homework quotes harry potter

79 Iconic Harry Potter Quotes About Life, Love, and Loss

By Justine McGrath

Looking for the best Harry Potter quotes that capture the magic of the series? The motley crew of wizards and witches at Hogwarts taught us about life, love, acceptance, friendship, death, and bravery from our book shelves and on the big screen, leaving us dozens of quotes and moments that still hold up to this day. If you couldn’t keep from smiling when you saw Harry, Hermione, and Ron reunite in the Gryffindor Common Room IRL and still get emotional when you think about the Battle of Hogwarts , you’re definitely not alone.

Whether this is your first or thousandth time reading these lines, they’re sure to speak to something inside you — something that challenges you to be courageous in the face of adversity, but also confirms that love and friendship are the most precious things in this world, and the most magical. Read on to discover the 79 most iconic Harry Potter quotes of all time.

In this story:

• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Quotes
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Quotes

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Being our first introduction to the wizarding world and its beloved cast of characters, it’s no surprise that some of the most memorable Harry Potter sayings come from Sorcerer’s Stone . While it has an inviting, almost storybook-like vibe, the first installment of Harry’s magical journey imparts some deep lessons — the importance of friendship, the value of humility (even if you’re The Boy Who Lived), the dangers of excessive desire, and sometimes, that it’s necessary to break the rules.

• "Yer a wizard Harry." ― Rubeus Hagrid
• "I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed." ― Hermione Granger
• "It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary." — Ron Weasley
• "There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention!" — Severus Snape
• "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn't realize that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign… to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever. It is in your very own skin." — Albus Dumbledore
• "As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them." — Albus Dumbledore
• "The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution." — Albus Dumbledore
• "There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them."
• "Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!" — Albus Dumbledore

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Our heroes’ second year at Hogwarts is certainly no less action packed than their first, and finds them navigating new challenges within a more hostile school environment. Chamber of Secrets is the first time the series tackles prejudice in a major way, as the mysterious “heir of Slytherin” threatens to wipe out any students it deems “mudbloods,” or people from muggle-born backgrounds. Not only does the book teach the importance of tolerance of people who are different — it also stresses the importance of community and reliable friendships, as virtually no task in the book is accomplished by a single person alone.

• "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." — Hermione Granger
• "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Dobby is free." — Dobby
• "Training for the ballet, Potter?" — Draco Malfoy
• "I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not there." — Harry Potter
• "Hearing voices no one else can hear isn’t a good sign, even in the wizarding world." — Ron Weasley
• "When in doubt, go to the library." — Ron Weasley
• "Fawkes is a phoenix, Harry. Phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that." — Gilderoy Lockhart
• "Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward." — Draco Malfoy

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

The third book in the series marks a significant vibe shift from the first two — it’s much darker, with a more ominous tone overall. As Harry, Ron, and Hermione start their respective coming-of-age arcs, Prisoner of Azkaban covers some equally mature life lessons that ring true to our own world. The wrongful imprisonment of Sirius Black illustrates how unjust our legal systems are, and Professor Lupin’s struggles as a werewolf symbolizes the duality of man. In a world where nothing is ever initially what it seems, it’s important to look twice to discover the truth.

• "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." ― Harry Potter
• "'I’m not going to be murdered,’ Harry said out loud. ‘That’s the spirit, dear,’ said his mirror sleepily."
• "Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "Don’t let the muggles get you down." — Ron Weasley
• "I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for." — Sirius Black
• "Are you insane? Of course I want to leave the Dursleys! Have you got a house? When can I move in?" — Harry Potter
• "Why, dear boy, we don’t send wizards to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts." — Cornelius Fudge
• "You think the dead we loved truly ever leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly in times of great trouble?" — Albus Dumbledore
• "Mischief Managed!" — Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

First crushes, school dances, and hormonally-fueled awkwardness — who can relate? Not even our wizarding trio can escape puberty, and Goblet of Fire finds them tackling the perils of adulthood amidst the Triwizard Tournament. While shabby dress robes, painful forehead scars, and the first inklings of sexual tension between Ron and Hermione constitute real challenges for our three heroes, the fourth book quickly offers more pressing concerns: Voldemort is back, and his murder of Cedric Diggory marks the first time Harry experiences death in real-time.

• "If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." — Sirius Black
• "I am what I am, an' I'm not ashamed. 'Never be ashamed,' my ol' dad used ter say, 'there's some who'll hold it against you, but they're not worth botherin' with.'" — Rubeus Hagrid
• "It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "Twitchy little ferret, aren’t you, Malfoy?" — Hermione Granger
• "Your devotion is nothing more than cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go." — Voldemort
• "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt." — Fred Weasley
• "Curiosity is not a sin…. But we should exercise caution with our curiosity… yes, indeed." — Albus Dumbledore
• "We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Just because it’s taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl!" — Hermione Granger
• "Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." — Albus Dumbledore

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

For all that Order of the Phoenix features some of the funniest Harry Potter quotes, the book takes on some intense themes. As the wizarding world becomes more corrupt, Harry, Ron, and Hermione officially jump from childhood and start using their magic to influence events. When Dolores Umbridge takes control of Hogwarts and renders their Defense Against the Dark Arts class useless, our heroes band together to teach themselves and their classmates the required skills to help fight Voldemort. Unity is of the utmost importance, and not only is education empowerment — it’s often the strongest weapon of them all.

• "Accio Brain!" — Ron Weasley
• "I think we've outgrown full-time education ... Time to test our talents in the real world, d'you reckon?" — Fred Weasley
• "The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by an invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing." — Severus Snape
• "I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up — it always does in the end." ― Luna Lovegood
• "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." ― Hermione Granger
• "You can laugh, but people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!" ― Luna Lovegood
• "I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules?" — Hermione Granger
• "We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are." ― Sirius Black
• "Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect." ― Luna Lovegood
• "Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure." — Luna Lovegood

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

As the penultimate book in the series, Half-Blood Prince builds on the recurring idea that there is light and dark within all of us. From Harry and Dumbledore forgoing their own peace and safety in search of Voldemort’s horcruxes to Dumbledore literally sacrificing his life, the book stresses the power of self-sacrifice. Trust is another key element of the plot, as seen in Harry’s enduring loyalty to his friends and allies, as well as Dumbelore’s unconditional trust in Snape, which Harry is forced to accept even in the darkest of hours.

• "The thing about growing up with Fred and George is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve." — Ginny Weasley
• "And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." — Hermione Granger
• "Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge."
• "You’re just as sane as I am." —Luna Lovegood
• "I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick." — Seamus Finnigan
• "Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth." — Albus Dumbledore
• "Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe." — Nearly Headless Nick
• "It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." — Albus Dumbledore

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The final chapter of the Harry Potter series is endlessly quotable, and it’s no wonder: we’ve arrived at the final, all-out battle between good and evil, and there’s no shortage of epic moments. Deathly Hallows explores different aspects of death: from the difficulty of loving the dead, as evidenced by all the family members Harry has lost and Snape’s enduring love for Lily Potter; to the importance of keeping faith with the dead, as our heroes continue to do what Dumbledore asked of them even in moments of doubt. Friendships are challenged, whether during the search for Voldemort’s remaining horcruxes or when Harry literally falls in love with his best friend’s sister, but ultimately prevail. The last book teaches that courage can come from surprising places (we see you, Neville Longbottom) and that second chances are important — always.

• "It is the quality of one’s convictions that determines success, not the number of followers." —Remus Lupin
• "I’m going to keep going until I succeed—or I die. Don’t think I don’t know how this might end. I’ve known it for years." — Harry Potter
• "That wand’s more trouble than it’s worth. And quite honestly, I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime." — Harry Potter
• "We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." — Kingsley Shacklebolt
• "‘Does it hurt?’ The childish question had escaped Harry's lips before he could stop it. ‘Dying? Not at all,’ said Sirius. ‘Quicker and easier than falling asleep.’"
• "He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo." — Fred Weasley
• "‘Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!’ said Hermione. ‘We didn’t hear stories like that when we were little, we heard ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ and ‘Cinderella’ —’ ‘What’s that, an illness?’ asked Ron."
• "Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." ― Albus Dumbledore
• "Not my daughter, you b*tch!" ― Molly Weasley
• "And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them, and Fred's eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face."
• "It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well." — Albus Dumbledore
• "I've always wanted to use that spell." ― Minerva McGonagall
• "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" ― Albus Dumbledore
• “Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” ― Albus Dumbledore
• "‘Why are they all staring?’ demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. ‘Don’t let it worry you,’ said Ron. ‘It’s me. I’m extremely famous.’"
• “Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears. ‘After all this time?’ ‘Always,’ said Snape.”"

By Marilyn La Jeunesse

By Kara Nesvig

By Aiyana Ishmael

By Shauna Beni-Haynes

13 Quotes From Harry Potter About Working Hard

As much as the characters in Harry Potter get to enjoy plenty of mischief, excitement, and adventure, it’s easy to forget the reason they’re at Hogwarts in the first place. Because the truth is, Hogwarts is school.

Sure, it’s a school where you get to learn charms and jinxes and potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts. It’s a school where staircases move and there are secret passageways and you’re sorted into a house based on your personal strengths. It’s a school where the sport is played on broomsticks and the ceiling is bewitched to look like the sky. But that doesn’t mean the students get to escape having homework.

A good portion of the series consists of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and fellow students attending class and completing parchment-long homework assignments. They have ambitions of becoming Aurors, or healers, or house-elf liberation workers.

Not to mention that, in addition to homework, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are also usually working out ways to defeat Voldemort. Between completing assignments for McGonagall and destroying horcruxes, life isn’t all Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley for the young witch or wizard. Hogwarts is a lot of hard work, and there are plenty of quotes from the series to inspire you to have the same ethic.

1. "I've learned all our course books by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough."

—Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

2. Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right?"Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty..." "Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia. "Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."

—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

3. "He seems like a very good teacher," said Hermione approvingly. "But I wish I could have had a turn with the boggart —""What would it have been for you?" said Ron, sniggering. "A piece of homework that only got nine out of ten?"

—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

4. "You want fame, you have to be prepared for a long hard slog."

—Gilderoy Lockhart, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

5. “What are you two up to?” said Mrs. Weasley sharply, her eyes on the twins. “Homework,” said Fred vaguely. “Don’t be ridiculous, you’re still on holiday,” said Mrs. Weasley. “Yeah, we’ve left it a bit late,” said George.

—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

6. Perhaps it was because he was now so busy, what with Quidditch practice three evenings a week on top of all his homework, but Harry could hardly believe it when he realized that he'd already been at Hogwarts two months. The castle felt more like home than Privet Drive ever had.

7. Hermione was checking Harry and Ron's Charms homework for them. She would never let them copy ("How will you learn?"), but by asking her to read it through, they got the right answers anyway.

8. "For Hufflepuff, hard workers were Most worthy of admission."

