college assignment jokes

65+ Best College Jokes, Puns, And Captions For Students

College can be a time of both excitement and stress, and a well-timed joke can make all the difference. Here's a collection of top-notch college jokes, puns, and captions that college students will love.

Humor is a universal language that can bridge gaps and foster connections. Sharing a clever pun or witty caption can add a spark of joy to your day and to those around you.

These jokes are not only fun but can also serve as icebreakers during group projects or conversation starters at social gatherings. So next time you find yourself in a serious study session or a silent dorm room, don't hesitate to crack a joke.

Laughter might not solve the equation on the board or write your term paper, but it can certainly make the whole college journey more enjoyable.

Clever College Puns

Here's a quick collection of clever college puns that are both entertaining and straight to the point. These puns are sure to add some fun to your college experience.

They're great for lightening the mood in a study group or just enjoying a bit of academic humor on your own. Enjoy the laughs and let the clever wordplay make your college days a bit more memorable!

1. What do college students travel on? Scholar-ships.

2. A high school student was very happy to use his degree in 2020. The mask-communication.

3. The Sun must have spent many years studying, he's got a million degrees.

4. One young college student was so aggressive at learning, that he hit the books.

5. Encyclopedias are bad neighbors because they have so many volumes.

6. People like studying gravity. Maybe that's because it's a really attractive field.

7. One of the fashion institute female students got sick on the day of her final examination. Now she is attempting a makeup exam.

8. Our English teacher seems to be the most logical person in the faculty. He always uses his comma sense in difficult situations.

9. I had the carpentry workshop test, and on the first attempt, I nailed it.

10. You can't see a thing when it's foggy in Los Angeles, but once the fog clears U.C.L.A.

11. I performed so poorly in my marine biology tests and assignments that my grades went below sea level.

12. Practicing a debate in front of a mirror is a bad idea to me, you may be one-sided or, worse, two-faced.

13. The astronomy scholar was very confident in his research hoping to get a galaxy award. But sadly he didn't win it and instead was given the constellation award.

14. An animated Pixar movie about Marlin, a goldfish father, trying to get his son admitted to the best fish college will be named 'Funding Nemo'.

15. My college friend studied mathematics. I wonder what he got after completing his degree; a degree or a radian.

16. The male students failed their college algebra homework. Because they did not want to deal with their ex.

17. I am a chemistry student but I am thinking of becoming a comedian because I am so-dium funny.

18. On graduation day, the tallest boy in our class said "I have graduated at the top of the class".

19. All the dogs who completed their graduation were getting their pe-degree.

20. Every student wishes not to be left a-loan after graduation .

21. One day, a vampire graduated from university. His fellow monsters and family con-dracula-ted him.

22. It seems like Steve Jobs had an apple every day. Because we all know an apple a day always keeps a doctorate away.

23. A civil engineering student failed his final exams because he forgot the design of an electricity-producing barrier at dams. I think he has lost his dam-mind.

24. One of my friends was a civil engineer. No doubt, she was nice and polite to everyone.

25. The only engineering branch that lets you see through the evil of others is c-evil engineering.

26. One of the most sketchy classes in a college is the art class.

27. Bees generally go to college to get a beesness degree.

28. The maths teacher advised the student to co-sign the loan application with his parents. The student questioned, "But what's the angle, sir?"

29. The son told his father that he is uncertain about his college studies. The father laughed and said "You are in a major problem then, dear son!"

Funniest College Jokes

College life is filled with new experiences, challenges, and opportunities for laughter. When it comes to lightening the mood or bonding with fellow students, nothing beats a good college joke.

From all-nighters to cafeteria food, there's so much to experience, and a good laugh can make all the difference. Here's a collection of some of the funniest college jokes to share with your classmates or enjoy on your own.

30. What did a buffalo say to his son when he left for college? "Bi-son".

31. Why would a servant go to college after working so many years? Because he was unable to take his master's degree.

32. Why was the college professor very worried about his recent study on earthquakes? It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

33. What could a college student write to the board of education if they lack interest in studies? They would write that they are finally bored of this education.

34. How would you know you are actually in your dream college? You'd be able to fly!

35. The college physics professor asked, "What is a non-common thing between an English college student and an American one?" The student replied "Approximately 3000 miles."

36. Do you know why people laughed at a graduand when he told everyone about his graduation? Because he graduated from a clown college.

37. How many graduate students will it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he would take 5 years.

38. How do you define an optimist? A hosteller opens his wallet and expects to find some currency in it.

39. Why would a music thief visit a college? To take away notes.

40. What is the biggest thing you learn at a music college? A major.

41. What would you call a civil engineer with a lack of manners? An uncivil engineer.

42. A millionaire is a man with a million dollars, a billionaire with billion dollars, so what would you call a man with 10 dollars? A high school student.

43. What would you call a genius person among a college student group? A visitor.

44. What would you call a test tube with a cool college degree? A graduated cylinder.

Funny College Captions

Finding the right caption can turn a simple snapshot into a standout post. Be it a photo from a late-night study session, a game day celebration, or just a casual day on campus, a funny caption can make all the difference.

Captions like these capture the spirit of college life and let you share your experience with friends and family in a fun and engaging way.

45. If the coming date is not a due date, then today is definitely not the do date.

46. Going to use the code "Amazon Prime" for achieving 60% off on grades.

47. My today's to-do list is to stay awake.

48. I'm thinking about a college Black Friday sale; take one semester and get the other free.

49. Library is my second home; I even have a favorite napping chair there.

50. I came for the education but stayed for the free Wi-Fi.

51. Just want to say, "Alexa, skip this semester!"

52. I got an A in the nap competition just before the exams.

53. If nothing is right with you in college, just go left.

54. I peeped into my semester days and asked weekends if they were still there.

55. In my new college, feeling like a cupcake among muffins.

56. Surviving college one cup of coffee at a time.

Fabulous College Football Captions

College football season is a thrilling time for fans, players, and students alike. Capturing the excitement in a photo is only half the fun; finding the perfect caption completes the experience. If you're looking for fabulous college football captions to pair with your game-day pictures, here's a concise collection to choose from.

57. They said to follow my dreams, so I took a nap before the game.

58. Don't be calm; it's our football season!

59. Never think that winning is everything; just remember it's the sole thing.

60. We play hard, we study... sometimes.

61. Passing grades and passing footballs; it's all about balance.

62. The only thing we tackle better than opponents is a half-time buffet.

63. Football says hustle, hit, and never quit.

64. Tried to make a pun about football... but I dropped the ball. 

65. A college without a football field is like a medieval history hall.

66. My favorite season? Football season, obviously.

67. Trying to keep myself away from football, but can’t kick it.

68. Why did the football team go to the bakery? They needed a good roll!

College life can be stressful, but adding a touch of humor with these jokes, puns, and captions can certainly lighten the mood. While not every joke will land with every person, the key is to know your audience and choose wisely.

These clever quips can spark laughter in study groups, break the ice in new friendships, or simply provide a personal pick-me-up during a tough day.

Use these comedic tools to add a fun twist to your college experience or a funny caption to your social media post. Embrace the laughter; it might just become a highlight of your college journey!

We Want Your Photos!

More for you, 85 best shakespeare puns, jokes and one-liners, 101 art puns: brush up on your laughter, 60+ best plant jokes that you'll be very frond of.

https://funnyjokestoday.com/funny-college-jokes/

https://www.weareteachers.com/school-jokes-for-kids/

https://www.lovetoknow.com/quotes-quips/jokes/college-humor-jokes

Bachelor of Science specializing in Microbiology

Oluwatosin Michael Bachelor of Science specializing in Microbiology

With a Bachelor's in Microbiology from the Federal University of Agriculture, Abeokuta, Ogun State, Oluwatosin has honed his skills as an SEO content writer, editor, and growth manager. He has written articles, conducted extensive research, and optimized content for search engines. His expertise extends to leading link-building efforts and revising onboarding strategies. 

1) Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. We hope you love our recommendations for products and services! What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. If you purchase using the Buy Now button we may earn a small commission. This does not influence our choices. Prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published but we cannot guarantee that on the time of reading. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content.

2) At Kidadl, we strive to recommend the very best activities and events. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so it’s important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate for all children and families or in all circumstances. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong.

3) Because we are an educational resource, we have quotes and facts about a range of historical and modern figures. We do not endorse the actions of or rhetoric of all the people included in these collections, but we think they are important for growing minds to learn about under the guidance of parents or guardians.

google form TBD

College Jokes – Lighten Your Academic Load

18 March 2024

No Comments

By Delaney Jameson

Diving into the world of college jokes, we peel back the layers of the quintessential college experience, marked by a blend of academic challenges, social escapades, and the unforgettable journey of self-discovery.

But, amidst the cram sessions and caffeine binges, what truly lightens the load? A good, hearty laugh. Why do calculus exams and liberal arts students become the center of jest?

It’s in these shared moments of humor that we find common ground, a release from the pressure cooker of grades and deadlines.

Ready to crack a smile? Let’s explore how laughter becomes our universal language in the college saga.

Best College Jokes

Why did the music major take a ladder to college? To reach the high notes.

Math majors throw the best parties. They know how to count on a good time.

Psychology students never procrastinate. They just analyze why they haven’t started.

Art students always clean up nicely. They know a thing or two about shading.

Why are computer science students great at essays? Because they can’t resist a good byte.

Engineering students love their projects. It’s a concrete relationship.

History majors are always on time. They hate repeating themselves.

Why did the plant biology student break up with the math major? They had too many problems.

Physics majors are terrible at hide and seek. They always find the momentum.

Chemistry students have strong bonds. They stick together through thick and thin.

Why do English majors have a way with words? They always know the write thing to say.

Business majors are great at parties. They add value to every conversation.

Philosophy students are always lost in thought. They wonder why they’re not wondering.

Why don’t literature students get lost? They always follow the plot.

Sociology majors are great listeners. They’re all about understanding your position.

Environmental science students are always grounded. They keep it real.

Why do linguistics students excel at languages? They know how to talk the talk.

Political science majors love debates. They always stand their ground.

Why did the astronomy major miss the exam? They were spaced out.

Anthropology students dig their field. They love getting into the dirt of it.

Economics students are all about efficiency. They maximize fun while minimizing effort.

Why did the philosophy major cross the road? To question why.

Communications majors are never alone. They always get the message.

Theater majors are never fake. They’re just in character.

Why do art historians make great detectives? They notice the little details.

Biology majors have a natural curiosity. They’re always exploring.

Nutrition majors bring snacks. They know the importance of feeding the brain.

Why do geology students rock? They know the earth like the back of their hand.

Sports science majors are always moving. They live life on the run.

Why are nursing students so calm? They’ve got patience.

Education majors have the best stories. They’re all about learning from experience.

Fashion design students are never underdressed. They stitch together the perfect outfit.

Why did the medieval studies major get lost? They took a wrong turn at the Middle Ages.

Film students have great vision. They see the big picture.

Why do marine biology students dive deep into their studies? They’re immersed in their work.

Architecture students build their dreams. They start from the ground up.

Dance majors have the best moves. They’re always stepping up.

Why are journalism students always informed? They keep up with the times.

International relations majors have a world of knowledge. They’re globally aware.

Veterinary science students are animal lovers. They’ve got a lot of pet projects.

Funniest College Jokes

Why did the textbook go to therapy? It had too many problems.

Roommate asks, “Are you taking notes wrong?” You reply, “No, I’m taking them write.”

What’s a college student’s favorite type of tree? The exam tree, because it has so many leaves.

How can you spot a freshman? By their brand new textbooks and the hope in their eyes.

Coffee to a college student is like a report card. It’s better when it’s full of Es.

Why don’t college students get knocked down easily? Because they’re always on a balanced diet of ramen and caffeine.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Due. Due who? Due tomorrow, do tomorrow.

Professors like to tell students, “Time is precious.” Students reply, “So is sleep.”

A pen and a pencil had a race. The pencil had a point to prove, but the pen was ink-redible.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the professor said it was a piece of cake.

“How do you handle stress?” “I don’t. We’re on a first-name basis now.”

What’s a college student’s favorite season? Football season, because finally, something scores more than they do.

Why are college students like old library books? They both have too many issues.

What do you call an A in college? A myth.

Lectures are like ancient spells. Both put people to sleep.

“Did you finish the reading?” “Yes, the title.”

A student emails a professor: “Sorry for the late submission, my dog ate my laptop.”

What’s a college student’s idea of a balanced meal? A coffee in each hand.

Finals week is the college version of the Hunger Games. May the curves be ever in your favor.

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems no one could solve.

Campus squirrels are just students who’ve aced their transformation spells.

“I’ve got so much to do tonight.” “So, we’re napping or procrastinating?”

A study group is where everyone comes together to confirm they know nothing.

Why do college students never clean their rooms? They’re afraid they’ll find a missing textbook under the mess.

“What’s your major?” “Undecided.” “Oh, so, you’re majoring in confusion?”

Assignments are like laundry. They pile up until you can’t ignore them anymore.

Why did the music major get locked out of their dorm? Because they couldn’t find the right key.

What do you call a group of singing college students? A debt choir.

“What did you learn in college?” “The art of referencing Wikipedia without getting caught.”

Finals are like horror movies. You know something bad is about to happen, but you can’t look away.

College Dad Jokes

“Studying history is fun!” said no one ever after pulling an all-nighter.

Calculus class is where dreams go to lie, I mean, lie in a curve.

Heard the joke about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.

“Majoring in philosophy? So, your career will be thinking about jobs?”

Why did the scarecrow go to college? He wanted to be outstanding in his field.

“I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

Have you tried eating a clock? It’s very time-consuming, especially during finals.

“Don’t trust atoms; they make up everything!” Like my excuses for late assignments.

Why did the computer take its shoes off? To reboot.

“Son, if you don’t ace your test on electricity, remember, there’s no charge for retesting!”

“Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.” Wait, didn’t I already use this one?

Biology is the only science where multiplication is the same as division. Welcome to cell division 101.

“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad. Welcome to college; it’s a permanent state.”

“Why did the student throw his watch out the window? He wanted to see time fly during the lecture.”

“Did I tell you I’m reading a book on helium? I can’t put it down!”

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.” Kind of like me with midterms.

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!” Chemistry jokes 101.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta. Just like half my essays.

“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.” Just like my thesis.

“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.” College has me questioning more than just letters.

“Why don’t we ever tell secrets on campus? Because we can’t trust the walls. They have ears and ivy.”

“You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.” Including my mounting assignments.

“How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.” That’s also how I do my theology homework.

“Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants!” Like how I’m barely holding up my grades.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. Like me during finals week.

“Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.” Just like my roommate and me at 2 a.m.

“I would tell you a joke about an unfinished book, but it’s missing a few pages.” Like my term paper.

“Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired.” Just like me, every day.

