becoming the lynchpin that holds the family and the movie together. Segel oscillates between moments of levity as he makes lame jokes to put a smile on the daughters’ faces or the deep sadness of mourning his friend, Segel is perfect for the role of Dane.

RELATED: OUR FRIEND DIRECTOR GABRIELA COWPERTHWAITE ON HOW BEING A DOCUMENTARIAN HAS BOOSTED HER CAREER

Writer Brad Ingelsby and director Gabriela Cowperthwaite of Our Friend tell this story in a non-linear way flashing back from the moment that the Teague’s decide to tell their children about Nicole’s grim diagnosis to when Nicole introduced her husband Matt to her close friend Dane. Then continuously jumping through time during a 13-year period.

This decision makes the timeline hard to follow at times and can take you out of the moment, jumping from devastation to lighter moments in the relationships. This story choice takes away from some of the emotional weight of moments within the film in a way that feels unnecessary. That being said Our Friend infuses moments of levity and catharsis in a story full of tragedy, grief, and a feeling of inevitability.

Matt Teague’s original article focuses on the truth about death and the horrors of cancer in a way that is not often told. He doesn’t shy away from the details of what Nicole went through or what he and Dane had to do to try and help her. It isn’t surprising that the Ingelsby and Cowperthwaite’s film shied away from this aspect of Matt’s story.

RELATED: ONE NIGHT IN MIAMI REVIEW: REGINA KING’S BRILLIANT DIRECTORIAL DEBUT IS A MUST WATCH

For anyone who has taken care of a loved one with cancer those aspects would have made it a tough watch and for those that are lucky enough to have not gone through the tragedy, it would have become the entire focus of the film. Instead, what Inglesby and Cowperthwaite focus on is the beautiful and true friendship between these three people and the grief of slowly losing a loved one to cancer.

Those who criticize this decision are not entirely wrong, given that Matt Teague wanted to share his story in part because we do not tell the truth about the hardships of death. However, part of why it works in Our Friend is because it helps Nicole be a more well-rounded person, a mother, wife, friend, performer, etc. instead of only being shown as a cancer patient.

Our Friend manages to stand out from similar stories because it is not only based on a true story, with Matt Teague being heavily involved in making the film, but because friendship is at its core. A friend like Dane is a rare thing that is not often seen either in film or real life. He left his life behind for over a year to help his two best friends through the hardest time in their lives. And not only did he help the family get through this he also lost one of his best friends.

Unlike most of the Teague’s friends who slowly fell away as the cancer worsened, Dane stayed as a steady force to help take care of Nicole, Matt, and their daughters through it all. Our Friend tells a story of grief and loss that is sadly familiar especially today, but the heart of the film is Dane and his friendship with both Nicole and Matt.

Our Friend premieres in select theaters and on demand January 22, 2021. Our Friend stars Jason Segel, Dakota Johnson, and Casey Affleck. Written by Brad Ingelsby and directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite. Our Friend is based on the 2015 Esquire article, “ The Friend: Love Is Not A Big Enough Word “, written by Matthew Teague. Are you going to watch Our Friend ? Leave your thoughts in the comments below or on our social media .

KEEP READING: PIECES OF A WOMAN REVIEW: A SUBTLE, POWERFUL EXAMINATION OF GRIEF

• Casey Affleck , Dakota Johnson , Gabriela Cowperthwaite , Jason Segel , Our Friend

Caitlin Tyrrell

Related posts.

Big Shot Star Yvette Nicole Brown Compares Series To Abbott Elementary And Ted Lasso: Exclusive Interview

Big Shot Stars Tease A New School Dynamic In Season 2: Exclusive Interview

Disney Animation Announces Exciting New Disney Animation Immersive Experience Featuring Iconic Characters

Get news & reviews in your inbox

• Prime Video
• Documentary
• Producers Corner
• Watch Lists
• More Than A Movie Night
• It’s Dove Approved – Family Movie Trivia Game
• Dove Ratings
• Privacy Policy

Matt Teague Lost His Wife, But Discovered Beautiful Friendship, in Our Friend

Matt Teague experienced the beauty of love and marriage and the devastating tragedy of terminal cancer as it ripped through his wife Nicole almost a decade ago. But when he wrote the Esquire feature, “The Friend: Love is Not a Big Enough Word,” about Dane Faucheux, he never could’ve imagined that it would become the feature-length film Our Friend starring Casey Affleck, Dakota Johnson, and Jason Segel. Looking back over the last decade from his home in Alabama, the journalist, father, husband, and man of faith reflects on the way that Faucheux’s act of love changed everything.