—The Sorting Hat, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

9. Wood was working the team harder than ever. Even the endless rain that had replaced the snow couldn't dampen his spirits. The Weasleys complained that Wood was becoming a fanatic, but Harry was on Wood's side. If they won their next match, against Hufflepuff, they would overtake Slytherin in the house championship for the first time in seven years.

10. “If I’d sprouted whiskers, I’d take a break from work,” said Ron, tipping a stack of books onto Hermione’s bedside table one evening. “Don’t be silly, Ron, I’ve got to keep up,” said Hermione briskly.

—J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

11. "Hard work and pain are the best teachers if you ask me."

—Argus Filch, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

12. “Hermione, when are you going to give up on this spew stuff?”

“when house-elves have decent wages and working conditions”.

—Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

13. "I can't see any hope.... Nothing will have changed." "Oh, Ron!" Hermione flung her arms around Ron's neck and broke down completely. Ron, looking quite terrified, patted her very awkwardly on the top of the head.

"yeah, it will," said ron fiercely. "you won't have to do all the work alone this time, hermione. i'll help.".

Images: Warner Bros (14)

Best Harry Potter Quotes From Sorcerer's Stone to Deathly Hallows: Relive the Series

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Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“Harry, yer a wizard.” --Rubeus Hagrid

How can we forget this quote? Hagrid is the first to reveal the truth to Harry, explaining everything about Hogwarts, his parents, Voldemort, and his future as a wizard. Hagrid rescues Harry from the Dursleys and remains one of Harry’s most valued friends throughout all seven books.

“I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed — or worse, expelled. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed.” --Hermione Granger

An amusing quote that shows character, this Hermione quote also made it into the movie version of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone . Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville have just met the three-headed-dog and escaped Filch when wandering around after dark. The three boys are happy just to be alive; Hermione’s view that expulsion is worse than death lightens the tension with some humor — even if she doesn’t find it funny at all.

“There’s no wood?” Ron bellowed. “Are you a witch or not?”

Ron yells this as he and Harry are being choked to death by Devil’s Snare. Hermione knows fire will stop the plant, but in hysteria yells that there’s no wood. Once Ron reminds her she’s a witch, she quickly conjures flames and saves them. A version of this quote comes up again in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, when Ron says he wishes they had Crookshanks to freeze the Whomping Willow. Hermione yells, “Crookshanks? Are you a wizard or not?!”

Albus Dumbledore is one of the most beloved characters of the Harry Potter series, and he has a store of wise and often eccentric quotes. When talking about You-Know-Who, Dumbledore urges Harry to call him Voldemort, because “Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself.” When Harry is enchanted by the vision of his family in the Mirror of Erised, Dumbledore warns him that “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” On the subject of death, one of Dumbledore’s most quotable aphorisms is, “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” As for the mysteries of love and the reason Harry survived Voldemort’s killing curse, Dumbledore again has the answer to Harry’s miraculous survival and Voldemort’s greatest weakness: “Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love.”

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

“The Chamber of Secrets has been opened…Enemies of the Heir, beware.”

An atmosphere of terror hangs over most of The Chamber of Secrets, the book in which Slytherin’s monster is unleashed to “cleanse” the school of Muggle-borns. This quote was written anonymously on the wall by Ginny Weasley, who was being possessed by Voldemort/Tom Riddle.

“Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.” --Dobby

The Chamber of Secrets also introduces Dobby and the plight of the house elves, magical creatures enslaved to wizards. Dobby belongs to the Malfoys and knows something bad’s happening at Hogwarts. His ill-conceived attempts to protect Harry are a source of humor and frustration.

“Maybe he [Tom Riddle] murdered Myrtle, that would’ve done everyone a favor…” --Ron Weasley

Moaning Myrtle is the obnoxious, morose ghost who haunts the girl’s bathroom. When Ron says that Tom would have done people a favor by murdering Myrtle, he has no idea that Tom (Voldemort) did murder Myrtle, and actually did do everyone a favor by it. Myrtle’s death convinced the headmaster to close the school unless the killings stopped, so Tom recalled Slytherin’s monster and the school stayed open.

“I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.” --Albus Dumbledore

Harry asks for help at Hogwarts when battling the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, and Fawkes the phoenix arrives to help him defeat Voldemort. Dumbledore’s line about loyalty and help at Hogwarts is repeated by various characters throughout the series, particularly in the fifth book when Umbridge takes over and Dumbledore goes on the run.

“Never trust anything that can think for itself, if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.” --Arthur Weasley

When the truth about Riddle’s diary comes out, Arthur reprimands his daughter for not being more cautious with it. Harry remembers his warning next year when he finds The Marauder’s Map in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Arthur Weasley’s warning has a particular relevance to modern, nonfictional society, as we live in an age of computers and have to be wary of everything we find on the Internet.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good…”

The solemn vow of mischeif unlocks the secrets of The Marauder’s Map, a complete map of Hogwarts and the surrounding grounds made by Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs — Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter. Harry inherits his father’s map from Fred and George and continues in his father’s mischief-making footsteps.

“I don’t go looking for trouble,” said Harry, nettled. “Trouble usually finds me. ”

Trouble in the shape of Lord Voldemort usually does find Harry — but The Prisoner of Azkaban is the one Harry Potter book where Harry has no encounter with Lord Voldemort. Instead, he ironically goes looking for trouble with the help of his father’s inheritance: the Marauder’s Map and the invisibility cloak.

“You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.” --Minerva McGonagall

The strict, no-nonsense Professor McGonagall has little patience for the airy-fairy art of Divination. When she hears of Harry’s predicted death, she brushes it off with a rare moment of humor. Though strict, McGonagall remains one of Harry’s favorite professors throughout all the books, and has several other quotes which demonstrate her dry sense of humor.

“There was nothing woolly about the Grim in that cup!” said Ron hotly. “You didn’t seem quite so confident when you were telling Harry it was a sheep,” said Hermione coolly.

Though friends, Ron and Hermione are always bickering. This quote shows some clever wordplay as well as character contrast: Hermione takes Ron’s “woolly” and reminds him he thought the Grim was a sheep, while J.K. Rowling uses the contrasting dialogue tags of “hotly” and “coolly.”

“Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.” “Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.” “Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.” “Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.”

Lupin, James, Sirius, and Peter insult Snape one last time through their aliases in The Marauder’s Map. The former schoolboy friendship of these four and their legacy to Harry (including the map and a hatred of Snape) are a central part of The Prisoner of Azkaban.

“You are truly your father’s son, Harry…” --Sirius Black

This is the greatest compliment that Sirius, James Potter’s best friend, can give. Harry finds his father in The Prisoner of Azkaban: he inherits the Marauder’s Map, finds a replacement father figure in Sirius, and produces a stag Patronus, the same as his father’s.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.” --Albus Dumbledore

The fourth book is the one in which Voldemort returns, and in which the series takes a drastic change from middle-grade to young adult novels. Goblet of Fire is much darker than any of the previous books, and Dumbledore warns everyone to stick together in dark times. This quote has also been used as social/political motivation for fans of the “Harry Potter” series.

“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” --Sirius Black

Referring to Barty Crouch, who mistreats his house-elf, Sirius gives an accurate aphorism about how to judge character. Ironically, it will be Sirius who mistreats his house-elf in the next book and pays the price.

“Imagine that Voldemort’s powerful now. You don’t know who his supporters are, you don’t know who’s working for him and who isn’t; you know he can control people so that they do terrible things without being able stop themselves. You’re scared for yourself, and your family, and your friends. Every week, news comes of more deaths, more disappearances, more torturing…The Ministry of Magic’s in disarray, they don’t know what to do, they’re trying to keep everything hidden from the Muggles, but meanwhile, Muggles are dying too. Terror everywhere…panic…confusion…that’s how it used to be.” --Sirius Black

Goblet of Fire is a darker book, and this quote demonstrates the terror of Voldemort and the rise of the Dark Side. The atmosphere of fear that Sirius describes also gives some explanation for why people are so reluctant to believe Harry when he tells them that Voldemort is back.

“Bow to death, Harry…” --Lord Voldemort

Harry duels Voldemort in Goblet of Fire as an equal who has returned to full power. Voldemort gives a number of arrogant speeches on the night of his return, but this line is particularly memorable because at this point Harry has resigned himself to death. He does not intend to die without a fight, but when he bows to Voldemort before the duel he shows courage that Voldemort never has: He accepts death bravely.

“Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory.” --Albus Dumbledore

The “Harry Potter” books have been a source of social and political motivation for readers worldwide, and Dumbledore’s reminder about right vs. easy choices is particularly applicable. Part of Harry’s outrage in the “The Order of the Phoenix” is that while he has nightmares about Cedric’s death every night, the rest of the Wizarding world conveniently forgets Dumbledore’s speech and Cedric’s murder.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“The usual rules do not seem to apply to you, Potter.” --Severus Snape

There’s undeniable irony in this quote: Snape has spent most of Harry’s Hogwarts years telling him that the rules still apply to him even though he’s famous and a Quidditch hero. Now Snape must admit the usual rules do not apply and attempt to teach the unwilling Harry a new set of standards.

“Don’t worry, you’re just as sane as I am.” --Luna Lovegood

Irony again: coming from Luna Lovegood, who believes in Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, reads magazines upside down and wears radishes in her ears, her assurance that Harry’s just as sane as she is does not comfort him.

“From now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell ‘Die, Ron, die,’ I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong.” --Ron Weasley

The main focus of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” is the prophecy about Harry and Voldemort. However, Divination continues to be Harry and Ron’s least favorite subject, and the unpredictability and undependability of fortune-telling reflect the theme of free will.

“You know, Minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts…but you cannot deny he’s got style…” --Phineas Nigellus Black

The painting of Phineas Nigellus Black, Sirius’s great-grandfather and one of the few Slytherin headmasters, always has something snide and unpleasant to say. So after Dumbledore blasts apart his office, knocks out a few Aurors, and goes on the run, this is not the judgment you’d expect from sarcastic Phineas.

“Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy? You need to mean them, Potter!” --Bellatrix Lestrange

Having just murdered Sirius, Bellatrix gives Harry a tutorial in the Cruciatus curse. Harry later remembers her advice in “The Deathly Hallows” when he uses “Crucio” on a Death Eater, saying, “I saw what Bellatrix meant — you really have to mean them!”

“In the end, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you.” --Albus Dumbledore

Harry’s greatest strengths are his heart and love, two qualities that Voldemort cannot even comprehend. The power of love is a constant theme in “Harry Potter”: Lily Potter’s love defeated Voldemort in the first place and Harry’s love for Sirius makes Voldemort incapable of controlling him. Dumbledore admits that he should have remembered this strength instead of forcing Harry to learn Occlumency, a skill which goes completely against his nature.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“There is nothing to be feared from a body, Harry, any more than there is anything to be feared from the darkness. It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” --Albus Dumbledore

One of Dumbledore’s most important and memorable characteristics is that he does not fear death, knowing that there are far worse things in life than dying. Harry eventually grows to share his mentor’s view, and it is this attitude that makes him “master of death” in the final book.