“I’ve got a great joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.” Timing is everything, in comedy and exams.

“Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!” Like how I feel during presentations.

College Exam Jokes

Exams are like laundry. They pile up unnoticed until it’s too late.

Why do we never play hide and seek with exams? Because good luck hiding when they find you every time.

“I was going to study for my exam, but then I remembered, diamonds are made under pressure.”

How do exams keep their figure? They always have a lot of questions on their plate.

“Do I believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. I fall in love with every answer choice I see.”

Why was the exam booklet nervous? It was about to be tested.

What’s an exam’s favorite type of music? The blues, because that’s what it gives everyone.

“I don’t always calculate my grades, but when I do, I prefer not to.”

Exams are like vampires. They drain you of your will to live.

“How’s your exam prep going?” “On a scale from 1 to 10, I’m at ‘what’s the due date?'”

Why don’t exams apologize? Because they always think they’re right.

If exams were pets, they’d be cats. Ignoring you until they want something, then suddenly all over you.

“Studying for finals is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire.”

How do you describe an exam in three words? “What was that?”

Exams have a great sense of humor. They’re always testing me.

“Why did the student bring a ladder to the exam?” “To reach the top marks!”

Why are exams like art? They’re both open to interpretation.

“What’s the best way to study for an exam?” “By osmosis. Hopefully, the book will leak into my brain.”

Exams are like old friends. They always come back to haunt you.

“I’m not saying I’m going to fail… But there’s a reason my plan B includes circus school.”

If exams had a motto, it’d be: “Bringing students together since forever. To cry.”

Why are exams optimistic? Because they believe every student has potential. To fail.

“I studied for my exam by candlelight. Wanted to feel enlightened.”

Exams are like a bad date. You spend a lot of time preparing, and it’s over before you know it.

“During my exam, I felt like Picasso. I had no idea what I was doing.”

Why do exams ask for essays? They love a good story.

“My favorite exercise during exams? Running out of time.”

Exams are like fortune tellers. They predict a lot of sleepless nights.

“Why do I always study at the last minute?” “Because it’s the only minute that matters.”

If exams were a movie, they’d be a horror film. Plot twist: The syllabus was the villain all along.

College Admissions Jokes

Why was the admissions essay nervous? It was about to be judged.

Admissions officers must love Halloween. They see thousands of ghostwriters!

“Applied to college as a joke. Now the joke’s on me. I got in.”

What’s an application’s favorite game? Guess who’s getting accepted!

College applications are like pizza. Everyone wants a piece of you.

“Why did the application go to therapy?” “It had too many issues.”

How are college essays like magic? They disappear as soon as you hit submit.

“I treat my college applications like my diet. Procrastinate now, panic later.”

Why are admissions officers great at poker? They never reveal their hand.

What’s scarier than submitting your college application? Waiting for a reply.

College applications ask for your achievements. So, Netflix marathons don’t count?

“Told my computer I was applying to college. Now it’s frozen with fear.”

“How do you make your application stand out?” “Use glitter. Lots of it.”

College essays are like selfies. You take 100, only one looks good.

Why did the application blush? It saw the admissions officer’s criteria.

“I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed. That’s going on my application.”

Admissions decisions are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

“Why did the skeleton apply to college?” “To increase its bone knowledge.”

College applications: where “additional comments” means “confess everything.”

“My application’s extracurriculars? Mastering the art of being broke.”

Why are admissions essays tough? They’re full of ‘character’ limits.

“Applying to college is like a sport. Except the only exercise is typing.”

Why did the application go to the party? To get accepted.

“What’s your admissions strategy?” “Pray to the Wi-Fi gods during submission.”

Admissions officers are like dentists. They make you wait and wonder what they’ll say next.

“Why are college applications like cats?” “They demand your attention, then ignore you.”

College applications are the only time begging in 650 words or less is a skill.

“How do you survive admissions season?” “With lots of chocolate and even more hope.”

College applications are like lottery tickets. You invest a lot, hoping for a big return.

“Why did the admission letter go to school?” “It wanted to be outstanding in its field.”

5th year College Jokes

“Graduating in four years is like leaving the party at 9 pm. Why miss the fun?”

Professors see me and think, “Didn’t I already teach your younger sibling?”

Fifth year means you’re on a first-name basis with the campus squirrels.

“My major? It’s a mix of ‘still deciding’ and ‘surprise me’.”

“I’ve been here so long, freshmen ask me for historical tours.”

“Year five: when ‘super senior’ sounds better than ‘still here’.”

“Thought about changing my major to archaeology. I’m good at digging myself deeper.”

“I’m not old. I’m just academically experienced.”

“My college career? It’s a trilogy. No, wait, a saga.”

“Fifth year’s the charm!” Said no one, ever. Yet here we are.

“Picked up a minor in library science. By accident. From being there so much.”

“In my fifth year, I finally learned the campus layout. Time to graduate?”

“Why graduate when you can become part of the faculty unofficially?”

“I’ve been here so long, I’m starting to look like the statues.”

“Fifth-year fashion? Anything from the lost and found. It’s vintage.”

“I’ve seen enough freshmen to start my own study on youth culture.”

“Considering a career as a professional student. Seems I have the experience.”

“Got my tenure as a student before some professors.”

“Why rush graduation? It’s not like adulthood is going anywhere.”

“Do I get a loyalty card for the cafeteria after five years?”

“Year five means I’m on the syllabus as a guest lecturer, right?”

“I’m not behind; I’m just pacing myself differently.”

“Fifth year is when you start giving campus tours. Unofficially, of course.”

“They said college flies by. Guess my clock’s broken.”

“In year five, my coffee loyalty card earns me a free degree, right?”

“I should have a reserved parking spot by now.”

“At this point, my student ID photo is a throwback.”

“Think of the fifth year as a victory lap. Very slow victory lap.”

“By your fifth year, ‘all-nighter’ just means sleeping through the night.”

“I’ve taken ‘lifelong learning’ to a whole new level.”

Freshman College Jokes

Freshman motto: “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”

“Why do freshmen always travel in groups? Because they’re told to stick to the buddy system.”

First day of college: buys all the books. Second day: wonders if return policies apply to homework.

“How do you spot a freshman?” “They still have the energy to raise their hand in class.”

“I asked a freshman for directions, and we both got lost.”

“Freshmen are like Wi-Fi signals, strongest during orientation.”

“Why are freshmen like smartphones? They light up for no reason and die too quickly.”

First exam reality: studying five minutes, complaining on social media for five hours.

“A freshman’s diet: 50% ramen, 50% hope.”

“Why did the freshman sit on the watch?” “To be on time for class!”

“Freshmen think ‘study group’ means ‘let’s meet and panic together.'”

“I told a freshman to break a leg during their presentation. Now there’s an ambulance outside.”

“Freshmen look at the syllabus like it’s a letter from Hogwarts.”

“Why do freshmen always carry a map? Because ‘X marks the spot’ doesn’t work in the library.”

“Asked a freshman for a pen. They gave me a quill.”

“Why are freshman dorms like antique shops? Full of things you don’t need but buy anyway.”

Laundry day for freshmen: discovering new shades of pink they never knew existed.

“Why do freshmen take showers in pairs?” “One to read the instructions on the shampoo bottle.”

“A freshman’s idea of a balanced meal: two types of cereal mixed together.”

“Why did the freshman bring a ladder to the library?” “Heard the grades were high.”

“Freshmen treat the ‘free printing’ like a limited-time offer.”

“Why do freshmen walk in groups?” “Their survival instincts tell them there’s safety in numbers.”

“Told a freshman the elevator was broken. They waited for it to get fixed.”

“Why do freshmen stare at the microwave?” “They’re used to instant gratification.”

“A freshman’s major changes more often than their laundry.”

“Why are freshmen like squirrels?” “They collect books they’ll never read.”

“Freshman year is when ‘group project’ means ‘solo mission with spectators.'”

“Why do freshmen bring a surfboard to their first lecture?” “Heard there was a wave of tests coming.”

“Told a freshman to find their class in the west wing. They brought a compass.”

“Why do freshmen look scared in the cafeteria?” “They’ve heard the legends of Mystery Meat Mondays.”

I’m Delaney Jameson, the soul behind inspiremymantra.com! As a healing expert, writer, and self-growth enthusiast, I’ve made it my mission to share my passion for affirmations and personal transformation with the world.

Through life’s ups and downs, I’ve discovered the power of healing and self-discovery. With every challenge, I’ve grown stronger, wiser, and more connected to my authentic self. This journey led me to create inspiremymantra.com, a space where I can share the lessons, love, and light that have transformed my life.

Join me as we explore the magic of affirmations, embrace self-improvement, and create the lives we’ve always dreamed of – one mantra at a time. Let’s grow together and unleash our full potential!

Millennial Jokes – Humor for Digital Natives

University jokes – laughter through academic chaos, leave a comment cancel reply.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

99+ Hilarious College Jokes – Laughter in the Quad!

Introduction.

College life can be a whirlwind of lectures, exams, late-night study sessions, and unforgettable experiences. Amidst all the academic rigors, a good laugh is often the best stress-reliever. In this collection of 99+ college jokes, we bring you humor from the hallowed halls of higher education. 

Whether you’re a student, a professor, or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. Let’s dive into the world of campus comedy and relish some light-hearted moments.

Read more: 100th Day of School Jokes

College Pranks

1. Why did the scarecrow become a college professor? Because he was outstanding in his field!

2. How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her tuition.

3. Why did the student bring a ladder to college? Because he wanted to go to high school!

4. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.

5. What did one college student say to the other? “I’m so broke that I can’t even afford to pay attention.”

6. Why did the college student major in gardening? Because they wanted to “grow” intellectually.

7. Why did the biology professor break up with the chemistry professor? There was no chemistry.

8. How do you know if someone is a history major? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

9. What do you call a snowman at a college party? Slushed.

10. Why did the music major go to medical school? To learn how to handle sharp objects.

11. What’s a college student’s favorite type of sandwich? A tuition wrap.

12. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

13. How do you organize a space party? You “planet.”

14. Why did the scarecrow enroll in college? To work on its “people skills.”

15. Why did the student bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house.

16. What do you call a college student who never gets a parking ticket? A mythical creature.

17. Why was the broom always late for class? Because it overswept.

18. How do you make a college student smile for a picture? Just say, “tuition is free!”

19. Why did the tomato turn red in the cafeteria? Because it saw the salad dressing.

20. What do you call a college student who doesn’t procrastinate? An urban legend.

21. Why did the college student major in gardening? Because they wanted to “grow” intellectually.

22. Why did the biology professor break up with the chemistry professor? There was no chemistry.

23. How do you know if someone is a history major? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

24. What do you call a snowman at a college party? Slushed.

25. Why did the music major go to medical school? To learn how to handle sharp objects.

26. What’s a college student’s favorite type of sandwich? A tuition wrap.

27. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

28. How do you organize a space party? You “planet.”

29. Why did the scarecrow enroll in college? To work on its “people skills.”

30. Why did the student bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the drinks were on the house.

31. What do you call a college student who never gets a parking ticket? A mythical creature.

32. Why was the broom always late for class? Because it overswept.

33. How do you make a college student smile for a picture? Just say, “tuition is free!”

34. Why did the tomato turn red in the cafeteria? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Read more: Test Jokes

College Puns

35. What do you call a college student who loves to fish? A “bait and tackle” enthusiast.

36. Why was the computer cold during the exam? Because it didn’t want to catch a “virus.”

37. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll see you in the quad.”

38. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to class? Because they wanted to “climb into your mind.”

39. Why did the physics major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to raise the bar.

40. What do you call a college student who always has the right answer? An “over-achiever.”

41. Why did the tomato turn red at the party? Because it saw the salad dressing.

42. What do you call a college student who can play the piano? A “key” player.

43. Why was the computer cold at the lecture? Because it had too many “Windows” open.

44. What’s a college student’s favorite kind of music? Tuition.

45. Why did the scarecrow get an award in college? Because it was outstanding in its field.

46. How do you organize a space party? You “planet.”

47. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

48. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

49. Why was the biology book so full of itself? Because it had all the “organ”ization.

50. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to get inside your head.

51. What do you call a college student who loves to fish? A “bait and tackle” enthusiast.

52. Why did the art student go broke? Because they couldn’t draw a line between expenses and income.

53. Why did the chemistry major break up with the physics major? Because there was no “chemistry” between them.

54. What do you call a college student who plays the guitar? A “strum-entalist.”

55. Why did the English major bring a ladder to the library? Because they wanted to go to the next chapter.

56. Why did the philosophy major get kicked out of the bakery? They kept asking, “What is the meaning of loaf?”

57. Why did the music major get locked out of their room? Because they couldn’t find the right key.

58. How does a skeleton pay for college? With student “loans.”

59. What do you call a college student who loves to eat snacks? A “munch-elor’s” degree holder.

60. Why was the computer cold during the exam? Because it didn’t want to catch a “virus.”

61. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll see you in the quad.”

62. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to class? Because they wanted to “climb into your mind.”

63. Why did the physics major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to raise the bar.

64. What do you call a college student who always has the right answer? An “over-achiever.”

65. Why did the tomato turn red at the party? Because it saw the salad dressing.

66. What do you call a college student who can play the piano? A “key” player.

67. Why was the computer cold at the lecture? Because it had too many “Windows” open.

68. What’s a college student’s favorite kind of music? Tuition.

Read more: Jokes Funny Exam Quotes

Student Life Humor

69. Why did the scarecrow get an award in college? Because it was outstanding in its field.

70. How do you organize a space party? You “planet.”

71. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

72. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll see you in the quad.”

73. Why was the biology book so full of itself? Because it had all the “organ”ization.

74. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to get inside your head.

75. What do you call a college student who loves to fish? A “bait and tackle” enthusiast.

76. Why did the art student go broke? Because they couldn’t draw a line between expenses and income.

77. Why did the chemistry major break up with the physics major? Because there was no “chemistry” between them.

78. What do you call a college student who plays the guitar? A “strum-entalist.”

79. Why did the English major bring a ladder to the library? Because they wanted to go to the next chapter.

80. Why did the philosophy major get kicked out of the bakery? They kept asking, “What is the meaning of loaf?”

81. Why did the music major get locked out of their room? Because they couldn’t find the right key.

82. How does a skeleton pay for college? With student “loans.”

83. What do you call a college student who loves to eat snacks? A “munch-elor’s” degree holder.

84. Why was the computer cold during the exam? Because it didn’t want to catch a “virus.”

85. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll see you in the quad.”

86. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to class? Because they wanted to “climb into your mind.”