The journalist recognizes that he takes great hope from the way that the story has evolved into something that isn’t just his anymore. As the father to Nicole’s girls, he’s talked to them about the way that their story will be available for everyone to see, made intimate by the way that his daughters’ school friends served as extras on the set of the Fairhope, Alabama, set where the film was shot. He says that Nicole’s legacy lives on now through the film, and that Faucheux’s love can serve as an example to all of us during these troubling times.

Teague says that the friendship that developed among the three of them reflected elements that he knows we could all use more of. He quotes Proverbs 27:6, “’The kisses of an enemy may be profuse, but faithful are the wounds of a friend,” pointing toward the way that he and Faucheux could tell each other the truth, something the world is in short supply of these days. “In the movie and real life when Dane and I would faithfully tell each other the truth, it could be wounding and hurt my pride. But it would heal and I would be better for it. It’s so much better than getting a like on Instagram,” he shared with a chuckle.

As the husband of Nicole and the author of the Esquire feature, Teague recognizes that he has a story to share, and hopes that the movie will resonate with even more people. But, ever the humble journalist, he’s hesitant to name that hope for what could happen if his story of Nicole and Faucheux, of their suffering and their friendship, would help just one other family in the mist of the struggle.

“If that happens, I will be so happy. That would be the greatest possible hope for any work. I would be embarrassed to speak it aloud.”

Our Friend debuts on January 22 in theaters and on demand.

Dove Content

Faith Film Producer DeVon Franklin Steps in Front of the Camera for ‘Jesus Revolution’

Cyrano: Love is a Verb

Redeeming Love: Grace Rising Up Out of the Dirt

Filmmakers Highlight the Hope and Heroism in “Gi...

Official newspaper of the Archdiocese of Boston

• Advertising Info
• Customer Service
• Calendar Submission
• Advertising: 617-779-3788
• Subscriptions: 617-779-3760
• Business Office: 617-779-3789
• News Desk: 617-779-3782
• Boston Catholic Dir.: 617-779-3790

Florida pro-lifers campaign against ballot measure to enshrine abortion in state constitution Nation Aug. 10 2024

UK Catholics voice 'shock and concern' at new outbreak of nationwide disorder

7 exiled Nicaraguan priests arrive in Rome as Ortega regime continues to target church

Pope says he wants to pray at China's Shrine of Our Lady of Sheshan

US bishops reflect on the Eucharistic congress: 5 days of 'wonder, awe and adoration'

Preliminary hearing date set for man suspected of killing beloved US bishop

Parents win appeal in death of daughter forced off life support by British court

Grace should cause awe, like a summer snowfall would, pope says

Catholic group sues EEOC over regulations involving abortion, gender identity

Boston's new archbishop introduced at press conference

The name of the bishop in the eucharistic prayer.

America's oldest Catholic newspaper

• Special Features
• Help Wanted
• Photogalleries
• Videos from The Pilot
• Clergy Officials
• Catholic Directory
• Pilot Bulletins
• Pilot Printing
• Archdiocese of Boston

NEW YORK (CNS) -- In 2015, Esquire magazine published Matthew Teague's article "The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word." In it, the globetrotting journalist focused on a personal story far removed from his usual international beat, recounting the unwavering and selfless support he and his late wife, Nicole, had received, during her terminal illness, from the best buddy they shared in common, Dane Faucheux. Under the slightly altered title "Our Friend" (Gravitas Ventures), Teague's award-winning piece comes to the screen as an emotionally wrenching but ultimately uplifting drama. Director Gabriela Cowperthwaite and screenwriter Brad Ingelsby treat tragic events in a spare, matter-of-fact manner that magnifies their impact on viewers. This is matched by restrained performances from the gifted cast: Casey Affleck as Matthew, Dakota Johnson playing Nicole and Jason Segel in the role of Dane. As Dane moves in with the couple and helps to care for their two daughters, Molly (Isabella Kai Rice) and Evie (Violet McGraw), the film celebrates devotion expressed in small gestures such as doing the laundry or making sandwiches. Through Dane, an apparently unambitious sporting goods salesman, the picture also sends the message that an individual's worth is not to be measured by professional success alone.