“Why are you worrying about You-Know-Who? You should be worrying about U-NO-POO — the constipation sensation that’s gripping the nation!” --sign on Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes joke shop

The Weasleys provide some much-needed comic relief in a Diagon Alley where wanted posters of Death Eaters hang from every window and news of more disappearances comes every day. The twins’ outright mocking of Voldemort by using him as an advertising gimmick shows the audacity and brilliance that makes them such popular characters.

“Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. Surely you know this, Dumbledore.” –Lord Voldemort

Voldemort’s attempt to justify himself to Dumbledore produces an accurate, truthful statement for once. Even though Voldemort is lying about himself, his observation is very true as it concerns Dumbledore — who is feared and eventually ridiculed for the greatness that makes people envious.

“Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" --Dobby

Set free in “Chamber of Secrets,” Dobby remains proud of his freedom, loyal to Harry, and defiantly independent until his tragic death at the hands of his old masters in “The Deathly Hallows.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who must live without love.” --Albus Dumbledore

The preface to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, two excerpts that discuss death and living without friends that have passed away, seems to support this quote perfectly. A constant theme in Harry Potter is that there are worse things in life than death; and living without love is one of them.

“I have seen your heart, and it is mine.” --the Horcrux

Said to Ron Weasley, Voldemort’s Horcrux torments him in an attempt to protect itself before Ron stabs it. This quote also made it into the Deathly Hallows Part 1 movie, and the dramatic scene where Ron is tempted by the Horcrux is one of the most intense in the book/movie.

“The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.” –inscription on the Potters’ tombstone

“Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” –inscription on the Dumbledores’ tombstone

Seeing these two tombstones and their inscriptions is an emotional moment for Harry, not least because he can’t believe Dumbledore never told him about them. Harry puzzles over the Dumbledores’ inscription, but takes the inscription on his family’s tombstone as a message about the Deathly Hallows.

“Crookshanks?” Hermione shrieked. “Are you a wizard or not?”

Various scenes in “The Deathly Hallows” recall the trio’s adventures in the previous books, including this line and their journey through the tunnel under the Shrieking Shack. In “The Sorcerer’s Stone,” Harry shouts at Hermione, “There’s no wood? Are you a witch or not?” Now Hermione yells the same thing at Ron, who uses his trademark “Wingardium Leviosa” spell from book one to get them past the Whomping Willow.

“NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!” - -Mrs. Weasley

This line is memorable for several reasons. First of all, it reveals plump, sweet, motherly Mrs. Weasley’s ferocious side as she duels Bellatrix Lestrange — the deranged, extremely skilled witch described as Voldemort’s “best lieutenant.” Second, it is one of the only times profanity is used in the series. In the seventh book, Rowling uses mild profanity such as “oh my god,” “hell,” and “damn,” which she had largely stayed away from. The fact that the worst profanity in the series comes from Mrs. Weasley is a surprise, but not an unpleasant one. Mrs. Weasley’s line also brings up the recurring theme of parental love and parents protecting children — in this case, Mrs. Weasley has already lost her son Fred and now defends her only daughter Ginny.

“You are the true master of death, because the true master does not seek to run away from death.” --Albus Dumbledore

J.K. Rowling once wrote that after the death of her mother, all the characters in the “Harry Potter” books became defined in some way by death. Dumbledore did not fear death, and in the end neither did Harry — he would rather die than let his friends die for him. While Voldemort tries to become master of death by conquering and running from death, Harry becomes master of death by accepting it.

“Albus Severus Potter, you are named after two Headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was the bravest man I knew.” --Harry Potter

Harry names his three children James Sirius, Lily Luna, and Albus Severus in memory of his parents, friends, mentors and also Snape, the unsung hero of the series. When Albus confesses his fear of being put in Slytherin, Harry reminds him that one of his namesakes was a Slytherin and that he himself was almost Sorted into Slytherin. It’s worth noting that Albus Severus Potter’s initials are ASP — an asp is a type of snake. Perhaps Harry’s youngest son will be in Slytherin after all…

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Scholastic Press, 1998.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Scholastic Press, 1999.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Scholastic Press, 1999.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Scholastic Press, 2000.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Scholastic Press, 2003.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Scholastic Press, 2005.

Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Scholastic Press, 2007.

Images courtesy of amazon.com .

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J. K. Rowling Quotes About Homework

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What's that supposed to be anyway?" said Fred squinting at Dobby's painting. "Looks like a Gibbon with two black eyes!" "It's Harry," said George pointing at the back of the picture. "Says so on the back." "Good likeness," said Fred grinning. Harry threw his new homework diary at him.

You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don't let you off homework today. I assure you that if you do die, you need not hand it in.

Wonder what it’s like to have a peaceful life,” Ron sighed, as evening after evening they struggled through all the extra homework they were getting.

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60 Magical Harry Potter Quotes

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On 26 June 1997, an unknown Scottish author named Joanne Rowling released her first novel.

Just 500 copies of Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone were printed, but it was the beginning of a worldwide phenomenon that would fascinate both children and adults for decades.

What was once a figment of an author’s imagination has become a series of novels, eight box-office hit movies, and a number of major attractions (you can go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in America, Japan, Europe and beyond). It has amassed a cult following of loyal “muggles” (non-magic folk) both online and in real life.

Separately, the novels and the movies have grossed over $7.7 billion each, making J.K. Rowling one of the richest and most successful authors of all time.

From Hogwarts to Hogsmeade, Platform 9 and 3/4 and The Burrow, Rowling has created a world that is wonderful and engaging because it meshes so well with our own.

Whether it’s the thrill of shopping for school supplies in Diagon Alley, boarding the Hogwarts Express, or attending a potions class, Rowling brings us into the world of Harry Potter and makes us feel like we belong.

The trials and lessons faced by Harry Potter and his best friends, challenge us and force us to contemplate the big questions about life, love, friendship , loyalty, and destiny.

So whether your love of Harry Potter comes from reading the books, seeing the movies, or a bit of both, we’ve put together a list of the most magical Harry Potter quotes from each.

Page Contents

Harry Potter Quotes

Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself. Hermione Granger

It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. Albus Dumbledore

But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Albus Dumbledore

There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don’t expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not pay attention! Professor Severus Snape

Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have. Hermione Granger

It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be. Albus Dumbledore

Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love. Albus Dumbledore

It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. Albus Dumbledore

You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble? Albus Dumbledore

It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew — and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents — that there was all the difference in the world. Harry Potter

We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are. Sirius Black

Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. Luna Lovegood

I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Harry Potter

I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth botherin’ with.’ Rubeus Hagrid

Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve. Ginny Weasley

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. Albus Dumbledore

I think we’ve outgrown full-time education … Time to test our talents in the real world, d’you reckon? Fred Weasley

Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving. Kingsley Shacklebolt

For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Albus Dumbledore

‘He must have known I’d run out on you.’ ‘No,’ Harry corrected him. ‘He must’ve always known you’d always want to come back.’ Ron Weasley

And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure. Albus Dumbledore

It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well. Albus Dumbledore

We’re all going to keep fighting, Harry. You know that? Neville Longbottom

I am not worried, Harry…I am with you. Albus Dumbledore

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it. Albus Dumbledore

Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? Albus Dumbledore

Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that. Gilderoy Lockhart

Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite , spite spawns lies. Lord Voldemort

Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless —unless they’ve got to. Harry Potter

The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help. Albus Dumbledore

Hogwarts is threatened!” shouted Professor McGonagall. “Man the boundaries, protect us, do your duty to our school! Professor McGonagall

Killing is not so easy as the innocent believe. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

That’s what they should teach us here. How girls’ brains work… It would be more useful than divination, anyway… Ron Weasley

What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does. Rubeus Hagrid

Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe. Nearly Headless Nick

From now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell, ‘Die, Ron, die,’ I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong. Ron Weasley

Have you any idea how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All of them realize that, one day, amongst their many victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them and strikes back! Albus Dumbledore

Don’t let the muggles get you down. Ron Weasley

There were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless — carried away with our own cleverness. Remus Lupin

We teachers are rather good at magic, you know. Minerva McGonagall

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. Albus Dumbledore

You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. Albus Dumbledore

But from that moment on, Hermione Granger became their friend. Because there are somethings you can’t go through in life and become friends, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Finally, the truth. Lying with his face pressed into the dusty carpet of the office where he had once thought he was learning the secrets of victory, Harry understood at last that he was not supposed to survive. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I was ripped from my body, I was less than spirit, less than the meanest ghost… But still, I was alive. Lord Voldemort

I mean, you could claim that anything’s real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody’s proved it doesn’t exist! Hermione Granger

How can I have hung round you for five years and not think girls are clever? Ron Weasley

The world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. Sirius Black

Bonus Quotes for Fans

While many fans have imagined what it would be like to walk the halls of Hogwarts, for Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson, it was a reality that occupied a considerable part of their childhood.

Playing such huge roles undoubtedly changed their lives, in some ways for the better, and others worse.

One thing is for certain, and that is that the profound effect of the Harry Potter series, whether in print or on screen. J.K. Rowling’s creation continues to delight and amaze new fans every day, with fellow authors and actors applauding her stories and the deep emotion they have captured.

I must have read my battered old copies of the Harry Potter novels hundreds of times, and I still get excited, frustrated, nervous, and upset as I read them… even though I know the story so well.

Enjoy these bonus Harry Potter quotes on what it’s like to be in the Wizarding World, Rowling’s mastery, and the legacy of the Harry Potter series!

No story lives unless someone wants to listen. The stories we love best do live in us forever. So whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home. J.K. Rowling

I used to be self-conscious about my height, but then I thought, f—k that, I’m Harry Potter. Daniel Radcliffe

The line between Ron and me became thinner with each film and I think we became virtually the same person. There’s a lot of me in Ron and moving on was a massive adjustment because it was such a constant part of my life. Rupert Grint

When I see the images of the first Harry Potter, I immediately think of how ugly my hair was. Emma Watson

Harry Potter, to a point, will always define me, but I hope in the same way that Harrison Ford is defined by Star Wars . Daniel Radcliffe

Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not. John Green

What is your favorite lesson from the Harry Potter series? Share it with us in the comments below!

Natalie Seale

1 thought on “60 Magical Harry Potter Quotes”

I love all of these! One of my absolute favorite moments is when Professor Slughorn accompanies Harry on down to Hagrid’s home and a bit of drinking commences. The story he tells of the ‘Wee Fish, Francis’…. and of Harry’s Mother, Lily. And the other is when Hagrid, Professor Slughorn and Harry are standing over poor dead Aragog. When Harry mentions and motions about the ‘pincers’…. and Hagrid says ‘I reckon that too’… makes me giggle every time

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15 inspirational 'Harry Potter' quotes to live by

It's been 22 years since the release of J.K. Rowling's inaugural novel Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (and 10 since she put the book series to rest with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ) . Throughout the seven books, audiences became accustomed to the immensely empathetic knowledge possessed by so many of Rowling's sincere characters.