87. Why did the physics major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to raise the bar.

88. What do you call a college student who always has the right answer? An “over-achiever.”

89. Why did the tomato turn red at the party? Because it saw the salad dressing.

90. What do you call a college student who can play the piano? A “key” player.

91. Why was the computer cold at the lecture? Because it had too many “Windows” open.

92. What’s a college student’s favorite kind of music? Tuition.

93. Why did the scarecrow get an award in college? Because it was outstanding in its field.

94. How do you organize a space party? You “planet.”

95. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.

96. What did one wall say to the other wall in college? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

97. Why was the biology book so full of itself? Because it had all the “organ”ization.

98. Why did the psychology major bring a ladder to the bar? Because they wanted to get inside your head.

99. What do you call a college student who loves to fish? A “bait and tackle” enthusiast.

100. Why did the art student go broke? Because they couldn’t draw a line between expenses and income.

101. Why did the chemistry major break up with the physics major? Because there was no “chemistry” between them.

102. What do you call a college student who plays the guitar? A “strum-entalist.”

Teacher Jokes

School Lunch Jokes

College life can be challenging, but it’s also full of memorable moments and laughter. These college jokes capture the essence of the academic journey, from the first day of class to graduation. We hope these jokes brought a smile to your face and brightened your day. 

Remember, a good laugh is a great way to cope with the ups and downs of college life. So, keep the humor alive and share these jokes with your friends, professors, and fellow students to spread the joy!

Why are college jokes so popular?

College jokes are popular because they often playfully highlight the quirks and challenges of the college experience. They resonate with students and anyone who has gone through the educational journey.

Are college jokes suitable for all ages?

Most college jokes are meant for a general audience, but some may contain humor that’s more relatable to college students and adults. It’s always a good idea to consider the audience when sharing jokes.

Can college jokes be offensive or inappropriate?

While most college jokes are light-hearted and fun, there are always exceptions. Some jokes may cross the line into offensive or inappropriate territory. It’s important to be mindful of the context and audience when sharing humor.

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Over 220 College Puns to Brighten Your Campus Experience

Looking for a fun way to brighten up your college experience? Look no further! We’ve compiled over 200 hilarious college puns that are sure to bring a smile to your face as you navigate your way through campus life. Whether you’re a freshman or a senior, these puns will have you laughing out loud – and maybe even groaning a little. From witty one-liners to clever plays on words, our collection has something for everyone. So, get ready to inject some humor into your college journey and share a laugh with your classmates. These puns are guaranteed to make you the life of the party . Let the pun-demonium begin!

The Most Hilarious College Puns to Make You LOL (Editors Pick)

1. I’m currently studying architecture at college; I’m hoping to build a bright future. 2. Finals week is like a mathematical equation, trying to balance study time with not losing your mind! 3. My college professor is a fungi, he always teaches in spore time. 4. I love college because it helps me excel in my edu-cafés (educations). 5. When it comes to college, you can’t spell happiness without HES (Higher Education Studies)! 6. Why did the math book always go to college? Because it had lots of problems it needed to solve! 7. I tried to make a career out of studying bacteria in college, but it ended up being just a micro-organism. 8. I’m in college majoring in gardening because I want to let my dreams s-row! 9. College is where puns become the main syllabus; it’s all about word-play! 10. I joined the debate club in college so I could argue my way into a good grad school. 11. My college roommate majored in culinary arts, so he was always bringing home his spice cabinet to seasons the dishes. 12. The college life can be rough, but I’m determined to make the grade and pursue my dreams. 13. I tried to study marine biology in college, but it was too deep for me. 14. I want to be a vet , so I enrolled in college to paws my way to success! 15. My computer science professor at college is always a bit binary, either he accepts your answer or says “bit” wrong! 16. College can be a maze, but I’m determined to find my way to success! 17. I almost got kicked out of college for my bad attendance; turns out, I was never really absent-minded! 18. I joined the writing club in college, hoping to find my pen-ultimate calling! 19. In college, I’m studying meteorology; rain or shine, I’m forecasting success! 20. When it comes to playing chess, my college coach always tells us to “Rook” forward to victory!

Whimsical Wordplay (Collegiate Puns)

1. Why did the scarecrow decide to go to college? Because he wanted to get a “degree” in “ha(y)d” planting. 2. I’ve been studying for the college entrance exam, but I’m not too worried. I’m sure I can “testify” that I’ll “pass” it. 3. I asked my professor if I could retake the test, but she said, “Sorry, but I can’t keep “exam”ploying you.” 4. Why did the college student bring a ladder to class? Because they heard the lecture would be “uplifting.” 5. My friend asked me if I wanted to join his college band, but I declined. I told him, “I prefer a ‘note’-worthy career.” 6. When my professor asked why I was late for class, I replied, “Sorry, I had a ‘major’ crisis with my alarm clock.” 7. I’m considering taking up archery in college. I’m “aiming” to be the best in “bow”th academics and sports . 8. I’ve been studying math in college, but trigonometry is proving to be “sine”-tifically difficult. 9. I asked my college roommate to stop singing while studying, but he said, “I can’t ‘note’ ever stop, it’s my ‘major’ stress relief.” 10. I tried to organize a college student marathon, but it never took off. It seems they were just not “running” on enough coffee. 11. Why did the college student bring a ladder to the library ? Because they wanted to reach the highest level of “book”nowledg 12. I’m studying botany in college, and I can “plan(t)y” say it’s “root”-inely intriguing. 13. Why did the college student fail their PE class? Because they couldn’t “gym” up the motivation to attend. 14. My college professor asked if I knew the difference between an enzyme and a hormone. I replied, “I’m not sure, but I’m willing to ‘digest’ the answer.” 15. I asked my friend how his first semester in college went. He replied, “It was a ‘class’ic struggle, but I’m determined to ‘ace’ it.” 16. I tried to start a club for introverted college students, but no one showed up. I guess we’re just too shy to “club” together. 17. I told my college professor a chemistry joke, but he didn’t react. I guess all the good ones “argon.” 18. My college roommate keeps stealing my snacks, but I remain calm. I always remember, “grazing is a part of the ‘crop’-eration.” 19. I’m taking a class on environmental studies in college, and it’s been quite “trees”-tful. I swear, it’s like a never-“ leaf “-ing subject. 20. Why did the college student bring a ladder to the art class? Because they were “canvas”-ing for new perspectives.

Cram-azing Q&A Quips (College Puns)

1. Why did the math book go to college? Because it wanted to get radical! 2. What did one dorm room say to the other? Hey, let’s get together and study abroad! 3. Why did the computer visit the college? Because it had heard it had great byte! 4. What’s the proudest moment for a pencil in college? When it finally gets its degree and becomes a “pen-cil”! 5. What’s a college student’s favorite kind of ice cream ? Scholar-berry! 6. Why did the chemistry major get bad grades? Because they couldn’t find any “chemistry” with their professors! 7. How do you make a tissue dance in college? You put a little “boogie” in it! 8. Why did the English major take a sewing class? Because they wanted to improve their “prose”! 9. What do you call a college student who pays their tuition in cash? A “scholar-ship”! 10. Why did the music major bring a ladder to class? Because the notes said “scale” the building ! 11. What do you call a college student who never leaves the library? A “book-worm”! 12. How do you measure the intelligence of a college student? By “degrees”! 13. Why did the geography major always bring a map to class? Because they didn’t want to “globe”alize the answers! 14. What’s a college student’s favorite subject in school? Lunchtime! 15. Why was the history major’s essay so well-written? Because it had a lot of “back-story”! 16. What do you call the group of friends who study calculus together? The “calcu-later crew”! 17. Why did the art major take up pottery? Because they wanted to “ bowl ” over their professors! 18. How do you make a science professor laugh in college? Give them your “material”! 19. Why did the biology major bring a ladder to class? Because they heard they would be dissecting the “cell-ings”! 20. What’s a college student’s favorite kind of pizza? “Excla-pizza-tion mark”!

Double Entendre Delights: College Puns That Get an A+ in Humor

1. “Studying hard for exams can be quite taxing, but the student loans are worth it!” 2. “College is like a game of chess, everyone’s just trying to score a mate.” 3. “The library’s selection of books is quite electrifying, it’s always shocking!” 4. “College parties are always a great place to find someone who’s just your type… of major.” 5. “When a professor asks for a well-researched essay, it’s important not to skirt around the topic.” 6. “Joining a fraternity is a great way to broaden your social horizons and your understanding of Greek letters.” 7. “Going to college is like going to the gym, you’ll be working out your brain and your social life!” 8. “The college cafeteria is full of food puns, they always leave you feeling like a real smarty-pants.” 9. “In college, you have to balance your social life and your academics. It’s all about finding the right chemistry!” 10. “Tuition fees may be sky-high, but at least college gives you a chance to reach for the stars.” 11. The college dating scene can be like an all-you-can-eat buffet, you never know who you’ll pick up along the way! 12. Joining a study group is a great way to improve your grades and study the anatomy of friendship . 13. “Exams can be like a game of hide and seek, it’s all about finding the hidden clues and avoiding the traps!” 14. “In college, time management is key. You’ve got to be good at handling not only your schedule but also your liquor.” 15. Staying up all night to study can make you feel like you’re on a caffeine roller coaster . It’s a real perk!” 16. “At college parties, it’s important to remember to always keep your intellectual veneer, even when things get wild.” 17. “Taking an early morning class is a surefire way to become a true coffee connoisseur, one cup at a time.” 18. “Picking the right major in college is like finding your soulmate, it may take a few tries but it’s worth the wait.” 19. “Participating in extracurricular activities is like adding seasoning to your college experience, it gives it that extra spice.” 20. “The college dating scene can feel like a maze, but when you find the right person, it’s a-maze-ing!”

Top of the Class (Puns in College Idioms)

1. I always give college lectures, but I don’t have a degree. I guess you could say I’m just winging it. 2. The math professor was feeling down, so we organized a surprise party to cheer him up. It was a real derivative of happiness. 3. After studying all night, the biology student aced the exam. His hard work really paid cell. 4. The art students were shocked when they found out they had a test on sculpture. They couldn’t brush it off. 5. The psychology professor started a rock band. They called themselves the Freudian Slips. 6. The history professor was amazing at storytelling, but he always claimed that he wasn’t making history up. He said it was all in the past. 7. When the chemistry students threw a party, they had a blast. It was an explosive event. 8. The English professor couldn’t stop talking about grammar during his lectures. He was a real verb-a-lizer. 9. The physics student always carried a rope in his backpack. He called it his string theory. 10. The computer science major got a job as a DJ . He said he was mixing code with beats. 11. The economics professor discovered a new way to explain supply and demand. He called it cash flow. 12. The sociology professor enjoyed playing poker with his students. He said it helped him understand the social dynamics. 13. The engineering student was always cranky in the morning. His friends called him the engineering grump. 14. The philosophy professor started a podcast where he discussed the meaning of life. He called it “Deep Thoughts with Socrates.” 15. The literature professor loved to eat alphabet soup. He said it helped him digest the classics. 16. The business major was always making financial puns. His friends thought he was money-minded. 17. The music professor loved composing songs, but he couldn’t read sheet music. He said he played by pian-do. 18. The astronomy professor visited the dentist and had a great conversation about celestial bodies. He said it was a stellar appointment. 19. The film studies students were always arguing about their favorite directors. They said it was a real reel debate. 20. The philosophy professor always arrived late to class. He claimed he was on mountaintime.

Cramming for Comedy (Pun Juxtaposition)

1. I failed my college math class because I couldn’t count on it. 2. I joined the college swimming team, but I just couldn’t stay afloat. 3. I decided to major in music theory, but it didn’t strike a chord with me. 4. I took a cooking class in college, but it was a recipe for disaster. 5. My college physics professor always kept us in suspense, he had a lot of potential. 6. I tried to study abroad, but I didn’t have enough street credit. 7. I joined the college debate team, but I couldn’t argue my way out of a paper bag. 8. I signed up for a psychology course, but I couldn’t read my own mind. 9. I decided to pursue a degree in phlebotomy, but it just didn’t have enough blood, sweat, and tears. 10. I enrolled in a creative writing class, but I couldn’t think outside the box. 11. I took a sociology course, but it just didn’t click with my social circle. 12. I considered majoring in dance, but it wasn’t the right move for me. 13. I decided to become an archaeologist, but I could never dig deep enough to uncover the truth. 14. I joined the college rugby team, but I couldn’t tackle the tough assignments. 15. I studied marine biology, but I couldn’t swim with the big fish in the academic world. 16. I took a pottery class, but my creations were always a little off-center. 17. I joined the college astronomy club, but I couldn’t reach for the stars. 18. I signed up for a linguistics course, but it was all Greek to me. 19. I tried to learn programming, but I couldn’t code my way out of a paper bag. 20. I took a zoology class, but I couldn’t find my way out of the academic jungle.

Collegiate Chuckles (Punny College Puns)

1. Straight A Brews 2. Campus Cravings 3. Study Grinds 4. Major Munchies 5. Professor Perks 6. Tailgate Tacos 7. The Freshman Five 8. Fraternal Fries 9. Sorority Sodas 10. R.A. Roasts 11. Dorm Delights 12. Lecture Lunches 13. Professor’s Picks 14. Library Lattes 15. Caffeine College 16. Scholarship Sundaes 17. Ramen Room 18. College Crunchies 19. Greek Grills 20. Jock Jams

Minds and Massacres: Spoonerisms with College Puns

1. Knowledge is power – pledge is power 2. Higher education – hire her education 3. Studying abroad – abudying abroad 4. Student debt – dudent stebt 5. Graduation ceremony – craduation gememony 6. College admissions – adlege cmissions 7. Dorm room – rum doom 8. Campus tour – tam pus tour 9. Class schedule – skass chedule 10. College party – parlege coty 11. Library books – bibrary looks 12. Student council – cudent stouncil 13. Finals week – winals feek 14. Lecture hall – hekture lall 15. Student athlete – atudent sthlete 16. College roommate – romlege coommate 17. College majors – mollege cajors 18. Freshman year – year feshman 19. College professor – prolege cossessor 20. Grad school – scad grool

College Comedy (Tom Swifties)

1. “I can’t decide which college to attend,” Tom said absentmindedly. 2. “I can’t believe I lost my scholarship!” Tom said pathetically. 3. “I need to buy a new backpack,” Tom said rucksackingly. 4. “I can’t wait to study abroad!” Tom said excitedly. 5. “I aced the midterm!” Tom said triumphantly. 6. “I need to register for classes,” Tom said systematically. 7. “I’m not ready for finals,” Tom said testily. 8. “I’m considering changing my major,” Tom said tentatively. 9. “I enjoy writing essays,” Tom said literarily. 10. “I need more coffee to stay awake during lectures,” Tom said sleepily. 11. “I can’t wait to graduate!” Tom said diplomatically. 12. “I enjoy eating in the cafeteria,” Tom said digestively. 13. “I should have studied more,” Tom said regrettably. 14. “I have a lot of homework tonight,” Tom said studiously. 15. “I love meeting new people on campus,” Tom said socially. 16. “I need to improve my time management skills,” Tom said chronologically. 17. “I enjoy attending college events,” Tom said enthusiastically. 18. “I need to find a quiet study spot,” Tom said silently. 19. “I love the energy on campus during finals week,” Tom said exhaustedly. 20. “I can’t believe how fast the semester flew by,” Tom said temporally.