These values, together with the presentation of the Teagues' resilient marital bond and a sequence that takes a strong stance against suicide, help to compensate for the complete, though unspoken, absence of faith in an afterlife among the characters. The real-life Nicole was, apparently, deeply religious, but this is nowhere in evidence. As depicted here, for instance, her memorial service resembles a subdued cocktail party. The nonlinear storytelling, which lands here and there over more than a decade, feels awkward and somewhat distracting. This artistic defect doesn't, however, prevent "Our Friend" from presenting the grown audience for whom it's suitable with much to admire -- and imitate. The film contains an adultery theme, mature references, including to homosexuality and cohabitation, about a half-dozen uses of profanity, twice as many milder oaths and rough terms as well as considerable crude and crass language. The Catholic News Service classification is A-III -- adults. The Motion Picture Association rating is R -- restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. - - - Mulderig is on the staff of Catholic News Service. - - - CAPSULE REVIEW "Our Friend" (Gravitas Ventures) Screen version of a 2015 Esquire magazine article by Matthew Teague (Casey Affleck) recounting the unwavering and selfless support the journalist and his terminally ill wife (Dakota Johnson) received from their best friend (Jason Segel) who, as her death approached, moved in with the couple and helped to care for their two daughters (Isabella Kai Rice and Violet McGraw). As directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite from a screenplay by Brad Ingelsby, the emotionally wrenching but ultimately uplifting drama treats tragic events in a spare, matter-of-fact manner matched by restrained performances from the gifted cast. The film's celebration of love expressed in small gestures and its message that an individual's worth is not to be measured by professional success alone help to compensate for the complete, though unspoken, absence of faith in an afterlife among the characters. An adultery theme, mature references, including to homosexuality and cohabitation, about a half-dozen uses of profanity, twice as many milder oaths and rough terms, considerable crude and crass language. The Catholic News Service classification is A-III -- adults. The Motion Picture Association rating is R -- restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. - - - CLASSIFICATION "Our Friend" (Gravitas Ventures) -- Catholic News Service classification, A-III -- adults. Motion Picture Association rating, R -- restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

Aug. 8 2024 2902 views

Aug. 8 2024 2768 views

Aug. 9 2024 2423 views

Aug. 9 2024 2349 views

Latest News

Florida pro-lifers campaign against ballot measure to enshrine abortion in state constitution

Supreme Knight summons a new generation of Catholic men: 'Days of easy faith are over'

Latest Opinion

Bishop Robert Reed

Holiness is simple

Matthew Radulski

An escaped rebel fails to impress Bishop Fitzpatrick

Michael Pakaluk

Visiting the dying, a distinct work of mercy

•    Specials
•    Photogalleries
•    All Videos
•    Pilot Videos
•    Movie Reviews
•    Book Reviews
•    Directory
•    Officials
•    Obituaries
•    Local
•    Nation
•    World

Pilot Media

•    Echoes. Opinion
•    Catholic Directory
•    Pilot Bulletins
•    Pilot Printing

Featured Special Edition

Open house 2023.

66 Brooks Drive

Braintree, ma 02184, tel: 617-779-3780.

© 2024, Pilot Media. All rights reserved.

• Architecture and Design
• Asian and Pacific Studies
• Business and Economics
• Classical and Ancient Near Eastern Studies
• Computer Sciences
• Cultural Studies
• Engineering
• General Interest
• Geosciences
• Industrial Chemistry
• Islamic and Middle Eastern Studies
• Jewish Studies
• Library and Information Science, Book Studies
• Life Sciences
• Linguistics and Semiotics
• Literary Studies
• Materials Sciences
• Mathematics
• Social Sciences
• Sports and Recreation
• Theology and Religion
• Publish your article
• The role of authors
• Promoting your article
• Abstracting & indexing
• Publishing Ethics
• Why publish with De Gruyter
• How to publish with De Gruyter
• Our book series
• Our subject areas
• Your digital product at De Gruyter
• Contribute to our reference works
• Product information
• Tools & resources
• Product Information
• Promotional Materials
• Orders and Inquiries
• FAQ for Library Suppliers and Book Sellers
• Repository Policy
• Free access policy
• Open Access agreements
• Database portals
• For Authors
• Customer service
• People + Culture
• Journal Management
• How to join us
• Working at De Gruyter
• Mission & Vision
• De Gruyter Foundation
• De Gruyter Ebound
• Our Responsibility
• Partner publishers

Your purchase has been completed. Your documents are now available to view.

From the book The Best American Magazine Writing 2016

• Matthew Teague
• X / Twitter

Supplementary Materials

Please login or register with De Gruyter to order this product.

Chapters in this book (18)