And though most us don't face the same exact situations that characterized Harry's time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the series' many insights can help guide us through whatever tribulations we're facing out here in the Muggle world.

Covering an array of subjects, from identity, purpose, and generosity to love and the slim boundary between life and death, here are the 15 most influential life lessons tucked into the pages of the beloved book series.

15. Albus Dumbledore to Harry in The Half-Blood Prince

After Dumbledore essentially tells off the Dursleys for mistreating Harry for his entire childhood, he informs them of the magical protection he placed on their house for the time that Harry lived there. They're dumbfounded, and Dumbledore wastes no time ushering Harry out of the house to begin their fateful journey back to Hogwarts. Dumbledore's all-knowing optimism sets the tone for the rest of his interactions with Harry throughout the sixth book.

“Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

14. rubeus hagrid to harry, ron, and hermione in the goblet of fire.

After it becomes widely known that Hagrid's mother was a giantess, a very ashamed Hagrid attempts to resign from Hogwarts. Dumbledore refuses to accept Hagrid's resignation, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione tell Hagrid they, too, want him to return to teaching. During a tender moment in Hagrid's cabin, Hagrid explains his parents' -- and his own -- philosophy on self-acceptance.

"I am what I am, an' I'm not ashamed. 'Never be ashamed,' my ol' dad used ter say, 'there's some who'll hold it against you, but they're not worth botherin' with.'"

13. albus dumbledore to harry in the sorcerer's stone.

Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel lived for 600 years thanks to the Elixir of Life provided to them by the sorcerer's stone. But after Voldemort comes dangerously close to stealing the stone and its powers, the couple decide it's best they finally lay themselves to rest. Dumbledore explains their decision to a very bewildered Harry.

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

12. harry, in thought, in the goblet of fire.

As Harry rides the Hogwarts Express on his journey back from school after his fourth year and the dire Triwizard Tournament, he dreads disembarking from the train, having to say goodbye to his friends, and returning to the drabness that is the Dursley's home and the Muggle world.

"Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead."

11. Sirius Black to Ron and Hermione in The Goblet of Fire

As Sirius, Hermione, Ron, and Harry discuss the suspicious behavior of Barty Crouch before they discover he used the polyjuice potion to disguise himself as Mad Eye Moody, Sirius gifts the trio with a nugget of important knowledge about human nature.

"If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

10. albus dumbledore addressing the great hall in the sorcerer's stone.

After awarding Harry, Hermione, and Ron points for their respective courage, logic, and chess-playing skills in battling Voldemort for the sorcerer's stone, Dumbledore makes recognizes Neville Longbottom for his ability to stand his ground against Harry, Ron, and Hermione when they tried to sneak out of the Gryffindor common room to foil Voldemort's plan.

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

9. albus dumbledore to harry in the deathly hallows.

Moments before Harry finally kills Voldemort once and for all, Dumbledore urges him to not hesitate or overthink the prospect of ending another human's life. Dumbledore's rationale is that by killing Voldemort, Harry is actually saving countless lives in the process.

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.”

8. albus dumbledore to harry in the sorcerer's stone.

After Dumbledore catches Harry staring into the Mirror of Erised to see himself with his late parents, Dumbledore cautions Harry against spending time hoping for what could — or in Harry's case, cannot — be.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

7. albus dumbledore to harry in the half-blood prince.

As Harry and Dumbledore venture across the lake Voldemort has directed them to so Harry and Voldemort can face off as two parts of the same evil soul, Harry spots dead bodies floating in the water and is very frightened. Dumbledore sagely instructs Harry to examine what it is that scares him about death.

"It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."

6. luna lovegood to harry in the order of the phoenix.

The bulk of Luna's possessions are lost or stolen during her fifth year at Hogwarts, and Harry catches her searching for her things while the feast marking the end of the school year rages on in the Great Hall. Harry inquires why she isn't attending, and then offers to help Luna find her stuff. She declines his offer, however, and gifts Harry with wisdom about the meaninglessness of worldly possessions and the assurance that everything always turns out right in the end.

"I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up ... It always does in the end."

5. albus dumbledore to harry in the half-blood prince.

In explaining to Harry how and why Voldemort assigned Harry to be a horcrux, Dumbledore lays out the weaknesses of all those who usurp an immense amount of power and use it for their own gain. Dumbledore both proves to Harry that Harry is one of Voldemort's greatest threats, and describes a political truth relevant to life outside the book series.

"Have you any idea how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All of them realize that, one day, amongst their many victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them and strikes back!"

4. albus dubmledore to harry to the prisoner of azkaban.

After Harry mistakes his reflection and patronus for his late father, Harry admits to Dumbledore his embarrassment in thinking he saw his dad. Dumbledore reassures Harry that he shouldn't be embarrassed, because those we've lost live on within us.

"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?"

3. harry, in thought, in the half blood prince.

Dumbledore enlightens Harry that the prophecy and the fact that Harry had been marked as "the chosen one" means that Harry is the only being capable of killing Voldemort. More than that, Dumbledore intuits that Harry won't rest until he has done so. Harry realizes the nuance in Dumbledore's distinction between those who merely possess the ability to do something and those who see it as their duty.

“It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew — and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents — that there was all the difference in the world.”

2. albus dumbledore to harry in the chamber of secrets.

While coming down from his battle with Tom Riddle and the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, Harry fears the similarities between his immense powers and that of Voldemort. However, Dumbledore assuages and disproves Harry's fears that Harry might become evil one day by explaining that one's intentions are the bedrock of one's identity, not one's capabilities.

"It is our choices ... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

1. Albus Dumbledore to Harry in The Goblet of Fire

After the fatal events of the Triwizard Tournament, Harry is exhausted and traumatized. Dumbledore asks Harry to recap his interactions with Voldemort inside the tournament arena, but Sirius interjects that Harry needs to rest and that the interrogation can continue in the morning. Dumbledore disagrees, and persuades Harry to face his most recent horrific experience head on.

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”

Topics Books Harry Potter

Tricia is an editorial fellow on Mashable's entertainment team. She is from Chicago, Illinois and graduated from Bates College in May. When it comes to covering entertainment news, she loves writing stories from social, political, and cultural angles.

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100 Harry Potter Quotes that Will Put a Spell on your Thoughts

Harry Potter is a name that makes you take a break from reality and travel to a magical land. By combining fantasy, drama, mystery, thriller, adventure, horror, and romance, J. K. Rowling created a masterpiece suitable for all ages.

The Harry Potter franchise enjoyed an immense popularity ever since it was released and adapted to the big screen, with actors like Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe bringing the book's characters to life.

RELATED:   27 Inspiring Quotes From Our Favorite Movie Heroes

Since the first book was released in 1997, Harry Potter became the best-selling book series in history. The books have been translated into eight languages and have sold more than 500 million copies worldwide.

From appearance to personality, each character is carefully developed, and each adventure teaches readers about life choices and facing difficult situations.

Harry Potter is not only about wizards, potions and magical creatures, but also about love, friendship, honor, challenges and being prepared for whatever may come. (And it's also about funny moments sometimes!)

Here are 100 famous Harry Potter quotes to teach you some valuable lessons in life.

Funny Harry Potter quotes

Many lines from Harry Potter are absolutely hilarious. Some witty, some said with a large dose of sarcasm, here are the best Harry Potter quotes. Enjoy!

I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed – or worse, expelled. Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed. Hermione Granger

Oh, HONESTLY, don’t you two read?  Hermione Granger

I know some things. I can, you know, do math and stuff.’ Harry Potter

Harry then did something that was both very brave and very stupid. J. K. Rowling

Funny way to get to a wizards’ school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they? Uncle Vernon

Troll — in the dungeons — thought you ought to know. Professor Quirrell

Training for the ballet, Potter? Draco Malfoy

Of all the trees we could’ve hit, we had to get one that hits back. Ron Weasley

Hearing voices no one else can hear isn’t a good sign, even in the wizarding world. Ron Weasley

’Do I look stupid?’ snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.  J.K. Rowling

Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward. Draco Malfoy

I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not there. Harry Potter

Ron: I dreamed I was buying new shoes last night. What d’ya think that’s gonna mean? Harry: Probably that you’re going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something,

Longbottom, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something.  Draco Malfoy

Just because it’s taken  you  three years to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one  else has spotted I’m a girl! Hermione Granger

I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.  Seamus Finnigan

He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.  Fred Weasley

Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt. Fred Weasley

Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.  Hermione Granger

Fine! Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a laugh.  Mrs. Weasley

Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head! Harry Potter

Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe. Nearly Headless Nick

Vernon: 'Listening to the news! Again?' Harry: 'Well, it changes every day, you see.'

Well, honestly... ‘the fates have informed her’... who sets the exam? She does! What an amazing prediction!  Hermione Granger

Inspirational Harry Potter quotes

Filled with so much adventure, friendship and love, the Harry Potter novels/movies have inspired millions of people of all ages. Below you’ll find some of the most inspirational Harry Potter quotes.

We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving. Kingsley Shacklebolt

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure. Luna Lovegood

If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. Sirius Black

You sort of start thinking anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve. Ginny Weasley

When in doubt, go to the library. Ron Weasley

Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead.  J.K. Rowling

Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect. Luna Lovegood

What’s life without a little risk? Sirius Black

Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right. Hermione Granger

Yeah, size is no guarantee of power.  George Weasley

It is the quality of one’s convictions that determines success, not the number of followers.  Remus Lupin

Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. Voldemort

We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.  Sirius Black

You’re just as sane as I am. Luna Lovegood

We can't choose our fate, but we can choose others. Be careful in knowing that. Dumbledore

Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that. Gilderoy Lockhart

Don’ you worry, Harry. You’ll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you’ll be just fine. Just be yerself. Hagrid

I'm going to keep going until I succeed — or die. Don't think I don't know how this might end. I've known it for years.  Harry Potter

Yes, but the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters.  Sirius

The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by an invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing. Severus Snape

And he knew that at that moment, they understood each other perfectly, and when he told her what he was going to do now, she would not say ‘be careful’ or ‘don’t do it’, but she would accept his decision because she would not have expected anything less of him. J. K. Rowling

I am what I am an’ I’m not ashamed. ‘Never be ashamed,’ my ol’ dad used ter say, ‘there’s some who’ll hold it against you, but they’re not worth bothern’ with.' Hagrid

What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does. Hagrid

Your devotion is nothing more than cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go. Voldemort

There’s things more importan’ than keepin’ a job. Hagrid

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.  Arthur Weasley

You can laugh, but people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!  Luna Lovegood

Harry Potter quotes about love

Anyone who has read the books or watched the movies, knows that Harry wouldn’t have survived Lord Voldemort’s attack if it weren’t for his mother’s love.