Contradictory Study Breaks (Oxymoronic College Puns)

1. Awfully smart class clown 2. Jumbo shrimp academic 3. Clearly confused philosophy major 4. Strictly laid-back professor 5. Remarkably average valedictorian 6. Advanced beginner student 7. Seriously funny English literature lecture 8. Freshly experienced freshman 9. Organized chaos in the dormitory 10. Awkwardly confident public speaking class 11. Deeply shallow psychology course 12. Perfectly imperfect GPA 13. Painfully enjoyable all-night study session 14. Roughly smooth campus life 15. Seriously funny calculus professor 16. Lazily ambitious student 17. Openly secretive study group 18. Awfully good at procrastinating on deadlines 19. Quietly disruptive guest speaker 20. Eagerly uninterested student body

The Class That Keeps Giving (Recursive Puns)

1. Why did the math major go to college? To gain a degree of understanding! 2. How did the music major excel in college? They studied in harmony! 3. Why did the biology major enjoy college so much? It was a cellfie! 4. How did the art major paint the perfect college experience? They brushed up on their skills! 5. Why did the history major choose college? They wanted to make a past impression! 6. How did the literature major navigate through college? They turned the page, chapter after chapter! 7. Why did the computer science major thrive in college? They coded their way to success! 8. How did the physics major reach new heights in college? They cold-called the laws of motion! 9. Why did the business major invest so much in college? They saw a profit at the end of the degree! 10. How did the English major excel in college? They wrote their way to the top! 11. Why did the psychology major appreciate college so much? It fit their state of mind! 12. How did the chemistry major bond with their peers in college? They created strong connections! 13. Why did the engineering major build a solid foundation in college? They wanted a structure for success! 14. How did the philosophy major ponder their college experience? They questioned every facet of it! 15. Why did the economics major value college so much? They saw it as a supply of opportunity! 16. How did the sociology major understand the dynamics of college? They observed and analyzed every interaction! 17. Why did the foreign language major immerse themselves in college? They wanted fluency of knowledge! 18. How did the geology major appreciate the wonders of college? They dug deep for wisdom! 19. Why did the political science major focus on college? They strategized their way to a degree! 20. How did the anthropology major uncover the mysteries of college? They studied the cultural dimensions!

Cramming in the Laughter: College Puns That Deserve Extra Credit

1. I studied so hard for the exam, but the professor thought my efforts were a “beta” waste of time. 2. I tried to make friends in my first week of college, but they all told me I was “so extra.” 3. My professor always says that “knowledge is power,” but I think it’s just a textbook cliché. 4. I joined the cooking club in college, but I quickly realized that I was just “grating” my time away. 5. I thought college would be a piece of cake, but it turned out to be an expensive 4-year dessert. 6. My friends always tell me I’m the “Class Clown,” but I think it’s just a “cap and gown” affair. 7. At college parties, they say “the night is young,” but I feel like it’s “exam season” already. 8. I thought joining the university debate team would be fun, but it just became a “talking cliché” contest. 9. My professor said I need to “think outside the box,” but I’m too comfortable in my bubble-wrap-filled dorm room. 10. I tried to be the star of the college basketball team, but they told me my skills were “textbook mediocre. 11. When I’m at college parties, my friends always joke that I’m the “shot caller” with my keen ability to find the best deals on drinks. 12. I thought pulling an all-nighter would give me the “snooze” I needed, but it just left me feeling like a “caffeine cliché.” 13. My college buddies always say “you snooze, you lose,” but I prefer to “hit the snooze button.” 14. I wanted to pursue a career in music, but everyone told me it was just a “pipe dream.” 15. My professor always says that “practice makes perfect,” but I can’t even tune my own guitar. 16. Trying to find a parking spot on campus is like searching for a “needle in a haystack. 17. My college course load is so heavy that I feel like I’m “carrying the weight of the world on my textbooks.” 18. I thought joining the chess club would be easy, but it turned out to be a “pawn”-ful experience. 19. They say college is a “stepping stone” to success, but sometimes it feels like I’m just stepping on hot coals. 20. My parents always tell me that “knowledge is the key to success,” but I feel like I misplaced the key.

In conclusion, we hope these 200+ college puns have brought a smile to your face and brightened your campus experience. If you’re hungry for more pun-tastic content, be sure to check out our website for an endless supply of laughs. Thank you for taking the time to visit, and remember to keep spreading the punny joy!

Related Pun Articles

200+ Hilarious Flea Puns to Scratch Your Itch for Laughter

Punsteria Team

Get ready to bug out with laughter because we’ve assembled over 200 of the funniest flea puns that are sure ...

Get Ready to Crack a Smile: 220 Cheesecake Puns for a Slice of Humor

Craving a slice of humor? Look no further! We’ve whipped up a delectable collection of over 200 cheesecake puns that ...

Bingo Puns: 220 Perfect Puns to Elevate your Game Night Humor

Get ready to have a ball at your next game night with these Bingo puns that are sure to have ...

Strike a Funny Bone: 220 Dodgeball Puns for Ultimate Laughs and Sporty Fun

Looking to add some sporty fun to your day? Get ready to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and laugh your way ...

Sugar-Coated Laughter: Explore 220 Sweet Puns to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Get ready to satisfy your sweet tooth and tickle your funny bone with our collection of over 200 sweet puns! ...

Bend Over in Laughter: 220 Hilarious Elbow Puns to Tickle your Funny Bone

Are you ready to tickle your funny bone? Brace yourself for a hilarious ride filled with elbow puns that are ...

Unwind with Laughter: 220 Zen Puns to Lighten Up Your Spirit

Sit back, relax, and prepare to let out a chuckle or two with our collection of Zen puns. In need ...

Fur-ocious Laughter: 220 Hilarious Ferret Puns to Brighten Your Day

Ready to have a good laugh? Look no further! In this pawsitively hilarious article, we have rounded up over 200 ...

Branching Out Humor: 220 Hilariously Clever Bonsai Puns to Root For

Have you ever heard of a tree that can tell jokes? Well, get ready to branch out and let your ...

Drive Into Laughter: Over 200 Fascinating Ford Puns to Fuel your Humor

Looking for some automotive humor to rev up your day? Well, buckle up and get ready to drive into laughter ...

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.

178 Hilarious College Jokes to Have Fun and Laugh

• 3 months ago

Step into a realm of unabashed laughter as we present an anthology of hilarious college jokes. In the timeless words of Victor Borge, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people,” and these jokes are your express ticket to camaraderie and amusement. From clever one-liners that defy gravity to knock-knock doorways leading to hilarity, this collection of jokes about college encapsulates the spirit of campus life’s lighter side. In the whirlwind of academia, a well-timed joke can be the compass steering us through challenges. Join us on this humorous journey through the corridors of collegiate wit, where the shared joy of laughter transforms the academic landscape.

Table of Contents

Best College Jokes

These jokes promise to lighten the academic load, offering a delightful study break filled with laughter and amusement. Get ready for a side-splitting journey through the lighter side of campus life!

Why did the sun skip college? It already has a million degrees. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bi-son. If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar-ships. College student: Hey, Dad — I’ve got some great news for you! Father: What, son? College student: Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list? Father: I certainly do. College student: Well, you get to keep it! Professor: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners? Because they keep breaking out! In college, I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life. My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her. But frankly, I didn’t want to solve for ex. A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes. It turns out his findings were on shaky ground. My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays? I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?” Why did the music note drop out of college? Because it couldn’t pick a major. How did the fraternity brother get a bump on his head? He was attempting a keg stand. Astronomy professor: What causes a half-moon? College student: When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs. What’s the difference between an American student and an English student? About 3,000 miles. What do you get if you cross a student and an alien? Something from another universe-ity. What do you call a hotdog in college? A FRAT-wurst. What do cats major in college? String theory!

Funny College Jokes

Indulge in the lighter side of academia with our funny college jokes. These quips and jests are sure to bring a smile to your face, providing a much-needed dose of humor to enhance your college experience. Kick back, relax, and enjoy the comedic side of campus life!

What do fish study in college? Algae brah. What similarities do mashed potatoes have with an online college degree? If it ends up on your wall, you’re probably retarded. What do you call college roommates who cannot afford to pay electric bills? The darkest days of their lives. What do you call a Marine who went to college? Lost. What do you call hiking college students in the United States? The walking debt. What does a college cannibal eat? Raw-men noodles. What did the college professor say when the student asked “Is this the course for communication?” “Yeah, that’s dis-course.” What did the student say after graduation? “Thank you, student loan, for helping me through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.” What do college students travel on if pilgrims travel on the Mayflower? Scholar ships. An elite girl’s college’s headmistress was educating students on sexual morality…… “Ask yourself one question in moments of temptation,” she advised the class, “is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” She got so furious when one of the students got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?” What inspired the drug dealer to attend college? To get his degree in meth-ematics. Why push the dog to go to college? To get its pedigree. How do you get into college? Through the door. What did the Ox say when his son departed for college? Bison. The Dean addressed the students on the first day of college, establishing some of the rules. “The female dormitory would be forbidden for all male students, and the male dormitory would be forbidden for female students,” he continues. He goes on to say, “Anyone caught disobeying this regulation would be penalised $50 the first time. Anyone who violates this regulation for the second time will be fined $100. A $200 punishment would be imposed if caught a third time. Do you have any questions?” A male student in attendance asked, “How much for a season pass?” What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor. What is the difference between college and kidnapping? College is the opposite, they demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back. Why should you choose classes taught by heterosexual Canadians when registering for college? They always give straight “eh”s. What happened to the college kid living on a houseboat who started dating the girl next door? Eventually, they drifted apart. What do you call a college student dating a midget? He was nuts over her. Where did the hippo study for his college exams? On the Hippocampus. Why did the circle skip college? It already had 360 degrees. Why do so many nurses attend college at the North Pole? It’s where the Icy U is. Why are donkeys not permitted to attend college? Because they already have enough smart asses. What do you call two roommates in college cleaning each other’s room? They were maid for each other. How do you decide whether to join the Bard’s College or the Thieves Guild? You just have to weigh the pros and the cons. Why is it easy to get into a pirate college? Because you just need the high Cs. What was Spider-Man’s major in college? Web Design. Why did the slave go to college? To get his master’s degree. In a McDonald’s, three recent graduates meet to catch up and the engineering major said, “Have you noticed the new wind turbines being built on the east side of town? As an experiment, they invited our students to conduct some stress studies during windstorms “. “They also contacted us concerning the bedrock depth for foundations,” the geology graduate said. “Do you want fries with that?” inquired the Liberal Arts major. What do you say when a son in clown college sends his father a Thank-You letter? A very kind Jester. What do you do when a dishonest college graduate writes ‘PhD’ on his transcript? I guess you could say he doctored it. Where do college-age vampires shop? Forever 21. What happens when one double-majored in accounting and dentistry in college? Now they can crunch numbers and numb crunchers. What is college feminism? 10k women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren’t enough female engineers. A college student enters a bar slowly and orders a beer. He begins chatting with the bartender. “What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus,” complains the student. He adds, “If she wasn’t so drop-dead gorgeous I would’ve dropped the class already.” The bartender looks at him and says, “So you could say she’s easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?” What do you call someone working in a pizza shop through college so they could afford to eat something other than ramen? They are kneading the dough. What college did Michael Jackson go to? Bringham Young University. What do you call a vegetable in college? Scholared greens. How are June bugs like College Dropouts? They sleep all day, they party at night, and after a month, you don’t see them anymore. Why did one fail in college’s calculus exam? Because he was seated between two identical twins and couldn’t differentiate between them. When Chuck Norris left for college, what did he tell his father? “You’re the man of the house now.” How did the volcano graduate from college? With magma cum laude. What’s the best thing about college? It forces you to have confidence. Like in high school you never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

Hilarious College Jokes

Dive into a world of hilarity with our collection of hilarious college jokes. From clever observations to witty punchlines, these jokes are a delightful escape from the daily grind. Laugh your way through the ups and downs of college life!

How do you get a squirrel to major in art at college? Show it some “nuts and bolts” of creativity! And maybe a few acorn sculptures too! Why did the tomato turn red at college? Because it saw the salad dressing in its “finals week” outfit, and it knew it was about to be tossed into a whole new world of pressure! What’s a college student’s favorite type of math? “Summertime” – because that’s when they don’t have any math classes, and they can finally “add” some relaxation to their schedule! Why was the college library always calm and collected? Because it had a lot of “quiet” knowledge, and it knew the importance of shushing loud study groups with a stern “Shhhhhh!” How do you know you’re at a college for magicians? They always have disappearing courses, and they’ll teach you to make your GPA vanish in a puff of academic smoke! How can you tell if you’ve been in college too long? Your parents are running out of money! What’s the deal with the sun skipping college? It has already reached a million degrees. College Student: Do you remember the $500 you promised me in return for me making the Dean’s list? Father: I definitely do. College Student: Well, you can keep it! College students who join the paratroopers to pay off their student loans are called what? Debt from above. In college, what would be spiders’ favorite class? Web design Our English teachers seem like the most logical people in the faculty. When things get tough, he always uses his comma-sense. High school students can’t go out for lunch because it’s forbidden. College students can’t go out for lunch because they can’t afford it. Pot and my college’s football team have something in common. They both get smoked in bowls! Why could the moebius strip not enroll in college? They were required to attend an orientation. Is there a good way to save money while in college? Use Happy Hour as your main dining option. One day two parents were talking and one asked the other what their son was taking in college. The one replied: He’s taking every penny I have! To change a light bulb, how many fraternity brothers are necessary? None. That’s what pledges are for! What is the best place to find sorority girls? Dancing on top of tables. What does it mean to be an optimist? A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money. Are there ships that students study on? Scholarships. My local college has a program in which students can be employed in the campus bakery and earn their tuition. This opportunity isn’t for everyone. It’s run on a strictly knead-to-know basis. I think college athletes ought to get paid for their participation in sports. Except Tennessee. Those are Volunteers.