Here are some of the best Harry Potter quotes about love:

When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love. Horace Slughorn

What do I care how he looks? I am good-looking enough for both of us, I theenk! All these scars show is zat my husband is brave! Fleur Delacour

You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!  Albus Dumbledore

Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world. Professor McGonagall

The ones that love us never really leave us. You can always find them, in here.  Sirius Black

It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love. Horace Slughorn

Love as powerful as your mother’s for you leaves it’s own mark. To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.  Albus Dumbledore

Harry Potter friendship quotes

Friendship is at the core of Harry Potter novels. Every adventure described in the books teaches us about the importance of loyalty between friends, about how important it is to have people to rely on and others being able to rely on you.

Here are the best Harry Potter friendship quotes:

You're the weak one... And you'll never know love or friendship... And I feel sorry for you.  Harry Potter

It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. Dumbledore

There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.  J.K. Rowling

Books! And cleverness! There are more important things — friendship and bravery. Hermione Granger

Then you should have died! Died, rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you.  Sirius Black

We’re with you whatever happens.  Ron Weasley

Dobby has  never  been asked to sit down by a wizard — like an  equal. Dobby

You need your friends, Harry. Albus Dumbledore

We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one. And Voldy’s gone moldy, so now let’s have fun! Peeves

You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary.  Ron Weasley

No, Harry, you listen. We're coming with you. That was decided months ago — years, really. Hermione

And Percy was shaking his brother, and Ron was kneeling beside them, and Fred's eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face.  J. K. Rowling

Harry: You'll stay with me? James: Until the very end,

And that's the second time we've saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!  Ron Weasley

You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.  J. K. Rowling

I enjoyed the meetings, too. It was like having friends. Luna Lovegood

What a beautiful place to be with friends. Dobby is happy to be with his friend. Dobby

No, I think you're like James, who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends. Lupin

Dumbledore quotes

Albus Dumbledore is one of the most beloved characters from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter . Powerful and confident, yet not arrogant; always looking for peace, but never afraid to confront evil -- the old wizard has conquered the hearts of all Harry Potter fans.

Check out the following Dumbledore quotes that are filled with words of wisdom.

It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Dumbledore 

It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be. Dumbledore

Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love. Dumbledore

Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. Dumbledore

Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. Dumbledore

People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right. Dumbledore

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young. Dumbledore

It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Dumbledore

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Dumbledore

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. Dumbledore

We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided. Dumbledore

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Dumbledore

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open. Dumbledore

It is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated. Dumbledore

Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right. Dumbledore

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Dumbledore

The truth… It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution. Dumbledore

It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. Dumbledore

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it. Dumbledore

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. Dumbledore

The best of us sometimes eat our words. Dumbledore

Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth. Dumbledore

Sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man. Dumbledore

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. Dumbledore

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UPS Driver Makes This Special Delivery Every Single Day

We give and receive many gifts throughout the year, on special occasions, birthdays, holidays, and just because. But how often do we stop and think about gifting something that truly matters? One UPS driver delivers many packages throughout his day, but he always makes the time for this one extra special stop.

A Special Stop During the Daily Grind

Big Tim and Tim hang out every day on Tim's lunch break

YouTube/WOOD TV8

In Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man named Tim Westfall makes several stops throughout his day. As a UPS driver he delivers many packages along his route, some of them gifts, others necessities. But the most important stop he makes every single day has nothing to do with the items on his truck. In fact, this stop isn't even on the clock.

That’s because the most important stop Tim makes is during his lunch break, when he visits and hangs out with his dad, Big Tim. Every day Tim and his dad sit in the garage, lounging on chairs six feet apart (something they started during the pandemic), and just chat and hang out.

“My mom passed away in 2017, and this route became available in 2018, so I took it,” Tim explained to WOOD TV8 . “I get to hear all his stories. He likes to talk, so I hear all his stories. Now he’s getting older so I hear the same stories over and over.”

Making the Time

For Big Tim, having his son there is an opportunity to learn more about his child and grandchild, but it’s also a nice moment that alleviates some of the loneliness he’s felt since his wife, Donna, passed away.

“She worked for the bank some 40 years and then retired. She got to retire for two years before she died; that’s the hard part,” Big Tim told the publication through tears.

Tim is happy to show up for his dad and provide some company, but he also gets a lot out of it. He added that if it weren’t for the route, he would only be able to see his dad on the weekends or every other weekend.

“He means the world to me; he does everything for us,” Tim said before turning to his dad. “Thank you for raising me with morals and hard work ethic.”

“I want to thank you for being fantastic kids,” Big Tim added.

The Delivery of Time

This story is so heartwarming because it reminds us that the most important gift we could ever give anyone who means something to us is the gift of time. Sure, presents are nice, but spending time together and making the time to see each other is far more important.

No one knows how long they have on Earth, so it’s important to seize the day and not put things off. That includes, above all, making time for loved ones. So, if you’ve been on the fence about making that call, sending that text, or planning the next get-together, do it now.

After all, as Tim and Big Tim’s story reminds us, time is a very precious thing.

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Jennifer Garner Gives Her Shoes to Homeless Man

You don’t often witness moments of celebrities and paparazzi working together for the greater good, but then again Jennifer Garner isn’t like most celebrities. The actor is known for her charitable work and doing what it takes to help others, but this might be one of her most inspiring stories yet.

A Day of Kindness

Jennifer Garner caught on camera helping a homeless man.

YouTube/ X17onlineVideo

Recently, photographers captured Jennifer Garner helping people out in Santa Monica, California. The actor, dressed down in a white T-shirt and a trucker’s cap, was handing out supplies to homeless people by the beach.

One outlet recorded a video of her handing out the items, and the videographer happened to catch the moment when Garner realized the man in a wheelchair she was helping needed new shoes.

Wanting to assist, she got out of the car, removed the man's old shoes, and put fresh socks on his feet. She tried to put her own shoes on the man, but they didn’t fit. Garner then spotted the videographer following her and approached him with a simple request: could she buy his shoes?

Inspiring Good Acts

In the video, the man refused payment for his shoes and gave them to the man instead. Furthermore, Garner’s acts of kindness inspired him to go above and beyond as well: he added several items to the pile, including a blanket, some pants, and a fresh t-shirt.

“Jennifer Garner's selflessness reminds us all of the power of compassion and the positive impact one person can have on another's life,” the outlet wrote in its video caption.

In the video’s comments, people added their own thoughts, calling Garner a “real-life angel” and saying it was the nicest gesture they’ve ever seen from a celebrity.

“Anyone here who is doubtful of her actions, get a life, seriously,” one person wrote. “Would any other celebrity touch a homeless person’s feet and help change their pants at all? Would YOU do it?”

“There should be more movie stars helping people in need,” added someone else. “Jennifer is such a wholesome and kind person.”

“Usually, I'm skeptical about recorded good deeds of celebs or influencers since it's too often about their narcissistic need for attention. However, this here, is clearly a woman who acted out of concern and empathy. Well done, Jennifer. Well done,” wrote someone else.

We Are All the Same

One of the most touching parts of this story is that, at the end of the day, we are all human. And sometimes, we all need help. Some people have more than others, whether that be health, money , status, privilege, or something else. But having more doesn’t make one person better than another, and it doesn’t mean we can’t stop to help a fellow human being in need.

Garner, who on the surface seems to have been given a pretty decent hand in life, knows that. Her actions with that homeless man prove it. More importantly, by showcasing her kindness and empathy, she inspired others to help in their own ways.

At the end of the day, kindness is what makes the world go round, no matter who you are. Lead with it and remember it when you’re in a position to help someone else. One day, when you need it most, it will also show up for you.

Copyright © 2024 Goalcast

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The 100+ Funniest Harry Potter Quotes & Lines (From the Movies & Books!)

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Whether you’re a die-hard book only stan, a lover of the films who never read the books or a total Potterhead who embraces both mediums, there’s one universal truth – the Harry Potter series provides a LOT of laughs!

Even today, ten years since the final film release and fourteen since the final book release (whaaat?!) Harry Potter quotes remain a staple in pop culture. While we have the Fantastic Beasts franchise to keep the magic alive, there’s really nothing like the original series, about boy wizard Harry, his friends and the battle against evil.

We’ve taken the time to collate all the best funny lines from all the films (and books) here today, to give you the ultimate list of hilarious quotable moments from the Harry Potter series – whether you’re looking for the perfect saying to make a witty birthday card for your Potter-obsessed pal, or just want an iconic moment to make a new meme.

If you’re reading this in public be warned, other people may think you’re weird when you start laughing out loud as you take this trip down memory lane and remember all the best funny Harry Potter quotes!

Want more Harry Potter quotes? Check these out:

• Here are the 100+ Best Harry Potter Quotes (from the Books & Movies!)
• Here are the Funniest Quotes from Harry Potter
• Here are the Most Inspirational Quotes from Harry Potter
• Here are the best quotes from Albus Dumbledore
• Here are the best quotes from Hermione Granger
• Here are the best quotes from Ron Weasley
• Here are the best quotes from Severus Snape
• Here are the best quotes from Sirius Black
• Here are the best quotes from Luna Lovegood
• Here are the best quotes from Dobby

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

The first foray for viewers into the magical wizarding world provided lots of wonder, as well as lots of laughter. We’re first introduced to all the amazing characters, and get to experience many of their funniest and most iconic lines. Here are the best funny Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone lines that will make you want to re-watch all the films from the start again immediately!

“ Dudley Dursley:  Daddy’s gone mad hasn’t he?”

“ Hagrid :   You’re a wizard, Harry! Harry:  I’m a what?”

“ Molly Weasley: [to Fred] Fred, you next. George Weasley:  He’s not Fred, I am! Fred Weasley:  Honestly, woman. You call yourself our mother. Molly Weasley:  [to Fred] Oh, I’m sorry, George. Fred Weasley:  I’m only joking, I am Fred!”

“ Ron: I know you! You’re Nearly Headless Nick! Nearly Headless Nick: I prefer Sir Nicholas, if you don’t mind. Hermione: “Nearly” headless? How can you be nearly headless? Nearly Headless Nick: Like this. [pulls his head half off his neck] Ron: Aah!”

“ Ron:  [Harry and Ron arrive late to Transfiguration] Whew, made it. Can you imagine the look on old McGonagall’s face if we were late? [the cat sitting at the head of the class suddenly transforms into her] That was bloody brilliant! Professor McGonagall:  Well, thank you for that assessment, Mr Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time. Harry:  We got lost. Professor McGonagall:  Then perhaps a map? I trust you don’t need one to find your seats.”

“ Hermione:  That’s totally barbaric! Ron:  That’s wizard’s chess.” 

“ Fred Weasley:  Well done, Harry. Wood’s just told us. Ron:  Fred and George are on the team, too. Beaters. George Weasley:  Our job is to make sure that you don’t get bloodied up too bad. Can’t make any promises, of course. Rough game, Quidditch. Fred Weasley:  Brutal, but no one’s died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally, but they’ll turn up in a month or two!”

“ Oliver Wood:  Scared, Harry? Harry:  A little. Oliver Wood:  That’s all right. I felt the same way before my first game. Harry:  What happened? Oliver Wood:  I, uh, I don’t really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later.”

“ Hermione:  Now if you two don’t mind, I’m going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed – or worse, expelled. Ron:  She needs to sort out her priorities!”

“ Hagrid:  Who told you about Fluffy? Ron:  Fluffy? Hermione:  That thing has a name?”

“[about Fluffy]  Hagrid:  I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the… Harry:  Yes? Hagrid:  Shouldn’t have said that. No more questions, don’t ask anymore questions!”

“ Ron:  [to Hermione] You’re a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant… but scary.” 

“ Hermione:  Look at you playing with your cards. Pathetic! We’ve got final exams coming up soon. Ron:  I’m ready! Ask me any question. Hermione:  All right, what are the three most crucial ingredients in a Forgetfulness Potion? Ron:  I forgot. Hermione:  And what, may I ask, do you plan to do if this comes up in the final exam? Ron:  Copy off you?”

“ Hermione:  Stop moving, both of you. This is devil’s snare! You have to relax. If you don’t, it’ll only kill you faster! Ron:  Kill us faster? Oh, now I can relax!”

“ Professor Dumbledore: What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows.”

“[about Bertie Botts’ Every Flavor Beans] Professor Dumbledore: I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I’m afraid I’ve lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. [eats it] Mm, alas, earwax.”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Flying cars, giant spiders, Dobby the house-elf and Gilderoy Lockhart – these are just the start of what made the Chamber of Secrets one of the funniest films in the franchise. Sure, there’s also a giant snake, but read on to enjoy all the best and funniest lines from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

“ Molly Weasley:  Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night. Arthur Weasley:  [to the boys] Did you really? How did it go? [after Molly hits him] I mean, that was very wrong indeed, boys. Very wrong of you.”

“ Arthur Weasley:  Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?”

“ Harry:  Ron, I should tell you, most Muggles aren’t accustomed to seeing a flying car.”

“ Professor Sprout:  Oh, Longbottom’s been neglecting his earmuffs. Seamus Finnigan:  No, ma’am, he’s just fainted. Professor Sprout:  [sighs] Yes, well, just leave him there.”

“ Harry:  Do you think I should have told them? Dumbledore and the others, I mean. Ron:  Are you mad? Hermione:  No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn’t a good sign.” 

“ Oliver Wood:  We play our game, Hufflepuff doesn’t stand a chance. We’re stronger, quicker and smarter. Fred Weasley:  And not to mention they’re dead scared that Harry’ll petrify them if they fly anywhere near him. Oliver Wood:  Well, that too.”

“ Dobby:  Listen… Listen, Terrible things are about to happen at Hogwarts. Harry Potter must not stay here, now that history is to repeat itself. Harry:  Repeat itself? Do you mean that this has happened before? Dobby:  [horrified gasp; covering his mouth with his hands] Oh! I shouldn’t have said that!” 

“ Professor Minerva McGonagall:  Well, you all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago, by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. Now three of the founders co-existed quite harmoniously. One did not. Ron:  Three guesses who.”

“ Ron:  Have you spoken to Hermione? Harry:  She should be out of hospital in a few days… when she stops coughing up fur balls.”

“ Hermione:  Look, Hagrid’s our friend, why don’t we just go and ask him about it? Ron:  That would be a cheerful visit. ‘Hello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?’”

“ Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies’?”

“ Harry:  Well… thank you. We’ll just go. Aragog:  Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command, but I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid. Ron:  Can we panic now?”

“ Gilderoy Lockhart:  [they find the Basilisk skin] What’s this? It looks like a… snake. Harry:  It’s a snake  skin . Ron:  Bloody hell. Whatever shed this must be 60 feet long, or  more .  [Lockhart passes out] Heart of a lion, this one.”

“ Harry:  Promise me something. Dobby:  Anything, sir. Harry:  Never try to save my life again.”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

While there’s a spooky black dog hanging around, the Prisoner of Azkaban still delivered plenty of lines to make us giggle and arguably some of the best funny insults in the series. Tell the truth, before you knew about Peter Pettigrew, were you team Crookshanks or team Scabbers? Here are the best funny Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban lines.

“ Hermione:  Harry, Harry! Shrunken head 1:  I say! No underage wizards allowed in today. [shouts] Shut the damn door! Hermione:  So rude! Ron:  Thick-heads. Shrunken head 2:  Thick-heads… how dare they. Who are they calling Thick-heads? Young whippersnappers!”

“ Harry:  I didn’t mean to blow her up, I just… lost control. Ron:  Brilliant! Hermione:  Honestly Ron, it’s not funny! Harry was lucky not to be expelled. Harry:  I think I was lucky not to have been arrested actually. Ron:  I still think it’s brilliant.”

“ Harry:  Egypt, huh? What’s it like? Ron:  Brilliant! Loads of cool stuff. Mummies, tombs. Even Scabbers enjoyed himself. Hermione:  You know, the Egyptians used to worship cats. Ron:  Yeah, along with the dung beetle.”

“[about the newspaper clipping Ron was showing Harry and Hermione]  George Weasley:  Not flashing that clipping again, are you, Ron? Ron:  I haven’t shown anyone! Fred Weasley:  No, not a soul! Unless you count Tom. George Weasley:  The day maid. Fred Weasley:  The night maid. George Weasley:  The cook. Fred Weasley:  That bloke who came to fix the toilet. George Weasley:  And that wizard from Belgium!”

“ Ron:  A cat? Is that what they told you? It looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me. Hermione:  That’s rich, coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush. It’s alright, Crookshanks. Just ignore the mean little boy.” 

“ Ron:  Who do you think that is? Hermione:  Professor R. J. Lupin. Ron:  Do you know everything? [to Harry] How is it she knows everything? Hermione:  [annoyed] It’s on his suitcase, Ronald. Ron:  Oh.” 

“ Dumbledore:  Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher for many years, has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs.”

“ Hagrid:  [about Buckbeak] I think he may let you ride him now. Harry:  What? Hagrid:  [picking him up and placing him on Buckbeak’s back] Come on, right behind the wing joint. Harry:  Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey! Hagrid!”

“ Malfoy:  You’re gonna regret this! Hagrid:  Class dismissed! Malfoy:  You and your bloody chicken!”

“ Ron:  [sitting bolt upright in bed] Spiders… the spiders… they want me to tap-dance. And I don’t want to tap-dance! Harry:  You tell those spiders, Ron. Ron:  Yeah, tell them… I’ll tell them… [falls straight back asleep]”

“ Ron:  Let me get this strait. Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban to come after you? Harry:  Yeah. Hermione:  But they’ll catch Black, won’t they? I mean, everyone’s looking for him. Ron:  Sure. Except no one’s ever broken out of Azkaban before, and he’s a murderous raving lunatic. Harry:  Thanks, Ron.”

“ Professor Lupin:  Now repeat after me – without wands please – repeat after me, Riddikulus. Class:  Riddikulus! Professor Lupin:  Very good. A little louder please, and very clearly. Rid-di-kulus. Class:  Riddikulus! Malfoy:  [under his breath] This class is ridiculous.”

“ Professor Lupin:  What frightens you most in the world? Neville Longbottom:  [mumbling] Pfsr Snpe. Professor Lupin:  I’m sorry? Neville Longbottom:  Professor Snape. [the class laughs]  Professor Lupin:  Professor Sna- yes, he frightens all.”

“ Harry:  What’s the holdup? Ron:  Probably Neville’s forgotten the password again. Neville Longbottom:  [behind them] Hey! Ron:  Oh… You’re there…”

“ Professor Snape:  [taps the blank Marauder’s Map with his wand] Reveal your secrets. [writing appears on the map] Read it. Harry:  Messrs. Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, offer their compliments to Professor Snape and… Professor Snape:  Go on. Harry:  … and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.”

“ Hermione:  Beautiful day. Ron:  Gorgeous. Unless of course you’ve been ripped to pieces. Harry:  Ripped to pieces? What are you talking about? Hermione:  Ronald has lost his rat. Ron:  I haven’t lost anything! Your cat killed him! Hermione:  Rubbish! Ron:  Harry, you’ve seen the way that blood thirsty beast of hers is always lurking about. And now Scabbers is gone! Hermione:  Well maybe you should learn to take better care of your pets! Ron:  Your cat killed him! Hermione:  Did not! Ron:  Did. Hermione:  Didn’t.”

“ Ron:  [as Harry lays unconscious] Looks a bit peaky, doesn’t he? Fred Weasley:  Peaky? What’d you expect him to look like? He fell fifty feet. George Weasley:  Yeah, c’mon, Ron. We’ll walk you off the Astronomy Tower and see how you come out looking. Harry:  Probably a right sight better than he normally does.”

“ Hermione: Is that  really  what my hair looks like from the back?”  

“ Professor Lupin:  [commenting on Sirius’ ragged looks] Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within. Sirius Black:  Well, you’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you Remus?”

“ Sirius Black:  Sorry about the bite, I reckon that twinges a bit. Ron:  A bit? A bit? You almost tore my leg off! Sirius Black:  I  was  going for the rat. Normally, I have a very sweet disposition as a dog. In fact, more than once, James suggested that I make the change permanent. The tail I could live with. But the fleas? They’re murder.”

“ Harry:  Now what? Hermione:  We save Sirius. Harry:  How? Hermione:  No idea.”

“ Hermione:  [howls]  Harry   What are you doing? Hermione:  Saving your life! Harry:  Thanks!… Great, now he’s coming at us! Hermione:  Yeah, didn’t think about that… run!”

“ Harry:  You were right, Hermione! It wasn’t my dad I saw earlier! It was me! I saw myself conjuring the patronus before! I knew I could do it this time, because… well, because I’d already done it! Does that make sense? Hermione:  No! But I DON’T LIKE FLYING! [screams as Buckbeak dives]”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The Goblet of Fire is when the series first started getting darker, but it definitely wasn’t without some lighthearted moments. Students from other schools were brought into the mix and the Weasley twins had some of their best quotes. These are our favorite Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire funny lines.

“ Ron:  There’s no one like Krum! He’s like a bird the way he rides the wind! He’s more than an athlete! He’s an artist. Ginny:  I think you’re in love, Ron. Ron:  Shut up! George:  [grabs one of Ron’s hands and begins singing] Victor, I love you! Fred:  [grabs Ron’s other hand] Victor, I do! George, Fred and Harry :  When we’re apart my heart beats only for you!”

“ Barty Crouch:  After much deliberation, the ministry has concluded that for their own safety. No student under the age of 17 shall be allowed to put forth their name for the Triwizard tournament. This decision is final. Fred and George: That’s rubbish!”

“[after the dragon has run into the teachers stand]  Fred:  [yelling] Well done dragon!”

“ Fred:  We knew you wouldn’t die, Harry! George:  Might lose a leg. Fred:  Or an arm. George:  But pack it in all together? Fred and George:  Never!”