Knock Knock College Jokes

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Irresistible knock-knock jokes for college students! Brace yourself for a barrage of laughter-inducing door openings and punchlines. It’s time to knock on the door of humor and let the chuckles in.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the books; time for a study session! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here, and I forgot my key card! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to be my study buddy? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for the lecture, grab your books! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who? Dewey have to keep reading all these textbooks? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita study break, let’s grab some coffee. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fig. Fig who? Fig-ure out your major yet? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amos. Amos who? Amos-quito bit me, and now I can’t concentrate on my homework! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you! Must be the flu season on campus. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cow says. Cow says who? No silly, cow says, “Moo”! We’re in the animal science class! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal-ously, we need a break from all these exams! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ya. Ya who? No thanks, I use Google. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen the library, come find me! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business, but I aced that test! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby-tually, I forgot to do my assignment. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda study group later? Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive your books are overdue at the library! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I prefer credit for my textbooks. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ima. Ima who? Ima straight-A student! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? Nobel-ieve me, this class is tougher than I thought. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Emma. Emma who? Emma-nother all-nighter to finish this essay. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yule. Yule who? Yule be sorry if you don’t pass this class. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Interrupting student. Interrupting stude… Professor: You’re late! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? That’s what I’m asking you after this physics class! Knock, knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for the campus tour – let’s explore!

College Jokes One Liners

Short, sweet, and undeniably funny – our collection of college jokes in one-liner form is perfect for a quick chuckle. Enjoy the brevity of humor and add some witty repartee to your day!

Ramen noodles: The official food group of college students. My GPA is like the weather: unpredictable and constantly changing. I spend more time in the library than my actual dorm room. Group projects: where dreams go to die. My brain cells are officially declaring bankruptcy. Coffee is my spirit animal. Professor: “Any questions?” Me: “Can I have an extension?” My future career is as blurry as my 8 am lecture notes. The only workout I get is running from my responsibilities. I’m not lazy, I’m just selectively motivated. Procrastination: the art of making easy tasks difficult. My student loan balance is higher than my GPA. Finals week: proof that alcohol is a coping mechanism. “Adulting” is just a fancy word for pretending to know what you’re doing. But hey, at least we have free pizza during finals!

Short College Jokes

In a hurry but in need of a good laugh? Our short college jokes are the perfect remedy. Quick, clever, and bound to bring a smile, these jokes are a fantastic way to inject humor into your day.

My procrastination level is so advanced, I haven’t even finished this joke yet. Professor: “Any questions?” Me: “Is it Wednesday?” Ramen noodles: the official food pyramid of college students. GPA: Guaranteed to Panic Anytime. Laundry pile? More like a personal Everest. “Adulting” is just a fancy term for pretending to know what you’re doing. Library? My home away from… well, anywhere else. Finals week: proof that vodka is a coping mechanism. Future career? Still deciding between astronaut and Netflix star. My brain cells officially declared bankruptcy last semester. Coffee is my spirit animal, and my sleep schedule is its spirit guide. Group project: where dreams go to die. “Any late assignments?” Me, already halfway out the door: “Nope!” My social battery runs out faster than my phone on finals week. Professor: “This material is easy.” Me: frantic Googling intensifies My student loan balance is taller than my future career prospects. Procrastination is the art of making easy tasks impossible. But hey, at least the library has comfy chairs for napping. Free pizza during finals? The only light at the end of this tunnel. College: the most expensive nap I’ve ever taken. And I haven’t even graduated yet. Remember, if you can laugh at yourself, you’re probably passing the class. Bonus: What’s the difference between a college student and a pizza? The pizza eventually gets taken out.

Dirty College Jokes

For those with a cheeky sense of humor, our dirty college jokes add a naughty twist to your day. Brace yourself for some risqué laughs and indulge in the lighter, more mischievous side of college life.

Not to brag, but we did a lot experiments with drugs, sex, and alcohol when I was in college. Unfortunately I was part of the control group. In college, I wasn’t admitted to any fraternity because I was circumcised. To get in, you had to be a complete dick. The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality…… “In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?” I took dick sucking class in college and got an F. I sucked so hard at it. I’ve been 1 week in college and already had five times the sex I had in 3 years of highschool. 5×0=0 How is college like sex without a condom? It’s really fun until you get tested. How do teachers commend good students in class at Japan Ninja College? “I didn’t see you in class today” 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole My girlfriend asked me to take a picture of my penis for her college class to use. Said my penis was a perfect specimen! It was for her microbiology class.

College Jokes and Puns

Wordplay meets academia in our collection of college jokes and puns. Whether you appreciate clever language twists or witty observations, these jokes are designed to add a touch of humor to your college experience.

Why would a servant go to college after working so many years? Because he was unable to take his master’s degree. How do you define the correct definition of an optimist? A hosteller opens his wallet and expects to find some currency in it. What is the biggest thing you learn at a music college? A major. What is the biggest thing you learn at a music college A major. Why would a music thief visit a college? To take away notes. What would you call a test tube with an excellent college degree? It would be a graduated cylinder. How would you know that you are actually in your dream college? You’d be able to fly! How would you know that you are actually in your dream college You’d be able to fly! I’m trying to keep myself away from football, but I can’t kick it. Football says hustle, hit, and never quit. Football differences between an absolute champ and chump. It’s because I suck at tennis. Never think that winning is everything; remember, it’s the sole thing. Football doesn’t even count as a contact sport. It’s a collision sport! I would be back to another home, my field! Don’t be calm; it’s our football season! What is the greatest deal a college student could offer to his father? The exemption from lack of college fees due to expelling! Have you ever thought about why the Sun never went to college? Because he already possesses trillion degrees. A millionaire is a man with a million dollars, a billionaire with billion dollars, so what would you call a man with 10 dollars? A high school student. What would you call a genius person among a college student group? A visitor. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down. The math professor is so old-school. He still uses a slide rule. I’m friends with all electricians. We have such great current connections. Why did the scarecrow become a successful student? Because he was outstanding in his field. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough. Studying geometry is pointless without a good angle. The professor was confident in his ability to teach graphing, but it turned out to be a plot twist.

Final Thoughts

As we conclude this laughter-infused exploration of jokes about college, we invite you to join the conversation. Share your favorite college jokes, anecdotes, and comedic moments in the comments below. Let this digital space become a hub of shared joy, where the tapestry of humor binds us together. As we navigate the intricate chapters of college life, let laughter be the thread that stitches friendships, eases burdens, and paints our memories with vibrant hues. Cheers to the enduring power of humor!

Post navigation

182 Hilarious Philosophy Jokes to Make You Think and Laugh

• March 8, 2024

216 Hilarious Burger Jokes That’ll Fill Your Belly with Laughter

• March 9, 2024

Leave a Comment

Leave a reply cancel reply.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

College Puns: Hilarious Jokes and One-Liners for Students

• March 18, 2024

Get ready to laugh with some hillarious college puns! Whether you’re a student, professor, or alumni, these witty wordplays will have you rolling in the aisles. From punny references to common college experiences to clever plays on academic subjects, there’s a joke for everyone in this collection.

You’ll never look at a college syllabus the same way again after discovering these clever puns. With a mix of pop culture references and academic humor, these jokes will entertain anyone with a connection to the world of higher education. Share them with your friends or classmates to brighten their day with a good laugh.

Family Friendly College Puns

1. Why did the college student break up with their calculator? It just couldn’t count on them anymore. 2. What do you call a group of musical college students? A chord. 3. I told a chemistry joke in college, but there was no reaction. 4. Why did the college student bring a ladder to the exam? They heard the test was going to be a bit tricky. 5. How did the college student fix their broken pencil? They used a pencil sharpener-cise. 6. Why do college students never trust stairs? They’re always up to something. 7. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a college student? Cool school spirit. 8. Why did the college student bring a mirror to the party? They heard it was going to be a reflection of a good time. 9. Did you hear about the college student who couldn’t find their notebook? They had to turn over a new leaf. 10. Why did the college student sit on the clock during the exam? They wanted to pass the time. 11. What do you call a fake noodle at a college cafeteria? An impasta. 12. How do college students stay cool during finals week? They use fan-cy study techniques. 13. Why did the math book look sad in college? It had too many problems. 14. What do you call a group of college students in a hot tub? A jacuzzi of knowledge. 15. Why did the college student take a ladder to class? To reach new heights in learning. 16. How do college students stay in shape? They exercise their right to study hard. 17. What do you call a college student who loves to garden? A plant major. 18. Why did the college student bring a loaf of bread to class? They heard they were going to be on a roll. 19. How do college students communicate in the wild? Through aca-demic discussions. 20. What did the college student say when asked about their favorite book? It’s a novel concept.

Best College Puns

1. I was going to tell a joke about college, but I thought it might be too “academically” for some people. 2. Did you hear about the college student who couldn’t find their pencil? They must have led it “astray.” 3. Why did the student bring a ladder to college? To take their education to the next level! 4. I told my friend I was majoring in creativity at college. They said, “That sounds like a ‘punny’ major!” 5. I tried to make a joke about the library at college, but it didn’t have much of a “plot.”

One-liner College Puns

1. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. 2. The science students are so excited for the new semester; they’re positively charged! 3. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down! 4. Philosophy class is a real think tank. 5. The anatomy students were really dissecting their subjects. 6. The English majors were stressed about their essay deadline; it was a real cliffhanger. 7. The cafeteria food is so bad, it’s unBEARable. 8. The football team’s success was no physics- they had the right momentum. 9. The architecture students have a lot of support; they’re always drawing attention. 10. The chemistry students are always dropping the bass. 11. The economics students are really banking on their success. 12. Business students never mind their own business. 13. I was feeling negative, but then I passed my electrician exam- now I’m positive. 14. I graduated with a degree in art history, now I’m painting the town red. 15. Journalism students are always looking for the scoop. 16. Drama class is always full of real characters. 17. The computer science students have a byte to eat. 18. The history majors are making quite the name for themselves. 19. The psychology students were really mind-boggled by the results. 20. The geography students are always plotting their next move.

Homophonic College Puns

1. I was struggling in math class, but I decided to take a pizza the calculus and now I’m doing better! 2. Did you hear about the college where all they do is study earthquakes? It’s really fault-y! 3. I asked my sister if she wanted to go to the college fair, but she said she wasn’t interested in university events. 4. Things didn’t work out with my college crush because we were just on different pages of the syllabus. 5. I can’t believe I got a scholarship to study marine biology – it’s quite the reel deal! 6. I tried to join the college debate team, but I couldn’t argue my way in! 7. My friend got caught sneaking into a college party – he was just trying to make an entrance! 8. My dad’s favorite college memory is when he aced his beekeeping class – he’s always buzzing about it! 9. I thought about studying astronomy in college, but I couldn’t see myself doing it. 10. My roommate tried to start a recycling club on campus, but it never picked up bin-terest. 11. I never understood why my friend complained about college anatomy class – it’s really not that hard, you just have to have some guts! 12. My dad always jokes that college is like a lip-reading competition – it’s all about finding the right major! 13. My mom’s favorite college subject was fashion design because she really knew how to tailor her skills. 14. I tried to start a gardening club at college, but it just didn’t have any roots. 15. My professor’s favorite band is The Rolling Stones – he says they really rock the syllabus! 16. I told my mom I wanted to study archaeology in college, but she said I was just digging myself a hole. 17. My friend tried to start a club for pun lovers on campus, but it didn’t have enough pun-dits. 18. I joined the college swim team, but I didn’t make any waves. 19. My sister is studying to be a chef in college – she’s really cooking up a storm! 20. My uncle jokes that college is like a shopping mall – you have to pick the right stores to succeed!

Compound College Puns

1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down! 2. I used to be a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough. 3. I’m reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it. 4. I did a theatrical performance about puns, it was a play on words. 5. I told a chemistry joke, there was no reaction. 6. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. 7. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know y. 8. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why. 9. I used to be a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough. 10. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down! 11. I did a theatrical performance about puns, it was a play on words. 12. I told a chemistry joke, there was no reaction. 13. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why. 14. I’m reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it. 15. I used to be a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough. 16. I did a theatrical performance about puns, it was a play on words. 17. I told a chemistry joke, there was no reaction. 18. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know why. 19. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down! 20. I used to be a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough.

Metaphoric College Puns

1. Why did the college pun break up with the high school sweetheart? Because they needed to focus on higher learning. 2. College life is like a library book – it’s full of plot twists and character development. 3. Making it through finals week is like a marathon, but with more coffee and less running. 4. The student who majored in philosophy had a degree in overthinking. 5. Going to college is like learning to juggle – it’s all about balancing classes, work, and a social life. 6. Dating in college is like a group project – sometimes it’s a disaster, but other times it’s surprisingly successful. 7. Joining a study group is like forming a superhero team – everyone has their own strengths to bring to the table. 8. The procrastinating student was like a magician – they always had a trick up their sleeve to finish their work at the last minute. 9. College tuition is like a Black Friday sale – it’s expensive and everyone is trying to get the best deal. 10. The freshman navigating campus was like a lost puppy – wandering around aimlessly until they found their way. 11. Choosing a major is like picking a movie on Netflix – you hope it will be entertaining and not a waste of time. 12. The college professor’s lectures were like a stand-up comedy show – filled with jokes and random tangents. 13. Graduation day is like the grand finale of a fireworks show – you finally get to celebrate all your hard work. 14. The student who pulled an all-nighter was like a vampire – surviving on caffeine and staring at screens. 15. College assignments are like puzzle pieces – you have to put them all together to see the bigger picture. 16. Balancing a part-time job and school is like walking a tightrope – one wrong move and everything could come crashing down. 17. The student who pulled a prank on campus was like a stealthy ninja – always one step ahead of the administration. 18. Taking a pop quiz in college is like being ambushed – you never see it coming, but you have to be prepared to fight back. 19. The college cafeteria food is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get, but you hope it’s not too terrible. 20. College friendships are like souvenirs from a trip – they remind you of the good times and experiences you shared together.

Syllepsis College Puns

1. College puns are student’s stairway to success and hilarity. 2. Attending college puns lectures can be quite the class act. 3. College puns are a major in the study of laughter. 4. Dorm life with college puns is a real bed of jokes. 5. Chemistry class with college puns really bonds students. 6. English class with college puns is a novel experience. 7. College puns make history class more entertaining. 8. Math class with college puns really adds up. 9. Philosophy class with college puns is quite profound. 10. College puns are the commencement of laughter. 11. Economics class with college puns is a real investment. 12. Psychology class with college puns really gets into your head. 13. Biology class with college puns is a real-life science experiment. 14. College puns are the sum of all laughs. 15. Art class with college puns is truly a masterpiece. 16. Political science class with college puns can be quite the debate. 17. Spanish class with college puns is muy divertido. 18. Geology class with college puns really rocks. 19. College puns are a course in comedic timing. 20. Sociology class with college puns is quite the social study.

Synthetic College Puns

1. Why did the geometry professor go to college? To find the right angle for success! 2. I tried to come up with a joke about college, but I failed. Looks like I really aced that class! 3. Want to hear a joke about potassium? K. No? Okay, I’ll just stick to college puns then! 4. I hope my grades in college are like my dad’s jokes – just barely passing. 5. College is like a large pizza – even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good! 6. The best way to study for a college exam is to take it in a room full of people whispering the answers to you. 7. I failed my philosophy class in college because I couldn’t Kant quite understand it. 8. Did you hear about the mathematician who went to college? He aced it with his natural exponential skills! 9. Why did the tomato turn red in college? Because it saw the salad dressing! 10. If you ever feel cold in college, just stand in the corner – it’s always 90 degrees there! 11. You know what they say about college professors with big feet… Big lecturers! 12. The college cafeteria is always a hot spot – it’s where all the cool beans hang out. 13. I didn’t fail college, I just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work for me. 14. The college soccer team is really good at geometry – they always know how to score the right angles. 15. The best part about college is being able to major in puns – it’s a degree worth laughing about! 16. Why did the math book look sad in college? Because it had too many problems. 17. I tried to start a band in college called 1023MB, but we haven’t had a gig yet – we’re still looking for a gigabyte! 18. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong major in college, but then I remember that I’m just pursuing a higher education of puns. 19. I thought about majoring in biology in college, but I didn’t think I could handle the extra preying mantis. 20. College is like a bicycle – to keep your balance, you must keep moving forward with a good sense of humor!

How to use College Puns in Conversation?

Using college puns in a conversation can be a fun way to connect with fellow students or alumni. These clever wordplay jokes can lighten the mood and show off your knowledge of college culture. Here are some tips on incorporating college puns into your conversations:

Know your audience

Before dropping a college pun, make sure your conversation partners will understand and appreciate it. A pun about a specific university mascot or famous alumni may fall flat if the person you’re speaking to isn’t familiar with the reference. Tailor your puns to the interests and experiences of those you’re talking to.

Use relevant contexts

Integrate college puns into conversations about academics, sports, extracurricular activities, or campus life. For example, if discussing a challenging class, you could say, “Studying for that exam was a major painsworth .” This ties the pun to a relatable college experience.

Subtlety can enhance the impact of a college pun. Instead of forcefully inserting a pun, look for natural opportunities to cleverly slip it in. For instance, if discussing a group project, you could casually mention, “That presentation was a real standout moment for our team.”

Embrace wordplay

Experiment with wordplay and double meanings to create engaging college puns. Consider puns involving academic subjects, campus landmarks, or popular college events. For example, if chatting about an upcoming football game, you might quip, “I hope our team kicks off the season with a win.”

Practice makes perfect

Like any form of humor, using college puns effectively may require practice. Start by incorporating puns into casual conversations with friends, classmates, or colleagues. Pay attention to their reactions to gauge what resonates and adjust your approach accordingly.

Have fun with it

Above all, have fun with college puns! Enjoy the creativity and playfulness of wordplay, and don’t worry too much about being perfect. College puns are meant to add levity to conversations and connect with others over shared experiences. So, get punning and spread some laughter on campus!

Conclusion In conclusion, college puns add a lighthearted and humorous touch to the academic experience. These puns provide a clever and witty way to connect with others on campus, whether through inside jokes or shared moments of laughter. From puns about exams to cafeteria food, these hillarious college puns are sure to bring a smile to the faces of students and educators alike. So, the next time you’re feeling the stress of assignments or exams, remember to lighten the mood with a well-timed pun. After all, laughter is the best medicine for navigating the ups and downs of college life.

Leave a Reply Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Add Comment  *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Post Comment

68 College Jokes That Prove Higher Learning Is Hilarious

You don’t have to have a college degree to find higher learning hilarious. There’s something universally relatable (and comical) about college students, dorm life, and everything else that’s wrapped up in getting an undergrad education. You’ve got your eccentric teachers . Everyone’s on a Ramen noodle diet . Students go to school in their PJs. The colleges jokes basically write themselves, don’t you think? And hey, it’s healthy to be able to laugh about it after the fact. Otherwise, your student loans might reduce you to tears.

RELATED: These College Supplies Are So Genius, You May Just Want Them For Yourself

So, if you are a college grad yourself, the following 60+ jokes and puns will probably make you look back on your college years and laugh your head off.

• How do you know that you have been in college too long?

Your parents are running out of money!

• Why did the sun skip college?

It already has a million degrees.

• What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
• If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?

Scholar-ships.

• College student: Hey, Dad — I’ve got some great news for you!

Father: What, son? College student: Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean’s list? Father: I certainly do. College student: Well, you get to keep it!

• Professor: Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?

Because they keep breaking out!

• A new student at Harvard stopped an upperclassman and asked, “Where’s the library at?”

The upperclassman said, “Never end a sentence with a preposition. Cops do it on TV, but it isn’t proper, so to speak.” The new student said, “Pardon me. Where’s the library at, MORON?”

• A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”
• What do you call hiking U.S. college students?

The walking debt.

• My local college has a program that lets students earn their tuition by working in the on-campus bakery.

The opportunity isn’t open to everyone. It’s run on a strictly knead-to-know basis.

• I think college athletes should get paid to play sports .

Except Tennessee. They’re Volunteers.

• When I told my family I graduated from clown college…

They all laughed at me.

• Employer: Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.

Potential employee: I never went to college. Employer: Oh, sorry. Unfortunately, you’re not qualified to work here.

• Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans.

The first says, “I’m planning on going into farming. It’s what my father did and it makes good money.” The second asks, “What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?” “I don’t know, man; there are so many fields to choose from,” the third responds.

• A buddy of mine went to college, majored in veterinary medicine, and minored in taxidermy. “Either way you’re getting your dog back,” he says.
• What is a Gen Z’ers favorite college?
• What do you call a test tube with a college degree?

A graduated cylinder.

• My wife was disappointed to find out the real reason why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine.”

It’s because I sucked at tennis.

• In college, I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill.

Those were the darkest days of my life.

• My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her.

But frankly, I didn’t want to solve for ex.

• A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.

It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

• My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays?

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

• Why did the music note drop out of college?

Because it couldn’t pick a major.

• What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

“You’re the man of the house now.”

• The dean of a college told the auditorium, “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?” At this, a student in the crowd raised their hand and asked, “Er… how much for a season pass?”
• How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb ?

Only one, but it may take them more than five years to do it.

• An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school . “Tell me,” inquired the interviewer, “where do you expect to be ten years from now?”

“Well, let’s see,” replied the student. “It’s Wednesday afternoon. I guess I’ll be on the golf course by now.”

• All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, “Anybody there?”

“No,” said the burglar. “That’s funny,” the boy said to himself. “I could have sworn I heard a noise!”

• A young man was putting himself through college as a waiter. When he gave one diner the bill, the diner asked, “What is the usual tip?”

“Well, this is my first day here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great,” the college student replied. “Is that so?” snorted the diner. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks!” replied the student. “I’ll put this in my school fund.” “What are you studying?” asked the diner. The student smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”

• A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper, there was a single line that simply said, “Is this a question? — Discuss.”

After a short time, he wrote, “If that is a question, then this is an answer.” The student received an “A” on the exam.

• One day a college professor, after getting irritated in his college class, stands up in front of the class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot and, if there is one, then they should stand up.

After a minute, a young man stands up. The professor then asks that guy if he actually thinks he is an idiot. The boy replied, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

• What is the definition of an optimist?

A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

• A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.

“In English, a double negative forms a positive,” he said. “In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room said, “Yeah, right.”

• How did the fraternity brother get a bump on his head?

He was attempting a keg stand.

• A professor has a classroom filled with students about to take a philosophy finale. The only question on the test is, “Why?” All of the students begin to write feverishly. One student, however, writes, “Why not?” and leaves. The professor instantly give him an “A.”
• What is the best way to save money during college?

Use Happy Hour as your main dining option.

• Two parents were talking one day and asked the other what their son was taking in college. The one replied, “He’s taking every penny I have!”
• Astronomy professor: What causes a half-moon?

College student: When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs.

• What’s the difference between an American student and an English student?

About 3,000 miles.

• What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?

Something from another universe-ity.

• Chemistry professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?

Student: No. Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not? Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn’t put it in.

• In a way, colleges and insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to “graduate” an asylum.
• A student comes back to the dorm & finds his roommate near tears.

“What’s the matter, pal?” he asked. “I wrote home for my parents to send money so that I could buy a laptop, and they sent me the laptop,” he moaned.

• A father, passing through the son’s college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second-floor window.

“Whattya want?” “Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father. “Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”

• “How’s your song doing? Is he one of the bright young men in this area that is going to college on a scholarship?”

“No. He’s going to college on a second mortgage.”

• A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to.

“I’m worried. I don’t know who my son can hang out with. He doesn’t have the kind of money all the other students have.” The dean replied, “Well then, he can hang out with the faculty.”

• What did the music thief do in college?

Take notes.

• What do you call a hotdog in college?

A FRAT-wurst.

• What do cats major in college?

String theory!

50. How many fraternity brothers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That’s what pledges are for.

51. I want to reenact a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey . You know the one where she gets a job straight out of college?

52. High school graduates: You’ve just sat in a chair for 4 years. How would you like to do that again, but this time you pay for it?

53. When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean hers.

We were maid for each other.

54. What form of art is very popular among college kids?

Ramen doodles.

55. My college roommate was obsessed with trying to discover the largest known prime number.

I wonder what he’s up to now.

56. In college, I lived on a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually, we drifted apart.

57. Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you.

58. I can’t remember what I majored in at college.

I skipped classes to some degree.

59. In 2020, I’m finally making use of my college degree. What was it?

Mask communications.

60. I was so broke in college that I sometimes had to choose between laundry detergent and breakfast.

It was All or muffin.

61. Why do sorority girls walk in groups of three or five?

Because they ‘can’t even!

62. As a college girl, I never understood the whole Sorority thing

It’s all Greek to me.

63. I decided to surprise my parents by visiting from college unannounced — only to find out they’d taken a vacation and not left the keys behind. Not a problem, though, all I have to do is talk to the door lock.

They always told me “communication is the key.”

64. My college roommate was obsessed with trying to discover the largest known prime number.

I wonder what he is up to now.

65. What did the buffalo say when his kid left for college

66. I’ve been friends with a small group of fellow chemistry majors since college.

I guess you could say we developed strong bonds.

67. Why do encyclopedias make such bad neighbors?

They have so many volumes.

68. What did the fashion design student have to do when she missed her final exam?

Take a makeup exam.

This article was originally published on November 19, 2019

90 Funny College Jokes to Survive Boring Lectures

Updated on: March 8, 2024

Jessica Amlee

College life is like a rollercoaster, except the ups are caffeine highs and the downs are realizing you’ve got three essays due yesterday. Imagine a place where the most important life skill you learn is how to microwave a decent meal at 2 AM while simultaneously cramming for an exam. This magical land is where you’ll make memories, friends, and an impressive collection of laundry you keep forgetting to do. But let’s not forget the real highlight of the college experience, something that keeps the spirits high and the lecture halls buzzing: college jokes.

Now, onto these college jokes. They’re like the seasoning that makes the otherwise bland college meal a bit more palatable. We’re not talking about just any jokes, but those specific to the college experience: where the punchlines are often buried under a pile of textbooks, and the setup involves a professor who’s still using lecture notes from the last millennium. College jokes are a unifying force, a shared language among students who understand that sometimes, you’ve just got to laugh to keep from crying over your GPA. They’re a testament to the creativity and resilience of students who can find humor in the chaos of college life.

Best College Jokes

What do fish study in college? Algae brah.

What similarities do mashed potatoes have with an online college degree? If it ends up on your wall, you’re probably retarded.

What do you call college roommates who cannot afford to pay electric bills? The darkest days of their lives.

What do you call a Marine who went to college? Lost.

What did the music thief do in college? Take notes.

What do you call hiking college students in the United States? The walking debt.

What does a college cannibal eat? Raw-men noodles.

What did the college professor say when the student asked “Is this the course for communication?” “Yeah, that’s dis-course.”

What did the student say after graduation? “Thank you, student loan, for helping me through college. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”

What do college students travel on if pilgrims travel on the Mayflower? Scholar ships.

Recommended : Funny College Puns

An elite girl’s college’s headmistress was educating students on sexual morality…… “Ask yourself one question in moments of temptation,” she advised the class, “is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” She got so furious when one of the students got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”

What inspired the drug dealer to attend college? To get his degree in meth-ematics.

Why push the dog to go to college? To get its pedigree.

A thief recently broke into a university library and took $20,000 in textbooks. Fortunately, the authorities were able to safely return both textbooks to the library.

How do you get into college? Through the door.

What did the Ox say when his son departed for college? Bison.

The Dean addressed the students on the first day of college, establishing some of the rules. “The female dormitory would be forbidden for all male students, and the male dormitory would be forbidden for female students,” he continues. He goes on to say, “Anyone caught disobeying this regulation would be penalised $50 the first time. Anyone who violates this regulation for the second time will be fined $100. A $200 punishment would be imposed if caught a third time. Do you have any questions?” A male student in attendance asked, “How much for a season pass?”

What do you call a blonde on a college campus? A visitor.

What is the difference between college and kidnapping? College is the opposite, they demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.

Why should you choose classes taught by heterosexual Canadians when registering for college? They always give straight “eh”s.

What happened to the college kid living on a houseboat who started dating the girl next door? Eventually, they drifted apart.

What do you call a college student dating a midget? He was nuts over her.

Recommended : Short People Jokes

A college professor warns her students of their final exam tomorrow. “Now, class, I’m not going to accept any excuses for your absence tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a severe personal injury, illness, or death in your immediate family, but that’s it; no other justifications!” A smart-ass kid in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if I said tomorrow that I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class bursts out laughing and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

Where did the hippo study for his college exams? On the Hippocampus.

Why did the circle skip college? It already had 360 degrees.

Why do so many nurses attend college at the North Pole? It’s where the Icy U is.

Why are donkeys not permitted to attend college? Because they already have enough smart asses.

What do you call two roommates in college cleaning each other’s room? They were maid for each other.

At lunch, a college student asked to sit close to one of his professors. However, the teacher made an arrogant expression to the student and added, “A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.” “Then I’ll fly on,” said the student, smiling. The teacher was visibly irritated by the cheeky response and vowed to do all in his power to fail the student. He asked the student the most difficult questions during the oral test, but the kid answered them all brilliantly. So, hoping he might still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a difficult question: “You’re walking down the street when you come across two bags. One is made of gold, while the other is made of cleverness. Which bag do you prefer?” “The gold.” “Unfortunately, I must disagree. I’d go with cleverness above money.” “Everyone would pick what they don’t have,” the pupil replies. The teacher becomes enraged and writes “a**” on the student’s paper. The student walks away without even looking at the paper. However, he quickly returns, hands back his paper, and adds, “Excuse me, sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!”

How do you decide whether to join the Bard’s College or the Thieves Guild? You just have to weigh the pros and the cons.

Why is it easy to get into a pirate college? Because you just need the high Cs.

What was Spider-Man’s major in college? Web Design.