“ Ron:  At least I warned you about the dragons. Harry:  Hagrid warned me about the dragons. Ron:  No, I did! Don’t you remember? I told Hermione to tell you that Seamus told me that Parvati told Dean that Hagrid was looking for you! Seamus never actually told me anything, so it was really me all along. I thought we’d be alright, you know, after you figured that out. Harry:  Who… who could possibly figure that out? It’s completely mental. Ron:  Yeah… it is, isn’t it. I suppose I was a bit distraught.”

“ Professor McGonagall:  The house of Godric Gryffindor has commanded the respect of the wizarding world for nearly ten centuries. I will not have you, in the course of a single evening, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons! Fred:  [whispering to George] Try saying that five times fast. George:  [whispering] Babbling, bumbling band of baboons. Fred:  [whispering] Babbling, bumbling band of baboons.”

“ Professor McGonagall:  Now, Mr. Weasley, place your right hand on my waist. Ron:  Where?”

“[Professor McGonagall demonstrates a waltz with Ron as her partner]  Professor McGonagall:  One-two-three, one-two-three… Harry:  You’re never gonna let him forget this, are you? Fred and George:  [shaking their heads] Never.”

“ Ron:  What are those? Harry:  My dress robes… Ron:  Well, those’re all right! No lace, no dodgy little collar… Harry:  Well, I expect yours are more traditional… Ron:  Traditional? They’re ancient! I look like my great aunt Tessie! [takes a sniff in the underarm area] I smell like my great Aunt Tessie!”

“ Rita Skeeter:  So tell me, Harry. Here you sit, a mere boy of 12… Harry:  – I’m 14… Rita Skeeter:  – about to compete against three students who are not only vastly more emotionally mature than yourself, but who’ve mastered spells that you wouldn’t attempt in your dizziest daydreams. Concerned? Harry:  I dunno, I haven’t really thought about it… Rita Skeeter:  Because you’re no ordinary boy of 12 are you? Harry:  14.”

“ Malfoy:  Why so tense, Potter? My father and I have a bet, you see. I don’t think you’re going to last ten minutes in this tournament. He disagrees. He thinks you won’t last five! [laughs]  Harry:  [enraged] I don’t give a damn what your father thinks, Malfoy! He’s vile and cruel, and you’re just pathetic! Malfoy:  Pathetic? [draws his wand]  Professor Moody:  OH NO, YOU DON’T, SONNY! [transfigures Malfoy into a ferret]   I’ll teach you to curse someone when their back is turned! [proceeds to flick the ferret up and down] You stinking, cowardly, scummy… Professor McGonagall:  [running up to Professor Moody] Professor Moody! Professor Moody:  Back-shooting… Professor McGonagall:  Wha- What are you doing? Professor Moody:  Teaching. Professor McGonagall:  Is that a- Is that a student? Professor Moody:  Technically, it’s a ferret.”

“ Harry:  Why do they have to travel in packs? And how are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them? [Stops in front of a group of girls, hesitates, then continues walking]  Ron:  Blimey, Harry. You’ve slayed dragons. If you can’t get a date, who can?”

“ Harry:  What’s with the flower? Hagrid… have you combed your hair? Hagrid:  ‘S a matter of fact I have. You might want to try the same thing now and again.”

“ Hagrid:  I remember when I first met you all. Biggest bunch of misfits I ever set eyes on! You reminded me of myself a little. And here we all are, four years later. Ron:  We’re still a bunch of misfits.” 

“ Harry:  ‘Come seek us where our voices sound’. Hermione:  The Black Lake, that’s obvious. Harry:  ‘An hour long you’ll have to look’. Hermione:  Again, obvious. Though admittedly potentially problematic… Harry:  Potentially problematic? When was the last time you held your breath underwater for an hour, Hermione?”

“ Cedric Diggory:  For a moment there, I thought you were going to let it get me. Harry:  For a moment there, so did I!”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The absolute worst part of the Order of the Phoenix was the character of Dolores Umbridge. Most people hated her more than Voldemort and that’s saying something! But we also got introduced to the delightful Luna Lovegood, which sort of evens it out. Here are the best funny Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix lines that we will always remember.

“ Cornelius Fudge:  Oh! Albus… I see you got our notice about the time change of the hearing… Albus Dumbledore:  I must have missed it; but by a happy mistake, I arrived at the Ministry three hours early.” 

“ Mrs. Arabella Figg:  [she has been asked to describe “them”] One was very huge… the other, very skinny. Cornelius Fudge:  We mean the dementors, not the boys!”

“ Hermione Granger:  So… that’s an interesting necklace. Luna Lovegood:  It’s a charm actually. It keeps away the Nargles.” 

“ Dolores Umbridge:  You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, is that correct? Severus Snape:  Yes. Dolores Umbridge:  But you were unsuccessful? Severus Snape:  Obviously…”

“ Harry Potter:  This is mad. Who’d want to be taught by me? I’m a nutter, remember? Ron Weasley:  Look on the bright side. You can’t be any worse than old toad face. Harry Potter:  Thanks, Ron. Ron Weasley:  I’m here for you, mate.”

“ Harry Potter:  First we’ve got to find a place to practice where Umbridge won’t find out. Ginny Weasley:  The Shrieking Shack? Harry Potter:  It’s too small. Hermione Granger:  The Forbidden Forest? Ron Weasley:  Not bloody likely!”

“ Ginny Weasley:  Harry, what happens if Umbridge does find out? Hermione Granger:  Who cares? I mean, it’s sort of exciting, isn’t it, breaking the rules. Ron Weasley:  Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?” 

“ Severus Snape: [watches a touching memory between Harry and Sirius] I may vomit.” 

“ Harry Potter:  [sees that Luna is barefoot] Aren’t your feet cold? Luna Lovegood:  A bit. But all my shoes have mysteriously disappeared. I suspect the Nargles are behind it.”

“[Ron and Hermione ask Harry about his first kiss with Cho]  Ron Weasley:  Well? How was it? Harry Potter:  Wet. I mean, she was sort of crying. Ron Weasley:  [laughs] That bad at it, are you? Hermione Granger:  I’m sure Harry’s kissing was more than satisfactory. Cho spends half her time crying these days. Ron Weasley:  You’d think a bit of snogging would cheer her up.”

“ Ron Weasley:  One person couldn’t feel all that. They’d explode! Hermione Granger:  Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon…”

“[referring to Ron’s Christmas jumper]  Hermione Granger:  I can’t understand why you don’t want to wear it, Ronald. Ron Weasley:  Cause I’ll look like a bloody idiot, that’s why. Hermione Granger:  No more than usual.” 

“ Cornelius Fudge:  Dawlish, Shacklebolt, you will escort Dumbledore to Azkaban to await trial for conspiracy. Albus Dumbledore:  Ah, I thought we might hit this little snag. You seem to be laboring under the delusion that I am going to – what is the phrase? – come quietly.”

“ Kingsley Shacklebolt:  You may not like him, Minister, but you can’t deny: Dumbledore’s got style.”

“ Dolores Umbridge:  Potter, do something! Tell them I mean no harm! Harry Potter:  I’m sorry, Professor. But I must not tell lies.”

“ Hermione Granger:  How’d you get away? Ginny Weasley:  Puking Pastilles. It wasn’t pretty. Ron Weasley:  Told them I was hungry and wanted some sweets. Of course, they told me to bugger off and ate the lot themselves. Hermione Granger:  That was clever, Ron! Ron Weasley:  It’s been known to happen.”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The Half-Blood Prince might be one of the saddest in the series, and as the films became increasingly darker there were fewer jokes. Moments of brevity were never omitted completely though, and these best funny lines from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince prove it.

“[Harry is reading a newspaper, his name is on the front page]  Waitress:  “Harry Potter.” Who’s Harry Potter? Harry Potter:  Oh, no one. Bit of a tosser, really.”

“ Harry Potter:  I just apparated, didn’t I? Albus Dumbledore:  Indeed. Quite successfully, I might add. Most people vomit their first time. Harry Potter:  [dry-heaving] I can’t imagine why.” 

“ Albus Dumbledore:  I must say, Horace, you make a very convincing armchair. Horace Slughorn:  Oh, thank you. It’s all in the upholstry. [pats his stomach]   I come about the stuffing naturally.”

“ Albus Dumbledore: [holding up a Muggle magazine] Horace, do you mind if I take this? I do love knitting patterns.”

“ Ron Weasley:  How much are these? Fred and George Weasley:  5 galleons. Ron Weasley:  How much for me? Fred and George Weasley:  5 galleons. Ron Weasley:  I’m your brother! Fred and George Weasley:  10 galleons.”

“ Luna Lovegood:  [about Ginny’s pygmy puff] He’s lovely! They’ve been known to sing on Boxing Day, you know. Quibbler? Ginny Weasley:  Oh, please. [looks at the cover] What’s a wrackspurt? Luna Lovegood:  They’re invisible creatures. They float in your ears and make your brain go fuzzy.” 

“ Luna Lovegood:  [after finding Harry immobilised on the train under his invisibility cloak] Hello Harry! Harry Potter:  Luna! How’d you know where I was? Luna Lovegood:  Wrackspurts. Your head’s full of them.”

“ Luna Lovegood:  [when Harry has a broken nose] Would you like me to fix it for you? Personally, I think you look a little more devil-may-care this way, but it’s up to you. Harry Potter:  Um… have you ever fixed a nose before? Luna Lovegood:  No. But I’ve done several toes, and how different are they, really? Harry Potter:  …Okay, yeah, give it a go. Luna Lovegood:  Episkey! [a loud crack]  Harry Potter:  Augh…! [rubs his nose gingerly; looks at Luna] Well? How do I look? Luna Lovegood:  Exceptionally ordinary. Harry Potter:  …Brilliant.”

“ Ron Weasley:  [to Hermione and Ginny] He’ll be here, soon. [starts eating]  Hermione Granger:  [smacks him on the arm with a book] Will you stop eating? Your best friend is missing! Ron Weasley:  Turn around, you lunatic! [Hermione and Ginny looks towards the Great Hall door and sees Harry covered in blood]  Ginny Weasley:  He’s covered in blood again. Why is it he’s always covered in blood?”

“ Ron Weasley:  You heard Snape say he’s made an Unbreakable Vow? Harry Potter:  Yes. What does it mean? Ron Weasley:  Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow! Harry Potter:  [sarcastic] I worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.”

“ Harry Potter:  What brings you here, sir? Horace Slughorn:  Oh, the Three Broomsticks and I go way back! Farther back than I care to admit! Ho ho ho… Why I can remember when it was just ONE Broomstick!”

“ Hermione Granger:  [snaps her fingers] Hey! She’s only interested in you because she thinks you’re the Chosen One. Harry Potter:  But I am the Chosen One. [Hermione smacks him on the head with the newspaper]   Sorry… kidding!”