Why did the slave go to college? To get his master’s degree.

In a McDonald’s, three recent graduates meet to catch up and the engineering major said, “Have you noticed the new wind turbines being built on the east side of town? As an experiment, they invited our students to conduct some stress studies during windstorms “. “They also contacted us concerning the bedrock depth for foundations,” the geology graduate said. “Do you want fries with that?” inquired the Liberal Arts major.

What do you say when a son in clown college sends his father a Thank-You letter? A very kind Jester.

What do you do when a dishonest college graduate writes ‘PhD’ on his transcript? I guess you could say he doctored it.

Where do college-age vampires shop? Forever 21.

What happens when one double-majored in accounting and dentistry in college? Now they can crunch numbers and numb crunchers.

What is college feminism? 10k women who took Gender Studies to figure out why there aren’t enough female engineers.

A college student enters a bar slowly and orders a beer. He begins chatting with the bartender. “What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus,” complains the student. He adds, “If she wasn’t so drop-dead gorgeous I would’ve dropped the class already.” The bartender looks at him and says, “So you could say she’s easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?”

What do you call someone working in a pizza shop through college so they could afford to eat something other than ramen? They are kneading the dough.

What college did Michael Jackson go to? Bringham Young University.

What do you call a vegetable in college? Scholared greens.

How are June bugs like College Dropouts? They sleep all day, they party at night, and after a month, you don’t see them anymore.

What do you study in music college? A major.

A young man is about to start college and decides to bring his old dog “Blue” with him. The boy leaves his family and has a fantastic first week on campus before realising he’s out of money. He dials his father’s number and says, “There’s this lady on campus who can train dogs to talk, Dad. She claims that once we present the world’s first talking dog, we’ll be millionaires!” Dad is pleased with the sound of that and sends his son $100. Another week has passed, and the boy is once again without cash. He calls his father once more and exclaims, “Dad! You won’t believe it when she says she can teach Blue to dance as well! She claims that once we present the world’s first talking and dancing dog, we’ll be billionaires!” Dad loves the sound of that and sends the boy $100 once more. Another week has passed, and the boy has once again run out of money. For the third time, he calls his father and says, “You should see Blue, Dad; he sings and dances all day. But that is nothing! The same lady claims that once we release the world’s first talking, dancing, and singing dog, we will be trillionaires!” Dad likes the sound of that and sends the boy another $100. Dad is busy lining up everyone in town to witness the world’s first talking, dancing, and singing dog as the boy prepares to return from school at the conclusion of the semester. Dad calls the boy and tells him about the Blue performance he’s planning and how everyone is looking forward to his return from school. The boy begins to fear as he considers what he will tell his father when he returns home. When the boy’s train arrives in town, everyone is surprised to see him step off the station without Blue. Dad inquires of the boy, “What exactly does this mean? Where is the first talking, dancing, and singing dog in the world?” “Well, Dad, to tell you the truth, Blue never learned to sing,” the boy adds. “What?!?” exclaims Dad. “How about dancing? Did he ever learn to dance?” “No,” the Boy says. “He, too, never learned to dance.” Dad is becoming enraged at this point. “Well, tell me he learned to speak at least?” “Oh, he learned to speak.” The boy stated. “He learnt to speak really well.” “All right, then, where is my talking dog?” Dad inquires. “Well, after he began to talk, all he wanted to talk about was how you, and he kept sneaking out to the neighbor’s house after mom was asleep!” Dad takes a long look at his son and says, “I hope you shot that lyin’ son of a bitch!”

Why did one fail in college’s calculus exam? Because he was seated between two identical twins and couldn’t differentiate between them.

When Chuck Norris left for college, what did he tell his father? “You’re the man of the house now.”

How did the volcano graduate from college? With magma cum laude.

What’s the best thing about college? It forces you to have confidence. Like in high school you never had the confidence to walk in front of a moving car.

Recommended : Back To School Jokes

A college student is paying a visit to their parent’s home. After a tumble, the mother smashes her head. After that, everything appears to be fine, with only a minor bruise visible. The following morning, the college student inquires of his father, “How is mom’s head?” The dad responds, “I’ve had better.”

Why did the student switch his college major from gynaecology to veterinary medicine? After all, a hand on a bird is worth two in a bush.

What’s the difference between a camel and a college student? Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

What do cows study in college? Commoonication.

A paranormal expert was speaking to a group of students at a well-known southern college. She asked the audience how many of them believed in ghosts, and more than half of the students raised their hands. She then asked the audience how many of them had seen a ghost, and roughly 20% of the students raised their hands. When she asked if anyone had had intercourse with a ghost, one guy raised his hand. The paranormal speaker said, “sir. I’ve been asking this question when I speak for over ten years, and you’re the first person to ever raise their hand. Please tell us about a time when you had intercourse with a ghost.” “I’m sorry, I thought you said goat,” the man says.

What can you say about someone who doesn’t know what degree to choose in college? Well, they have a major problem!

What subject did Dracula major in during college? AcCOUNTing.

What do you call someone who got college degrees in Geology and Astronomy? They’re trying to become a rockstar.

What do you call a person who pretends to be a college student? A college athlete.

Johnny supported himself in college by working as a waiter in a restaurant. “What is the standard tip?” inquired a customer. “Well, this is my first day,” Johnny explained, “but the other guys said that if I earned five dollars out of you, I’d be doing fantastic.” “Is that correct?” grumbled the consumer. “In that case, please accept twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll put it towards my education money “Johnny stated. “By the way, what are you studying?” the customer inquired. “Applied psychology.”

Why did the cocaine addict go to college? Because knowledge is powder.

Why not put a post office close to a liberal arts university? They’ll always argue over the male agenda.

Where did Jesus go to college? Bless U.

Why do some never take art classes in college? Too sketchy for them. They said that something drew them away from it

A young college student had spent the entire night preparing for his zoology exam the following day. As he walked inside the classroom, he noticed ten stands with ten sheets covering each bird with only the legs visible. He sat directly in the first row because he wanted to perform his best. The professor announced that the test would consist of looking at each pair of bird legs and recognising the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristics. The student examined each pair of bird legs. To him, they all appeared to be the same. He became agitated. He had studied all night and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He couldn’t take it any longer. He approached the professor’s desk and exclaimed “What a ridiculous test! By looking at the legs of birds, how could anyone tell them apart?” The student then went out the door, throwing his test on the professor’s desk. The professor was taken aback. He didn’t know every student’s name because the class was so large, so as the student approached the door, the professor yelled out, “One moment, son, what’s your name?” The furious student pulled his pant legs up and said, “You guess, buddy! You guess!”

What do you call the corn that graduated from college? Unicorn.

What do you call a homeless college student? A philosophy major.

If Noah had a college degree, what would be his major? Arkeology.

Why did the communist friend fail college? Turns out, it’s because he doesn’t believe in classes.

A college student approaches a farmer and inquires, “Excuse me, Sir, but I couldn’t help but notice some cottonwood trees on the extreme north end of your property. Is it okay if I go ahead and harvest a few bags?” “Everyone knows you can’t obtain cotton from a cottonwood tree,” the farmer adds, scratching his brow. “Okay, Sir. I am a well-educated man who believes he can.” The farmer lets him go, and the student returns a few hours later with two overstuffed bags. “Sir, take a look. I told you I was well-educated.” The farmer is taken aback. A few weeks later, the same college student walks up the drive and says, “Excuse me, sir, but I observed some honeysuckle on the west end of your property, and I was wondering if it would be okay to get a few jars of honey?” Farmer says, “Son, come on. Everyone knows that honeysuckle does not produce jars of honey. However, go.” After a few hours, the student returns with two large jars of honey. “Do you see, sir? I told you I was smart.” The student comes for the third time a few weeks later. “Please excuse me, Sir. I couldn’t help but notice that you have pussywillow on the far south end of your property.” “Son,” says the farmer. Let me get my hat, please.

What’s a test tube with a college degree called? A graduated cylinder.

What was James Brown’s favorite college? UNH.

A job interview conversation. Interviewer: Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here. Interviewee: But I never went to college. Interviewer: Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here.

What’s the best part about clown college spring break? Everybody can go to Daytona Beach in one car.

Why couldn’t the little mermaid get into college? Her GPA was unda da C.

At the same time, two fresh college graduates enter the men’s room. They make their way to the urinals to relieve their bladders. When they are finished, one of them goes to the sink and washes his hands. The other is preparing to leave without first washing his hands. One guy says, “They taught us at Harvard to wash our hands after using the restroom.” Another guy replies, “They taught us not to piss on our hands in college.”

What do you call an IT teacher that touches his students? A PDF File.

Why was Jimmy so excited to go to Clown College? He got a fool scholarship.

Four college students were out late one night partying and did not study for the test scheduled for the next day. They devised a strategy in the morning. They used grease and dirt to make themselves appear dirty. Then they went to the teacher and explained that they had gone to a wedding the night before and that on their way back, the tyre on their car exploded, forcing them to push the car all the way back. As a result, they were unable to take the test. After a brief moment of pause, the teacher decided that the re-test will be held in three days. They thanked him and assured him that they would be ready by that time. They arrived in front of the teacher on the third day. The teacher explained that because this was a Special Condition Test, all four students had to take the exam in separate classes. They were all in favor because they had worked hard in the previous three days to prepare. The Test consisted of only 2 questions with a total of 100 Points: Your Name? _ (1 Point), Which tire burst? _ (99 Points) Choose the right option: a) Front Left b) Front Right c) Back Left d) Back Right

What did the mushroom say when it got rejected from clown college? “Why not!? I’m a fungi!”

What’s the difference between a shooting range and an American college? About thirty thousand dollars a year.

Two girls in college, one from Georgia and one from Connecticut, will be roommates in Virginia. They’re unpacking and settling up on move-in day when the southern belle asks, “So where y’all from?” The northern girl sighs, “Well! I’m from Connecticut, where we’re taught not to end sentences with prepositions!” The Georgian girl replies, “Oh, I apologize! Where y’all from, cunt?”

Why was the college kid rejected from every fraternity? Because he was circumcised. Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

Where do belly buttons go to college? Naval Academy.

Two college students missed their math final exam due to a mishap. They both went to their professor the next day to defend their case. He was in good mood that day, so he let them retake it. He told them to return tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both arrived, he directed one to wait outside while he evaluated the other. So one enters, and the other listens with his ear to the door. The lecturer asks the following question: “You are riding in a train wagon and you become warm. “What exactly do you do?” “I open the window,” the student responds. “Ok. That window is now 2 feet wide and 3 feet tall. The train is driving at 50 mph north, while the wind is blowing from the east at 15 mph. “How long will it take to replace the old air in the cart with new air?” The student is visibly perplexed by this absurd question and just responds, “I don’t know.” As a result, the professor awards him an F, dismisses him, and summons his colleague. “You’re riding in a railroad cart, and it gets too hot,” he says to the next student. What are you going to do? “I take off my jacket,” he says. “Ok. However, it is still too hot. “What exactly do you do?” “I remove my shirt.” “I understand, but it’s quite hot.” “I’m just going to get naked.” “Ok. But there’s a guy in front of you who is getting a hard-on watching you strip naked!” “Professor, the entire train may fuck me in the ass, I’m not opening that window!” says the student.

Why did the Sun not attend college? Because it already had a million degrees.

How many college students does it take to screw in a light bulb? One after a few YouTube tutorials

A Saudi royal is attending college in England. “Dad, I feel odd driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates ride the train,” he texts his father. His father responds, “I’ve transferred $500 million dollars into your account, son. Buy a train and quit embarrassing this family.”

Did you find these jokes about college students funny? Do let us know more puns in the comment box below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

You May Also Like

3 thoughts on “90 funny college jokes to survive boring lectures”.

What did they call the corn that graduated from college? Unicorn.

Some of these jokes are really offensive.

Some of these jokes are terribly offensive!

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Save my name like a secret handshake for my next comment!

• lol Badge Feed
• win Badge Feed
• trending Badge Feed

Browse links

• © 2024 BuzzFeed, Inc
• Consent Preferences
• Accessibility Statement

36 Hilarious Posts That'll Make You Roll With Laughter If You've Ever Been A College Student

"College is a constant battle of should I work out, eat, study, socialize, or cry."

BuzzFeed Contributor

If you've ever felt like you were selling your soul for textbooks or cramming for that final exam, you know just how hard college can be.

While the years of studying, term papers, and classes may feel strenuous, it all pays off in the end once you finally graduate with that degree you worked so hard for.

What's your favorite college-inspired joke or meme? Share yours in the comments!

Share this article.

Assignment Jokes

Teacher gave her class this assignment: ask your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Igor was struggling with his home assignment

A plum assignment, one afternoon a teacher gives her class a homework assignment to go home and have their parents tell them a story with a moral., a teacher gave her class an assignment....., kindergarten homework assignment, a disappointed salesman of coca cola returns from his middle east assignment., a young priest is on his first assignment, a group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole., after i broke my elbow, my buddy wrote all my homework assignments on my cast., i failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment., little johnny's class assignment, why couldn't the atheist finish his homework assignment on exponents, death jokes for a homework assignment, i turned in my programming assignment, little johnny's shakespeare assignment, a sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week., my high school assignment, little johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, an unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment., why did the blonde student boil her assignment, russian elementary school assignmen: "please tell us an anecdote that demonstrates the kindness of our great leader putin", a teacher assigns a project to her students..., a young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. it was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class., there was an assignment to write a poem in school which ended with "there is only one mom"., my teacher randomly capitalizes letters on an assignment when someone misbehaves, "i'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "really your dog ate your coding assignment", one day, a teacher gives her class an assignment., school assignment, lois lane is on an assignment in japan., what did the new recruit think of his assignment as a minesweeper, my love for you is like a copied assignment..., i was given an assignment to do an essay about procrastination., a kid receives an assignment from his teacher.., i would share my university assignment on reddit, one day, at webster dictionary's word assignment briefing..., before the mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers., little johnny has an assignment from school to describe society and how it works. (long), an army cadet has the worst assignment on base, overnight monitor of the armory where the weapons are stored., i am so unwitty. my teacher asked me why i didn't turnover my speech assignment, studies suggest that parents can do 1/3 of their kids’ math assignments, my toughest assignment as a detective was finding my laptop cover, the other day i downloaded the maps of wales, england, scotland and northern ireland for an assignment..., two students, james and john, were given a writing assignment..., i accidentally ripped up my homework assignment about the history of perforated paper., harry potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko., a teacher had given his class an assignment., nikola tesla was in trouble - he had not done his electrical studies assignment and his teacher was not happy..., did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment, closing all the tabs after you finish an assignment is like closing all the tabs after you finish watching porn, penis jokes a professor gives his physiology class a spot quiz..., after 10 years of impeccable policing, roderick was still only a captain., "i do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester., it was a dark, stormy, night., my notebook got wet in the rain and i lost most of my school assignments., a farm boy graduated from college with a degree in journalism..