“ Hermione Granger :  [after she sees Ron accepting an embarrassing necklace from Lavender] Excuse me, I have to go vomit.”

“ Professor Minerva McGonagall:  [to Harry, Ron, & Hermione] Why is it, when something happens, it is always you three? Ron Weasley:  Believe me, Professor. I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years.” 

“ Ron Weasley:  I can’t stop thinking about her, Harry. Harry Potter:  Honestly, you know, I reckon she was starting to annoy you. Ron Weasley:  She could never annoy me. I think I love her. Harry Potter:  Oh… brilliant. Ron Weasley:  Do you think she knows I exist? Harry Potter:  Well, I’d bloody well hope so, she’s been snogging you for three months. Ron Weasley:  Snogging? Who are you talking about? Harry Potter:  Who are you talking about?”

“ Harry Potter:  [Harry knocks on the door of Professor Slughorn’s room] I’m sorry, sir. I wouldn’t bother you if it weren’t essential. Ron Weasley:  Where’s Romilda? Horace Slughorn:  What’s the matter with Wenby? Harry Potter:  [Whispers] Very powerful love potion. Horace Slughorn:  Very well. Better bring him in. I’d have thought you could have whipped up a remedy for this in no time, Harry. Harry Potter:  I’d have thought that this called for a more practised hand, sir. Ron Weasley:  [Ron wraps his arms around Professor Slughorn and looks at him romantically] Hello Darling. Fancy a drink? Horace Slughorn:  Perhaps you’re right.”

“[Slughorn is snipping tentacular leaves through a window in the greenhouse; Harry, who is walking by, notices Slughorn and walks up behind him]  Horace Slughorn:  Aaauughh!… Merlin’s beard, Harry! Harry Potter:  Oh, sorry, sir, I should’ve announced myself. Cleared my throat. Coughed. You probably feared I was Professor Sprout! Horace Slughorn:  Yes, I did actually!… What made you think that? Harry Potter:  Oh, well, just the general behavior, sir – the sneaking around, jumping when you saw me… Are those tentacular leaves, sir? They’re very valuable, aren’t they? Horace Slughorn:  Ten Galleons a leaf to the right buyer!… Not that I’m familiar with any such back alley transactions, but one does hear rumors. My own interests are purely academic, of course. Harry Potter:  Personally, these plants always kind of freak me out.”

“ Horace Slughorn:  [shocked] Harry! Harry Potter:  [imitating Slughorn and hyper from the Felix potion] Sir!”

“ Rubeus Hagrid:  Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It’s the eyes, I reckon, they unnerve some folk. Harry Potter:  Not to mention the pincers…[clicks his tongue while miming pincers biting]”

“ Rubeus Hagrid:  [talking about Aragog] I had him from an egg, you know? Tiny little thing he was when he hatched. No bigger than a Pekingese. A Pekingese, mind you! Horace Slughorn:  How sweet! I once had a fish… Francis. He was very dear to me. One afternoon, I came downstairs and… it vanished. Poof. Rubeus Hagrid:  That’s very odd, isn’t it? Horace Slughorn:  Yes, doesn’t it? But that’s life! I suppose, you – you go along with and suddenly… poof. Rubeus Hagrid:  Poof. Harry Potter:  Poof.”

“ Harry Potter:  But, Sir, I thought we weren’t allowed to apparate on Hogwarts’ grounds. Albus Dumbledore:  Well, being me… has its privileges.” 

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Even while the trio was on the run from Voldemort and the Death Eaters, clever jokes can be found in the two parts of the Deathly Hallows. These are the best funny lines from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, made possibly even more so because of what was going on at the time.

“ Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody:  [handing out Polyjuice Potion] Fair warning, it tastes like goblin piss. Fred Weasley:  Have lots of experience with that, do you, Mad-Eye? [Moody glares] Just trying to diffuse the tension.”

Fred and George Weasley:  [after taking Polyjuice Potion and turning into Harry] Wow, we’re identical!”

“ Fleur Delacour:  [after being transformed into Harry, she turns her back on Bill as she begins undressing] Bill, look away, I’m hideous!”

“[Tonks and Ron arrive at the Burrow. Hermione hugs Ron gratefully]  Nymphadora Tonks:  Deserves that. Brilliant, he was. Wouldn’t be standing here without him. Hermione Granger:  Really? Ron Weasley:  Always the tone of surprise.” 

“ Fred Weasley:  How you feeling, Georgie? George Weasley:  …Saint-like. Fred Weasley:  …Come again? George Weasley:  Saint-like. [points to missing ear]   I’m holey. Fred Weasley:  Pathetic! With the whole wide world of ear-related humor before you, you go for “holey”?”

“[after their escape from the Death Eaters]  Ron Weasley:  You’re amazing, you are! Hermione Granger:  [wryly] Always the tone of surprise.”

“ Harry Potter:  This is mental. Hermione Granger:  Completely mental. Ron Weasley:  The world’s mental.”

“ Ron Weasley: [Preparing to enter the Ministry of Magic] We have to flush ourselves in! [pause] That’s disgusting.”

“ Ron Weasley:  Oh my God. What am I gonna do? My wife’s all alone downstairs! Harry Potter:  Ron, you don’t have a wife. Ron Weasley:  Right.”

“ Ron Weasley:  Hey! [Hermione stalks up to him, furious]  Hermione Granger:  [yanks his rucksack off his shoulder] You… [shoves him] Complete… [throws a handful of leaves and twigs at him]  Arse , Ronald Weasley! You show up here after weeks, and you say ‘Hey’? [rounds on Harry]Where’s my wand, Harry? Where’s my wand? Harry Potter:  [hides it quickly] I don’t know! Hermione Granger:  Harry Potter, you give me my wand!”

“ Harry Potter:  [about Ron, after he returns] You’re not still mad at him, are you? Hermione Granger:  I’m always mad at him.”

“ Hermione Granger:  [reading] “There were once three brothers, who were traveling along a lonely winding road at twilight”… Ron Weasley:  Midnight. Mum always said midnight. [Hermione gives him a filthy look] Twilight’s fine. Better, actually. Hermione Granger:  Do you want to read it? Ron Weasley:  No, no.”

“ Luna Lovegood:  Whenever you’re ready, Sir. Dobby the House Elf:  “Sir”? I like her very much.” 

“ Bellatrix Lestrange:  You stupid elf! You could have killed me! Dobby the House Elf:  Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim, or seriously injure!”

The Best Funny Quotes from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Some of the funniest lines in the second half of the final instalment come from the teachers (particularly McGonagall) helping to defend the castle from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Here are the best funny lines from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – the triumphant yet bittersweet finale.

“ Griphook:  How did you come upon that sword? Harry Potter:  It’s complicated. Why did Bellatrix Lestrange think it should be in her vault? Griphook:  It’s complicated.”

“ Ron Weasley:  That foul little git! At least we’ve still got Bogrod. [Just then, the dragon chained by the vaults breathes fire at Bogrod burning him to a crisp] That’s unfortunate!”

“ Harry Potter:  We have to go there, now. Hermione Granger:  What? We can’t do that! We’ve got to plan! We’ve got to figure it out… Harry Potter:  Hermione! When have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose!”

“[Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville have entered the Room of Requirement]  Ginny Weasley:  Harry! Harry Potter:  Hi there.   Ron Weasley:  [pauses, waiting for a response from Ginny, then addresses Hermione] Six months she hadn’t see me, it’s like I’m a Frankie First Year. I’m only her brother… Seamus Finnigan:  She’s got lots of them, but there’s only one Harry. Ron Weasley:  Shut up Seamus.”

“ Neville Longbottom:  Right then, so what’s the plan Harry? Harry Potter:  Okay, there’s something we need to find, something hidden here in the castle, and it may help us defeat You-Know-Who. Neville Longbottom:  Right, what is it? Harry Potter:  We don’t know. Dean Thomas:  Where is it? Harry Potter:  We don’t know that either. I realise that’s not much to go on. Seamus Finnigan:  That’s nothing to go on.”

“ Luna Lovegood:  Well, there’s Rowena Ravenclaw’s lost diadem. Ron Weasley:  Oh bloody hell, here we go.”

“ Hermione Granger:  We can’t just stand here. Who’s got an idea? Ron Weasley:  Don’t ask us. You’re the brilliant one!” 

“ Argus Filch:  Students out of bed! Students out of bed! Students in the corridor! Minerva McGonagall:  They are supposed to be out of bed you blithering idiot.”

“ Neville Longbottom:  [discussing a battle strategy] Are you really giving us permission to do this? Minerva McGonagall:  Yes, Longbottom. Neville Longbottom:  Blow it up? Boom? Minerva McGonagall:  BOOM!”

“ Minerva McGonagall:  Why don’t you confer with Mr. Finnigan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics. Seamus Finnigan:  I can bring it down! Minerva McGonagall:  That’s the spirit, now away you go.”

“[climbing onto the bridge after blowing it up Neville Longbottom: That went well.”

Bonus: The Funniest Harry Potter Quotes from the Books

Some of the funniest Harry Potter lines from the books didn’t make it into the films, as you unfortunately can’t fit everything into a couple of hours runtime. But don’t worry, we made sure to include the best funny quotes from the books that weren’t in the movie versions, so you can be reminded of these brilliant moments.

“ Albus Dumbledore: Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”  Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

“Yeah, we’ll call you,” muttered Ron as the knight disappeared, “If we ever need someone mental.”  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“Harry and Ron both whipped around, but Hermione said loudly, waving to somebody over Malfoy’s shoulder, “Hello, Professor Moody!” Malfoy went pale and jumped backwards, looking wildly around for Moody, but he was still up at the staff table, finishing his stew. “Twitchy little ferret, aren’t you, Malfoy?” said Hermione scathingly, and she, harry and Ron went up the marble staircase laughing heartily.”  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“He sounds exactly like Moody,” said Harry quietly, tucking the letter away again inside his robes. “‘Constant vigilance!’ You’d think I walk around with my eyes shut, banging off the walls….” Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“ Ron Weasley: Harry, just go down to the lake tomorrow, right, stick your head in, yell at the merpeople to give back whatever they’ve nicked, and see if they chuck it out. Best you can do, mate.” Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

“ Hermione Granger: Ron, you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet.”  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“ Ron Weasley: From now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell ‘Die, Ron, Die,’ I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong.”  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was checking for signs of teachers. Then he looked back at Harry and said in a low voice, “You’re dead, Potter.” Harry raised his eyebrows. “Funny,” he said, “you’d think I’d have stopped walking around….” Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“ Luna Lovegood: I don’t think you should be an Auror, Harry. The Aurors are a part of the Rotfang Conspiracy. I thought everyone knew that. They’re working from within to bring down the Ministry of Magic using a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease.”  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

“Why are they all staring?” demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. “Don’t let it worry you,” said Ron. “It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Did We Miss Any of Your Favourite Funny Harry Potter Quotes?

Let us know in the comments below!

Kristy Brandt

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