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

• Hilarious Jokes
• Animal Jokes
• Office Jokes
• Q&A Jokes
• Irish Jokes
• Computer Jokes
• Lawyer Jokes
• Yo Mamma Jokes
• More Categories
• College Jokes

The Sorrowful Math Book

Why did the college math book look so sad? It had too many problems to solve and not enough solutions!

Mystery Meat Meltdown

Why did the college student become a vegetarian? The dining hall’s mysterious meat options left them feeling like they were majoring in “culinary confusion”!

Pop Quiz Paradox

What did the professor say to the students before surprising them with a pop quiz? “I hope you’ve all studied ‘lecture’ricity because this will be a shocking experience!”

Caffeine Conundrum

Why did the college student bring a coffee maker to class? They believed in the power of multitasking—taking notes and brewing coffee simultaneously!

The Cramming Chronicles

Why did the study group have trouble focusing on their assignments? They were too busy forming a band called “The Procrastinotes”!

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, “Leave me alone!” They both jumped back, silenced. “What the . . . ” the teacher said. I typed, “I said leave me alone!” The kid got real upset. “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!” It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes. Me: “Don’t touch me!” Her: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.” Me: “Who do you think you are anyway?!” Etc. Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Three men were due to be executed one day — one University of Alabama graduate, one Florida State graduate and one Auburn University graduate.

The Alabama grad was the first to be brought in front of the firing squad. Just when they were about to fire, he shouted, “Tornado!” The guards all turned around, and he escaped by jumping over the wall.

Next in line was the Florida State grad, now confident that he too will be able to escape. So, just when they were about to fire, he shouted, “Flood!” The guards turned around and he too managed to escape.

Now it was the turn of the Auburn grad, wondering what disaster he could use (now that tornado and flood had been used). Finally, just when the guards were about to shoot, he shouted, “Fire!”

Ways To Annoy Your College Roommate

* Smoke jimson weed.ﾠ Do whatever comes naturally.

* Switch the sheets on your beds with the next door neighbors.

* Twitch a lot.

* Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

* Steal a fishtank.ﾠ Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it.ﾠ Talk to them.

* Walk and talk backwards.

* Spend all your money on Jolt Cola.ﾠ Drink it all.

* Ask your roommate if your family can move in “just for a couple of weeks.”

* Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can.ﾠ Pretend to masturbate while reading them.

* Smile.ﾠ All the time.

* Collect dog shit in baby food jars.ﾠ Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.

* Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.ﾠ When you get hungry, root around in the trash. ﾠFind the food, and eat it.ﾠ If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that she/he reimburse you.

* Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.

* Shoot rubber bands at your mate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

* Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate’s closet.ﾠ Accuse him/her of stealing it.

* Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up and announce that you are going to take a shower. ﾠ Do so.ﾠ Keep this up for three weeks.

* Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.

* Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with, “Didja ever wonder why….” Be creative.

* Always flush the toilet three times.

* Buy a copy of Weird Al Yankovic’s “Pennsylvania Polka,” and play it at least 6 hours a day.ﾠ If your roommate complains, explain that it’s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.

* Listen to radio static.

* Cover one of the walls with polaroids of fire hydrants from all over the city.ﾠ Tell your roommate that you think that you were a dog in a former life.ﾠ Stare lovingly at the photos, and make frequent trips to the bathroom.

* Get a small, battery-operated clock which ticks very loudly.ﾠ Put it in a briefcase and put the briefcase next to your mate’s bed.

* Expound upon the importance of good personal hygiene. Wear rubber gloves and a surgical mask in the room.

* Eat an entire bag of cheese curls at once.ﾠ When you are finished, see how many times you can make orange fingerprints from all of the cheese junk left on your fingers.

* Walk around in circles all the time.ﾠ Complain that your turn signal is stuck.

Professor’s Logic

A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic:

“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

You can’t argue with that!

A College Student’s Job Application

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE? Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

You Know You’ve Been In College Too Long When…

* You consider McDonald’s “real food.”

* You actually like doing laundry at home.

* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.

* It starts getting late on the weeknights.

* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.

* You’d rather clean than study.

* Half the time you don’t wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.

* Computer Solitaire is more than a game it’s a way of life.

* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.

* You know the pizza boy by name.

* You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.

* You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)

* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

* Prank phone calls become funny again.

* Wal-Mart is the coolest store.

* World War III could take place and you’d be clueless.

* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.

* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.

* You find out milk crates have so many uses.

* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday. (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night)

The College Drinker’s Alphabet

A- Alcohol: The key to surviving college.

B- Beer: It’s whats for dinner.

C- Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday night party.

D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic.

E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party.

F- F*cked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet puking your guts out.

G- Games: Anything that involves cards, quarters and chugging beers.

H- Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was and how much you drank.

I- Ignorant: The way you act after drinking WAY too much.

J- Jail: Where you’ll end up after trying to use a fake ID or stagger home.

K- Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers.

L- Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving alcohol.

M- Money: That which you no longer have due to too much partying.

N- Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside someone you don’t know.

O- Oh shit!: What you say as you’re falling down the stairs.

P- Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re drinking beer.

Q- Quilt: What you puked on last night in bed and have to clean in the morning. YUCK!

R- Reform: What you promise god you will do while you’re puking in the toilet.

S- Sex: What you did with that person you met last night while you were drunk.

T- Twenty-four: The number of beers it takes to get drunk.

U- Underage: Most of the drinking population in college town.

V- Vodka: The mother of all alcohols and the best way to make Jello.

W- Worm: The part of Tequila that that you don’t mind eating after you’ve consumed the whole bottle.

X- X-Ray: How they can see into your stomach before they pump it.(detox)

Y- Yourself: The one who drinks WAY TOO MUCH every week-end.

Z- Zima: Zomething Different.

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab

* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

* Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?”

* Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’

* Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.”

* When it’s very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!”

* Deny the existence of chemicals.

* Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

* Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker. Especially effective for female students.

* Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.

* Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

The Scholarly Squirrel

Why did the squirrel enroll in college?

It wanted to major in nutritional science and learn all about acorn-omics!

FSU Football

Q: What Do Florida State Football Players Drink Insted Of Gatorade?

A: Seminole Fluid

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more “humane”.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the **** out of little kids.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.

Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t !&$% with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

Chuck requested he be allowed to bone Christie Brinkley after ever total gym infomercial and she agreed!

15 More Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris 1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. 3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. 4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement. 5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. 6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. 7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!” 8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. 9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”. 10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. 11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 12. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.” 13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong. 14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way.

The Detroit Lions

Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? A: The Detroit Lions.

Q: What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common? A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”

Q: How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard? A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado? A: To Ford Field – they never get a touchdown there.

Q: What do you call a Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring? A: A thief.

Q: Why doesn’t Grand Rapids have a professional football team? A: Because then Detroit would want one.

Q: What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl? A: Nobody knows and we may never find out.

Q: What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common? A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road

Michagan Girls

Q: How do you get a Michagan girl into your dorm?

A: Grease the door frame and push.

Iraqi Stoners

Q: Why can’t you smoke weed in Iraq?

A: Because there is no piece in the middle east!

Drunk Notes

A, C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next nightin a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.”

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

Ohio State Students

How do you know a person posting a joke goes to Ohio State?

They fucking spell Michigan wrong.

10 Steps Towards A Successful Job Interview

My recent job-hunting experience has been very educational. I now know a little more about what to do and what not to do. Here’s a little taste of my newfound wisdom.

10 STEPS TOWARDS A SUCCESSFUL JOB INTERVIEW

10. Awkward silence is always better than: “OMG, you’re daughter is fuckin SMOKIN’!!”.

9. Trying to stir up outrage over the “reverse racism” at the Chinese buffet isn’t going to get you anywhere, no matter how many letters you write.

8. Two beers to loosen you up before the big interview: okay. Blowing a joint before the big interview and repeatedly complimenting the boss on her sweet hen-shaped paperweight: not okay.

7. In order to list American Sign Language as a skill, you have to know quite a bit more than the “call me” sign and the metal horns.

6. “Tell me a little bit about yourself” is not meant to elicit either a) your Rebounds Per Game stat or b) which Fanta girl you’d prefer to bone.

5. Having a “License to Ill” doesn’t increase your marketability (no matter if it’s the truth or not).

4. Don’t take interview advice from people who are unemployed. ;o)

3. If you find that during interviews the conversation inevitably drifts towards Stalin, that’s probably your fault, not theirs.

2. “Cowboy” is not a respected former job, no matter how badass your references are.

1. Try not to overuse the word “ba-jillion”.

So, a guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap, and the psychiatrist says: “I can clearly see you’re nuts”.

8 Words With 2 Meanings

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female…… Any part under a car’s hood. Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. Male…. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family. Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female…. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Doctor! Doctor!

A man rushes to his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! I’ve got a carrot in my left ear and a banana in my right ear and a chicken wing up my nose!”

“Well, son,” the old doctor says. “It’s quite obvious you haven’t been eating properly.”

American Beer

Q: How is having sex in a canoe similar to American beer?

A: They are both fucking close to water!

Women & KFC

What do a woman and KFC have in common?

After you are done eating the breasts, legs, and thighs, all you are left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Vietnam Vet

Q:How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A:YOU DONT KNOW MAN YOU WERENT THERE!

Classic College Jokes That Never Get Old

Because we like to laugh, laughter comes from humor. Throughout life, many different types of humor have been created, including those based on funny events that happen to us. From these events, jokes have also been born. As a person’s sense of humor changes over time, we have different senses of humor at different stages of life. For example, during our college years, we enjoy college jokes the most, because that subject is closest to us at the time. College jokes can cover various topics, from experiences during exams, to parties, and relationship problems.

Here are some good examples of college jokes:

Hilarious shorts.

You Know You’ve Been In College Too Lon...

• StudentCaffé.com
• Money and Financial Aid
• Higher Ed Then and Now
• Finishing High School
• Health and Wellness
• Love and Relationships
• Study Skills
• Extracurricular
• My College Story

15 Easy April Fools’ Day Pranks to Pull on Campus

Catfish / Giphy

Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, which means no one can be trusted, not even the shy, nice guy who lives down the hall. Prepare some pranks, or you might be the victim of something epic. If you choose the former, we’ll help you get your shenanigan juices flowing. These (mostly) tasteful April Fools' Day pranks are guaranteed to make you laugh. Whether it’s maniacal cackles of revenge or playful holiday giggles, no one has to know.

We’re not judging you, you’ve basically waited all semester for this day. You’ve been dealing with your roommate’s annoying habits: dirty clothes all over the floor, embarrassing party tricks, and painfully loud snoring. You’ve been doing homework assignments, taking last-minute quizzes, and getting scolded by your teacher in front of the whole class. Oh, and let’s not even get started on the RA who keeps telling you to turn your music down. Today is the only day that your payback will be considered a joke, not revenge, so take full advantage of it.

What can you do to give your good pals a laugh today? We’re glad you asked.

• Put food coloring capsules in the showerheads (you can get them at craft stores or Walmart). When someone takes a shower, his or her skin turns colorful. The capsules take about 30 seconds to dissolve, so your friend won't notice what's happening until it's too late! -- Megan C.
• Mess with the dry erase board. Here’s a hint. -- Megan R.
• Sign your friend up for online dating and make him or her sound really interesting. -- Katelyn
• Hijack a friend’s iPhone. Go to Settings > General > Keyboard > Add New Shortcut. On the “Shortcut” line, you can pick any commonly used word: no, yes, hey. Whenever your friend types the word, his or her phone will autocorrect it to the phrase of your choice. -- Gwen
• If your roommate usually naps after class, trick him into thinking he slept through the night. Close all the curtains in your room and set the clocks forward to the next day, including the one on his phone. Go to Settings > General > Date & Time and switch off the “Set Automatically” function to change the date and time manually. Wake your roomie up and warn him that he’s running late for his morning commitment. Time warp! -- Megan R.
• Remind your friend that there is no need to rush to work today. Plastic wrap his or her car. -- Katelyn
• In fact, why even leave the building? Tie a string around the doorknobs of rooms that are directly across from one another. -- Katelyn
• Send a friend a link that looks academic, but actually have the link direct to "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Excellent rick-rolling. -- Megan C.
• Tradition has it that if you own a plot of land in Scotland, you may title yourself as Laird, Lord, or Lady. Pick on your poshest friend. Get the rest of the group to pitch in to buy that person one square foot of land in Scotland, available for the low price of €29.99 . Constantly address your friend by his or her new Scottish title. Your friend will be confused and frustrated until the big reveal. -- Gwen
• Organize a flash mob with your classmates. Assign someone to ask your professor a question using song lyrics. Then, begin playing the song on concealed speakers. One by one, join in with the choreography you’ve been practicing. Your teacher will get a free show and a lot of laughs! -- Megan R.
• Duct tape airhorns in the most fitting places (e.g., behind doors and couches) and watch your friends jump for joy when they see you. -- Katelyn
• Help your teacher with the lesson by covering the classroom’s chalkboard with Post-it notes. -- Gwen
• Clean your buddies up with the classic shampoo trick. You know the one we’re talking about. -- Megan R.
• Put saran wrap between the bowl and the seat of the toilet. Classic and disgusting. -- Megan C.
• If you’re hoping to pull a good-natured prank, sign a friend up for some of the dozens of freebies that are available online. Certain websites keep track of current free sample offers. Your friend will constantly have an overflowing mailbox, but she won’t be too mad; some of those free samples are really nifty. -- Gwen

Are you planning any epic pranks at your school? Share the laughs in the comments and tag us on social media! Then checkout this list of pranks that live eternally in the April Fools’ Day Hall of Fame .

You may also like...

Cheap valentine’s gift and date ideas your partner will love, charities to get involved with if you’re feeling green for earth day, six ways to spend thanksgiving for students unable to head home, everything you need to know about december holidays, surviving black friday and cyber monday, easy ways to contribute to thanksgiving or friendsgiving, what can “star wars” teach us: seven lessons from the hit movie series, giving quality holiday gifts on a budget, celebrating earth day and saving the environment, happy mother’s day: scholarships for moms, celebrating hanukkah, christmas, and kwanzaa, shorter than your textbook: a quick history of independence day, leave a comment cancel reply.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

0, text: error()">

0, text: error(), css: errorCssClass">

Reset your password

Enter your email address or username and we’ll send you a link to reset your password

Check your inbox

An email with a link to reset your password was sent to the email address associated with your account

Provide email

Please enter your email to complete registration

Activate to continue

Your account isn't active yet. We've emailed you an activation link. Please check your inbox and click the link to activate your account

0, text: error" style="display: none;">

0, text: success" style="display: none;">

• Relationships

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here .

• Partnership
• Success stories
• --> -->